My Dad is Demanding I Pay Him $2,800 Every Month (I'm Only 19)

Summary

Summary of "My Dad is Demanding I Pay Him $2,800 Every Month (I'm Only 19)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Episode: My Dad is Demanding I Pay Him $2,800 Every Month (I'm Only 19)
• Release Date: July 3, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a young listener named Austin reaches out seeking advice on a troubling financial and familial predicament. At just 19 years old, Austin has moved away from home to live on his grandfather's farm. However, his father is imposing a substantial monthly payment of $2,800, which Austin finds unfair and puzzling.

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Understanding the Situation

Austin’s Dilemma: Austin begins by explaining his situation:

“I'm 19 years old, moved away from home, currently living on my grandpa's farm, and my dad wants $2,800 a month from me.” [00:02]

He further elaborates that his grandfather had set an age of 21 as the threshold of adulthood, extending to Austin even though he is only 19:

“Most kids turn of age when they're 18. My grandpa decided to do that for my dad when he turned 21. For me when I turned 21.” [00:21]

Clarifying Misunderstandings: Dave Ramsey seeks clarity on the arrangement:

“So why does your dad want $2,800 a month from you?” [00:54]

Austin admits to having limited understanding of his father's demands:

“I don't know.” [01:02]

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Exploring the Background

Austin’s Explanation: Austin reveals that despite living with his grandfather, his father is withholding financial support while demanding a significant monthly payment:

“He wasn't paying any of my expenses. Then he got all my money.” [04:39]

Dad's Justification: When Austin questioned the fairness of the arrangement, his father responded by expressing offense, though specifics remain unclear.

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Expert Reactions and Analysis

Dave’s Perspective: Dave Ramsey expresses confusion and disbelief at the father's demands:

“This idea that if I lived with him, then I'd have to do whatever he says is bonkers.” [03:12]

He emphasizes that while parents can set reasonable expectations such as rent or utilities, demanding excessive funds without clear justification is inappropriate:

“If you were making money, he could ask for rent... but demanding money that you make is... crazy, unhealthy.” [03:56]

Jade’s Insight: Jade Warshaw echoes Dave’s sentiments, highlighting the manipulation involved in the father’s actions:

“Your dad is manipulating you.” [05:25]

She commends Austin for moving out and advises him to reclaim his finances:

“The next right move, once you have that, here's the thing... get your own place.” [05:14]

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Financial Implications

Austin’s Financial Contributions: Austin discloses that he has been paying $2,800 a month, even increasing to $3,000 over the past four months, despite his limited income:

“Before that, he was paying for my expenses and he got all my money.” [04:47]

Experts' Advice on Breaking the Cycle: Dave and Jade strongly advise Austin to cease these payments, labeling the arrangement as manipulative and detrimental to his financial independence:

“Don't give him any more money. This is crazy, unhealthy.” [05:14]

They encourage Austin to utilize the funds he’s reclaiming to achieve financial autonomy, such as renting his own place:

“$3,000 a month is going to allow you to go get a nice apartment, my man. Today.” [07:40]

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Involvement of the Grandfather

Grandfather’s Stance: The conversation shifts to the role of Austin’s grandfather. It is revealed that he is unaware of the full extent of the financial demands placed on Austin:

“He doesn't know about it.” [06:31]

However, when questioned about his approval, the grandfather admits to not being entirely supportive of the exorbitant sums:

“He is not against dad getting some, but not that much.” [06:44]

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Final Recommendations and Conclusions

Encouraging Independence: Both Dave and Jade conclude by urging Austin to sever financial ties that are unhealthy and reclaim his independence. They stress the importance of removing himself from manipulative dynamics to foster a healthier relationship with his father:

“Stop this nonsense. Let the boy fly.” [07:11] “You got to get out on your own.” [07:30]

Preserving Relationships: While addressing the financial aspects, they also acknowledge the emotional strain such situations can impose, recommending Austin to distance himself to protect his well-being.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Austin: “I'm 19 years old, moved away from home, currently living on my grandpa's farm, and my dad wants $2,800 a month from me.” [00:02]

• Dave Ramsey: “This idea that if I lived with him, then I'd have to do whatever he says is bonkers.” [03:12]

• Jade Warshaw: “Don’t give him any more money. This is crazy, unhealthy.” [05:14]

• Dave Ramsey: “Stop this nonsense. Let the boy fly.” [07:11]

• Jade Warshaw: “You got to get out on your own.” [07:30]

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Key Takeaways

1. Financial Boundaries: It's crucial to establish clear and fair financial expectations between parents and adult children, especially when living arrangements change.

2. Manipulation Awareness: Demanding excessive financial contributions without justification can be a form of manipulation and may harm familial relationships.

3. Pursuing Independence: Young adults should strive for financial independence to foster healthy relationships and personal growth.

4. Seeking Support: In challenging situations, reaching out to trusted advisors or support networks can provide clarity and assistance.

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This episode underscores the importance of setting healthy financial boundaries and the challenges young adults may face when navigating familial obligations. With expert guidance, listeners are encouraged to prioritize their financial well-being and personal independence.

Transcript

[Austin]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So my question is, I'm 19 years old, moved away from home, currently living on my grandpa's farm, and my dad wants $2,800 a month from me.

[Dave]

For what?

[Austin]

And he does not. So basically his dad, my grandpa, you know, most kids turn of age when they're 18. My grandpa decided to do that for my dad when he turned 21. For me when I turned 21.

[Dave]

Okay, I'm confused. Your dad decided to do what? Your grandpa decided to do what? I'm not understanding.

[Jade]

Like, you become adults when you're 21, is that what you're saying? Instead of 18?

[Austin]

Yes. Yes, that is correct.

[Dave]

Okay, but let's just go back to. Why does your dad want $2800 a month from you?

[Austin]

I don't know.

[Jade]

That's your adult tax.

[Austin]

I don't know.

[Dave]

Now you are. You're telling me. You're telling me your dad said to you, in some form or fashion, you went to live with your grandfather, and he said, I want 20$800 a month, and you just need to send it to me, and no explanation, and you didn't ask any questions?

[Austin]

Yeah, I had a couple conversations with dad about it, but, you know. But what seemed. Well, okay, so the conversations kind of went like this. You know, I asked him, you know, I told him I didn't think it was fair. You know, told him that if I'm living away from home and he's not paying any of my expenses.

[Dave]

Correct.

[Austin]

Then he shouldn't get any of my money.

[Dave]

Yes, and amen. Jade, do you agree with this statement so far? Yeah, she's stunned. I'm gonna get her a cold rag. She's in. She's completely stunned.

[Jade]

I'm in shock.

[Dave]

I don't get it either. So you said. It's not fair. What did he say?

[Austin]

So he just said that he was offended that I even had the. How would you say it? Maybe the ball.

[Jade]

Audacity.

[Dave]

I like your way of saying it. I like your way to say it. Yeah, sure, sure.

[Jade]

Okay. Can you. I feel like there's a missing link here because as you were rolling this out, you mentioned the adulthood thing. Does this. Is there a link there that you're saying? Is there some sort of link? I'm trying to understand this other than to just tell your dad where he can put his opinion, which is where the sun doesn't shine.

[Dave]

You know, what I'm saying is that Jade's asking the right question. Is that Basically, your dad's demanding that because until you're 21, you. You do whatever he says.

[Austin]

Yes.

[Jade]

Got it. Got it.

[Dave]

Wow.

[Jade]

Okay. Wow.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Austin]

Well, so, you know, in my opinion, if I'm living under his roof, eating his food, he has the right to make whatever requirements that he wants.

[Jade]

No, not really.

[Dave]

No. No. Let's just say. Let's just nail that down. If you were living with him now and you were making money, and you are, he could ask for rent, and that's totally fair.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Dave]

And pay a portion of the utilities, at which point you still get to decide whether or not you want to do it or not. And then he gets to decide whether or not you get to stay. So that is a normal relationship thing. But this idea that if I lived with him, then I'd have to do whatever he says is bonkers.

[Austin]

What I meant by that. Maybe I didn't make. Make myself clear. What I meant by that is, you know, if he doesn't want the living room lights on after 11pm I agree.

[Dave]

Yeah. No, I get it.

[Austin]

Yeah. He has a right to, you know, lay some ground rules.

[Jade]

Yeah, sure.

[Austin]

That's what I was trying to get.

[Dave]

Ground rules. Yes. Demanding money from you that you make is what I was referring to.

[Jade]

When you don't even live there. Austin, you're 18, is that right?

[Austin]

Yep. I'm currently 19.

[Dave]

Have you paid. Have you paid him any money?

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Dave]

What have you paid?

[Austin]

I definitely have 2800 bucks a month, actually. Last while I've been sending him three grand a month. Just. Yeah, try to.

[Dave]

How long have you been sending him? How long have you been sending him three grand a month?

[Austin]

So about a year ago, I came up to my grandparents, farm work, and.

[Dave]

No, no, no. Hey, just answer. Just answer my question. It's a number. How long have you been sending him $3,000 a month?

[Austin]

About four months. And then before that, it was 2800 bucks a month. And then before that, he was paying for my expenses and he got all my money.

[Jade]

Is there something wrong with him? Like, is. Is there a reason. Is there a reason he can't work? Is there something. No, I'm sorry.

[Dave]

No. It's a legit question. I'm laughing not at your question, but because that's.

[Jade]

Something's wrong with him.

[Dave]

Something is so weird about this. So. Okay, so, Austin, you've already paid him way too much. You should have never paid him a nickel.

[Jade]

Don't give him any more money.

[Dave]

Don't give him any more money. And so if you called today because you're like, this doesn't feel right. And I'm going to get two strangers opinion on this. Hear us loud and clear. Your dad is manipulating you.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Dave]

This is crazy, unhealthy. There's no good way to stop doing this other than just to stop doing it. He's going to come at you, he's going to guilt you, he's going to do a lot of things, but this is a point in your life where you have got to say no more.

[Jade]

And you made the first right move by moving out, you know, by going to your grandfather's house. The next right move, once you have that. Here's the thing, Austin. Once you have that 2,800 or that $3,000 back in your pocket, do you want to know what you can afford to do?

[Austin]

Yeah, I want to fly a plane or a helicopter. So. Yeah.

[Jade]

Or get your own place. My guy. Get your. Get your own place. So you're out of this. Kind of is your.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know, what I'm doing here is I'm kind of formulating that you guys are all kind of tangled up together is what it feels like. And you might need to get out of that.

[Dave]

Okay, quick question. Is your grandfather for, against, or does he have no clue about this at all? So don't give me the long answer like your politician. Just tell me the answer. Does your grandfather know about it, yes or no?

[Austin]

He doesn't know about it.

[Dave]

Does he approve of it or disapprove of it?

[Austin]

I did ask him about that a while back ago. And his answer was that he is not against dad getting some, but not that much.

[Jade]

Okay, then you need to get up. Roll out.

[Dave]

That's where I'm going. Roll out his great. Because grandpa is not helpful.

[Jade]

He's not.

[Dave]

And now when you make this call to your dad and go pop the gravy train stops, by the way, name me point blank. No problem at all.

[Jade]

Ken Coleman on the radio said.

[Dave]

Said that you were manipulating. I'm not kidding you.

[Austin]

I figured he'll probably listen to this.

[Dave]

Good. Well then, dad, if you're hearing this, I gotta tell you, my friend, I'd shake your hand, I'd have coffee with you. But I would tell you straight up that this is twisted, it is manipulative, it is wrong, and it is destroying. If it not has already destroyed the relationship with your son. Stop this nonsense. Let the boy fly. Now, Austin, back to you. Jade's right. You got to get out of grandpa's house as soon as you can. By the way, $3,000 a month is going to allow you to go get a nice apartment, my man. Today.

[Austin]

Okay, so the thing is, Grandpa does not live on the farm. My uncle does live on the farm.

[Dave]

Well, that's fine. You got it. My point is, we gotta go. I'm running into a break. But listen, you've got to get out on your own. You can afford it now. And move all family ties off of this deal so that the grief from your dad doesn't have a collateral damage coming from them. That's our point. Oh, my goodness. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.