My Ex-Boyfriend Is On the Deed To My House

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "My Ex-Boyfriend Is On the Deed To My House"

Release Date: December 19, 2024

---

Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, Amber reaches out with a complex and emotionally charged situation involving her ex-boyfriend holding a deed to her home. The discussion delves into the legal and financial intricacies of her predicament, offering valuable insights and practical advice for listeners facing similar challenges.

---

Amber’s Predicament

Amber begins by outlining her situation:

Amber [00:06]: "I own a home. I purchased it five and a half years ago because I was pregnant with my son. At the time, my son's father and I were just dating. We never married. I somehow got him on the deed of the home."

Unaware at the time, Amber discovers two years later during a refinance that her ex-boyfriend was added to the deed. Their relationship deteriorates, leading to his refusal to remove his name from the property despite their separation. Amber is now confronted with demands from her ex-boyfriend to either give him full custody of their son or pay him $100,000 to remove his name from the deed.

---

Legal and Financial Considerations

Dave Ramsey addresses the lack of a straightforward "math formula" to determine a fair settlement, emphasizing the importance of legal counsel:

Dave Ramsey [01:19]: "That's up to you and the lawyers. I mean, there's no math formula here, you know."

Amber reveals that her ex-boyfriend contributed approximately $24,000 through mortgage payments and tax contributions over two years, contrasting sharply with his demand for $100,000. Dave suggests that a fair resolution might involve compensating him for his actual contributions and potentially a share of the house's appreciation.

Dave Ramsey [02:06]: "I bought it. It was 300,000. Now it's worth about 425."

He further recommends pursuing a quiet title action to legally resolve the dispute over property ownership, ensuring that only Amber's name remains on the deed.

Dave Ramsey [04:09]: "That's the only way to force him to sign something."

---

Psychological Impact and Relationship Dynamics

John, a co-host, explores the psychological toll this situation is taking on Amber, especially as she enters a new relationship. He advises against giving in to the ex-boyfriend's manipulative tactics, suggesting that Amber stands firm and seeks legal resolution rather than appeasing his demands.

John [02:51]: "I think he's full of crap because if he tries to draw you out, he's gonna have to pay legal fees. So I wouldn't be scared by this punk."

Amber shares the strain this has placed on her new relationship, highlighting the urgency to resolve the issue swiftly to move forward.

---

Strategic Legal Advice

Dave emphasizes the importance of meticulous record-keeping and legal strategy:

Dave Ramsey [05:55]: "I'd keep the meticulous records and all the evidence of everything he said he's going to do. Text messages, emails, phone calls."

John concurs, advising Amber to re-evaluate her options with her attorneys and to prepare for a legal battle that holds her ex accountable for his financial and legal entanglements.

John [05:31]: "So of the three lawyers, you need to go back and interview them all one more round, and you need to put them under the microscope of what would you do?"

---

Preventative Measures and Final Thoughts

As the conversation wraps up, both Dave and John stress the importance of safeguarding one's property and financial interests in relationships. They caution against adding significant others to legal documents like deeds or mortgages before marriage, underscoring the potential for future conflicts and complications.

Dave Ramsey [06:52]: "I would not buy a house to anyone I'm not married to. Family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend. If we are not legally lawfully wedded, no thank you."

John passionately reinforces this message, turning Amber's experience into a public service announcement for listeners:

John [06:34]: "This story. I hate this. That Amber is the poster child for why we say don't do this."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Amber [00:06]: "I somehow got him on the deed of the home."
• Dave Ramsey [01:19]: "There's no math formula here."
• John [02:51]: "I think he's full of crap because if he tries to draw you out, he's gonna have to pay legal fees."
• Dave Ramsey [04:09]: "That's the only way to force him to sign something."
• Dave Ramsey [06:52]: "I would not buy a house to anyone I'm not married to."
• John [06:34]: "That Amber is the poster child for why we say don't do this."

---

Conclusion

Amber's story serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of understanding legal implications in property ownership and relationships. The Ramsey Show Highlights provides listeners with actionable advice on navigating such complexities, emphasizing the need for legal guidance, thorough documentation, and cautious financial decisions in personal relationships. By addressing both the emotional and practical aspects of Amber’s situation, the show equips individuals with the knowledge to protect their assets and relationships effectively.

---

Key Takeaways

1. Legal Counsel is Crucial: Always consult with a qualified attorney when dealing with property disputes and divorce-related issues.
2. Document Everything: Maintain thorough records of all financial transactions, communications, and agreements related to property ownership.
3. Protect Your Assets: Avoid adding significant others to deeds or mortgages unless you are legally married and fully understand the implications.
4. Stay Firm Against Manipulation: Do not give in to extortionate demands; seek legal remedies to resolve disputes fairly.
5. Prioritize Future Relationships: Resolving past financial entanglements is essential for building healthy new relationships.

---

For further advice and strategies on managing life and money issues, listeners are encouraged to tune into The Ramsey Show Highlights daily, delivered seven days a week by the Ramsey Network.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Amber]

Okay, so I own a home. I purchased it five and a half years ago. I purchased it because I was pregnant with my son. And at the time, my son's father and I, we were just dating. We never married. I somehow got him on the deed of the home. Unknowingly at the time that that's what was happening. I asked the lender if he could be on the house in some way. She added the deed. I did not realize that until two years in when I refinanced my house and we were at the time ending our relationship. He moved out, and he has held the deed over my head since then and will not take his name off. So it's been a few years since we've separated and we went through custody court, and he told me that if I gave him full custody of our son, he would take his name off the house and he. I would owe him no money. And then we had another mediation, and he said if I paid him 100,000, then he would take his name off. So I. I'm going to pay him to get off the house. But what I'm trying to understand is how much does he actually get? What is a fair offer? I know it's.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's up to you and the lawyers. I mean, there's no. There's no math formula here, you know. What did he put down with the house when you guys bought it?

[Amber]

Nothing.

[Dave Ramsey]

So he put down nothing. Did he make half the mortgage payments?

[Amber]

He did make half the mortgage payments for the two years he lived there. And he helped pay the taxes for those two years.

[John]

That's what I would do.

[Amber]

I have offered him. Yeah, I offered to pay. He put in about $24,000, but he wants a hundred. He said, I will not take anything less.

[John]

Yeah, well, I want to. I want to be able to dunk a basketball. There's a lot of things I want in life that I'm not going to get.

[Dave Ramsey]

He doesn't get to decide.

[John]

This guy's a. Just a low life. He's an absolute scumbag.

[Amber]

Yeah. So I said it's a. I think it's a fair offer that I give you what you put in. It's my.

[Dave Ramsey]

Has the house appreciated?

[Amber]

Yes, it has. I bought it. It was 300,000. Now it's worth about 425.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. And after all of your fees, I mean, you could maybe the lawyers decide, all right, he's going to get part of the appreciation on top of what he put in, but no more than that.

[Amber]

Well, that's.

[Dave Ramsey]

Which is not a hundred thousand dollars.

[Amber]

He's only put in 24. I, I put together a very detailed spreadsheet. I put down the down payment, the earnest. I've paid everything to get into the home.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is your name on the mortgage solely now?

[Amber]

Yes. He was never on the mortgage.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Amber]

He was only on the deed. But he's holding it over me and he says, if you're nice to me, I'll take my name off. If you're mean to me, I'm not going to. And it's, it's been this back and forth.

[John]

Yeah. That's, that's what I want to dive into for just a moment. The psychology of this.

[Amber]

Yeah.

[John]

Other than just closure. And what you shared so far, is he being on this deed at this moment causing you any other real grief or problems in life?

[Amber]

Yes.

[John]

How?

[Amber]

Well, because I want to move forward. I'm in a new relationship and we're planning on getting engaged. And, you know, it's really causing a lot of problems in my new relationship by having this tie to my past.

[John]

And so I was going to tell you to wait him out a little bit because I think this guy's just a scumbag and I think he's trying to bully you.

[Amber]

And I think, yeah, 100%.

[John]

I think there's two tactics here. You know, you just go scorched earth and, and come with all the records and, and get in front of a judge and let the judge decide. I think that's probably the one I was going to. I was going to suggest maybe you wait him out a little bit. But with this new relationship going on, it's.

[Dave Ramsey]

We need to get him out, this.

[John]

Guy, off and clean.

[Dave Ramsey]

So here's the deal. We can't help. You're going to need to get in touch with your lawyer. Do you have one?

[Amber]

I've talked to three.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Amber]

And they told me that we could go and send him a demand letter. And I told him I was going to get an attorney. And he said, I hope that you do. And I hope we spend every dollar in equity to pay for these attorneys and you get nothing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Good. Well, when you win, he's going to have to pay the attorney fees.

[John]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's going to be part of this deal. So what you're going to likely go for is a quiet title action which will resolve the. This dispute over the property ownership. And so that. Again, I'm not a lawyer, but that's. I would pursue that.

[John]

Action.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's the only way to force him to sign something.

[Amber]

Yeah, because I do have a lot of evidence. I mean, he. When we went through custody court, he would record conversations that we would have that I did not know. And he would talk about the house and said, when I buy my house and I move out, I will sign my name over. So I have a lot of evidence to show that he's very much. That he would take his name off and want to know money, you know, tried to bribe me into giving me full. Or giving him full custody of our son.

[John]

That's great.

[Amber]

Just been. Yeah, it's been a block.

[John]

What are you planning on doing with this current guy? You guys going to live in this house? Let's say that you get this ex off of this thing. What's the plan?

[Amber]

Well, I would like to keep my home. You know, it's got great schools. It's a great house. And so we would like to get him off and then, you know, be able to move forward and make decisions without having to go to closing with him and.

[John]

No, I get it. I was just curious. I was going to go a different direction. The answer was different.

[Dave Ramsey]

But I'm.

[John]

I'm fine.

[Amber]

Yeah, so he. He has a house, and he wants to sell his house and pull the equity out of his, and we want to keep mine and then, you know, be able to make decisions after that. But, yeah, it's just kind of been a headache to be able to make any decisions with him.

[John]

So of the three lawyers, you need to go back and interview them all one more round, and you need to put them under. Under the microscope of what would you do? Tell me what your next three steps are, how much time you think that's going to take. Tell them about to try to draw this thing out, which, by the way, I think he's full of crap because if he tries to draw you out, he's gonna have to pay legal fees. So I wouldn't be scared by this punk. This guy's a punk.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I'd keep the meticulous records and all the evidence of everything he said he's going to do. Text messages, emails, phone calls. This is not gonna be fun. I hate you're going through this, but it's part of the messiness. You know, when you get involved with someone you're not married to, and I hope you don't repeat that with this next guy, I hope you wait until you're actually married to add him to the mortgage or the deed.

[John]

This needs to turn into a PSA right now. Ge, all of the young people that are listening. Or middle age, I guess. Doesn't matter how old you are and you're thinking about buying a house and you think, oh, it doesn't matter to dot the eyes and cross the T's. This story. I hate this. That Amber is the poster child for why we say don't do this.

[Dave Ramsey]

I would not buy a house to anyone I'm not married to. Family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend. If we are not legally lawfully wedded, no thank you. It's going to cause chaos down the line and financial and legal message. And that's the calls we get on this show. So if you need any further proof, there it is.

[John]

And if you're a dude out there who thinks that what this guy's doing is okay and you think you want to do this, can I just tell you something? You're a turd. And this guy.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well said.

[John]

This guy needs a visit.

[Dave Ramsey]

I can't say it any better.

[John]

Guy needs a visit with me and a wiffle ball bat. Smack him around a little bit.

[Dave Ramsey]

May have pickleball.

[John]

Well, pickleball paddle will do some damage, but not really hurting. This is the Ramsey Show.

[Dave Ramsey]

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.