My Ex Cheated On Me and I Spiraled Financially ($169,000 In Debt)

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Ex Cheated On Me and I Spiraled Financially ($169,000 In Debt)
Date: May 23, 2026
Host(s): Ramsey Network Coaches (Jade Warshaw and team, not individually named in transcript)
Episode Theme:
A caller seeks urgent support after spiraling into financial chaos and $169,000 in debt due to emotional fallout from infidelity, seeking a step-by-step recovery plan from the Ramsey coaches.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on a caller confronting the devastating emotional and financial aftermath of a partner's infidelity. The coaching team helps him recognize personal responsibility, break down his debts, and strategize a clear, actionable recovery plan—demonstrating how to regain financial footing even after severe setbacks and emotional triggers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Accountability and Emotional Fallout

• Caller’s Situation:

  • Nearly debt-free except for house and car, but incurred massive debt after his child’s mother cheated on him (00:06).
  • Total debt: $169,000 (including home and car), with approx. $20,000 in personal debts.

• Coach’s Response and Approach:

  • Emphasis on taking responsibility:

    “A real bad thing happened. And what is my end going to be?” — Financial Coach 1 (01:04)
    “I want you to own. I went and chose to handle this bad thing in these ways.” — Financial Coach 1 (01:15)

  • Recognition that embracing ownership is key to future progress:

    “That ownership is critical for the next step.” — Financial Coach 1 (01:23)

2. Clarifying the Debt Picture

• Coach’s Guidance on Mindset:

  • Encourage separating mortgage from consumer debt to reduce overwhelm.

    “Let’s leave the mortgage out of it for a moment. That’s going to help you mentally to get your head around the task at hand.” — Financial Coach 2 (01:54)

• Caller’s Consumer Debt Breakdown:

  • Total (excluding mortgage): $65,911 (02:19)
    • Car: $37,000+ (02:38)
    • Personal loans: $18,288 (past due) (02:38)
    • Collections: $10,444 (02:57, repeated at 03:36)

3. Negotiating with Collections — Quick Wins

• Coach’s Action Step:
  • Focus on “baby step two” — paying off consumer debt smallest to largest for morale and momentum.
  • Regarding the $10,444 in collections:

    “Now you have bargaining power. Instead of paying $10,400, you’re going to pay like 30% of this… Save up three or four thousand dollars and call them up and settle… for 20 to 30% of the actual what’s due.” — Financial Coach 2 (04:10)

    • Critical advice:
      • Get deals in writing before paying.
      • Never give collectors access to your checking account.
      • Save as much as $7,000 via settlements (04:53).

4. Addressing the Car Loan

• Car Debt Details:

  • Owes ~$37,000, car worth $35,000 (05:30).
  • Coaches view this as a major problem but also an opportunity to quickly downsize.

• Strategy:

  • Sell the car, consider taking a small loan (e.g., from a credit union) for the negative equity and buy a cheap “junker” car.

    “…get a $7,000 loan, $2,000 for the difference on this car, $5,000 for a junker in cash… The point is, I want you going down in debt from $37,000 to around $5,000 or $8,000.” — Financial Coach 2 (07:14)

5. Income & Childcare Constraints

• Income:
  • VA disability: $4,080 monthly, sometimes up to $6–7k with side hustle (05:41, 05:58).
  • Work limited due to shared custody of his autistic 5-year-old son (06:17, 07:03).
  • Hopes for increased support when parents move closer.

6. Final Steps and Debt Reduction Path

• Coaches’ Bottom Line:

  • Prioritize momentum and small wins.
  • Settle collections first using lump-sum bargains (with written confirmation).
  • Downsize car debt using a small loan and low-cost vehicle purchase.
  • Address past-due personal loans after car issue is managed.
  • Ultimately, reduce monthly obligations and regain control.

• On Damaged Credit:

  • Don’t despair if credit is poor.

    “At this point, anything is going to be better for you… because we’re going from $37,000 to $8,000. Right. So this is a good thing.” — Financial Coach 2 (08:00)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That sense of ownership will be what gets you out of this mess. Cool.” — Financial Coach 1 (01:29)
• “Now you have bargaining power… Instead of paying $10,400, you’re going to pay like 30% of this.” — Financial Coach 2 (04:10)
• “If you talk to someone on the line that says, ‘Well, I don’t know if I can do that.’ Yes, you can. Hang up and call to the next person.” — Financial Coach 2 (04:53)
• “I want you going down in debt from $37,000 to around $5,000 or $8,000.” — Financial Coach 2 (07:14)
• “My guess is that your credit is horrible.” — Financial Coach 2 (07:55)
• “Never do [a payday loan]… but if you can put it on any sort of personal loan, that is going to be good for you, because we’re going from $37,000 to $8,000.” — Financial Coach 2 (08:00)

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Summary Timeline

• 00:06 — Caller describes his debt spiral after partner’s infidelity.
• 01:15 — Coaches stress importance of personal responsibility and mental reset.
• 01:54–02:57 — Debts broken down and catalogued.
• 04:10–04:53 — Strategy for negotiating with debt collectors for settlements.
• 05:30–07:14 — Deep dive into the car loan; coaches urge radical downsizing.
• 05:41–07:03 — Income, child support, and inability to take on more work discussed.
• 07:55–08:00 — Honest discussion about poor credit and why the current plan still works.

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Key Takeaways

• No matter the emotional or financial disaster, owning your choices is the first step to recovery.
• When facing debt collections, bulk settlements can save thousands—be firm, get everything in writing.
• Downsizing major liabilities, like an expensive car, creates the margin needed for debt payoff.
• Income constraints (like childcare) don’t nullify progress—maximize what you can, as circumstances allow.
• The Ramsey system (baby steps, smallest to largest, quick wins) provides clear direction for the overwhelmed.
• Momentum is more important than perfection. With each small win, hope and progress build.

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Transcript

[EveryDollar App Announcer]

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[Client/Caller]

I was really close to. I was $300 away from being financially debt free, aside from my car and mortgage. And then a bad life event sent me spiraling down. And I have recollected all of that debt back. So I'm currently including house and car, I'm 169 in the hole with about $20,000 in personal debts. And what happened, man? The. The mother of my child cheated on me with. With a guy that she was employed for and, uh, sent me back down to, uh, uh, an unholy lifestyle, I should say.

[Financial Coach 1]

Okay, can we. Can we, um.

[Financial Coach 2]

We.

[Financial Coach 1]

As we dig out of this and Jade's going to give you an ironclad path. Okay.

[Client/Caller]

Okay.

[Financial Coach 1]

But here's where I want to start with it. Okay.

[Client/Caller]

Yeah.

[Financial Coach 1]

A real bad thing happened. And what is my end going to be?

[Client/Caller]

And it's my responsibility.

[Financial Coach 1]

I want you to own. I went and chose to handle this bad thing in these ways.

[Client/Caller]

I did. Yes.

[Financial Coach 1]

Okay.

[Client/Caller]

There's no doubt about that.

[Financial Coach 1]

Okay. That ownership is critical for the next step.

[Client/Caller]

Yep. Right.

[Financial Coach 1]

And so, man, I hate that. That. Dude, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I hate to happen to you. And I hate that, like, your default setting was, I'm gonna go run back and make a bunch of bad decisions and on unhealthy decisions, and here I am. And so that sense of ownership will be what gets you out of this mess. Cool.

[Client/Caller]

Yep.

[Financial Coach 1]

All right, cool. Same team.

[Financial Coach 2]

So let's spread it out, because I do think that mentally it helps when. And this is for anybody, when you're listing out your debt. Smallest to largest. Baby. Step two, which is the step that we pay off consumer debt. It is just that it's consumer debt. And so let's leave the mortgage out of it for a moment. And that's going to help you mentally to get your head around what the task at hand is. So can you tell me what your debt is, aside from the mortgage?

[Client/Caller]

65,911.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay. And I want you to list out what those are. For now. They don't need to be smallest to largest. Just list out what they are.

[Client/Caller]

Oh, yeah, they are.

[Financial Coach 2]

So, like, tell me how much the car is. Tell me how much is on credit cards. Maybe tell me how much is personal loans. That sort of deal.

[Client/Caller]

Okay. So the car, I have 37, 178 personal loans that are right now past due.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay.

[Client/Caller]

Are 18 to 88.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay.

[Client/Caller]

And then the rest are all in collections, which is 10,444.

[Churchill Mortgage Announcer]

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[Financial Coach 1]

Id 1591nmlscumsumerexcess.org equal housing lender.

[Client/Caller]

The rest are all in collections, which is 10,444.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay, so the good news is I see a couple of things right away that we can do to get you some quick wins. Because when you're in baby step two, paying off the consumer debt, it's all about quick wins. That's how you maintain just feeling good about it. Right. Thank you. I was looking for the word. That's how you maintain momentum. And that's for anybody listening. So whenever you have debts and collections that can feel terrible because you've overdued and they're blowing up, your line 1-800-pay-me is calling you. But, but the good news is now you have bargaining power. And so instead of paying 10,400, you're going to pay like 30% of this. And so you're going to save up. Your first number one goal is, okay, let me just, instead of paying them a bunch of small payments or coming up with a payment plan, I'm going to meet my other minimum payments and I'm going to stack up any other margin that I can for a little while and I'm going to save up, I don't know, three or four thousand dollars and then I'm going to call them up and I'm going to settle all of these individually for cash. And I'm looking for 20 to 30% of the actual what's due. So if you have one that's $4,000, you can offer them two 202 or 300 and see if they'll take it. Do you see what I'm saying?

[Client/Caller]

Okay.

[Financial Coach 2]

And when you do that, you want to make sure you get the deal in writing before you pay. Don't give them access to your checking account and you want to make sure it's in writing first. And they will do it. They have the means to do that. So so if you talk to someone on the line that says, well, I don't know if I can do that. Yes, you can hang up and call to the next person. Okay, so you're going to have to, that's going to be, that's going to feel like a full time job to do that, but trust me, it's going to be worth it. You're going to save $7,000 doing it that way. Okay, so that's homework number one. Homework number two that I see right off the bat is, is this car. So it's 37,000. Do you happen to know offhand what it's worth?

[Client/Caller]

Probably around 35.

[Financial Coach 2]

Love that for you.

[Financial Coach 1]

Sweet.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay, so you have a couple of options. I don't know what your income is. Tell me what your income is.

[Client/Caller]

So reliably my. So I'm on VA disability. Reliably, it is $4,080.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay, and what is it? Unreliably?

[Client/Caller]

Unreliably. It can vary from six to seven grand.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay, what's the 2,000 that you're getting? That doesn't always come through from a side hustle. Okay.

[Financial Coach 1]

What keeps you from getting a full time job like even at Home Depot?

[Client/Caller]

Well, well, it kind of is my full time job. So my, my, the mother of my son and I, we share custody and the days I have him, I don't work and that's only due to lack of support right now. But hopefully my parents, my parents and I have found an opportunity for them to move down here to where I'm at and they can help out. So after that then I could turn this side hustle into a full time business operation.

[Financial Coach 1]

Okay, what, what does, what does child care look like? Like when you, how old your son?

[Client/Caller]

He's five.

[Financial Coach 1]

So is he in school?

[Client/Caller]

He goes to school right now, but he only goes to school for three hours a day because he's in early childhood development because, yeah, he has autism.

[Financial Coach 1]

Okay.

[Financial Coach 2]

Okay. So for now, and I know you're working on that, but just for today, we'll say that I think that the best thing for you to do right now is to save up the margin from your 4 to $6,000 and do this debt collections deal. And in the meantime, yeah. I'm going to go over to the credit union and I'm going to say, hey, I need a $7,000 loan and 2,000 of that is going to go to meet the difference on this car. And then the other 5,000 is so that you can get a junker in cash to keep yourself going maybe you spend 6,000. But the point is, I want you going down in debt from 37,000 to around 5 or 4, 5 or 8,000. Do you see what I'm saying there?

[Client/Caller]

Yeah.

[Financial Coach 2]

Now, my guess is that your credit is horrible.

[Client/Caller]

It's. Yeah. Terrible.

[Financial Coach 2]

Yes. At this point, and I'm just telling you this, I think that anything is going to be better for you. It as far as interest rate, I'm not saying get a payday loan. Never, never do that. But if you have, if you can do, put it on a credit card, if you can put it on any sort of personal lo, that is going to be good for you because we're going from $37,000 to $8,000. Right. So this is a good thing. And now that you've got the momentum back, you'll have that money back in your pocket. You can knock that debt out because that now becomes your smallest debt aside from the collections. Okay? And so once the collections are settled, now we're tackling that personal loan that you took out in order to get out of this car. And in the meantime, you're selling that car. Kelly Blue Book personal sale is what you're looking to do. And that's going to free up so much money because I know that that car payment is going to go back into your pocket. And then from there now we can start working on the personal loan that's past due. And because it is personal, you might be able to pop in there and make a deal on that, too. Likely not. But at least now at this point, we're just looking at chopping down an $8,000 tree, which you can do.

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