My Ex Owes Me $35,000, How Do I Get My Money Back?

Summary

Summary of "My Ex Owes Me $35,000, How Do I Get My Money Back?" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: July 24, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Lily seeks advice on recovering a substantial debt she incurred on behalf of her ex-boyfriend. The discussion revolves around the ethical and practical steps Lily can take to reclaim $35,000 she lent to her ex during their three-year relationship. Financial experts George and Dave Ramsey provide insights into managing such personal financial dilemmas.

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Lily’s Situation

[00:06] Lily:
Lily explains her predicament: after dating her boyfriend for nearly three years, they have recently broken up. During the relationship, she took out a debt consolidation loan of $35,000 in her own name to help him manage his high-interest credit card debts. With her strong credit score (750), she secured a loan at a relatively low interest rate of 11.49%.

Key Points:

• Loan Details: $35,000 debt consolidation loan taken in Lily's name.
• Purpose: To pay off her ex-boyfriend's high-interest credit cards.
• Relationship Context: Second time Lily has financially supported him with the expectation of marriage.

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Current Financial Arrangement

[00:41] George:
George clarifies the situation, confirming that Lily is solely responsible for the loan and that the relationship has ended.

[01:04] Lily:
She details that the remaining balance is approximately $30,000, accrued since October, with interest. Her ex has been making minimum payments of $912 each month.

[01:28] George:
George points out the inadequate repayment rate, highlighting that the minimum payments are insufficient for timely debt recovery.

[02:02] Dave:
Dave emphasizes the challenge by noting, "Two grand for 12 months is 24 grand. So it doesn't even get you to the balance." He underscores the disparity between the repayment amount and the total debt.

Key Points:

• Remaining Debt: ~$30,000 with interest.
• Monthly Payments: Approximately $912 (minimum payments).
• Repayment Timeline: Original plan is too slow; Lily desires repayment within a year.

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Exploring Solutions

[02:21] George:
George raises the possibility of unethical methods humorously but focuses on the reality of the situation: since Lily is the one legally responsible for the debt, her options are limited.

[02:51] Lily:
She considers involving her ex’s family to hold him accountable or urging him to take out his own loan, but George expresses skepticism about this approach.

[03:27] Dave:
Dave suggests legal avenues, such as small claims court, as a potential method to recover the debt. However, he cautions that this can be time-consuming and uncertain.

[04:37] Lily:
Acknowledges the need to prioritize paying off the debt herself rather than relying on her ex’s repayments.

Key Points:

• Legal Recourse: Small claims court as a potential option.
• Family Involvement: Possible but unlikely to be effective.
• Ethical Considerations: Debate over morally appropriate actions versus legal obligations.

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Financial Assessment and Recommendations

[04:15] George & Dave:
They conduct a financial review of Lily's situation:

• Monthly Income: Approximately $10,000 (post-tax).
• Monthly Expenses: Increased to ~$4,500 due to a rent hike.
• Debt Payment Plan: Advocates for pausing investments to focus on debt repayment.

[05:02] George:
George advises that, regardless of any personal agreements with her ex, Lily must prioritize paying off the debt herself. He emphasizes that her ex’s potential repayments are supplementary ("gravy") and not reliable.

[06:01] Dave:
Dave outlines that Lily could eliminate the debt within five to six months if she focuses her surplus income toward repayment. He also suggests finding a roommate to mitigate increased living expenses.

[07:15] George:
George offers personal advice, urging Lily not to repeat such financial entanglements in the future and commending her for her intelligence.

Notable Quotes:

• George [04:46]: "You have to fix this situation. That’s not the solution. Hopefully, this kid's got some character and he does what he says he's going to do."
• Dave [06:06]: "Here’s the good news. In about five or six months, this debt is gone."
• George [07:35]: "There's never a scenario by which you need to give somebody. Take a loan out for somebody. There's just not."

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Conclusion and Final Advice

George and Dave converge on the following key takeaways for Lily:

1. Prioritize Debt Repayment: Lily should redirect her income towards paying off the $35,000 debt immediately, even if it means pausing other financial activities like investing.

2. Manage Expenses: With increased living costs, finding a roommate can alleviate financial pressure and accelerate debt repayment.

3. Legal Measures: While small claims court remains an option, it's not guaranteed and can be a lengthy process.

4. Future Financial Boundaries: Lily is advised to establish firm financial boundaries in personal relationships to prevent similar situations.

[07:30] Lily:
Lily reflects on the advice, recognizing the necessity to focus on her own financial stability rather than relying on her ex’s repayments.

[08:02] Lily:
Affirms her commitment to avoiding such financial entanglements in the future.

Final Takeaway: Lily is encouraged to concentrate on her controllable finances, eliminate the debt swiftly, and implement better financial safeguards in her personal relationships moving forward.

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Key Insights

• Personal Responsibility: Taking on debt in another person's name can lead to significant financial strain and limited recovery options.

• Debt Management Prioritization: Addressing high-interest debts with personal funds should take precedence over investments to ensure financial stability.

• Legal Limitations: Personal loans, especially those not legally documented, offer limited legal recourse in debt recovery.

• Emotional vs. Financial Decisions: Emotional attachments can cloud financial judgment, leading to unfavorable financial commitments.

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Conclusion

This episode underscores the complexities of intertwining personal relationships with financial obligations. The experts advocate for clear financial boundaries, personal accountability, and strategic debt management to navigate and rectify such challenging situations.

Transcript

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[Lily]

So, basically, I dated a guy for a little under three years, and we just broke up. I took out a debt consolidation loan for him, and I want to know what's the most ethical way to get him to pay me back faster than we originally planned? It is. It was originally a $35,000 loan. I have really good credit, so the interest rate was. It said 11.49%. It was much lower than his credit cards, his high interest credit cards.

[George]

Let me make sure I understand this. You took this out in your name, correct. And you guys just broke up?

[Lily]

Yeah. And this isn't the first time I did this for him. It's the second. Both times I offered because I thought we were going to get married. We were talking about rings and everything. So, like, emotions aside, like, I just want to know how to move forward.

[George]

How much does he owe you on.

[Lily]

The loan that's Left? It's about 30,000. And I took out the loan in October, so with interest, it's about 30,000.

[George]

How has he been paying it before you broke up? Is he just sending the money to you?

[Lily]

Yeah. Yeah. Minimums every month.

[George]

What's the minimum?

[Lily]

9,51 12.

[George]

Oh, my gosh.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[George]

And has there been any conversation about this?

[Lily]

Yes. He told me he's willing to sign a contract saying that he'll send me about 2,000amonth, like somewhere around there. He only makes, after taxes, about 1,000 a week. And. But he moves back home, so he doesn't really technically have any expenses, whereas.

[Dave]

And you think he's going to commit to coughing up 50% of his income for the next two years?

[Lily]

Well, I mean, I need it done in a year. I need it less than a year. That's kind of the issue. I'm.

[George]

Well, I need it, but I need a Lamborghini. That's not happening tomorrow.

[Dave]

Two grand for 12 months is 24 grand. So it doesn't even get you to the balance. But, I mean, it's close. I just. I would love if he commits to this. But legally, you took on the debts. You signed up for this awful ride. And so legally, I don't know you have any recourse. Now, you said, what are the ethical ways? What? I want to know what the unethical ways are.

[George]

It would be hiring the Gambino family or somebody like that bounty hunter to show up at his, make an offer he can't refuse.

[Lily]

Well, I figured that I would either maybe talk to one of his family Members and just say, like, can one of you guys take out a loan firm or tell him to do it himself? Because I am going to be going back to school next year, and while my credit is great, I'm at a 750, I should be at an 850. So I only have which family member.

[George]

Which family member you got in mind. This is clearly.

[Lily]

I mean, somebody should know. Someone should hold him accountable to at least, you know, get his own.

[George]

So you're gonna go to his brother and his brother's probably gonna laugh at you and go, well, you should have said the same thing to him. You know, I just. I don't like that move at all. I just don't see that going anywhere. You can try it, George. You have.

[Dave]

Do you have any written evidence that he acknowledged that this is his debt, that he agrees to pay back 100%?

[Lily]

Yes, we have lots of text messages. I'm gonna draft up a contract soon. That's not an issue. We're just kind of agreeing on a number of what he'll give me the time to draft.

[Dave]

It was before you signed up for this, so I don't know. I mean, I hope he signs it. You could take him to like, small claims court and try to deal with this. If it gets to that point. That's the only way. If he doesn't pay.

[Lily]

No. Yeah, we have text messages of talking about the loan and that he's paying and what he's willing to do. So there's not.

[George]

There's not much you can do here is what we're getting at.

[Dave]

And I would work on paying this off yourself and maybe you'll get reimbursed, but I wouldn't let this just hang over your head for the next several years hoping that he pays this back.

[Lily]

Right. I understand.

[Dave]

So are you working full time right now?

[Lily]

Yeah, I may have a good income. It's just now that I'm left alone in my apartment, I just. I focus on investing my money. But I do understand you shouldn't.

[Dave]

You're saying you have $35,000 in debt you don't need to be investing at all?

[George]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Let's look at this mess up.

[George]

Let's. Can we run through your numbers, Lily?

[Dave]

Let's pretend like he never pays us back, and Lily has to clean all this up.

[George]

All right, so what is your take home every month?

[Lily]

Well, yearly I make about 120 post tax.

[Dave]

Post tax. So that's your take home base. So 10 grand a month.

[George]

10 grand a month.

[Lily]

It's about 11, 12, 10amonth. It depends how much I work.

[Dave]

And if you pause investing, probably more.

[Lily]

Well, that's how much I take before I invest and spend money.

[George]

Okay, all right. But I want to make sure you hear what George is saying. We want you to pause investing for a very short amount of time.

[Lily]

Right.

[George]

So you got more income because we want you paying this down yourself. And then anything that the X gives you is gravy, because in the eyes of the law, I don't care if you got text messages or not. This is your debt.

[Lily]

Right.

[George]

And we're not piling on here with you. But George is right. Like, you have got to fix this situation. You trying to go to his brother or his parents or signing a contract with him and all that stuff, that's not the solution. Hopefully this kid's got some character and he does what he says he's going to do.

[Dave]

But he could easily block your number, and you spend the rest of your life trying to chase him around the country, too. And so we just don't know what's going to happen in the future. So you got to control the controllables, and that means paying off your debt. That's in your name. Is this all of the debt or do you have any other debt out there?

[Lily]

That's all of the debt. Okay, I don't have any debt of my own.

[Dave]

What are your monthly expenses?

[Lily]

About 3,000, I guess now maybe like 4,500. Just because my rent just technically doubled.

[George]

George, tell her what she needs to do.

[Dave]

Okay, well, here's the good news. If you have 5,500 left over, that means in, let's say you got 30 left on it.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Okay, so here's the good news. In about five or six months, this debt is gone.

[Lily]

Right.

[George]

And I'd get a roommate, wouldn't you, George?

[Dave]

Yeah, that sounds like if your rent doubled, you got to find another situation or get a roommate. How much is your rent?

[Lily]

2500.

[Dave]

Okay, so it's still a quarter of your take home pay.

[George]

Yeah, okay, but he was paying some rent, wasn't he?

[Lily]

Well, he was, so my rent was 1237, but it is now double that.

[George]

I get a roommate. Yeah, you know, you don't need to be living with some other dude on the. On the end of this breakup anyway, so, you know, lick your wounds, get healthy, heal all that jazz, get this debt out of your life. And then again, hopefully he pays you back.

[Lily]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I believe he is a man of character, but I do understand. I just didn't know if ethically I should demand or I should say. You have to do this now, and you have to go by my timeline. But I understand what you're saying.

[Dave]

I think ethics are out the window.

[George]

This is not an ethic issue.

[Dave]

You're not a bad person for wanting this money back. But the truth is, there's not a lot of legal recourse here because the debt is not in his name. And so there's a stupid tax that you're going to have to own up to and go. I cannot believe I was so blinded by love that I took on 35 grand for a guy that I'm not even with anymore.

[George]

There's the lesson.

[Dave]

That's the hard pill to swallow. And we're distracting it by this whole, like, I got to get a contract and talk to his brother and see if he can get in touch with him to convince him. Because if he was a man of character, you wouldn't need to go through his family to keep him accountable to pay this debt back, would you?

[Lily]

No. Yeah. And it's just me being, like, a little.

[George]

Well, you're freaking out, but freaking out.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[George]

And by the way, I get it, and I feel so bad for you. Oh, man. I just. I feel like you're dad right now. I just. Please, Lily, don't ever do something like this again, okay? You're so, so smart. You don't need to do this for some dude, okay? There's never a scenario by which you need to give somebody. Take a loan out for somebody. There's just not. There's always a better answer. So please tell me you're not going to do this again. Correct.

[Lily]

Absolutely not.

[George]

You got this. All right.

[Dave]

Good luck with the debt payoff. It's not going to be fun, but, hey, five months from now, you're back to square one. Living your best life.

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