My Ex Was Living A Double Life And Left Us In Poverty

Summary

Summary of "My Ex Was Living A Double Life And Left Us In Poverty" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Release Date: January 21, 2025

In this emotionally charged episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network delves into the harrowing experience of a caller whose 15-year marriage unraveled due to her ex-husband’s deceitful actions, leading to severe financial and personal hardships. The episode provides a comprehensive look into the caller's struggles, the intersection of personal betrayal and financial instability, and the compassionate advice offered by the show's advisors.

Caller’s Background and Marital Turmoil

The caller begins by outlining the collapse of her 15-year marriage after discovering her husband’s infidelity and reckless financial behavior. She reveals that her husband was secretly engaging with women online and squandered thousands of dollars monthly on the stock market and gambling. This revelation came as a "huge shock" to both her and those around her, culminating in a divorce in October of the previous year.

Notable Quote:

“I discovered my husband was engaging with women online for most of our 15-year marriage and spending thousands and thousands every month on things like the stock market and gambling.” (00:11)
— Caller

Health Challenges and Employment Struggles

Shortly after her marriage, the caller contracted a severe virus, which left her with long-term health issues akin to Long Covid and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Despite her disability, she managed to secure a fulfilling job during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, frequent illnesses forced her to exhaust her leave time, resulting in job loss. Currently, she is unemployed, relying solely on disability benefits and child support, while also dealing with the financial strain of maintaining her family home.

Notable Quote:

“I started working during COVID and was able to get back to a really good job that I loved. But over the past year, I’ve had to exhaust my leave time and ended up leaving completely because I had gotten sick so frequently.” (00:11 – 01:33)
— Caller

Financial Hardships Post-Divorce

Post-divorce, the caller faces significant financial instability. She owns a house awarded to her in the divorce, but maintaining it has become untenable without her ex-husband’s financial support. The mortgage of $2,200 per month far exceeds her current income from child support, which amounts to only $585 weekly. Additionally, unexpected expenses such as a house flood and construction overages have drained her limited resources, forcing her to borrow from her parents to stay afloat.

Notable Quote:

“I have three little kids and I do have this house which I got awarded in the divorce, but I’m kind of looking for next steps and what I should do because I didn’t accumulate a lot because of my situation.” (00:11 – 01:33)
— Caller

Emotional and Psychological Impact

The caller expresses profound emotional distress stemming from her husband’s betrayal and the subsequent loss of trust. This emotional turmoil has exacerbated her chronic health conditions, leading to frequent illnesses such as shingles and mood fluctuations. She shares feelings of self-doubt and frustration, questioning how she failed to recognize her husband's deceit earlier.

Notable Quote:

“It was like complete fail. And like how could I not know?” (02:19 – 02:24)
— Caller

Advisors' Guidance and Support

The show's advisors respond with empathy and practical advice. They acknowledge the caller's dire situation and the complexity of her challenges, emphasizing the need for drastic measures to stabilize her finances. Advisors suggest exploring options such as selling the house, seeking SSI (Supplemental Security Income) support with legal assistance, and considering relocation to a more affordable area. They also recommend leveraging support from family members and utilizing Ramsey Network resources like Financial Peace University and EveryDollar to create a sustainable budget.

Notable Quotes:

“You don't have any options. I know, but you don’t have. Or they, they sell the condo and move in with you.” (05:38 – 05:43)
— Advisor

“And we're going to hook you up with Financial Peace University and EveryDollar, Jennifer, that's going to give you the information you need, the motivation, the budgeting tool so that this week you can look at my bills. What is the income, and can I get through this without going into debt?” (09:09 – 09:26)
— Co-Advisor

Hope and Encouragement

Despite the bleak circumstances, the advisors provide a message of hope, encouraging the caller to harness her inner strength and resilience. They express confidence in her ability to overcome her current hardships and rebuild a stable and peaceful life for herself and her children.

Notable Quotes:

“We believe in you.” (08:09 – 08:17)
— Advisor

“You've got strength and power inside of you that has been squashed and stomped on. I know this sounds bonkers, but my guess is you're going to... have peace in your home that you haven't had in ages.” (08:17 – 09:00)
— Advisor

Conclusion

The episode poignantly highlights the intersection of personal betrayal, health issues, and financial instability, illustrating the profound impact these factors can have on an individual's life. Through compassionate dialogue and practical advice, the Ramsey Show offers a roadmap for navigating such multifaceted challenges, emphasizing the importance of resilience, support systems, and strategic financial planning.

Transcript

[Host]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget I'm calling because questions.

[Caller]

Mostly related to my house as I look like I'm going to need to be selling it because I got myself into a bit of a jam. For context, I got divorced this year after last year I discovered my husband was engaging with women online for Most of our 15 year marriage and spending thousands and thousands every month and had later gotten into like GameStop kind of things like the stock market and gambling. And it was a huge shock to everyone, especially me. So we did end up getting divorced in October. And over the past year. I'm disabled anyways. I was on disability SSCI for a long time. I started working during COVID and was able to get back to a really good job that I loved. But over the past year I've had to exhaust my leave time and ended up leaving completely because I had gotten sick so frequently. So right now I'm without a job and have three little kids and I do have this house which I got reward the divorce. But I'm kind of looking for next steps and what I should do because I didn't accumulate a lot because of my situation and it's just. Yeah, tricky spot to be in.

[Advisor]

Yeah. That's heartbreaking. What a mess. What. What's the nature of your disability?

[Caller]

So shortly after I got married, I got a really bad virus and I never really recovered from it. So I didn't walk for a couple years. Kind of slowly went back. It's energy limiting. So it was kind of like long Covid before. Long Covid me cfs.

[Advisor]

Okay. Do you. Was the stress of finding all of this stuff out and realizing that the man you'd been married to for 15 years wasn't who he said he was like, I mean that's just so disorienting. But almost more disorienting than finding out somebody's not who they said they were is you lose trust. You lose trust in yourself, right?

[Caller]

Oh, absolutely. It was like complete fail. And like how could I not know?

[Advisor]

How did I not? That's right. Right. So it makes you. Not only do you have this person that he didn't stab you in the back, he stabbed you in the face. Right. He stabbed you in the front. But then also it's hard to even look at yourself in the mirror. Did that exacerbate your. What would ultimately be some sort of chronic fatigue? I mean, that make it worse over the past year?

[Caller]

Oh, absolutely. I got not only did it exacerbate my chronic conditions, but I got shingles, sure. Twice. I got mood food poisoning all the time. Like, you mean, like, I just. My immune system just beat up.

[Advisor]

So here's why I asked that. Because there's not an easy. There's not an easy path forward. But my hope would be that when the acuteness of the stress, when. When the. When the pain from this burn that you feel is lessened, will your body go back to a place where you can work. And what you said was a really great job that provided for you guys. Because here's the thing. It doesn't sound like anybody's coming to rescue you.

[Caller]

No. And my doctor, you know, it was hard because even when I was working from home, every week was a win. He knew that. I think he took advantage of that because every week was a win. Like, I did it. I wanted to have that self identity because I felt like career was stolen.

[Advisor]

Yeah.

[Caller]

So I worked really hard every week just to survive. And at the expense of honestly spending time with my kids and living more of a life. Because I wanted that career.

[Advisor]

Sure.

[Caller]

But here's the thing.

[Advisor]

Now you have to have it. And that's.

[Caller]

That's a different hard thing, because my doctor kind of disagrees. He's like, you need to take care of you. Like you do. But.

[Advisor]

But y'all need groceries. Are you getting. Are you getting alimony?

[Caller]

So no alimony, but child support. And then he did owe me a promissory note from what he had spent. He had agreed to sign for that, some of what he had spent, but I haven't really seen consistent payment on that, and I don't know if I will.

[Advisor]

You won't. You know that you won't. Have you filed for SSI yet?

[Caller]

So. Because I had gotten that before, I'd been on the phone, but actually this week, I was on the phone with Social Security for, like, three hours on hold. So in that process.

[Advisor]

Okay. And you may need to bite the bullet and get an SSI attorney that will walk that with you. They can be worth their weight in gold. They can help you navigate that process. And there may be some local resources. Do you have any family help with mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins?

[Caller]

Yeah. So my parents. Because there was also construction happening. We had. We had a flood in the house and had to leave. So there was construction happening at the house, and that went over budget. And my ex was supposed to pay half of that, but he didn't. So my parents had to loan me money for that. So I really do need this spouse so I can pay them back because they're older and I don't want to have to have that burden on me as well.

[Advisor]

Well, there is that, but I'm talking more long term because if you sell your house just to pay off a debt, that's fine. But where are you and your. With three or four kids? Where are y'all gonna live?

[Caller]

I'm hoping in a house where I don't have a mortgage.

[Advisor]

Yeah, there's no such thing as that.

[Co-Advisor]

What's your mortgage? Right now?

[Caller]

It's 2,200.

[Advisor]

Okay. And you've got zero money coming in.

[Caller]

Right now other than child support? Correct.

[Co-Advisor]

How much is child support?

[Caller]

Yeah, I get like 585 a week.

[Advisor]

Okay.

[Co-Advisor]

That's barely enough to cover the mortgage.

[Advisor]

Much less food, clothes, everything. Is there a possibility that you sit down with your parents and say, we need to sell the house. I need to move in with you guys. Here's the thing. You don't have any options. I know, but you don't have. Or they, they sell the condo and move in with you. You. You have to get drastic because I don't feel like you're grasping the gravity of the situation. You got four kids, you don't have enough money. You.

[Caller]

The three kids I do grab. I'm grasping the gravity. I just. That's why I'm calling.

[Advisor]

Yeah. It's going to be getting radical. I mean, it's, it's going to be doing things that are uncomfortable. You're, you're, you're picking from a series of uncomfortable choices.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Co-Advisor]

So selling the house might be the move. I want it to be a last ditch effort when you've exhausted all other options. Because I assume to rent in your area to get a house that'll fit your kids is going to be more than 2200.

[Advisor]

Absolutely.

[Co-Advisor]

I don't know what part of Boston you're in, but that's where I'm from and it ain't cheap.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Advisor]

Or do we have to move? Do we have to move to Kansas where it's cheaper to live and I can work remote there? I think your doctor's right. I mean, I would agree with him. 100, you got to take care of you. But that works in a context when you have somebody that can help with the bills and with food and with the light bill. You don't have that right now. Now.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Advisor]

And so it's, it's a matter of calling a sister and saying, hey, would you move in with us for a Year. Or I need to sell this house because we're broke. Could I move my three kids in there? And I know that's a awful and awkward and whatever. I'm going to get back on my feet, but. Or mom and Dad, I know this wasn't in your retirement plan, but y'all, would you be interested in moving in with us? And we'll put one of the kids in a room. I'll give you all the master, and I'll move into one of the other bedrooms. But we're going to figure something out. I think you're at that level of I've got to solve these problems here. And I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate that you're in this situation.

[Caller]

Thank you. Yeah, it's very stressful and I know it's like a vicious cycle there, so I'm just. Yeah, yeah. There's just not a lot of options. There's not a lot of options.

[Advisor]

But here's the other thing. If you don't remember anything else from this phone call, remember that George and I believe in you.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Advisor]

Because we've taken call after call from people who are like, all right, we got to figure this out. And then somehow, some way, they do. They do. They scratch and they claw and they do. And I think you've got strength and power inside of you that has been squashed and stomped on. And you, again, you don't know this, but we do from the outside. You've lived with somebody for 15 years that is. Has been a liar, it's been dishonest, and there's an electricity that's been in your home of deception and dishonesty and a lack of integrity for a decade and a half. And I know this sounds bonkers, but my guess is you're going to. Even though you have this loss and you have this heartbreak, you're going to have peace in your home that you haven't had in ages.

[Caller]

I.

[Advisor]

And I think your body's going to respond to that. That's my hope. Yeah. Keep listening to your doctor and take some next right steps. But it sounds like you're at a place you got to get radical. Yeah.

[Co-Advisor]

And we're going to hook you up with Financial Peace University and every dollar, Jennifer, that's going to give you the information you need, the motivation, the budgeting tool so that this week you can look at my bills. What is the income, and can I get through this without going into debt? This is survival mode. And we hope that one day soon you'll be thriving.

[Host]

CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for [e-mail] budget.