My Ex-Wife and Baby Momma Are Now Buddies (Half My Income Goes Towards Legal Debt)

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Ex-Wife and Baby Momma Are Now Buddies (Half My Income Goes Towards Legal Debt)
Release Date: June 15, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Guests: Expert advisors including Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Delony, George Kamel & Jade Warshaw

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a distressed caller reaches out seeking advice on navigating complex family law issues that are severely impacting his financial stability and personal life. The discussion delves into the challenges of balancing legal responsibilities with the desire to maintain meaningful relationships with his children.

Caller’s Situation

The caller, a recently graduated 30-year-old earning $78,000 annually, shares his tumultuous experience with family law disputes that consume over half of his income. His situation is compounded by simultaneous custody battles following his divorce and the disappearance of his girlfriend during her pregnancy.

Caller (B) [00:06]: "I'm dealing with some family law issues, and it's kind of taken over half of every one of my paychecks. And I'm kind of dealing with a dilemma where I'm trying to find the balance between trying to do what's right for my kids and be financially responsible at the same time."

He explains that after his divorce, which initially allowed for a 50/50 custody arrangement with his son, complications arose when his ex-girlfriend vanished during her pregnancy, leading to the birth of their daughter and subsequent legal battles for custody.

Caller (B) [00:32]: "I have a son when I was 22, still in college, and I later divorced my wife that I had that son with. Then shortly before I graduated, I had a girlfriend and we got pregnant. She disappeared on me while we were pregnant."

Financial Impact

The caller emphasizes the financial strain caused by ongoing legal fees, which have been escalating since the summer of 2021. These costs are not only draining his finances but also affecting his mental well-being.

Caller (B) [01:13]: "Right before, as I was about to graduate, you know, every month I was having to spend several hundred dollars towards attorneys fees to get, you know, to try that."

He expresses frustration over the lack of resolution in his cases, particularly highlighting the slow judicial process in his small Oklahoma town.

Caller (B) [03:26]: "It's a very small town in Oklahoma, and I guess the court's docket just gets really backed up."

Emotional and Psychological Impact

The prolonged legal battles have left the caller feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, with the disputes overshadowing his ability to focus on other aspects of his life.

Caller (B) [02:38]: "Yeah. Okay."

He reveals that allegations of abuse have been thrown into the mix, complicating his efforts to regain custody, despite him denying any wrongdoing.

Caller (B) [02:14]: "No."

Caller (B) [02:21]: "Alcohol? No. Abuse."

Legal Strategies Discussed

The host and advisors analyze the caller's predicament, noting the inefficiency and costliness of the current legal approach. They suggest that the caller may need to adopt a more aggressive legal strategy to break the deadlock.

Advisor (A) [03:03]: "The overall answer to your question is this is not only consuming your money, it's consuming your brain."

The recommendation includes hiring a more assertive and experienced attorney who can navigate the legal system more effectively, potentially driving the cases forward with firmness.

Advisor (A) [03:26]: "You need to get a lawyer that is much smarter and much meaner than the lawyer that you've had."

Alternatively, they suggest considering whether continuing the legal battles is worth the personal and financial toll, implying that sometimes walking away might be a viable option.

Advisor (A) [04:25]: "You need to spend the right amount of money in a short period of time and blow everything up. Or you've got to flip and just walk and let the thing die."

Host's Advice

The host empathizes with the caller's frustration and exhaustion, acknowledging the chaotic and draining nature of the ongoing disputes. He underscores the importance of taking decisive action to reclaim both financial stability and personal well-being.

Advisor (A) [04:18]: "Listening to what you've been through, and it's so chaotic... you're burning all your calories on these issues."

He advocates for a proactive approach in legal matters, emphasizing that aggressive legal tactics may be necessary to achieve a fair outcome.

Advisor (A) [04:34]: "In a lawsuit situation, sometimes the best defense is a good offense."

Furthermore, the host highlights the systemic issues within the legal system that contribute to such prolonged and costly disputes, encouraging the caller to seek resolutions that prevent further financial and emotional drain.

Advisor (A) [04:48]: "The legal system is not a just system, and it is not a good system. It sucks, and it will drain you dry."

Conclusion

The episode concludes with a heartfelt acknowledgment of the caller's struggles, offering prayers for his situation and reiterating the need for strategic legal and financial decisions to restore balance in his life.

Advisor (A) [05:00]: "So I pray good luck for you, sir. But I don't think it's going to require some pretty aggressive moves beyond what you've been doing."

Finally, the episode ties back to its financial theme by promoting budgeting tools that can help listeners manage their finances more effectively during such challenging times.

Advisor (A) [05:12]: "Create your free EveryDollar Budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life."

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This episode offers a poignant look into the personal and financial turmoil that prolonged legal disputes can inflict, providing listeners with both empathy and practical advice on navigating similar challenges. The emphasis on aggressive legal strategies and financial management underscores the show's commitment to empowering individuals facing complex life and money issues.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm dealing with some family law issues, and it's kind of taken over half of every one of my paychecks. And I'm kind of dealing with a dilemma where I'm trying to find the balance between trying to do what's right for my kids and be financially responsible at the same time.

[C]

Can you elaborate a little bit? What are you going through?

[B]

So, sure. I have. I had a son when I was 22, still in college, and I later divorced my wife that I had that son with. Then shortly before I graduated, I had a girlfriend and we got pregnant. She disappeared on me while we were pregnant.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And shortly after, I. Right before, as I was about to graduate, you know, every month I was having to spend several hundred dollars towards attorneys fees to get, you know, to try that. Yes, originally.

[C]

Okay, so you found her. Then what happened?

[B]

So the. Then around a couple months before I graduated, both of these custody disputes kind of started being simultaneous and in tandem. So my ex wife, we had 50, 50 when we divorced. I was seeing my son every week for the whole week, and I had him. And then we would trade off like that. She and the ex girlfriend, they became buddies and they just both started. I've never met my daughter that I have with the ex girlfriend and my son I haven't seen in over a year. So this isn't any petty dispute over, you know, who gets the teddy bear that he liked when we divorced and then, you know, whose house does that stay at? It's like, I. If I don't spend all this money on these attorneys, foreseeably I won't see my kids at all.

[C]

Can I ask. Can I ask you a question and just be honest? As much as you're willing to be. Do they have a reason that they're keeping these kids from you?

[B]

No.

[C]

Is there a real reason there? Like, did you go. Were you an alcoholic? Did you. Was there something there?

[B]

Drugs?

[A]

No.

[B]

Alcohol? No. Abus. The second axis is trying to. Has tried to, you know, throw out abuse allegations, but it's, it's, you know, that. That's.

[C]

So there's allegations. There are allegations, but you're saying they're not true.

[B]

Right? Right.

[C]

Okay. Got it.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

What do you make?

[B]

I make 78.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

I just turned 30 in January.

[A]

And this dispute, the legal bills have been going on one year.

[B]

I would say they've been going on since about summer of 20, 21. And they've only kind of Increased and gotten worse.

[A]

Okay. I'm confused as to why the judge hasn't ruled on this in four and a half years.

[B]

Well, so the. My written with my son, we had a totally.

[A]

I know, you told me that. You told us that. So why, if it's been going on since 21, that she's been reneging on what the divorce decree said or why is a judge not ruled on in four years?

[B]

Well, it's different judges in different states with my daughter's case.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Back to your son. Let's just stick with that.

[B]

My son? Yeah, sure. Oh, okay. So with my son, it's a very small town in Oklahoma, and I guess the court's docket just gets really backed up. I fight. Last year I was supposed to have my son for spring break. She texted me the night before, said she wasn't going to give them to me. And so I filed something immediately. I got a lawyer. We showed up to a hearing in May of last year and they kind of ran the clock on that hearing to where we weren't really done with was 5:30. And the judge said, y' all go home. We'll schedule for another date that you know, because we've run out of time that got scheduled out into late summer last year, like into August. And then my attorney, I had died.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And now I've got a different attorney and I've got something scheduled for middle of April and.

[C]

Yeah, and you're trying for 50. 50. That's all you want?

[A]

5050 on the, on the original child. Okay, so the overall, the overall answer to your question is this is not only consuming your money, it's consuming your brain. And so. And you have relied on legal counsel that sucked. So you need to get a lawyer that is much smarter and much meaner than the lawyer that you've had. It's way past time playing nice here. And so we need to make an example out of these people. I'm going to start filing with social services. I'm going to file 60 different ways. I'm going to make all of these people's lives miserable so we can put an end to this. And so you guys have been trying to. You've been trying to play real sweet, real nice. And your lawyer was old and then he died and he was playing nice with the small town judge instead of just going in there and raising hell. And so you need an attorney that you don't even like. That kind of mean attorney. Okay. And it's so smart. And they're A little more expensive, usually, but they're worth it, so. And try to bring it to a head. That's the only answer I know for you. But just talking to you for four minutes is exhausting, listening to what you've been through, and it's so chaotic. It's all over the place. It's left, right, turn, flip, back flip, double flip, turn, right turn, left turn. There's all these different moving parts, and it just takes up. You're burning all your calories on these issues, and so, you know, you got to spend the right amount of money in a short period of time and blow everything up. Or you've got to turn and talk about, you know, what's the right thing to do. I tried to be in my son's life. I tried to be in this child that was born outside of wedlock's life. I tried to do that. And instead, what I got is crazy women. And so, you know, I don't know. I can't tell you. You're going to have to measure how far into this you go. But I can tell that there's no systematic anything in your description of this. And that tells me that you're getting the run around rather than giving the. The run around. And so in a lawsuit situation, sometimes the best defense is a good offense. And so I want you to file like I want. I want attorneys filing, like, seven motions every morning just to piss everybody off, including the judge. I'm just going to screw with people for a living for a short period of time and just knock the snot out of everyone to where they're all back on their heels and they're all burning calories trying to keep up with you instead of the other way around. That's your only shot here. Or you need to flip and just walk and let the thing die. And then they'll come wandering in, maybe wanting child support. Oh, wait, maybe now we get a hearing. Okay, interesting. Money's tied to this, so I don't know, Tanner. I can't tell what's going on. I can just tell that you're worn out and that you've been getting the run around rather than giving the run around. I can feel that. And that's where all your money is going. Because the legal system is not a just system, and it is not a good system. It sucks, and it will drain you dry. So I pray good luck for you, sir. But I don't. I think it's going to require some pretty aggressive moves beyond what you've been doing. Create your free Everydollar Budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.