My Family Keeps Asking To Borrow Money

Summary

Summary of "My Family Keeps Asking To Borrow Money" Episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: February 2, 2025
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Duration: Approximately 7 minutes

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Oscar reaches out with a pressing concern about his father’s recurring requests for financial assistance. Hosted by Dave Ramsey and featuring insights from financial expert Rachel Cruze, the discussion delves into managing family dynamics intertwined with financial strain.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Oscar’s Financial Struggle with His Father

Oscar's Concern: Oscar, a listener, expresses his discomfort with his father’s persistent borrowing habits. Although Oscar is not financially distressed, the constant requests from his father have created tension and anxiety.

• Oscar (00:11):
  “My dad's always gotten into this habit of every so often asking to borrow money... I've gotten to the point where I dread taking his calls.”

Context of Father’s Financial Behavior: Oscar’s father, aged 60, frequently asks for money, presumed to be for bills, given his long history of financial mismanagement.

• Dave Ramsey (00:42):
  “How old is he, Oscar?”
  “60.”

Oscar provides further background on his father’s financial instability despite having a full-time job.

• Oscar (01:24):
  “Somewhere around the 50, $60,000 range.”

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Family Dynamics and Emotional Toll

Impact on Relationships: Oscar shares that his interactions with his father are largely transactional, focusing primarily on financial matters rather than personal connection.

• Oscar (02:06):
  “If we're sitting in a car for an hour or two the most, we talk about the weather.”

Siblings’ Involvement: Oscar’s sister is also involved, often receiving calls when he is unable to assist, while his younger brother does not engage, adding strain among siblings.

• Oscar (02:30):
  “He will call my sister if I tell him, hey, I can't help you anymore, so I can't help you this week.”

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Financial Analysis and Expert Advice

Oscar’s Financial Position: Currently, Oscar is on Baby Step 1, focusing on building an emergency fund and paying off consumer debt. He lacks the financial cushion to support his father consistently.

• Oscar (04:45):
  “I am right now on baby step number one.”

Dave Ramsey’s Guidance: Dave empathizes with Oscar’s situation, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing his own financial stability before extending help to others.

• Dave Ramsey (05:01):
  “You guys are not in a financial position. You're trying to save a drowning person while you yourself are trying to keep your head above water.”

Suggested Approach: Dave recommends initiating a heartfelt conversation with Oscar’s father to set clear boundaries and potentially guide him toward financial independence.

• Dave Ramsey (06:14):
  “I can't give you any more. I don't have it, but I would love to sit down and walk you through kind of what I'm doing and let's see together, if you can now get in a position where this isn't, you're not short a couple hundred bucks a month.”

Rachel Cruze’s Input: Rachel reinforces the need for Oscar to safeguard his financial health, aligning with Dave’s advice on setting boundaries and promoting financial self-sufficiency for his father.

• Rachel Cruze (06:52):
  “Oscar, don't. I don't have the money to help you, but I would love to sit down and walk you through kind of what I'm doing...”

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Concluding Insights

The episode underscores the delicate balance between familial support and personal financial responsibility. Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze advocate for transparent communication, setting boundaries, and encouraging loved ones to achieve financial independence.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey (06:17):
  “Don't give a man a fish, teach him to fish.”

• Rachel Cruze (07:13):
  “Don't let yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.”
  (Referenced from Viola Davis)

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Final Thoughts

Oscar’s story is a poignant reminder of the challenges faced when financial obligations extend into personal relationships. The advice provided emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one’s financial health while fostering responsible financial habits in others. By setting clear boundaries and offering guidance rather than direct financial support, individuals can maintain healthy relationships without compromising their financial stability.

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For more advice on life and money, tune into The Ramsey Show Highlights, a daily podcast by Ramsey Network featuring experts like Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze, and others, delivered seven days a week.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget so my question was.

[Oscar]

Regarding an issue I have with more important than my dad. So my dad's always gotten into this habit of every so often asking to borrow money, which I'm not hurting for, so I don't mind. But it's gotten to the point where I dread taking his calls because it's not about checking up on me or checking up on the kids. I always feel like it's going to be, hey, by the way, can I borrow X amount of dollars? So my question is, how do I go about starting the conversation to where I tell them, hey, enough's enough.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. How old is he, Oscar?

[Oscar]

My dad is 60.

[Dave Ramsey]

60. And why is he needing the, the money? What's he using it for?

[Oscar]

Honestly, I, I don't even ask at this point. I'm assuming bills. Ever since I was a kid, he was never great with money. I remember when me and my sister were younger, we always had to help them translate to let their landlord know that we're going to be late on the bills and never ending cycle.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so you don't think there's probably much to his name financially and he's, he's literally using it to, to stay afloat. Is he working? Is he working?

[Oscar]

Yeah, he has a full time job.

[Dave Ramsey]

How much does he make a year?

[Oscar]

Honestly, I don't know, 100%, but I'd say somewhere around the 50, $60,000 range.

[Rachel Cruz]

Okay, and just him or is he married or.

[Oscar]

He's married. My mom still lives at home. My mom, she's had a lot of medical complications, so she doesn't really work. Every once in a while she does get done like under the table work through a restaurant that our family owns, but other than that, she really doesn't have a stable income.

[Rachel Cruz]

Do you have a relationship with your dad aside from this money or do you feel like this is the only contact you have? Does he only. Do you know, do you know what I'm saying? He only comes around for money or do you have a relationship established outside of that?

[Oscar]

Well, I mean, if we have family gatherings, yeah, we get together, I can, we can be amicable, but he never comes over just to hang out. Yeah, even when I was younger it was more of a business casual relationship. I can tell you right now if we're sitting in a car for an hour or two the most, we talk about the weather.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Do you have siblings?

[Oscar]

Yep, I have an older sister.

[Dave Ramsey]

And a younger brother, does he call them?

[Oscar]

He. My little brother? He does not. He still lives at home, but he is of age to not live there. But he will call my sister if I tell him, hey, I can't help you anymore, so I can't help you this week.

[Dave Ramsey]

So then the sister calls. Have you and your sister talked about it?

[Oscar]

Yeah, me and my sister talk about it. All done.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Oscar]

We're frustrated.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you're both okay?

[Oscar]

I just have their own families.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. Yeah.

[Rachel Cruz]

One last question, because I'm just trying to put the pieces together. When he asks for money, how much? Like in a month, how much money would you give him? And then how quickly before he'd ask for money again?

[Oscar]

The most he's asked in one sitting was like 1200 bucks. And typically when it's, I guess the larger the amount, the bigger of a gap between him asking for more. But I'd say roughly about once a month, maybe.

[Rachel Cruz]

Okay. And. Sorry, I'm, I'm. I'm fascinated by what's going on, and I'm also trying to dig deeper. Do you, if you had to assess the situation, is your dad, like, is there anything unhealthy we should know about? Like, do you think, do you sense any, like, addiction, something where this money is going where it shouldn't be going, or do you truly think, listen, this guy, he has no budget, and because of that, he's late on rent. Is it just that simple?

[Oscar]

So I know, like I said earlier, my dad's terrible with money. He's always been a guy who bought scratchers at the gas station, but it's never been, at least to my knowledge, so extensive that he would blow his whole paycheck on it. I know he's always, he's always been struggling with payday loans here and there, and, and the only reason I know this is a long time ago, I worked at a financial institution as a woman officer, and it was the same bank he worked at. And he would. They would always come to me and say, hey, what's going on with your dad? And it got to the point where it was stressing me out so much, I couldn't be there anymore. I didn't want to be part of his financial burden, and it was taking a toll on me.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Oscar]

I just, I was stressing over something that I genuinely didn't have any concern over because at that point, I didn't live in south. Obviously, he's still my dad. I'm concerned about his well being financially.

[Dave Ramsey]

Sure. But where are you at Oscar, financially, you and your family. Where are you guys? How are you guys?

[Oscar]

So I am right now on baby step number one.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Oscar]

Work towards you. Yeah, I have all my debts lined up, ready to go. Hopefully by the end of this year I will have all my consumer debt paid off. I don't have very much.

[Dave Ramsey]

So to say that you, you have an extra spare $75,000 in a high yield savings account to help your dad when he needs $200 a month. That's non existent. Like you guys are paycheck to paycheck. You're starting to build a thousand dollar emergency fund yourself. So, so it's even. So, so what my advice, Oscar, to you is this. And even more because of where you are financially. Right. I mean, I think there can be a different discussion. And we talk to people on baby step seven. They've paid off their house, they've accumulated wealth. Like, listen, my dad's in his 80s and he's terrible with money and I'm gonna help. And like. And that's what they choose to do, right? A very conscious decision. It's not being burdened upon them. They just decide that as part of what I'm going to do with my legacy and my money. You, Oscar, on the other hand, you, I mean, you guys are not in a financial position. You're trying to save a drowning person while you yourself are trying to keep your head above water. And it's, and it's, and it's causing that much more, I would say, probably bitterness and strife.

[Rachel Cruz]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Which is very understandable. So I mean, this is always such a hard conversation because I think the parent child relationship, especially as adults. Yeah, it's very difficult. But I, you know what I would say? Because it is, this is the truth is, and I'm going to butcher the quote and I even, I wonder if.

[Rachel Cruz]

It'S what I'm thinking.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's about the fish, right? Don't give a man a fish, teach him to fish.

[Rachel Cruz]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's the idea that like, dad, I want to sit down and help lay out. And you could say, Oscar, I'm starting this process too, dad. Like, I'm starting to realize, gosh, I have to get my finances in order. And here's some things that I've done that I've realized, okay, here's my income. We've created a budget. My first goal is a thousand dollars. Like you could tell him what you're doing and say, and if you want debt, I would love to sit down. And this is if you want to, Oscar, but I would love to sit down and help you get on this plan as well. Love that because ultimately this is just a few hundred bucks, right? I mean, again, he's not asking for $10,000 a month, so. So it's just these little pieces of discipline that may be hard for a.

[Rachel Cruz]

60 year old to restart.

[Dave Ramsey]

To restart. But that's where, that's where I would start and say, I can't give you any more. I don't have it. And that's the honest truth. Oscar, don't. I don't have the money to help you, but I would love to sit down and walk you through kind of what I'm doing and let's see together, if you can now get in a position where this isn't, you're not short a couple hundred bucks a month.

[Rachel Cruz]

Good advice, Rachel. Yeah. Viola Davis said, don't let yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. This is the Ramsey Show.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's better. CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for [e-mail] budget.