My Fiancé Broke Off Our Engagement Because Of My Money Habits

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights – Episode Summary

Episode: My Fiancé Broke Off Our Engagement Because Of My Money Habits
Host(s): Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze
Date: March 7, 2026
Guest: Rita

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a listener, Rita, who calls in seeking advice and support after her fiancé ended their engagement due to concerns over her money habits and financial history. The hosts, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze, provide empathetic and practical guidance, exploring the emotional weight of financial baggage, how to heal after a breakup rooted in money issues, and the importance of detaching personal identity from financial setbacks.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rita’s Story: Financial Struggles and Relationship Fallout

• Rita shares at [00:06] that she just experienced a breakup with her fiancé due to her “money habits,” particularly her history with debt.
• She describes a past marked by family hardship after her father’s death at age 19, leading her to shoulder family responsibilities and accumulate both student loan and credit card debt.
• Rita acknowledges, “Money is like very emotional for me because I don’t have a good relationship with it and my family doesn’t.” ([01:08])
• When finances became a discussion in the relationship, Rita’s ex-fiancé was less troubled by the amount of debt and more by her behavior and relationship with money ([01:42]).

What Caused the Breakup?

• Rachel questions if Rita’s ex gave her any options for changing money habits ([01:55]); Rita notes it began with discussions but ultimately “ended up being pretty close case.” ([02:20])
• Rita, currently 28, shares she’s had a few serious relationships, but this engagement was the one she thought was "leading towards marriage and he's the one kind of thing." ([03:26] Dave Ramsey paraphrases)
• The ex-fiancé was specifically worried about more “recent” debt Rita accrued when moving for a job, even after leaving her house, despite her progress with Ramsey’s baby steps ([03:39]-[04:00]).

Family Dynamics

• Rita’s family (mother and sister) moved to the same city for different reasons, but this added complexity to her financial situation, as her mother wanted to be close to grandkids ([05:17]).
• Rachel points out that family involvement and possible codependency could have been a “red flag” to Rita’s ex ([05:43]-[05:46]).

Emotional Reflection and Guidance

• Rachel openly acknowledges the rarity of hearing this side of the story—“You're kind of on the end of… the person in the relationship that we usually don’t get the call from.” ([05:46])
• She suggests that while it’s natural to replay events, Rita may never get closure as to the ex’s decision, and it’s best to focus on growth ([06:31] Dave Ramsey).
• Dave highlights the importance of healing by learning from the experience, rebuilding self-trust, and transforming money habits to “change your family tree.” ([06:31]-[06:58])
• Rachel gently emphasizes the need to decouple financial mistakes from personal identity:

  “It’s not who I am. Who I am is something so centered that cannot be shaken...your net worth, your money mistakes, none of that is your identity and who you are.” ([07:12])

Steps Toward Healing and Practical Advice

• Dave advocates for seeking counseling and spiritual grounding: “It’s counseling in Jesus. That’s what’s going to heal you at this point, on top of the good budgeting habits and getting out of debt.” ([06:58])
• Rachel also recommends building healthy boundaries with money and recognizing that struggles do not define self-worth ([07:12]).
• Dave paraphrases Dr. John Delony:

  “You are worth being. Well, you are worth being loved. You're a person who can have a healthy relationship.” ([08:10])

• Dave offers Rita a free copy of Rachel’s book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, as a tool for further healing and understanding one’s financial upbringing and behaviors ([08:10]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rita (on her struggle):

  “Money is like very emotional for me because I don’t have a good relationship with it and my family doesn’t.” ([01:08])

• Rachel Cruze (on separating self-worth from money):

  “Your money, your money mistakes, your net worth. Like, none of this is who you are as a person...that the money mistakes that I've made, even the habits I'm in that are not great, it's not who I am.” ([07:12])

• Dave Ramsey (on the healing journey):

  “Learn from what broke and rebuild trust in yourself and then create the habits and become the person that you want to be, the person who changes your family tree.” ([06:31])

• Dave Ramsey paraphrasing Dr. John Delony:

  “You are worth being. Well, you are worth being loved. You're a person who can have a healthy relationship.” ([08:10])

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Important Timestamps

• 00:06 – Rita calls in after her breakup, seeking advice
• 01:08 – The emotional impact of money and family history
• 01:42 – The ex-fiancé’s concerns: behavior, not just debt amount
• 03:26-03:33 – Discussing Rita’s relationship history and the seriousness of this breakup
• 03:39-04:00 – Specific concerns about continued debt and money habits
• 05:17-05:46 – Family dynamics and their effect on relationships
• 06:31-06:58 – Dave Ramsey offers advice for healing and future growth
• 07:12 – Rachel Cruze on identity, worth, and money mistakes
• 08:10 – Dave Ramsey’s summary and offer of further resources

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Takeaways

• Emotional baggage around money can profoundly impact relationships, sometimes more than the raw numbers.
• Healing after a breakup rooted in financial issues involves both practical steps (budgeting, debt reduction) and emotional work (therapy, self-worth).
• It’s vital to separate personal value from financial mistakes and recognize that setbacks don't define you.
• Seeking support from trusted professionals, leaning into personal growth, and learning about one’s money story are key steps in moving forward.

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Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Rita]

I just went through a breakup over money and I want to figure out how to heal from it and move forward.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, so sorry. How long was the relationship?

[Rita]

A couple of months. We had just gotten engaged.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, what happened?

[Rita]

So my, my, I guess now ex fiance is like. He is a very like anti debt person, which I agree with. I had, I have a lot of debt. I have a lot of. I have student loan debt and credit card debt both from taking care. I put everything on hold after my dad died a number of years ago and I was taking care of the family for a long time and my, my siblings were still in school and, and I was, I was 19 when, when that happened and, and just sort of got into a lot of debt afterwards.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Rita]

And so I have not. It's. So money is like very emotional for me because I, I don't have a good. I don't have a good relationship with it and my family doesn't. And so when it came time to start going through the finances, it just, it didn't go well.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, wow. He. So he panicked. Did he panic around the amount of debt there is or did he panic of your current, you know, your current way of seeing money and how you deal with money currently?

[Rita]

It was, it was over the behavior. The number itself wasn't concerning to him. It was, it was the, it was the behavior and my relationship with it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay, so he ended it. Was there any, was there any conversation around? Hey, Rita, you know, if I'm in a, if I'm going to go down this road of marriage, I want us to be on the same page. I want us to be a team. You know, would you, would you be open and consider handling money differently? Like did he give you options or was it a pretty like closed case?

[Rita]

It was. It started off with some options, but it ended up being pretty close case.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old are you?

[Rita]

28.

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Rita]

I've been, um, I've dated seriously for a couple, I don't know, a couple of relationships. I had a five year relationship in college and then three and a half years in my twenties and then earlier twenties. And then this was the. This was the most recent relationship.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So not your first heartbreak, but this one was the most serious in terms of, hey, we're gonna. This is leading towards marriage and he's the one kind of thing.

[Rita]

Yeah, very much so. Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

And what are your current money habits that he was like, I'm out, I can't do this.

[Rita]

He was concerned because. So I have. I moved recently for a job and my family moved with me and I knew because we were selling our house that I was going to have to take sort of a short term hit to move before the household and my family could move out here with me. So he was concerned that after I had, like, even after I had left my house that I had still accrued some debt and the. Oh my gosh. I did. Yeah. I. And. But I have. So I'm doing the baby steps right now. I'm in baby step two and I have my emergency fund saved and I'm paying down my, my smallest debts right now. So that was that. Yeah. So. So I am making progress, but it. I guess it. Maybe it wasn't enough progress or I don't, I don't really know the flavor now, but it's sort of like my, My worst fear has always been like, I. Because the situation with my family has been really bad for a long time. Financially. I have had a long stand that I have no control over my money. And this sort of like brought it back up again.

[Rachel Cruze]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. He like broke up with the most vulnerable part of you in your fear.

[Rita]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Did your. Why is your. Why did your family move with you? What's the. What's going on there?

[Rita]

So my, My sister moved. We. My sister and I moved to the same location to get. She got married and then I moved out here for a job and my mom, who is somewhat retired, sold the family house back where we were in our hometown to move out as well because she wanted to be close to her grandkids.

[Rachel Cruze]

Was any of that a red flag for him?

[Rita]

Yes.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Yeah. I'm just trying to place. Because it's interesting to talk to you, Rita, because I'll be very honest with you. You're kind of on the end of. You're the person in the relationship that we usually don't get the call from. We usually get the call probably from the ex fiance who's like, hey, I'm engaged. I'm nervous with these money habits, you know what I mean? Like, how I should I continue, you know what I mean? So to get the person that got broken up with because of the money, we know we don't usually get different. We don't get that side. So I'm trying to in my head, because I want to be on your team, right? I'm like, I want to be able to help you and us help navigate this. I'm just trying to figure out if what he saw was legitimate or if he's too legalistic, you know what I mean, and broke off a great thing too early. I don't know. And I probably won't know in this call, but I'll just.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you may never know. That's the hard truth. Truth is, you can replay this a thousand ways, and it's not going to get you any closer to your future. And so you asked, how do I heal? Well, learn from what broke and rebuild trust in yourself and then create the habits and become the person that you want to be, the person who changes your family tree and actually gets out of debt and doesn't use it anymore. And so this just might be one of those fork in the roads where you look back and go, man, that was a pivotal time in my life.

[Rachel Cruze]

So painful.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And it's not a fun way to learn the lesson, but now you know, and you can do better. And so I think a lot of this is your own healing journey of, you know, it's counseling in Jesus. That's what's going to heal you at this point, on top of the good budgeting habits and getting out of debt and.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, and I think what's hard staying true to your plan is money can become such an identity marker in us, and it shouldn't be, you know, your money, your money mistakes, your net worth. Like, none of this is who you are as a person. Right. It's a reflection of our behaviors and our habits and all of it. But in our society today, it's become such an identity piece. So I want you to break that apart from you, that the money mistakes that I've made, even the habits I'm in that are not great, it's not who I am. Who I am is something so centered that cannot be shaken. Right. And then that out of that flows a healthy Rita, which hopefully in return has healthy boundaries with money, is able to say no, is able to sacrifice and get out of debt and all of that. So it's so easy. And I can hear from your, even your story, those being so married, your identity and money and all of it, it's so closely linked into who you are. And I would work at kind of starting to pull that apart because it's not who you are, your net worth, your money, mistakes. None of that is your identity and who you are.

[Dave Ramsey]

I keep hearing John Deloney in my head saying, you are worth being. Well, you are worth being loved. You're a person who can have a healthy relationship. And a lot of this is detaching from maybe unhealthy family baggage and going, hey, I need to move on with my life. There's been a lot of codependency that has been toxic. And it's time. I need to grow. And so I'm going to send you a copy of Rachel's book, Know Yourself, Know youw Money. She talks about the different money classrooms and how you grew up. I think it will be a part of your healing journey. So hang on the line. That'll be our gift to you, Rita. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.