My Fiancé Holds All The Money

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "My Fiancé Holds All The Money"

Release Date: July 8, 2025

In this compelling episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Lizzie, a 25-year-old mother of two, shares her distressing situation where her fiancé controls all household finances, leaving her feeling trapped and undervalued. Host Dave Ramsey, along with expert George Kamel, provide Lizzie with actionable advice to navigate her challenging circumstances. This summary delves into the key discussions, insights, and conclusions drawn from the episode.

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1. Introduction to Lizzie’s Dilemma

Lizzie begins by painting a vivid picture of her life:

Lizzie [00:10]: "I'm Lizzie, a 25-year-old mom of two, under the age of three. I'm unemployed, and I have a fiancé who works six days a week, extensive hours. He makes around 150k a year. But when he's home, he thinks because he brings in all the financial support, all he has to do is be on his phone and do nothing around the house. I'm at my wit's end and ready to leave, but I feel like I'm in a prison where I have no family, no resources to get out, and I’m stuck holding all the manpower in the house."

Lizzie's portrayal highlights a common yet often overlooked issue: the emotional and financial entrapment felt by individuals in relationships where financial control is one-sided.

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2. Assessing the Situation with George Kamel

George Kamel steps in to analyze Lizzie's predicament:

George [01:32]: "You should get out. You guys aren't married anyway."

He emphasizes the necessity for Lizzie to consider independence despite the emotional and logistical challenges:

George [01:40]: "You need to treat it like he's not around, period. No money. Now you're in a situation where you are in a prison because he's paying for all the bills, you have no income."

George advises Lizzie to:

• Evaluate Childcare: Determine who will watch the kids if she decides to seek employment.

• Financial Planning: Calculate the income required to support herself and her children, factoring in childcare costs and other essentials.

• Seek Employment: Identify job opportunities that align with her skill set in business management and spa management.

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3. Navigating Financial Independence

Lizzie shares her educational background and potential income:

Lizzie [03:17]: "I'm in business management. I just finished studying business management in 2024 and before that, I did aesthetics and spa management."

George probes into her financial viability:

George [03:44]: "I think there's maybe minimum 50k a year."

However, Lizzie expresses concerns about living comfortably on that amount:

Lizzie [03:58]: "Probably not. Unless it's paycheck to paycheck."

Recognizing the gap, Dave Ramsey and George collaborate to offer deeper insights.

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4. Expert Guidance from Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey underscores the emotional toll of Lizzie’s situation:

Dave [05:05]: "I have a stay-at-home wife. I would rather be here because it is chaos at the house. She's exhausted. And so the idea that he thinks you're not working is already disrespectful. He doesn't value you."

He challenges Lizzie to confront the issue head-on:

Dave [05:32]: "You deserve to be valued and respected in the household."

Dave outlines three potential paths for Lizzie:

1. Staying the Same: Acknowledges this is not a viable option due to ongoing dissatisfaction.
2. Addressing the Problem: Attempting to engage with her fiancé to foster change.
3. Leaving and Starting Anew: Considering independence, despite the challenges it entails.

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5. Practical Steps towards Independence

George and Dave provide a roadmap for Lizzie to achieve financial autonomy:

Creating a Pre-Budget

George [07:02]: "Whatever you think he's going to do to support the kids financially, George becomes a part of this new budget."

George advises Lizzie to:

• Sketch a Budget: Outline potential expenses such as rent, utilities, food, transportation, and childcare.
• Determine Income Needs: Calculate the necessary income to cover these expenses independently.
• Explore Job Opportunities: Identify roles that match her qualifications and can provide the needed financial support.

Reverse Engineering Finances

Dave [07:02]: "You're kind of reverse engineering it. But there's so much going on here..."

Dave suggests Lizzie:

• Research Living Costs: Investigate the cost of living independently in her area.
• Assess Employment Options: Look for jobs that offer the flexibility needed to balance work and childcare.
• Plan for Multiple Income Streams: Be open to holding multiple jobs initially to secure sufficient income.

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6. Addressing Underlying Relationship Issues

Beyond financial independence, the experts touch upon the deeper relational dynamics:

Dave [05:39]: "The man works and the wife just is a leech and she just sits at home all day. It's insane."

Dave challenges the traditional gender roles that Lizzie’s fiancé embodies, urging Lizzie to recognize her worth and the unhealthy dynamics at play.

Additionally, George introduces the idea of role-reversal to foster understanding:

Dave [07:23]: "He wants her to get a job for what? They don't need the income. He just thinks she's lazy... I think they should swap roles for a day. Let him take care of the kids for 24 hours and see if he's a shell of a human at the end of it."

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7. Moving Forward with Support and Resources

Dave concludes by encouraging Lizzie to take proactive steps:

Dave [06:28]: "I really hope this can be resolved, that he can remain a part of these kids' lives and support them."

He also hints at potential legal considerations regarding child and spousal support, emphasizing the importance of understanding one’s rights and available resources.

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Conclusion

In "My Fiancé Holds All The Money," Lizzie's story serves as a poignant example of the complexities surrounding financial dependency and relationship dynamics. With guidance from Dave Ramsey and George Kamel, listeners gain valuable insights into the importance of financial independence, strategic planning, and confronting unhealthy relationship patterns. The episode underscores that while the path to autonomy is challenging, it is attainable with determination, proper planning, and support.

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Notable Quotes:

• Lizzie [00:10]: "I'm ready to leave, but because I feel like I'm in a prison where I have no family, I have no resources of getting out..."

• Dave [05:05]: "You deserve to be valued and respected in the household."

• George [02:47]: "You've got to figure out who would watch the kids... you've got to come up with a situation where you go..."

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This episode resonates with anyone grappling with financial and relational imbalances, offering both empathy and practical strategies to reclaim one’s life and well-being.

Transcript

[Dave]

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[Lizzie]

So, just a backstory. I'm Lizzie, 25 year old mom of two, under the age of three, I'm unemployed and I have a fiance that works six days a week, extensive hours. He makes around 150k a year. But when he's home he thinks because he brings in all the financial support that all he has to do is be on his phone and do nothing around the house. And I'm at my wits end and I'm ready to leave, but because I feel like I'm in a prison where I have no family, I have no resources of getting out and showing him that I'm not going to stay somewhere where you're begging me to get a job, but I still have to hold all the manpower in the house.

[George]

Yeah, well, yeah, so this is, this is a simple solution, but it's going to be difficult, it's going to be hard to do, but it's pretty simple. You're going to have to to you're doing a lot on your own. It sounds like anyway, he's bringing in all the income. This relationship, it sounds like it's non existent life, whatever exists is certainly unhealthy. So it's the fiance, are they his kids? Are they somebody else's kids? What's the story there?

[Lizzie]

No, no, they're our kids.

[George]

Okay, so you want out, correct?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, because I just think this person is not willing to change and he thinks that there's nothing wrong with him or he's not doing anything wrong.

[George]

I agree. So you should get out. You guys aren't married anyway. So what I would say is you need to figure out what to do based on him not being around. You have to treat it like he's not around, period. No money. Now you're in a situation where you are in a prison because he's paying for all the bills, you have no income. So the simple steps are, and I say simple, I'm not saying this is going to be easy, but the simple steps are you've got to figure out who would watch the kids. When I'm working full time, can I do full time work from a remote situation and still be able to watch the kids? I think that's probably highly unlikely, but you'll know the answer to that. So if the answer is no, let's assume it's no. Then you've got to come up with a situation where you go, what? How much money would I need to make to not only take care of me and the kids, but also be able to pay for the child care above and beyond the basics you're tracking with me so far. Correct?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[George]

Okay, so it's time for you to get out there and, and, and you know, shake the tree and you got to find work and you got to say, I'm moving forward on my own. If he, once I leave, gets the wake up call that he desperately needs to get great news, let's repair the relationship at that point. But you've got to go. And then you're a mama bear. And so the question is what experience, what skill set do you have in the workplace?

[Lizzie]

So I'm in business management. I just, I just finished studying business management in 2024 and before that I did aesthetics and spa management.

[George]

Okay, so what do you think you could make? And I'm not holding you to this. This is just so that we can begin to get our brains working. What do you think the, the income opportunity is for you in, in your economy there in Toronto or nearby?

[Lizzie]

I think there's maybe minimum 50, 50k a year.

[George]

Okay. Can you live on 50k a year comfortably?

[Lizzie]

Probably not. Unless it's paycheck to paycheck. Like it would be paycheck to paycheck. If it's 50k.

[George]

I want to bring George in real quick because he's really, really good here coaching. I want, she knows the professional side of things. And by the way, I'm going to give you a copy of my book. Find the work you're wired to do. It's got an assessment in it that I want you to take and it's really going to help you from an ideation standpoint. And, and it's, and you really need to take it. That's my gift to you. But I want George to come in here because you, as you're looking for professional opportunities, realistically you may have to work two jobs in the early days to be able to afford child care. And George, I want you to walk her through what she needs to be doing even now and building an actual budget.

[Lizzie]

They're also his kids too, so I think I get it.

[George]

But you said he does nothing. You said he does nothing. So I'm assuming he's not going to help you. If he helps you, great.

[Lizzie]

No, I think he would like he, he's, he's okay with his responsibility. He knows his financial responsibilities. I think it's the household responsibilities he doesn't want to take accountability for because I'm not working. See things. I don't have to do it.

[Dave]

I don't like this idea that you're not working. I have a stay at home wife. I would rather be here because it is chaos at the house. She's exhausted. And so the idea that he thinks you're not working is already disrespectful. He doesn't value you. He doesn't value what you're bringing to this family and raising these children. And so I don't know what's going on behind that, if that's from how he grew up or what it is, but you need to have a very direct conversation with him where he doesn't shut down.

[Lizzie]

It's generation. It's generational because there we go.

[Dave]

And then his dad probably didn't value his wife.

[George]

Yeah, he saw his dad and he.

[Dave]

Goes, this is normal. The man works and the wife just is a leech and she just sits at home all day. It's insane. And so you're not crazy to think this is not okay and you deserve to be valued and respected in the household. And so you have three options. Staying the same is not an option. Right. Staying where you're at. So we either have to deal with the problem at hand and see if he's willing to change and can turn. Turn course here, or you leave and start a life on your own. And that's either going to be you as a, you know, single mom working three jobs, trying to find child care. I don't know what that next step is for you. I hope this can be resolved, that he can remain a part of, you know, these kids lives and support them. I don't know what the laws in Canada are as far as, you know, you guys aren't married, but there's probably some common law here that says he's going to have to provide child support, spousal support.

[George]

And to that end.

[Lizzie]

So Lizzie, Canadian. So Lizzie child benefit.

[George]

So. So hold on a second. I, I want to give it back to George because you jumped in when I was setting him up. And, and so whatever, whatever the.

[Lizzie]

Sorry, sorry.

[George]

No, no, you're great. No, no, I'm not, I'm not chastising you. I want you to hear this part from George. Whatever you think he's going to do to support the kids financially that George becomes a part of this new budget, I want you to walk her through. I think she's got to create a pre budget which will help her determine what she's gonna have to earn based on what, whatever he's gonna do to support, but she's on her. And that's where I'm trying to take this.

[Dave]

Yeah. I would create a. Just a fake budget on your own of what a new life would look like and how you would be able to support this and what custody would look like if, you know, he has the kids half the week. I don't know what that would end up being if that's the next step. But that's the kind of part you need to map out on paper to put some facts. Because right now it's just a lot of emotion and that's hard to grapple with as far as taking a next step.

[George]

So walk her through that, George, real quick. From Rent the four Walls to some.

[Dave]

Other things I would start researching. Hey, what would it look like to live on my own? What would that cost? What is rent in this area? Obviously, the kids are really young, so they'd likely need to be in some type of daycare or you're working some sort of very flexible remote job where you can take care of them. That's going to be difficult, too. And so then map it all out. Food, utilities, transportation costs, all of that insurance on my own. What would all that cost? And then go, what do I need to make in order to make that happen? What jobs are out there that pay that with my skill set and time? So it's. You're kind of reverse engineering it. But there's so much going on here where I'm like, he wants her to get a job for what? They don't need the income. He just thinks she's lazy. And so I think they should swap roles for a day. Let him take care of the kids for 24 hours and see if he's a shell of a human at the end of it.

[George]

I could tell you, I remember we had three kids under the age of three. And I remember one of the first times Stacy went out for like maybe 90 minutes. I thought I was going to absolutely implode.

[Dave]

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