"My Fiancé Is Asking For A Prenup"

Summary

Podcast Summary: “My Fiancé Is Asking For a Prenup”

The Ramsey Show Highlights – February 7, 2026
Host: Ramsey Network
Featuring: John, Ann (Caller), Marriage Counselor

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Overview

This episode centers on Ann, a listener engaged for two years, whose fiancé is requesting a prenuptial agreement (prenup). Both have adult children, are self-employed, and own property, but have differing financial circumstances. The discussion explores financial transparency in relationships, motivations for prenups, challenges of blended families, and the importance of shared vision in marriage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ann’s Situation and Concerns

• Background: Ann’s fiancé suggested a prenup about a year into their engagement. Both have adult children and own property separately.

• Assets Overview:

  • Ann: No debt, owns her home outright, net worth ~$550k-$600k, open about her finances.
  • Fiancé: Mortgage and other unknown debt, property worth ~$715k (owes $280k). Limited transparency with Ann.

• Key Issues:

  • Financial openness is lacking from her fiancé.
  • She’s unsure how to combine lives while keeping assets separate.
  • She wants to plan a shared future focused on wealth-building.

  “I'm really open about... just everything, my finances... but I almost feel like he's waiting to disclose all that when it comes time to put together the prenup.” – Ann [02:13]

2. The Prenup Debate

• State Law vs. Personalized Agreement:

  • Marriage Counselor notes everyone has a prenup by default—the state’s divorce laws. A written prenup is a way to define their own terms.
  • John and Marriage Counselor are not firmly for or against prenups but acknowledge their utility in second marriages with adult children and assets.

  “Every married couple has a prenup, and it is whatever the state you live in says... unless y’all sit down and write out... what would happen if—” – Marriage Counselor [02:33]

• Caveats:

  • Prenups should not be used to keep secrets or foster lifelong division.
  • The real utility now: making sure adult children are protected in inheritance scenarios.

  “A prenup is not a cover for division. Right. It's just a plan.” – Marriage Counselor [04:20]

3. Transparency and Trust Red Flags

• Unequal Disclosure:

  • Ann is very open; her fiancé is not.
  • Before signing a prenup, both parties need complete financial transparency.

  “You don't know him fully and you're engaged... That does worry me.” – John [06:32]

  • Ann worries about being too nosy if she asks for details, but the hosts stress it’s basic marital due diligence.

  “You're about to become his wife. What if he owes $20 million in back taxes and debt? Right? You want to know.” – Marriage Counselor [07:26]

• Encouragement to Self-Advocate:

  • Ann is commended for her kindness but urged to stand up for her own interests and push into hard conversations for the health of the relationship.
  • Suppressing concerns for the sake of peace is discouraged.

  “You need to have the strength to push into areas of this marriage that are uncomfortable in order for this marriage to thrive.” – John [07:37]

4. Disagreement Over Housing and Future Vision

• The Housing Stand-Off:

  • Ann’s fiancé refuses to move from the home he shared with his ex-wife, despite her offers to build or move elsewhere.
  • She proposes selling her property to pay off his mortgage, but he declines; wants his house to go to his daughters.

  “He has said he... doesn't want to move from the home that he shared with his previous wife, even after I suggest that we build a home together.” – Ann [08:22]

• Implications:

  • Selling Ann’s asset to pay his mortgage would, under the proposed prenup, mean she could lose everything if the relationship ends.
  • There’s an ongoing pattern of Ann sacrificing or bending for his decisions, risking her own security and values.

  “That would mess up the prenup. That's you putting your assets into the asset that he's then going to give his kids, and you're not getting any part of that.” – John [09:30]

5. Potential Incompatibility in Marital Expectations

• Analyzing Intentions:

  • Marriage Counselor wonders if the fiancé wants to be married, noting a tendency to keep firm boundaries rather than compromise.

  “I hear a guy that likes you... but I don't see a guy who wants to get married.” – Marriage Counselor [09:47]

  • Ann says he insists he wants to get married, but their pictures of what marriage means are clearly divergent.

• Advice:

  • Both need to explicitly define and share what "marriage" looks like to them, including views on money, intimacy, inheritance, and lifestyle.
  • If expectations differ too greatly, it may be necessary to walk away.

  “The kindest thing y'all could do for each other is to... in exquisite detail... detail out what your picture of marriage looks like.” – Marriage Counselor [10:11]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the need for transparency:
  “You’re about to be his wife… What if he owes $20 million in back taxes and debt? Right? You want to know.”
  – Marriage Counselor [07:26]

• On the danger of silence:
  “It’s not sweeping things under the rug. And you’ve already begun that habit. And that’s not a great setup.”
  – John [07:54]

• On defining shared vision:
  “You both have different pictures of what this thing looks like.”
  – Marriage Counselor [11:03]

• On self-worth and boundaries:
  “I want you to have the courage… to write down, here’s what I really want, here’s what I really believe, and have the courage to share that with him… and you’re worth that risk.”
  – Marriage Counselor [12:34]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:05] – Ann describes her and her fiancé’s assets and financial situations
• [02:13] – Conversation about disclosure and transparency ahead of any prenup
• [03:35] – Discussion of prenup’s real function in blended families
• [06:51] – Flags raised about the lack of full disclosure and representation in prenup talks
• [08:22] – Ann brings up his refusal to move house or combine their assets
• [09:47] – Analysis of relationship dynamics and possible incompatibility
• [10:11] – Call for both parties to explicitly define their visions of marriage

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Conclusion & Recommendations

The episode concludes with strong encouragement for Ann (and anyone in a similar situation) to seek clarity, transparency, and alignment in values before entering marriage—especially when money, property, and children from previous relationships are at stake. The underlying message: Sacrificing one’s boundaries or suppressing discomfort for peace in the relationship often leads to bigger problems later.

Clear communication and mutual understanding are non-negotiable foundation stones for a healthy marriage, particularly in complex second-marriage situations.

Transcript

[John]

Brought to you by CHM. A budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget I've been engaged for almost two years.

[Ann]

About a year ago my fiance suggested we consider getting a prenup. We both have children who are adults now. We have our own property and we both are self employed with our own businesses. I've been a single mom, never married, and he was previously married for almost 23 years. The property that I have is paid off and I don't have any debt. He's paying on a mortgage and he has some other debt, although I'm not sure exactly how much. So I'm trying to figure out how we would plan our future together if our assets and finances stay separate. I'm 46 and he's almost 50. So I feel like we still have so many years ahead of us for wealth building and, you know, just putting a future together and.

[John]

Yeah. How much, how much are your net worth? Like how if.

[Ann]

What.

[John]

What's your net worth?

[Ann]

What.

[John]

What's his?

[Ann]

So after like taxes and expenses with the business. So mine would be. Oh, worth like what I make every year.

[John]

Or they can be that or just like what are you worth? Like if you put all of your.

[Marriage Counselor]

Your house, your business, your cars, everything.

[John]

All your retirement, everything.

[Ann]

Oh, so mine is probably 550,000. Okay, almost 600,000. And I know.

[John]

What about him? What would he be worth?

[Ann]

So I know his property and. Well, the house and the property combined are worth about 715, but he owes 280 on the mortgage.

[John]

Okay, so 500. Does he have a lot of retirement?

[Ann]

I don't think he has any retirement.

[John]

You don't think or do you know, so. Because in order to sign a prenup you kind of have to. You know what I mean? I'm like, before I'd even talk about that, I'd have every piece of information financially about each other.

[Ann]

I almost feel like he's waiting to disclose all that when it comes time to put together the prenup. Because I'm really open about just everything, my finances and, and just, just any. I'm, I'm very open. I like to talk about.

[John]

Well, yeah, well, you're gonna get married to the guy. So I'm curious why he's not so open about it.

[Marriage Counselor]

Here's the thing. I. I'm gonna be honest. I've been working on a marriage project for a couple of years and I have had my, my firm. Firm immovable position on prenups really challenged in a good way. And it's James Sexton, an attorney out of New York, who, the one who challenged me on it. And it was this. Every married couple has a prenup, and it is whatever the state you live in says, this is how we're going to split it up. Unless y' all sit down and write out, while you still like each other, what would happen if, if you missed.

[John]

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[Marriage Counselor]

What would happen if, okay, we could, we could debate that. In fact, some of my colleagues disagree with me. I, I, I'm, I'm not, I, I'm unsettled in my opinion on it because I do feel like if you make a prenup, you're already getting into the boat thinking, well, I just need to have an escape plane if this thing happens. And I do think there's wisdom in talking about, okay, if this many percentage of marriages don't work and you're marrying somebody who already has had one that didn't work. Let's be honest about what happens if this doesn't. And we're going to do everything we can. So that's for a different discussion. To me, my biggest red flag for you is what a prenup would serve you two right now is to make sure your kids are protected.

[John]

Yeah, I was gonna say the adult kids for me. Yeah.

[Marriage Counselor]

And not. It's not a way to keep secrets from each other or to keep everything separate forever. Because once y' all get married, we're gonna have one checking account. We're gonna put all of our money in this thing together. And his business may pay him a salary, and your business may pay you a salary, but it's going to go into the same account. And if it doesn't, a prenup's not going to solve that. A prenup is not a, a cover for division. Right. It's just a plan.

[Ann]

So I think his, I think his, it seems like his biggest concern. Well, he almost lost his home during his divorce or going through his divorce.

[Marriage Counselor]

And he, and if he had to.

[Ann]

Come up with so much money to.

[Marriage Counselor]

Keep it, that pain is real. The pain is real.

[Ann]

Yeah. But he can't understand it and respect that.

[Marriage Counselor]

I do. I know, but he can't hand you that cinder block and say, you carry this for me. Him getting remarried to you is him saying, okay, here we go again. I'm gonna put both feet back in the same boat. Right. Because otherwise he's going to have a foot hanging out of the boat and the whole y' all will never get out of the bay.

[Ann]

Yeah. He. He had said he would like to leave his property to his daughters.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah.

[John]

And that's okay.

[Marriage Counselor]

That's super fair and good.

[John]

Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. So. So, yeah. My thing is.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah.

[John]

And I'm with John. I'm not black and white on the issue of prenups. Usually if there's a discrepancy in wealth going into a marriage, that's one time that I'm like, I get that. This is another.

[Marriage Counselor]

If you have adult kids with assets.

[John]

Yes. Adult kids. And in a second marriage. And you know what I mean, all of that. And it's like, hey, the adult kids want. I want this to go to them because I've worked hard for this. And I mean all of that. That's. That seems fair to me. What I don't like is you not knowing exactly the. You don't know him fully and you're engaged and you're engaged to him. So that. That does worry me. And I would want to make sure that the language. That you have enough representation, if you guys do go into this and do some kind of prenup, that you have representation on your end, because it does sound like you have no debt, you have a home. You've done very well financially. He has a home, but he has debt, is what you said. You think you don't even. I don't even know if.

[Marriage Counselor]

You don't even know. You don't even know or how much.

[John]

Yeah. So. So, I mean, you could be in a better financial, you know, situation than he even is, but I would just wanna make sure you have representation on your end as well, Ann. But it would not be a. That's not. That's not the black and white issue to me. What worries me, though, is the secrets. Yeah.

[Ann]

How.

[John]

How this is coming about.

[Marriage Counselor]

Does that bother you, Ann? I'm just curious because it would. Wouldn't be able to get close to somebody if they were like, hey, you can know all of me. Let's get married. But this one part, you can't know what's in these accounts.

[Ann]

Yeah. It just. So I'm not like the kind of person. I don't. I've been almost afraid to ask Because I don't want it. I don't want to seem like I'm being nosy or.

[Marriage Counselor]

You're about. Listen, hon, you're about to be his wife.

[Ann]

Yeah.

[Marriage Counselor]

You're about to be his wife.

[Ann]

I didn't want to offend him by like, part, you know, for a while. I'm just like. I'm like, well, it's not my business.

[Marriage Counselor]

That's not. It is. You're about to become his. You're about to become his wife. What. What if he owes $20 million in. In back taxes and debt? Right? You want to know?

[John]

And Anne, you're. And I get. And I get your kindness of spirit. I can, like, feel that from you. And it's so wonderful and such a gift. But you need to have the strength to push into areas of this marriage that are uncomfortable in order for this marriage to thrive. It's not sweeping things under the ruck. And you already begun that habit. And that's not a great setup.

[Marriage Counselor]

Burying parts of yourself to keep the.

[John]

Peace and asking your fiance his money situation is not rude or weird like, that is. Do you know what I mean? You're not like, I don't know, it's like you're not asking them be like, hey, you need to move to a foreign country with me for 18 years or whatever. I don't know, something. But up and big. And you're like, oh, my gosh. What? This is just like, this is pretty basic stuff, Anne, like.

[Ann]

So can I get your opinion on something else real quick?

[John]

10 seconds. Go.

[Ann]

Okay. He has said that he doesn't, he don't. Doesn't want to move from the home that he shared with his previous wife, even after I suggest that we build a home together. I have property we can build on where I can sell my property and pay off his mortgage.

[John]

Okay.

[Ann]

And he's just like, those are not options for him. He.

[John]

You know what? I'm going to hold you because we'll answer that in the next segment. So stay on the line and we'll get right back to you.

[Marriage Counselor]

Your fiance does not want to move out of the house he shared with his ex wife for more than two decades. And you have said, I don't feel comfortable living in that house. Let's build something new. You can move into my house. I've got property. And he said, deal breaker. I stay here.

[Ann]

Pretty much. Yeah.

[Marriage Counselor]

Okay.

[Ann]

Yeah. I. But even after, I, I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm, of course I'm willing to make sacrifices. And so I I just want to get him. I don't. I want to see him out of debt. I want him to, you know, take a break. He's been working so hard all these years to, you know, to recover from the divorce, and. And so I. I even suggested I could sell my property, and. And we could use that money to pay off his mortgage, but he doesn't want to do that either. And I'm. I'm just kind of not sure where to go from here. Like, how to move.

[John]

Yeah, because that would mess up the prenup. I mean, that's you putting your assets into the asset that he's then going to give his kids, and you're not getting any part of that. Right. So that's where the whole kind of, like, it starts to be really complicated, really quick.

[Marriage Counselor]

Can I tell you what I. What I hear? And this is going to be really hard for me to say, Anne.

[Ann]

Okay.

[Marriage Counselor]

I hear a guy that likes you. I'll even go as far to say he loves you and he wants to be with you, and he sees, like, I want to be with her long term, but I don't see a guy who wants to get married.

[Ann]

I. I did ask him a couple weeks ago, just really, like, I was blunt. I'm like, are you sure you want to get married? And he said. He says, heck, yeah.

[Marriage Counselor]

Okay. But I think he has a picture of what marriage is, and you have a picture of what marriage is, and you're both using the same word, but your pict are very different. So around here at the office, we say clear is kind. I think the kindest thing y' all could do for each other is to in is exquisite detail as possible. Y' all detail out what your picture of marriage looks like. From how we talk about money to sex and intimacy, to inheritance, to wills, to one checking account. Whatever your picture of marriage is, I want you to have the courage to write it out and share it with him and ask him to do the same thing. And hopefully 80, 90% of it, it all matches. And then you're going to have to compromise, negotiate, walk away from each other. Because the other 5 or 10% is so big. Right. Or maybe it's, oh, okay, I can do that. You can do this. But y' all are both have different pictures of what this thing looks like.

[John]

Yeah. Because there is a level of sacrifice and meeting in the middle, and it sounds like he's putting up some really hard lines of even where I'm going to live here, and you got to deal with it.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah.

[John]

That's a lot.

[Marriage Counselor]

I'm going to be in there.

[John]

You know what I mean?

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah. I don't care what your values are. Yeah.

[John]

So making sure those values are aligned are huge. And so, yeah, when it comes to the housing situation, I mean, it's whatever you're comfortable with. I mean, from the math perspective, if you own a home, he owns a home. He wants you to live in his home. And if it's in the prenup that his home then goes not to you. If something happens to him, it goes to his adult kids. You need to make sure that your home then, that you. That you have the. The equity built in so that you have a place to go to. Not necessarily the home itself, but the funds and the equity that's in your home. If you do end up selling it and moving in to his home, that. That's yours. Right. So it's not fair for you to wash yours clean. He keeps all this and then keeps it if something happens in the marriage. So, yeah, if.

[Marriage Counselor]

But if two people are getting married and they both have houses and they want to sell their house, combine that money and go buy a house together, and one of them is not prenuping it away from the other person. Yeah, that's awesome. Combine everything. Y' all want to go all that's.

[John]

Usually what you do. Yeah. But he wants to keep this house for his adult kids.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah.

[John]

So it's like, okay, well, then you need to make sure that your house then is in a protection for you and. Or at least the equity in there. Right.

[Marriage Counselor]

We're just hearing over and over and you squashing what you're feeling, you squashing what you think is right. You. You molding yourself to fit into this other guy's picture of life. And I want you to have the courage, for your sake, for your kids, for your future, to write down, here's what I really want, here's what I really believe, and have the courage to share that with him and he might look at that and walk away and that you're. You're worth that risk.

[John]

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