Dave Ramsey (2:39)

And in this situation, what churns my stomach is if you go to a mortgage lender, get a, a loan for a home, there is regulatory bodies that monitor that. There's agreements, there's contracts.

Rachel Cruze (2:53)

Yes.

Dave Ramsey (2:54)

Those things guide your relationship.

Rachel Cruze (2:56)

Yes.

Dave Ramsey (2:57)

In this situation, your future father in law owns y'.

Rachel Cruze (3:01)

All.

Dave Ramsey (3:02)

He tells y' all what you're going to do, when you're going to do. Because he is your bank, he is your lender, and I'm not having that because there's no regulations to that relationship other than what he feels that day.

Rachel Cruze (3:13)

Yeah. Mixing family money.

Dave Ramsey (3:15)

And also, can I, I'll just say this on behalf of the dad in this situation. I have a 15 year old. You know what? I'm going to tell the story. Josephine and I, my daughter, she's 10, we went on, on a date the other day.

Rachel Cruze (3:25)

Yeah.

Dave Ramsey (3:26)

And after we got done eating, she said, dad, there's this cool dress shop. She didn't know this. It's the dress shop. It's anthropology back in the old school. Back og anthropology. Like I used to get my wife gift cards and we had nothing. I would save up and save up and save up and that would be like a Christmas present for her. Cuz I think their clothes are rad.

Rachel Cruze (3:44)

Yes.

Dave Ramsey (3:44)

Right. Or they were back in the day. I don't, I don't pay attention. And we went in there and there was a dress that was obnoxiously expensive. And she, she lit up and she goes, can I try this on? And I was like, you can try that on. And I was a hundred percent gonna buy it. I mean, I was like, I'm buying that for sure. I totally buying that. Like, there's no reason financially, she can't wear it. She has a uniform at her school. So I'm buying my daughter that dress.

Rachel Cruze (4:10)

Yeah.

Dave Ramsey (4:10)

And of course it was like 17 sizes too big.

Rachel Cruze (4:13)

I was gonna say little joke, but like.

Dave Ramsey (4:14)

Yeah, yeah, I get the sentiment as a parent of wanting to make sure I'm clearing the deck, I'm clearing the path for my kids as much as possible. I don't want them to struggle. I don't want them to have the same heartache I had. I, I never, my dad wouldn't have had the money because he was a policeman. Like he wouldn't have the money to buy me something even if he wanted to. And I get the impulse to want to do that. We as parents have to understand that that impulse, when taken too far, hurts our kids. It's walking into the weight room, taking all the weight off the bar and, and then wondering why they're not getting stronger.

Rachel Cruze (4:47)

Yes.

Dave Ramsey (4:47)

Or.

Rachel Cruze (4:48)

Well, that's what I was going to ask you.

Dave Ramsey (4:49)

Let me do the lift for you.

Rachel Cruze (4:50)

Because I read all this and, and sometimes I blame the parent as much in the situation as the son.

Dave Ramsey (4:55)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rachel Cruze (4:56)

So to this dad, you know, I mean, how, how hard is it or how often do you see married couples? And it's, it is like an entanglement of the son or daughter continues to listen to the parents over the spouse. Is that pretty common?

Dave Ramsey (5:09)

Super, super common. And not usually to this degree, whether your lender and they're financing your life. But even on things as strange as like someone's been married 20 years and we have to go to Thanksgiving and do it this way because my mom said that. Right. And so in a weird way, your mother in law's still running your life. Right. So that happens all over the place. We have probably have mutual friends that like still have been married, they have three kids and they still hide the wine when, you know, when mom comes over.

Rachel Cruze (5:38)

Right, right.

Dave Ramsey (5:39)

And so there comes a point when you have to say, I'm an adult. If I'm old enough to ask the question, will you marry me? Then I have to. It is, dad holds the blame here. But now that this guy said, I want you to marry me, he has to stand up, take responsibility and look at his father and say, thank you for bringing me here. I have to develop the skills and muscle and grit and resilience and responsibility to take it from here.

Rachel Cruze (6:04)

Yep.

Dave Ramsey (6:05)

And if his dad throws a temper tantrum, then he's gonna have a hard grown up decision to make. But that's the call of a new husband.

Rachel Cruze (6:13)

Yeah. And weirdly, if I'm her and he does that, and even if the dad throws the temper tantrum. Temper tantrum. I can't say that word. There's something about if the fiance continues to push through though, and continues to choose her, that shows even bigger of who he is. Right. So like, it is a little bit of this, like yes, yes, yes in it all.

Dave Ramsey (6:35)

But when you ask somebody, will you marry me? They go to number one on your list.

Rachel Cruze (6:40)

Yep.

Dave Ramsey (6:40)

Above your parents, above everything. That person anchoring into that person becomes priority yeah.

Rachel Cruze (6:46)

Okay, we got about two minutes. John, would you say from a relational standpoint, we're talking about, like, parents, child, relationship, sort of. I mean, adult child, but child. But when it comes to marriage, when we're talking about them as a couple, what do you see on your show and other places? Probably like one or two of the biggest issues that continue to, like, drive a wedge financially in a marriage.

Dave Ramsey (7:11)

I mean, the biggest one, number one, is people have my money and your money.

Rachel Cruze (7:15)

Yeah.

Dave Ramsey (7:16)

So you're 40,000. This is my 60,000. Right. Like it's $1 billion. Right. But they, they, they try to. They're driving two cars down the highway right next to each other, trying to pretend that they're in the same car and they're. They're not. Right. So that's the first one. The second one, without a doubt, is Financial Infidelity secrets. I bought this and didn't tell them. I'm going to buy this. Don't you tell your dad everything from a cup of coffee all the way to the new car, the new guitar, or. We took a call earlier about the. I'm. I'm trying to day trade with borrowed money, and I got myself. So it's secrets, it's lies, it's deception.

Rachel Cruze (7:52)

Yep. Of continuing to hide. And what's so interesting, too, about that dynamic, because I've heard people say that it's like, oh, just. Yeah, don't. Yeah, put the, Put the shopping bags away before dad gets home so that he doesn't see it. Because that means dad isn't looking at the bank statement or the credit card statement.

Dave Ramsey (8:06)

That's the other side of it. Right.

Rachel Cruze (8:07)

That's wild to me. Whenever people say that, I'm always like, but that's. So unless they have a hidden account. Right. Which is one thing. But the whole shopping. Because, I mean, this is. It's like a joke. I feel like among women, it's like, okay, if you go to Target, hide the target bags kind of thing. Which whenever I hear that, I'm always like, yes. But doesn't that show up? And isn't someone looking at the checking account? Right. And if just one person is, I give that a red flag of like, you both need to be involved in seeing what's going on. That's one reason I do love everydollar with all the transactions that come in, because Winston and I.

Dave Ramsey (8:35)

Because it pops up on each other's

Rachel Cruze (8:37)

phone and sometimes it comes up a weird name that did this yesterday. I was trying, and I screenshot it and I text them like, what is this? They go, that's insurance. And I was like, oh, shoot. Okay, there we go. I wasn't sure what that was, but it just keeps you in this rhythm and on the same page. So married couples out there, there are so many things with money that can drive a wedge, and it can be one of the reasons of divorce in America today, one of the top reasons. But it doesn't have to take your marriage, right? There are things you can do, you can work together, be on the same team, do a budget together, have a plan together, have goals together, and be in one car, like what John was saying, versus driving in two cars down the street. Be a team.

Dave Ramsey (9:11)

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.