My Fiancée Doesn't Actually Know How Wealthy I Am

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "My Fiancée Doesn't Actually Know How Wealthy I Am"

Released on June 4, 2025, The Ramsey Show Highlights episode titled "My Fiancée Doesn't Actually Know How Wealthy I Am" delves into the complexities of financial transparency within relationships. Hosted by the Ramsey Network and featuring expert insights from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze, this episode provides valuable guidance for individuals navigating financial disclosures with their significant others.

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Introduction to Nathaniel’s Situation

Nathaniel, a 26-year-old law student, initiates the conversation by sharing his impressive financial standing and impending marriage:

• [00:06] Nathaniel: "I'm 26 years old. I'm a law student. Got no debt, got a job lined up at a big corporate law firm once I graduate, and actually doing better than that. A few years ago, I inherited about a million dollars."

He emphasizes his responsible approach to managing his inheritance:

• [00:21] Nathaniel: "I treat it like a sacred gift from God. And I feel like I have a responsibility to be a really excellent steward of it."

Nathaniel reveals his engagement to a woman with no assets or liabilities, highlighting their complementary roles:

• [00:28] Nathaniel: "She wants to be a mom. I'll be a breadwinner. This seems good."

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The Central Conflict: Disclosure and Family Debt

The crux of Nathaniel’s dilemma revolves around whether to disclose his wealth to his fiancée and potentially assist her financially strained parents:

• [01:53] Rachel Cruze: "Are they asking you for help?"
• [01:56] Nathaniel: "No, I'm just thinking ahead."

Nathaniel expresses concern over managing his future in-laws' debt, contemplating the ethical implications of assistance:

• [01:53] Nathaniel: "...I could pay off their debt like literally 40 times over. Would I be a jerk not to? On the other hand... I just..."

Moreover, he admits that his fiancée is unaware of the full extent of his wealth:

• [01:56] Nathaniel: "In fact, my fiancée doesn't actually know about the full extent of my wealth. And I haven't really been sure how to explain this to her."

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Expert Advice: Transparency is Crucial

Dave Ramsey addresses the importance of honesty in Nathaniel’s relationship:

• [02:57] Dave Ramsey: "Okay, full stop. Um, you don't go another day promising to marry somebody and you're keeping secrets from them."

He underscores the necessity of trust and open communication:

• [03:07] Dave Ramsey: "You guys gotta sit down with somebody and unpack. What's going on between the two of you. She has to know what's going on in your life."

Dave criticizes the notion of withholding such significant financial information:

• [03:11] Dave Ramsey: "If you can't trust them, you don't need to be able to marry them."

Rachel Cruze echoes the sentiment, pointing out the difference between financial stability and undisclosed wealth:

• [06:24] Rachel Cruze: "You don't lead with the fact that you have $1 million that you inherited, But I don't think that you keep it a secret for as long as you have."

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Addressing Future Financial Obligations

The discussion pivots to how Nathaniel should handle his fiancée’s parents' financial troubles:

• [04:19] Dave Ramsey: "Whatever the two of you decide together that you can both work through the awkwardness on will be okay with me."

Dave advises evaluating whether assisting the parents would foster dependency or address underlying financial mismanagement:

• [05:56] Dave Ramsey: "You don't want to reward bad behavior and I'm conflicted. And I think that's a wonderful thing to discuss with your spouse."

He suggests that understanding the parents' financial patterns is crucial before deciding to help:

• [05:58] Dave Ramsey: "Is this, like a pattern? Or are we going to do it again or have we learned our lesson?"

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Evaluating the Relationship’s Foundation

Dave emphasizes that Nathaniel’s inability to discuss his wealth signifies deeper issues in the relationship:

• [07:56] Dave Ramsey: "If you can't get this to come out of your mouth because you got 73 reasons you're worried about her, then this ain't marriage material."

Rachel Cruze adds that the issue lies more with Nathaniel’s reluctance than with his fiancée:

• [07:58] Rachel Cruze: "Than her. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I feel like Nathaniel, you got. You're more of the problem here than your own."

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Conclusion: The Path Forward

The episode concludes with a clear directive for Nathaniel:

• [07:09] Rachel Cruze: "But that's a lot different than knowing somebody had just inherited a million dollars."
• [06:24] Rachel Cruze: "But I don't think that you keep it a secret for as long as you have."

Dave and Rachel collectively advocate for immediate transparency and joint decision-making regarding financial matters and familial obligations. They stress that honesty is non-negotiable for a healthy marriage and that financial discussions should be prioritized to build a solid foundation.

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Key Takeaways

1. Transparency in Relationships: Financial honesty is essential for trust and a strong marital foundation.
2. Evaluating Financial Obligations: Before assisting family members, assess the reasons behind their financial troubles to avoid enabling detrimental patterns.
3. Communication is Crucial: Couples should openly discuss their financial situations and future responsibilities to ensure alignment and mutual understanding.
4. Self-Reflection: Individuals must examine their own fears and motivations when making significant financial decisions within a relationship.

This episode serves as a compelling guide for anyone grappling with financial disclosures in their personal relationships, emphasizing the paramount importance of honesty and collaborative decision-making.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Nathaniel]

So I'm 26 years old. I'm a law student. Got no debt, got a job lined up at a big corporate law firm once I graduate, and actually doing better than that. A few years ago, I inherited about a million dollars.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow, nice.

[Nathaniel]

Yeah. This inheritance, to me, it's like I treat it like a sacred gift from God. And I feel like I have a responsibility to be a really excellent steward of it. So I'm very safe. Principal protection investment strategy for this money. It's in a trust account only. I control it. I got a financial advisor on it. Feeling good about that. Good thing One thing two, I'm getting married in a few months. I've been dating my now fiance for almost four years. She's the youngest of many siblings. She has no assets or liabilities of her own. Virtually no income potential. She's a pianist. But we're actually happy about this arrangement. She wants to be a mom. I'll be a breadwinner. This seems good. My question was about my future in laws. So her parents are retired, they actually live in China. And they lost a lot of money by mortgaging their fully paid for apartment for leverage in a risky investment, which of course failed. And there's something like $25,000 in the hole. So I guess my question is I'm thinking about how I should manage this. Like, what's the right thing to do here vis a vis my future in laws? On the one hand, their family. I could pay off their debt like literally 40 times over. Would I be a jerk not to? On the other hand, part of me doesn't really feel like using my money, soon to be our money, to help people who in retirement, mortgages are only safe asset for leverage in a single risky investment. It just.

[Rachel Cruze]

Are they asking you for help?

[Nathaniel]

No, I'm just thinking ahead. In fact, my fiance doesn't actually know about the full extent of my wealth. And I haven't really been sure how to explain this to her.

[Rachel Cruze]

Interesting. So you know this about the in laws? The in laws don't know about your wealth, nor are they asking for you to do anything about it.

[Nathaniel]

Correct.

[Rachel Cruze]

Interesting.

[Nathaniel]

I just. I'm just. Yeah. Thinking ahead. On what? Because I imagine this could come up.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, yeah. Okay. Full stop.

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[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, full stop. Um, you don't go another day promising to marry somebody and you're keeping secrets from them.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's the first thing. Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

Unhealthy, dude. Unhealthy.

[Nathaniel]

You.

[Dave Ramsey]

You guys gotta sit down with somebody and unpack. What's going on between the two of you? She has to know what's going on in your life. You don't marry somebody and, oh, surprise, right. I have a million dollars in debt. Or surprise, I have a million dollars in high yield savings accounts because I got this inheritance and I didn't want to. I didn't want to tell you. No, that doesn't work. This is somebody you're going to spend your life with, and you've got to be able to trust them. If you can't trust them, you don't need to be able to marry them. Okay, so that makes sense. We got to work on that immediately. And while you're doing that, you could just have this discussion not in the same breath, but a week later after you come clean. But then you just say, hey, I'm worried about this, and I'm a little bit conflicted. I kind of feel like I want to help. I kind of don't want anybody asking me to help. And I kind of don't want to reward bad behavior and I'm conflicted. And I think that's a wonderful thing to discuss with your spouse.

[Rachel Cruze]

Wonderful.

[Dave Ramsey]

And see what she says. And if she says, well, of course you have to help. Well, now we got another problem, right?

[Rachel Cruze]

That is a. That's a good indicator.

[Dave Ramsey]

Now we got another problem, you know, so, like, I was a friend of mine's kids were getting married and they. The. The young man was a. His mother was a single mom who didn't have any money. And the marriage counselor, the pre marriage counselor asked them what. Well, what would happen if y' all are married and have your own life and his mom gets in financial trouble and he didn't even. He just instantly said, oh, she'd move in with us. And the fiance's head spun around twice.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, I bet.

[Dave Ramsey]

And said, I don't think so.

[Rachel Cruze]

We hadn't talked about that.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't think so. You need another plan for mama.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And, you know. And you know. So that's the kind of stuff you need to get. That's really good, healthy things to be on the same page about before you go in. And then whatever the two of you decide together that you can both work through the awkwardness on will be okay with me. There's not an ethical or legal as, you know, mandate that you take care of them, but it is a small amount of money compared to the amount of money you're dealing with. And so you could reach over with absolutely no impact on your life and pay off their little debt and set them up. But you don't want to do that if they're going to turn around and do the same kind of stupid stuff again. So I want to get under the hood and find out what's broken that caused them to be stupid in the first place.

[Rachel Cruze]

And is it a track record?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Is this, like a pattern? Or are we going to do it again or have we learned our lesson? Because I did stupid stuff and went broken and never did it again as I learned my lesson. Right. And so, you know, that doesn't invalidate me.

[Rachel Cruze]

We didn't talk about this. But, Nathaniel, I mean, you're in law school. You've got this big chunk of money. Are you thinking about, like, a prenuptial agreement? Is that what's caused you to hold off on telling her this?

[Nathaniel]

Yeah, maybe I should clarify that a little bit more. I think, initially. So this came somewhat recently. It was kind of a surprise to me. I had no idea this was coming. And also, I just. There was a part of me that wanted to make sure to feel secure that she's interested in me only because of me and not the fact that I happen to have the pot of gold behind me, and I live a lifestyle which doesn't at all reflect I have the pot of gold behind me.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you can do that in about a week.

[Nathaniel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

You don't lead with the fact that you have $1 million that you inherited, But I don't think that you keep it a secret for as long as you have.

[Nathaniel]

Right? Yeah. I mean, she knows I'm not suffering. She knows I've never been struggling for money.

[Rachel Cruze]

Right. But that's a lot different than knowing somebody had just inherited a million dollars.

[Dave Ramsey]

Those are two complete. You guys need to sit down this in the next 24 hours and talk about this. Dude, if you can't talk to her about this because of this or this or this or this or this. And you got 73 reasons you don't need to marry this girl. Because, dude, I mean, you're going to be swapping unbelievable tragedies over the next 40 years together. Unbelievable blessings over the next 40 years together. And if you can't get. You can't even get this to come out of your mouth because you got 73 reasons you're worried about her, then this ain't marriage material. Dude, you got to get this straight. No. No, you do not. If you have to deceive someone because you're worried about their authenticity, we. We don't marry them.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, honestly, that's more on his authenticity.

[Dave Ramsey]

I know.

[Rachel Cruze]

Than her. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I feel like Nathaniel, you got. You're more of the problem here than your own.

[Dave Ramsey]

Than they are. Yeah. Yeah. Nine out of ten, Nathaniel needs to come clean. One out of ten. Pay off the 25K or don't. Yeah. That's how this weighs out on this call. Create your free Every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.