My Fiancée Makes More Money Than I will Ever Make

Summary

Episode Summary: "My Fiancée Makes More Money Than I Will Ever Make"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Ramsey Network
Release Date: August 2, 2025

In this insightful episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a heartfelt conversation unfolds between the hosts and a concerned caller grappling with the dynamics of his upcoming marriage. The episode delves deep into themes of financial insecurity, Christian leadership within marriage, and the emotional aspects of relationships where traditional roles are reversed.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Financial Disparity in Engagement

The episode begins with a caller seeking guidance on a sensitive issue: his fiancée earns significantly more than he does. At 00:11, he shares:

"I probably struggle with it more than she ever thinks about it, but how do I be a dutiful Christian husband and a leader of the family when she makes substantially more than I do."

His concern revolves around his ability to fulfill traditional roles of leadership and provision in a relationship where he feels financially inadequate.

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Hosts Address Traditional Roles and Insecurity

Host 1 immediately responds with humor to lighten the mood:

"You can't. You have to make more money than her." (00:34)

Realizing the seriousness of the caller’s concern, Host 2 provides reassurance:

"She's not marrying you for the money. She's doing it because she loves you. So that will never be an issue. Whether you make a dollar or a million dollars, it's chump change to her world." (01:26)

He further emphasizes that scripture does not mandate that a husband must earn more than his wife, challenging the caller’s ingrained insecurities.

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Redefining Leadership: Service Over Supremacy

Host 1 delves into the true meaning of Christian leadership, stressing that it’s about service rather than financial dominance:

"Leadership is about service. It's not about dollars, and it's not about muscles. It's about service." (02:45)

He explains that being a leader in a Christian marriage involves providing emotional support, creating a safe space, and sharing responsibilities, rather than adhering to outdated notions of financial supremacy.

Practical Support and Shared Responsibilities

The conversation shifts to practical aspects of the relationship. The caller mentions his involvement in financial management alongside his fiancée:

"I've recently taken over managing some of the money. I've got my Series 7 and 66." (03:40)

Host 1 reinforces that provision can take various forms beyond just financial, such as providing stability and handling household responsibilities:

"You're going to provide a safe place to land. You're going to provide stability. You might provide laundry service." (04:06)

This perspective helps the caller see value in his contributions that aren't solely financial.

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Emotional and Psychological Support

Host 1 addresses the caller’s deeper emotional struggles, highlighting the common insecurities men face regarding their self-worth:

"Most men, if you ask them, they define themselves, they answer the question, what are you worth? With a number? Because that's all they have left." (06:51)

He encourages the caller to decouple his identity from his income and recognize that his worth is based on love and personal relationships, not monetary value.

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Building a Support System and Moving Forward

The caller shares his efforts to build a support network through church groups and friendships:

"Recently joined a church group. Have been going amazing for a long time." (07:31)

Host 1 advises finding trustworthy male friends to openly discuss fears and insecurities, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability:

"You're going to have to find a couple of men that you can be honest with in your life because men die from keeping secrets." (07:45)

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Encouragement to Embrace Love and Commitment

In a final uplifting message, Host 1 urges the caller to embrace his fiancée’s love and take the next step in their relationship without being hindered by financial worries:

"You're worth more than your bank account, my brother. You're a good man and it's an honor to know you." (08:11)

This affirmation serves as a powerful reminder that personal value and love transcend financial standings.

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Key Takeaways

1. Redefining Leadership: Leadership in marriage is about service, emotional support, and shared responsibilities, not merely financial provision.
2. Self-Worth Beyond Money: Personal value should be based on relationships and love rather than financial earnings.
3. Building Support Systems: Engaging with supportive communities and honest friendships is crucial for overcoming insecurities.
4. Embracing Love and Commitment: Trusting in the relationship and prioritizing mutual love can help alleviate fears related to financial disparities.

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This episode offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating non-traditional financial dynamics in relationships, providing listeners with valuable insights and encouragement to prioritize love and mutual support over societal expectations.

Transcript

[Sponsor]

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[Caller]

Wonderful lady about 6 years ago and obviously marriage has come up and that's the next step of progression. And my main question is, I probably struggle with it more than she ever thinks about it, but how do I be a dutiful Christian husband and a leader of the family when she makes substantially more than I do?

[Host 1]

You can't. You have to make more money than her.

[Caller]

Yeah, I know.

[Host 1]

I'm totally kidding, man.

[Caller]

No, I get that.

[Host 2]

What is the gap? Out of curiosity.

[Caller]

So I've always done well for myself, or at least thought I did until I met her. I make about 200, 220.

[Host 2]

Loser.

[Host 1]

Oh, you just like phoned it in, dude.

[Caller]

I know. I need to. I need to work on tripling that at least. But no, she's somewhere in the three and a half to four million a year.

[Host 2]

What.

[Host 1]

What does she do?

[Caller]

They own an insurance company and a myriad of other. I always tell her her business empire, it's a lot of things, but it's all related around insurance.

[Host 1]

And any chance she's taking applications? Because.

[Caller]

All right, so I've actually helped out a lot with the different businesses and whatnot because I'm in financial services myself.

[Host 2]

Oh, nice. Well, here's news. She's not marrying you for the money. She's doing it because she loves you. So that will never be an issue. Whether you make a dollar or a million dollars, it's chump change to her world. But here's the other thing I. There. I've never read a piece of scripture that has told me the husband must make more than the wife or else you're not a dutiful husband. So I don't know where that came from. I'm sure it's just years of, you know, church repression.

[Host 1]

No, this is your insecurity, bro. And you're going to have to decide that this woman loves me and I'm worth being loved for my measly quarter of a million dollar salary that I make this, this whole. Dude, I. I can go on a whole rant about this. We could talk for an hour about this. But this idea of Christian leadership is not about me sitting at the top of some throne. That's not leadership. What that's referring to is. And if you read the whole scripture section, think of it this way, it is you choosing to get underneath the squat rack and get underneath the whole thing. Leadership is about service. It's not about dollars, and it's not about muscles. It's about service. And so you're. You'll be the chief service officer of this family. And that might mean I'm going to lay down my life. In this current world, it doesn't. Sometimes in this current world, protecting and providing means I'm going to protect my wife's spirit and her time. I'm going to provide a listening ear and I'm going to provide a safe space for her to crash because she's running 17 companies at once. It's this whole just beefcake magoo illusion that. That Instagram and YouTube is shoved down our throat. It's not leadership. And if you ask, I'm trying to think of the wealthiest guy. Now, if you ask Sharon Ramsey, Dave's wife, she'll tell you they make. And I have been in the room when Sharon makes a decision on something, that doesn't make Dave not a leader. That makes him a person who serves his wife and he, quote, unquote, makes the money. But they have created a household that they work at together. George and his wife are in the same boat. Me and my wife are in the same boat.

[Caller]

Yeah. And, you know, she's been really great about. Completely open about everything. I know about everything with the finances. In fact, I recently, in the last two or three years have taken taking over, like managing some of the money. I've got my Series 7 and 66, so.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Caller]

It's just growing up and, you know, prior relationships have always been the provider. And then I run into her and it's like, oh, you've got this cute job here. Here's what I've got going on.

[Host 1]

And by the way, you're still going to provide. It's just going to look different than the Internet says it is. You're going to provide a safe place to land. You're going to provide stability. You might provide laundry service. You might provide all sorts of different things, but you are the chief service officer. That's what leadership is. It's not. I get my way because I have bigger muscles and I make more money. That's just a nonsensical bastardization of a really amazing scripture.

[Host 2]

Also realize that we take a lot of calls in the show where the husband makes more than the wife and they're terrible husbands and they're terrible dads. So there's no correlation between that. Now, can you provide. Yeah, absolutely. That's an important factor to any future mate, is can you be a good partner in this journey of life and provide for our family, money is a part of that. But you guys are. This is not even a part of that equation. I mean, you guys are doing so well that it's not even a concern. And so I want to get to the real root behind that. Aside from the money, what are your fears about marrying her?

[Caller]

I don't have any fears. It's exactly what you all talked about. It's the psychological thing of. I was married prior for many years, and we have a grown daughter together, and I've just been used to, like, that's what the husband does. You provide, and that's what I did. And running into this situation, like I said, everything's been completely open and honest. And she's wonderful. In fact, she lets me take care of everything. I don't. I would rather her not mess with anything around the house. If the. The sink breaks, I'll either fix it or we'll get.

[Host 1]

Okay, can I interrupt you here up to here?

[Caller]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Host 1]

This is. This is. I'm letting loose a secret from our secret men's meeting that we all ATT on Monday night.

[Host 2]

I didn't get the invite to that.

[Host 1]

Exactly. You have a used Prius into French bulldogs, so you're not invited yet. But here's the thing. I don't know personally, a dad who, if they're being honest, thinks they're crushing it. And I honestly, if I'm really honest, I don't know a husband that, when pushed, would say, I really think I'm doing a good job. And there's this meta. Message that's we've all inhaled. It's the air we breathe for the last 50 years, that. That our very. Our very essence is somehow poisonous. It's toxic, our being. And if you're coming off a divorce, coming off raising a daughter, you've got this in spades. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah. It's just been me for the last eight, seven, eight years.

[Host 1]

So beneath all of this thing, most men, if you ask them, they define themselves, they answer the question, what are you worth? With a number? Because that's all they have left.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Host 1]

And now you found a woman who says, no, no, no, no, no. I don't care about your money. I pick you. And you don't believe it.

[Caller]

That's probably true.

[Host 1]

And so. No, it is true, bro, because we're all in the same boat, even George. And so here's the thing. At some point, you're gonna have to exhale and accept this. That this woman chose you. And you're gonna have to decouple your identity from a number and say the only answer to the question what are you worth? Is who do you love and who loves you, period. Does your daughter love you? You're in the best you could with her.

[Caller]

Yeah, she calls me all the time. It gets annoying sometimes and she just.

[Host 1]

Wants to, as it always does. Good. That's awesome. Do you have a couple of ride or die guy friends that you call and reach out to?

[Caller]

Yes. Recently joined a church group. Have been going amazing for a long time. So amazing. That's been helpful.

[Host 1]

Amazing.

[Caller]

I don't really disclose all that, but.

[Host 1]

I know you don't. I know you don't. You're going to have to find a couple of men that you can be honest with in your life because men die from keeping secrets. It melts them from the inside out. And then at some point, you have to get the courage up. Forget the dollar amount. You're going to have to go get a ring and ask this woman to marry you if that's what you want to do.

[Host 2]

I would have done that like six.

[Host 1]

Months ago, four years ago for me. But hey, here we are, six years into it.

[Host 2]

Go get your spreadsheet ready. Let's figure out what ring we're going to get. Let's go ring shopping.

[Host 1]

You're worth more than your bank account, my brother. You're a good man and it's an honor to know you.

[Sponsor]

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