My Girlfriend And I Are $250,000 In Debt

Summary

Summary of "My Girlfriend And I Are $250,000 In Debt"

Episode Release Date: May 17, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Featured Experts: Dave Ramsey, Jade Warshaw

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Introduction: Gabriel's Debt Concerns

The episode begins with Gabriel reaching out to seek financial advice regarding his and his girlfriend's substantial student debt. At the outset, Gabriel expresses significant stress over their combined debt totaling $250,000, highlighting the strains it is placing on their relationship and future plans.

Gabriel [00:06]: "I'm a bit stressed out right now. My girlfriend and I are in immense amount of student debt, and I fear it's creating some burdens on me right now."

Breaking Down the Debt

Dave Ramsey assists Gabriel in quantifying their debt, revealing that both he and his girlfriend individually owe $120,000 each. This revelation underscores the gravity of their combined financial burden.

Dave Ramsey [00:34]: "And so if we combine this, we got a quarter of a million."

Gabriel, aged 23, details their educational backgrounds, with both holding degrees in architecture—his being a Master's and hers a Bachelor's.

Gabriel [01:12]: "I have a Master's of architecture. She has a Bachelor's of Architecture."

The Master's Degree Debate

A pivotal point in the discussion is the necessity of Gabriel's girlfriend pursuing a Master's degree. Dave Ramsey questions the necessity of an advanced degree in their field, suggesting that it may not be essential for success.

Dave Ramsey [01:18]: "Why do you need a Master's in Architecture to be able to be an architect? You don't. You set the pass the bar."

This prompts Gabriel to admit that pursuing the Master's was not a strategic financial decision but rather influenced by his debt-free status during his undergraduate studies.

Gabriel [02:01]: "That's what I've been trying to tell her. And honestly, it was the wrong choice for me."

Financial Alignment in Relationships

Jade Warshaw delves into the complexities of Gabriel and his girlfriend viewing their financial situation as a unified partnership, despite not being married or formally engaged. She emphasizes the importance of individual financial health before intertwining finances with a partner.

Jade Warshaw [03:18]: "But the truth is, you're dating, you're not engaged, you're certainly not married yet. You really don't know what's going to happen on down the road."

Dave Ramsey reinforces this by highlighting the critical nature of aligning financial principles to ensure a stable relationship.

Dave Ramsey [04:16]: "Couples that can agree on the principles of how we're going to handle money going forward... have an unbelievably high probability statistically of making it in their marriage."

Impact of Living with Parents

The conversation shifts to the living arrangements, with Gabriel and his girlfriend residing with Gabriel's parents. Jade points out that this cohabitation complicates their ability to make independent financial decisions and can lead to entanglements that exacerbate financial and relational stress.

Jade Warshaw [07:03]: "You've intertwined your life like that and then something like this comes to threaten to derail it."

Dave Ramsey further explains that living separately could provide a clearer perspective on their financial situation and individual responsibilities.

Dave Ramsey [08:13]: "If you all were standalone right now, each of you had an apartment, and each of you had a life, you'd be looking at this through a different set of eyes."

Parental Involvement and Unintended Consequences

The role of Gabriel's parents in their financial predicament is scrutinized. Dave Ramsey critiques the parents' decision to allow Gabriel's girlfriend to live with them, suggesting it was well-intentioned but ultimately counterproductive.

Dave Ramsey [07:24]: "Moms and dads... sometimes when you're trying to do something nice, you create a bigger mess."

Conclusion: Path Forward

In closing, Dave Ramsey offers candid advice to Gabriel. He emphasizes the necessity of financial alignment and the need for Gabriel and his girlfriend to have an honest conversation about their debt and future plans. If they cannot align on financial principles, Dave suggests reconsidering their relationship to avoid further financial strain.

Dave Ramsey [08:49]: "If she can't get aligned on this with you, don't go forward, honey. Go ahead and call it now."

Jade echoes the sentiment, highlighting the challenges posed by their current living and financial situation, and encourages Gabriel to prioritize his financial well-being and personal goals.

Jade Warshaw [08:51]: "That's right."

Key Takeaways

1. Assessing the Necessity of Further Education: Before incurring additional debt, evaluate whether an advanced degree is essential for career advancement and financial stability.

2. Financial Alignment in Relationships: Ensure that both partners share the same financial principles and goals to foster a stable and enduring relationship.

3. Independent Financial Management: Living separately can provide clearer insights into individual financial habits and responsibilities, reducing potential conflicts.

4. Parental Involvement: While supportive, parental assistance can sometimes complicate financial matters. It's crucial to consider the long-term implications of such arrangements.

5. Transparent Communication: Open and honest discussions about debt and financial goals are vital for navigating financial challenges within a relationship.

6. Making Difficult Decisions: If alignment on financial matters is unattainable, it may be necessary to reassess the relationship to prevent further financial burdens.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Gabriel [00:06]: "I'm a bit stressed out right now. My girlfriend and I are in immense amount of student debt..."

• Dave Ramsey [01:18]: "Why do you need a Master's in Architecture to be able to be an architect? You don't."

• Jade Warshaw [03:18]: "You're dating, you're not engaged, you're certainly not married yet."

• Dave Ramsey [04:16]: "Couples that can agree on the principles of how we're going to handle money going forward... have an unbelievably high probability statistically of making it in their marriage."

• Dave Ramsey [08:49]: "If she can't get aligned on this with you, don't go forward, honey. Go ahead and call it now."

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This episode serves as a crucial reminder of the importance of financial responsibility, especially in the early stages of a relationship. By highlighting the potential pitfalls of accruing significant debt without a clear, shared financial plan, Ramsey and Warshaw provide valuable insights for listeners navigating similar challenges.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Gabriel]

I'm a bit stressed out right now. My girlfriend and I are in immense amount of student debt, and I fear it's creating some burdens on me right now.

[Dave Ramsey]

You and your girlfriend might each have debt, but we don't have debt. We aren't married. So how much debt do you have?

[Gabriel]

I have 120,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

And how much debt does she have?

[Gabriel]

120,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so if we combine this, we got a quarter of a million. How old are you? 2?

[Gabriel]

23 years old.

[Dave Ramsey]

So if you get married, you got a whole world of hurt going on, huh?

[Gabriel]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that's stressing you out?

[Gabriel]

Extremely.

[Dave Ramsey]

Now I'm caught up. What's your question?

[Gabriel]

She wants to get her masters. And I'll add 50,000 more debt to our student loans.

[Jade]

To her student loans?

[Gabriel]

To her student loans? Yes.

[Jade]

Are you engaged?

[Gabriel]

No.

[Jade]

Okay, maybe she.

[Dave Ramsey]

Maybe she's not the one.

[Gabriel]

I don't know, Dave.

[Dave Ramsey]

I do.

[Jade]

What's the degrees in?

[Gabriel]

I have a Master's of architecture. She has a Bachelor's of Architecture.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why do you need a Master's in Architecture to be able to be an architect? You don't. You set the pass the bar.

[Gabriel]

Exactly.

[Dave Ramsey]

You know, I use an architect to build this building, which is. I don't know. We've got about $400 million in this project. I guess. I have no idea if any of the architects have a Master's. So far, it hadn't fallen down since 19. Since 2019. So I think we're okay. But we did have Certified Architects, one of the top architectural firms in the area. But I have no idea if they had masters or not. I didn't ask. Also didn't ask where they went to school. Point being, you don't have to have a Master to be a successful architect. Hello.

[Gabriel]

That's what I've been trying to tell her. And honestly, it was the wrong choice for me. The only reason I got it is because my undergrad degree, I was debt free.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm not calling you dumb. I'm just forgetting it. I'm just saying you don't have to have it to be successful. And if you don't have to have it to be successful, and you're already $120,000 in debt, young lady. Then, young lady, it's not smart to go another 50 gr debt to get something you don't need to be successful. That's silly.

[Gabriel]

I agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Jade]

Can I ask a question? What caused you to. What what caused you to be okay with your debt and then suddenly not okay with her debt, I guess is my question.

[Dave Ramsey]

Because she wants to add more.

[Gabriel]

Because right now I see us as being on an equal playing field and we'll be able to get rid of the debt as a team. She does live with me. Live with me and my parents.

[Jade]

Interesting. Okay, there's a lot of twists and turns in this conversation and, and it no wonder you keep viewing it as ours because you guys have set up a situation where you're pretending that that is the case and so that I can understand why you're going along with that. But the truth is, the truth is you're dating, you're not engaged, you're certainly not married yet. You really don't know what's going to happen on down the road. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be la focused on what I'm doing with my life and my money going forward. I think that's the best thing you can do.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, and here's the thing. Here's what we're coming, here's where we're coming from. We're not, we're being a little bit sarcastic and flippant with your love life here, but the truth is that couples that can agree on the principles of how we're going to handle money going forward, including the issues of saving, the issues of generosity, the issues of going into debt, the issues that we're going to be on a budget and we're going to tell all our money what to do, we're going to be in agreement on that. We both get a vote. Couples that do that have an unbelievably high probability statistically of making it in their marriage, their marriage sticking. Okay. And so here's some data for you that's very interesting. You've heard this phrase, Gabriel, that 50% of the marriages end in divorce, right?

[Gabriel]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's not true by the way. It's an inaccurate statistic. When you actually get into it here, it gets very weird, okay? If you graduate, both graduate from college, if you both make $50,000 a year or more, if both of your parents are still married, which is not a control something you can control. The other things are things you can control. If you have a four year degree, in other words, and you're making money and both your parents are still married and you're in agreement on how money's going to be handled and you're in agreement about religion and you're in agreement about kids, how many we think we're going to have and how they're going to be treated. Are the inmates going to run the asylum or the parents? And how are we going to deal with in laws, the extended parent problem, and so forth? If you can get an agreement on those four things and you graduate from school and again, you're aligned, which you're not, by the way. Okay, but if you're aligned on all of those things and you both graduate from school and you both have good incomes, you have like a 90% probability this marriage is going to work. So you can control the situation you get into. It's not like randomly marriages just end. No, we. We sign up for stuff that didn't have a chance. So if you get married, I mean, if you have babies before you get married, you lower the chance of your marriage lasting. Statistically, if you have babies before you get out of high school, your statistical probability of making is almost zero. It's almost zero. You can do it. Some people do. There's. And there's exceptions you can point to, and that's a wonderful thing that they did make it. But statistically, if you want to design a life that causes your marriage to work, that's not the way you design it.

[Jade]

Right? That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

The data tells you, don't do that. Okay, so that's what you're facing here, and that's what is giving Jade and I pause. And that's why I jokingly said maybe she's not the one. But he really wasn't that much of a joke, Gabe. So you guys need to sit down and say, all right, are we going to get aligned on this? Because I'm not okay with this. I'm freaking out that we have a quarter of a million dollars. If we get married, we have to take. And you're with a wink and a nod going and get a master's degree. You don't have to have to be successful in the architectural field. I'm not okay with that, babe. Now let's talk that through and see how that works. Right?

[Jade]

That's right. That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And see how it's not.

[Jade]

The hard part is she's ensconced in the life now. She's. I mean, they're living with the parents. And that, that's, that's the hard part of this whole entire thing is when you intertwine your life like that and then something like this comes to threaten to derail it.

[Dave Ramsey]

It.

[Jade]

You're more likely to stay in a situation that maybe is not all that you want To. Because it's so tangled together, and it's like, well, if I say this, then what happens? Does she move out? Do I move out and you create.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it's your parents. She moves out. That's how that works.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Moms and dads. Keep in mind, sometimes when you're trying to do something nice, you create a bigger mess. And this. These parents are. They create a bigger mess. Yeah. I'll just bring her on in.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. See how that works out. Yeah, That's. Man, y' all, this is just.

[Jade]

Let me tell you something, Dave. If I said, you don't think.

[Dave Ramsey]

You don't think Sam's gonna say that?

[Jade]

If I said, mom, dad, can Sam Warshaw come live in the house with us and be my boyfriend? I'd be on the moon.

[Dave Ramsey]

Y' all would.

[Jade]

It'd be Unsolved Mysteries.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, yeah, and we wouldn't. We would never have found the body on Sam either.

[Jade]

Okay. We'd be off this earth.

[Dave Ramsey]

You do what you say. Say what, child?

[Jade]

Off the. I'm telling you, no trace. Gone without a trace.

[Dave Ramsey]

Of 48 hours mystery.

[Jade]

I know. Date line.

[Dave Ramsey]

That is absolutely no mystery at all.

[Jade]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

We know what happened.

[Jade]

We know what happened. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

You know why? You know why? Because he knows the numbers.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Because he's got good. You don't have to know these numbers statistically like I do to have good walking around sense and say, this doesn't work. So. Gabriel, you got a mess on your hands, buddy. I'm sorry. And so. And your mom and dad added to it by inviting her in there. So, you guys, if you all were standalone right now, each of you had an apartment, and each of you had a life, you'd be looking at this through a different set of eyes.

[Jade]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

It would change the whole conversation. That's what they've messed up. They thought they were doing something nice by furnishing housing, and it's cheaper. I mean, the kids can save some money. Yeah. You weren't thinking about all the other unintended consequences of these decisions. So. Yeah. Gabriel, if she can't get aligned on this with you, don't go forward, honey. Go ahead and call it now. If you can get aligned, then y' all work through the rest of the crap we just talked about, and you can probably make it. That's what I would tell you. I'm sorry. That's kind of harsh. But that is where we are. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.