My Girlfriend Borrowed Money and Still Hasn't Paid Me Back (She Owes Me $1,700)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Girlfriend Borrowed Money and Still Hasn't Paid Me Back (She Owes Me $1,700)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Description: The Ramsey Show Highlights offers a concise, daily burst of life and financial advice in under ten minutes. Featuring insights from experts like Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Delony, George Kamel, and Jade Warshaw, it's part of the Ramsey Network and is available seven days a week.
• Episode: My Girlfriend Borrowed Money and Still Hasn't Paid Me Back (She Owes Me $1,700)
• Release Date: July 3, 2025

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Overview

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the hosts delve into a listener's concern about a romantic relationship complicated by unpaid borrowed money. Randy from Delaware shares his predicament of loaning $1,700 to his girlfriend, who has yet to repay him after nine months. As a single father grappling with significant debt and recent personal loss, Randy seeks advice on how to address this sensitive issue without jeopardizing his relationship.

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Listener's Concern

[00:10] B: "Today's question comes from Randy in Delaware. He says, I've been seeing a lady for over a year and she has borrowed over seventeen hundred dollars from me that she has not paid back..."

Randy outlines his financial struggles, emphasizing his role as a single parent with substantial debt following his wife's passing. Despite his serious intentions toward the relationship, the unpaid loan has become a source of stress and uncertainty.

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Expert Discussion

Emotional Impact and Relationship Dynamics

[01:01] B: "There are two parts to this, Randy. There's two parts to this. A, you lent her the money... The secondary risk is that because they don't repay it or even if they do, it will affect the relationship in some adverse way."

The hosts discuss the inherent risks of lending money within a romantic relationship. They highlight the potential for financial disputes to breed resentment and undermine the foundation of trust essential for a healthy partnership.

Perception of Commitment

[02:10] A: "If you think you're going to be two instead of one? Come on."

The conversation shifts to the perception that Randy may be investing emotionally in the relationship with the expectation that his financial support will cement their bond. The hosts suggest that this expectation can be unrealistic and may lead to disappointment.

Financial Boundaries in Relationships

[07:12] B: "I would agree with that. I am a... I think that if you would like to give someone money and you have the money to give, you should give it... sometimes you can't give it."

Emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries, the experts advise against mixing finances with romantic relationships unless both parties are comfortable and financially secure enough to do so without strain.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:54] A: "I'm going to tell you, okay? I'm going to talk to Randy like I would be talking to Randy if he showed up here and we had a cup of coffee."

  Insight: Approaches the conversation as a personal, empathetic discussion rather than a formal advice session.

• [03:00] B: "I don't even imagine being in that position."

  Insight: Reflects the difficulty in understanding the emotional and financial strain Randy is experiencing.

• [05:07] A: "He needs to marry this woman."

  Insight: Initially suggests that marriage might resolve the financial dispute, though this is later reconsidered.

• [07:49] B: "Don't do it. Ever. It muddies any relationship, whether it's romantic or any kind of relationship."

  Insight: Strongly advises against lending money within relationships due to the potential for complications.

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Insights and Conclusions

1. Avoid Mixing Finances with Romance: The primary takeaway is the strong recommendation against lending money to romantic partners. Financial transactions can blur the lines of personal relationships, leading to mistrust and resentment.

2. Establish Clear Boundaries: Before entering a financial arrangement with a partner, it's crucial to have transparent discussions about repayment plans and the impact on the relationship should repayment not occur.

3. Assess the Risk of Lending: Understanding that lending money always carries the risk of non-repayment is vital. Individuals should consider whether they can afford to lose the money without jeopardizing their financial stability or emotional well-being.

4. Emotional Preparedness: Beyond the financial implications, lending money can strain the emotional dynamics of a relationship. Being prepared to address potential feelings of bitterness or disappointment is essential.

5. Seek Alternative Solutions: If financial support is necessary, exploring alternatives such as gifts without the expectation of repayment or supporting through non-monetary means can preserve relationship integrity.

6. Personal Financial Stability: Randy's situation underscores the importance of personal financial health. Lending money when already in debt or financially vulnerable can exacerbate stress and complicate personal relationships.

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Final Advice

The hosts conclude by reiterating that lending money within a relationship is fraught with challenges and often not worth the potential fallout. They advise Randy to consider the broader implications for his relationship and personal well-being, emphasizing the value of maintaining clear financial boundaries to foster healthy, lasting partnerships.

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For more insights and daily advice on life and money, tune into The Ramsey Show Highlights—your quick, daily dose of expert guidance from the Ramsey Network.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by why refi refinance your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey.

[B]

Today's question comes from Randy in Delaware. He says, I've been seeing a lady for over a year and she has borrowed over seventeen hundred dollars from me that she has not paid back. I'm Randy. Ooh. I'm a single father with over $20,000 in debt. My wife passed away and I'm living on just my salary. I have a 9 year old son and my daughter is 24. I am serious about this lady, but it bothers me that she has not fulfilled her promise to pay back my $1700 after nine months. How do I approach her about this concern?

[A]

Randy, listen. Oh, man, Randy, sometimes I read these.

[B]

Questions ahead of time and sometimes I don't because I just want to feel the impact in the moment.

[A]

What are you feeling right now?

[B]

Feeling impacted?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How? Well, it's two parts to this, Randy. There's two parts to this. A, you lent her the money. And whenever you loan money, there's always a risk, right? There's a risk that the person's not going to repay it. That's the biggest risk. And then the secondary risk is that because they don't repay it or even if they do, it will affect the relationship in some adverse way. Right? Those are the two biggies of why we say don't loan money. And you hit the nail on the head on both of them. Number one, she's kind of being a scrub and not paying the money back. And how are you supposed to feel good about this relationship? Because now it has the ability to create like a little bit of bitterness. You take her out on a. Randy takes, let's call her, you know, Sheila. Randy takes Sheila out on a date. Let's call her Sally. Randy takes Sally out on a date. He's not going to feel good about picking up her steak dinner. He's already.

[A]

I'm going to tell you, okay? I'm going to talk to Randy like I would be talking to Randy if he showed up here and we had a cup of coffee. I would look at Randy and I'd say, randy, I'm going to tell you what the problem is. You are serious about this woman, Sally, aren't you? He'd go, yeah, I'm serious about it. I go, yeah. And she knows it, doesn't she? And he would go, she knows it. She's not paying the 1700 back ever. Because Sally. Is that her name?

[B]

Sally.

[A]

Sally, Sally, Sheila.

[B]

Sally ride.

[A]

Sally is banking on closing the deal.

[B]

What you think?

[A]

I know. I know what's going on. He has made her feel like she's the one. He told us in a simple email that he is serious about her. She knows he's serious. She thinks the 1700 is already their money and he's gonna forgive it because he's gonna put a ring on.

[B]

I don't know. Sally could be a rolling stone. Be a rolling stone. That's like, hey, Sally is. I'm just here for a little while.

[A]

All right, let me flip this for a second. I might get in trouble for this with you, but I'm gonna do it.

[B]

Okay. Get in trouble.

[A]

If you and Sam were dating, okay, this is not you and Sam. Real life, but this is you and Sam.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

This is male, female.

[B]

Got you. Got you. And I'm with you.

[A]

Sam loaned you $1,700 and you had not paid it back. Same deal, nine months. You're a human being. This isn't a Jade or Sally. This is a human being and a woman who feels like her man is serious about her. Are you going to be in a hurry? Is any woman going to be in a hurry to pay the $1700 back?

[B]

I think if I really was.

[A]

Do you think that you guys are going to be an item and get married?

[B]

If I was on, like, if I was dating Sam, that means I'm like, I've got respect. And not that I would ever do this, but if I had borrowed money, I feel like it's a great opportunity for me to.

[A]

If you think he's going to pop the question.

[B]

I am.

[A]

You're going to pay that back if you think you're going to be two instead of one? Come on.

[B]

It's hard. It's hard for me to put myself in that position because I can't even imagine being in that position.

[A]

I'm going to tell you what's going on. This woman feels like I think he's in love with her. And because he's in love with her, she doesn't have to pay the money back because it's their money. There's a guy in the lobby with his thumb up in the air. He knows I'm spitting truth right now.

[B]

But then why would they even, like.

[A]

That'S why he should have never lent her.

[B]

But why would they even come up with those terms if they were on. On that level at that point? It's just like, terms. Well, he's clearly saying, like, she was supposed to pay it off within a. Within a term because it's been after. No, past nine months.

[A]

No, it wasn't a term. He's saying, he's saying here it's been nine months. Where's my money, honey? Yeah, the problem is she said to him in a moment of weakness, I need 17.

[B]

But my point is this. My point is he gave it to.

[A]

Her and now she's never going to pay.

[B]

Can you don't go 2015 Rihanna talking about pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot to the woman you love and want to marry. You don't do that.

[A]

I know that's what. Well, but that's the point I'm making. He needs to reconcile the fact he's never getting this money.

[B]

That.

[A]

So he needs to close the deal. Close the deal and then get rid of the resentment or it's going to end badly. Is what I'm getting at. My point is, is I'm not throwing shade at Sally Sheila or whatever you called her. I'm saying I think this is a pretty typical human behavior when you're in a pretty close relationship that's she's. He's the last person she's thinking about paying back. Oh, here's my other point.

[B]

Borrow money.

[A]

And I know, yeah, he's already done it. So I'm saying to him, pal, you need to marry this woman.

[B]

I think I'm. I'm just going out here because he's.

[A]

Not getting the money back.

[B]

Okay. I'm the exact opposite. I think she's a rolling stone. I think that he's vulnerable and because he's gone through a lot and found a nice looking lady and she might. Is taking a little bit of advantage, but she has no.

[A]

And would you also. Okay. Would you also agree she probably has other debts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That are much bigger than what she owes this poor.

[B]

That's why I'm saying he's never getting the money back.

[A]

Okay. That's all I'm saying. He's not getting it.

[B]

He getting it.

[A]

Hands up if you agree with me in the lobby. Look at this. This is really time.

[B]

You guys are really giving this lady a lot of credit. I'm giving her zero credit.

[A]

I'm just saying she's not. She's never paying it back. That's what they agree.

[B]

No, she's not like, I agree she's never paying it back, but I also don't think they're getting married. Raise your hand if you think they're gonna actually end up getting married. Okay, see, there you go. There you go.

[A]

Well, now in this Case he. Boy, now this changes everything. See, I wasn't even going that far down the road. I was telling him to cut his losses.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But now if, like, they cut their relationship losses, he needs to do that sooner rather than later.

[B]

Agree.

[A]

But I think he's smitten.

[B]

Yeah, well, she's shown a piece of. I feel like she's. If. If what you're saying is true, I feel like she's shown a piece of herself because there's a little integrity there. Because they're not married yet. He hasn't even proposed yet. Because be one thing, if it was his fiance, he doesn't even propose. If you borrow money, you should pay it back, whether it be to credit card company, your grandma, you know, whoever it is, if you borrow money, pay it.

[A]

But relationship one on one here, you shouldn't even borrow money or lend money to your fiance. You would agree with that?

[B]

I would agree with that. I am a. Like, I have a hard line on that. I think that if you would like to give someone money and you have the money to give, you should give it. In his case, it doesn't even sound like he didn't. He clearly did not have the money to give. That's why he made it alone. And I think that's. When you get into hot water, is if you don't have it to give, sometimes you can't give it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's just hard. You know, when people you love are.

[A]

Asking, if Stacy and I were dating and she asked me for money, I'd say, honey, you got to marry me because it's all yours at that point anyway. Until then, I'm not loaning you a nickel. I mean, I'm just telling you.

[B]

I'll tell you what Sam Warshaw did do.

[A]

This is terrible.

[B]

This is a bad. This is. Don't do this. This is he. Okay. My car, I was driving a Jeep Liberty and the. The. The AC and the heat on it was bad. And so when winter came, my heat wasn't working. And he got in my car and was like, you've been driving around like this? And I'm like, yeah. He's like, I'm going to get you a car. And I thought he was being a hero. He co. Signed a car for me.

[A]

This is pre. You guys getting out of here?

[B]

No, we weren't even married. We weren't even married.

[A]

Oh, you were dating.

[B]

He co. Signed a car for me.

[A]

We were just about part of your story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is all part of you.

[B]

And that's what I'm saying, like seeing the light. That's why I'm saying, like, you might be right, that he was smitten. Because I think that a guy like love goggles will make you do anything.

[A]

That's what Sam did with you.

[B]

Yeah, but it's a good thing I married.

[A]

That's a fact. Here's a problem with our guy. What's this guy's name?

[B]

Randy.

[A]

Randy. Listen, here's the problem. Every guy wants to be the knight on the horse.

[B]

Exactly. Knight in shining armor.

[A]

And it's. It's one of our kryptonite problems. And this girl bat her eyes at him, and she cried, and he swooned and gave her seventeen hundred dollars, and he might as well lit it on fire. All right.

[B]

Not getting that money back.

[A]

Don't do it. Ever. It muddies any relationship, whether it's romantic or any kind of relationship. Don't give friends or family a loan. Y refi. Refinances delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at yrefy. Com Ramsay.