My Girlfriend Doesn't Want to Work (Is This A Red Flag?)

Summary

Summary of "My Girlfriend Doesn't Want to Work (Is This A Red Flag?)" The Ramsey Show Highlights Release Date: June 19, 2025

---

Introduction In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, host Dave Ramsey and co-host Christy delve into a listener's personal relationship dilemma. Derek reaches out with concerns about his girlfriend's prolonged education and reluctance to work, sparking a candid discussion about financial responsibility, personal growth, and relationship compatibility.

---

Listener's Dilemma: Prolonged Education and Lack of Employment Derek begins by sharing his situation: his 26-year-old girlfriend is still pursuing her bachelor's degree and has been in college since she was 18. Her parents cover all her expenses until she graduates or gets married. Additionally, Derek reveals that his girlfriend's two older brothers are in similar situations, still in school and not working.

[00:34] Dave Ramsey: "That's a wild situation."

Derek expresses his fear that his girlfriend is prolonging her education because of the financial support she receives from her parents. He mentions that they have been dating for a year and recently discussed marriage and finances, which brought these concerns to the forefront.

---

Hosts' Perspectives: Evaluating Financial Independence and Commitment Dave Ramsey responds by questioning whether her extended time in school is a result of being financially cushioned by her parents.

[00:54] Dave Ramsey: "Is she just stretching it out because she's got mommy and daddy's bank attached? I'm like sweet, whatever leave school, I'll be in school till I'm dead."

Christy adds that the lack of work history and prolonged education may indicate deeper issues beyond just financial dependence.

[01:12] Dave Ramsey: "Hey parents, let this be. Oh man, your memo. Don't do this ever."

---

Financial Responsibility as a Test of Character Derek explains that he requested his girlfriend to take a part-time job during the summer to gain financial independence and test her willingness to contribute.

[03:08] Christy: "Because hopefully you have the character to say, I'm an adult and I'm gonna start making."

Dave supports this approach, emphasizing the importance of adult decisions and character in financial matters.

[03:12] Dave Ramsey: "That was your test."

Derek reveals that his girlfriend's reluctance to work during her studies raises concerns about her initiative and responsibility.

[03:18] Derek: "Yeah, that was my tester. To see if she was willing to put in some effort. Because I want to make things work. But if I'm expected to take 100% of the financial burden for the next 50 years, I don't know if I can handle that."

---

Impact on Relationship and Future Prospects Christy discusses how financial compatibility is crucial for long-term relationship success. She highlights that enthusiasm in the romantic phase must translate into resilience and grit when faced with real-life challenges.

[04:21] Christy: "It's not a situation, Derek, where she's working and she's like, hey, but when I become a mom, I want to be full time at home and that I want my job to be. It's just like, yeah, I want the dignity to have my own money."

She points out that staying in school for eight years for a bachelor's degree is unusual and may indicate a lack of commitment or other underlying issues.

[04:21] Dave Ramsey: "I don't even know how you drag out a bachelor's degree for eight years. That's honestly impressive."

---

Decision-Making and Moving Forward Dave Ramsey advises Derek to prioritize his financial stability and emotional well-being by potentially ending the relationship if his girlfriend is unwilling to take steps towards independence.

[04:40] Dave Ramsey: "Yikes, dude. Yeah, Derek, for those reasons, I'm out. I mean, I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but this is not someone I want to continue down the path with personally based on what you told me."

Christy reinforces the idea that choosing a life partner involves ensuring they can handle life's challenges together, emphasizing the need for financial and personal resilience.

[05:10] Christy: "You have the romantic side, right? You, you fall in love, they're attractive, you know, you have chemistry. Like all that stuff is great, but then what ends up kind of where like the rubber meets the road is when real life happens."

---

Conclusion and Final Advice Derek shares his next steps: giving his girlfriend time to secure a part-time job, and if she remains unwilling to contribute, he may have to end the relationship.

[05:48] Derek: "So that's my next step was to allow her some time to get a job. And if she wasn't willing to work, you know, 15, 20 hours a week, it was kind of the end."

Christy concurs, highlighting that the issue isn't about the amount of money but about the effort and maturity required in adulthood.

[06:13] Dave Ramsey: "Go hit play on Boyz II Men. End of the road. And grieve this relationship."

---

Key Takeaways

1. Financial Independence: It's crucial for both partners to contribute financially to ensure a balanced and sustainable relationship.
2. Character and Responsibility: Willingness to work and take financial responsibility reflect a person’s character and readiness for long-term commitments.
3. Compatibility: Financial habits and attitudes are fundamental aspects of compatibility that can significantly impact the longevity of a relationship.
4. Communication: Open and honest discussions about finances and future plans are essential in addressing and resolving potential red flags.

---

Notable Quotes

• Dave Ramsey ([03:12]): "That was your test."
• Christy ([04:21]): "I want the dignity to have my own money."
• Dave Ramsey ([04:40]): "Yikes, dude. Yeah, Derek, for those reasons, I'm out."

---

Final Thoughts This episode underscores the importance of financial harmony in relationships. It emphasizes that while love and chemistry are essential, practical aspects like financial responsibility and mutual support play a critical role in determining the success and sustainability of a partnership.

---

Additional Resources For budgeting tools and financial advice, listeners are encouraged to explore the EveryDollar app, as mentioned throughout the episode.

Transcript

[Dave]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Derek]

So my question is kind of regarding my girlfriend and her desire to work or not to work. Really give you guys a little bit of background. So she's 26, still in college, working on her bachelor's degree and her parents have a deal with all of their kids that as long as they're in school, they'll pay for all their college and all their living expenses until they either graduate or get married.

[Dave]

That's a wild situation.

[Christy]

Well, she's working on her bachelor's degree and she's 26. Has she been in since she's 18.

[Derek]

So she did take a, an 18 month service mission for a church, but other than that she's been full time school through summer and just getting a bachelor still.

[Christy]

This isn't like a master's or anything?

[Derek]

Nope, this is just her bachelor's.

[Dave]

Is she just stretching it out because she's got mommy and daddy's bank attached? I'm like sweet, what ever leave school, I'll be in school till I'm dead.

[Derek]

That's, that's kind of my fear. So she does. She has two older brothers in the same situation who are 31 and 29 and they're still in school, still working on. Yeah, also still in school, never worked.

[Dave]

Hey parents, let this be. Oh man, your memo. Don't do this ever.

[Christy]

Derek, does she feel like a winner to you?

[Derek]

That's. No, not at this, not at this particular moment.

[Christy]

I don't know how long this relationship is going to last because man, I.

[Derek]

So that's kind of where I didn't know how bad the situation was. I like didn't know their work history or anything. Just recently found out that none of them have worked. Talk to her about that. We've been dating a year. So we started talking about marriage and finances and this is when it all started to come up of okay, what's the plan and what's, what's her plan? And for now it sounds like as soon as she gets married, her either me or future husband is taking care of all expenses while she finishes school.

[Dave]

Yeah, I would get some clarity around all of this. Have you shared with her your concern of saying, hey, I'm kind of worried that you're just going to stay in school forever because your life's being funded. Have you kind of been honest with her? Meet everydollar budgeters, Christy and Steve. They used to fight about money.

[Derek]

I'm the spender.

[Dave]

I'm definitely the saver now that they budget with every dollar. They're on the same page.

[Derek]

Money is definitely one thing we do.

[Christy]

Not ever fight about. Having the budget gave me the permission to spend.

[Dave]

Knowing that the money is in each category, it just allowed us to work together better. Now that's what we call a win win.

[Christy]

Now we just have to pick paint colors.

[Dave]

We can't help you with that. Everydollar. Create your free account today. Have you kind of been honest with her?

[Derek]

Yeah, I've been honest with her and that's why I reached out to you guys, because we were talking about this and I work full time. I have a, a very stable job and been doing that for a while, debt free, kind of whole nine yards there. But I asked her to get a, a part time job during the summer next, next semester to, to kind of get some financing freedom away from, from her, her parents.

[Dave]

But if you're in her shoes, why would you have, why would you work part time?

[Christy]

Because hopefully you have the character to say, I'm an adult and I'm gonna start making.

[Dave]

That was your test.

[Christy]

Adult like decisions. And now it's showing that her character isn't there.

[Derek]

Yeah, that was my tester. To see if she was willing to put in some effort. Because I want to make things work. But if I'm expected to take 100% of the financial burden for the next 50 years, I don't know if I can handle that.

[Christy]

Right. And it's not even like a situation, Derek, where she's working and she's like, hey, but when I become a mom, I want to be full time at home and that I want my job to be. That I want to transfer home and be a full time mom. But there's no initiative at all in who she is. And what always that fear is to me is that that starts to bleed into other areas of your life. You know what I mean? Of like this procrastination, just apathy. Apathy or lack of purpose or like, I don't know what it is, but I'm like, man, yeah, it's just not a very. It's not a lot of attractive qualities that come out of that. And I'm not saying that she needs to like go be some corporate woman climbing the ladder and working 80 hours a week. It's not even that, but it's just like, yeah, I want the dignity to have my own money. I'm 26. I'm 26 and I've been in school for what, eight years.

[Dave]

I don't even know how you drag Out a bachelor's degree for eight years. That's honestly impressive. She just taking like part time classes or like flunking every time that's.

[Derek]

She's. She's had to retake a lot of classes where she's failed. Says she wants to get into like a master's PhD program. So she.

[Dave]

Yikes, dude. Yeah, Derek, for those reasons, I'm out. I mean, I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but this is not someone I want to continue down the path with personally based on what you told me.

[Christy]

Because what's so hard, Derek, when you get to this point of a relationship and like in. George knows this. He's been, he's married and so am I. But it's like you have the romantic side, right? You, you fall in love, they're attractive, you know, you have chemistry. Like all that stuff is great, but then what ends up kind of where like the rubber meets the road is when real life happens. And it's like, I've chosen someone in my life.

[Dave]

You want to partner in this life.

[Christy]

Yeah, to walk life with. And life isn't easy. And so there's a level of resilience you want in a partner and little grit. Yeah. And, and none of that is coming through right now. And, and I don't want to blame her for her brothers, but the whole family, lot of dysfunction that a 31 year old man is still in school. Like that's her brother. And that's who you're marrying into too.

[Dave]

Derek, who's hiring this guy? I see on your resume here you've been in School for 13 years and have yet to get a bachelor's degree. Sure you get the job, man. Derek, I'm so sorry. Derek, what do you, what do you think?

[Christy]

What do you think?

[Dave]

What's your next step?

[Derek]

So that's my next step was to allow her some time to get a job. And if she wasn't willing to work, you know, 15, 20 hours a week, it was kind of the end.

[Christy]

I think that's fair. Yeah, I don't think that's unreasonable. And you're not, you know, looking for her to make 100 grand. You know, it's like, oh, well, she's not making 100,000 a year. She's not, you know, it's nothing to do with that. It's just the effort as a human and an adult in the world today.

[Dave]

Go hit play on Boyz II Men. End of the road. And grieve this relationship. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.