A (2:17)

Very few women would keep their daughter from marrying a young man that they like dearly because he buys Stuff on Amazon. I asked what you did that caused this woman to think that you're not good enough for her daughter. And buying stuff on Amazon is not the answer, dude. Really? What's the real answer?

B (2:37)

In her mind, she sees the purchases and thinks that I make irresponsible financial decisions. I mean, I'm not. I'm not even making that part up. In her mind, she sees the purchases. You know, I told her I make good money. I've told her, you know, I balance my finances. And I told her, you know, since me and my girlfriend have started dating, we've been planning for this house and for the build, and we've been kind of making sure our credit looks good so we can get a mortgage or a construction loan.

C (3:02)

I mean, planning to build on her land.

A (3:05)

The land that she's going to give. The one acre that she's going to.

B (3:08)

Yeah.

A (3:08)

Okay. So. Yeah, well, there's a couple of things here. Number one, you should never buy a house or build a house ever with someone that you're not married to. So your plan, your plan that you've been doing sucks. Okay? So you need a new plan. It's like, I'm going to make you my wife, and then we're going to talk about building the house. Not we're going to talk about building a house, and then I'll make you my wife. Now, that isn't what you've been saying. You've been saying the words coming out of your mouth were shack up, shack up, shack up, shack up, shack up.

C (3:35)

She's meddling with our finances and she's.

A (3:37)

You don't. We don't have an our finances. There's not one. Because you're not married. There's a. Your finances and her finances.

B (3:47)

Well, yes, I understand what you're saying, but the end goal, like when we envision the house, obviously we were talking about marriage. We've already kind of envisioned that. You know, we've had that conversation that, you know, end of next year, that was kind of my goal was to propose. And after we, you know, if you.

A (4:03)

Are going to get married and then build a house, it's real simple. Yeah, it's real simple. Just build it somewhere else. One acre of land in the area you're talking about in the middle of nowhere. Tennessee is not that big a deal. Whoop de doopty. Thank you for the gift, but we'll pass. We think we're going to be better able to love you from a distance.

C (4:30)

That's true.

B (4:31)

Love makes the heart grow fond I understand that. That's where my head's at.

A (4:37)

Oh, that's the only thing you can do. Listen, either this lady has identified a character flaw in that you're unwilling to discuss or are so. Are so lacking in self awareness that you know is there and she thinks you need to be run off because you're not good for her daughter, or this lady's a nut job. Okay.

B (4:58)

I mean, I'm serious.

A (5:00)

Amazon packages on your, on your front porch are not enough reason to run off. The boyfriend, potential fiance, son in law. That's not enough reason.

B (5:11)

Yeah, it's just not.

A (5:12)

So if that, if, if that is truly it, Jacob and I really have trouble believing that there's actually a human out there. That's stupid. But there might be if there. And you're. You're proclaiming that so. But I. Having walked through the marriage process with three children who have now been married for over 10 years, and before they got to those winners, we ran off a few losers. I might have been accused of being your mother in law at some point, but it wasn't because Amazon packages. It was cause of character flaw or because of, you know, well, I mean, lack of work ethic. That's a character flaw, right? Dishonesty. That's a character flaw, right? Yeah. These are, these are people you don't want to marry and don't want your kids marrying. So if you're not something that is, if you are a young gentleman, a knight of honor that is worthy of the fair maiden's hand, then this woman's a nut job. And you do not want to be living in her backyard on money, on an acre she gave you. There is no circumstance in which that's going to turn out well, ever. So you have to declare this to be one way or the other. We have to figure out what is really going on with this woman and solve for quality relationship or we have to distance ourselves. And it doesn't sound to me like you guys need to be in the.

C (6:30)

Backyard and you're the boyfriend. And so you don't need to be doing any of this because between the mom and the daughter, if there's boundary issues, that's up to the daughter to decide.

A (6:38)

Yeah.

C (6:39)

So I would have her do that. If she's not, if she's not defending you and she's just letting you, you know, roll over and take it, this relationship's not going to pan out. Dave just talked about how being misaligned with in laws is a big reason that marriages don't succeed. And so we're already seeing a red, a huge red flag here.

A (6:55)

I 100% recommend parents interfere in their grown children's lives if there is a loser involved and run them off. I 100% recommend that because you love them and you have more wisdom than they do and you're not all hot and bothered about them, so you're actually seeing them clearly. And so I 100% recommend that. But if there are, if they're functional and this is a good one, not a perfect one, but a good one, let's, let's encourage the union, he's a smart guy, done in proper order. And then try to speak persuasion over the finances if there's something to be persuaded there. If that's if truly the only thing wrong with Jacob is he buys too much stuff on Amazon or more stuff than she's accustomed seeing on Amazon. That's a pretty simple thing to process through if someone involved has the relational IQ to do it. But guys, Jacob, she is not violating the boundaries of, of you guys of the couple's finances because the couple doesn't have finances. Her daughter has finances and you have finances. And so if she says something about her daughter's finances, she's perfectly capable of doing that. And her daughter, depending on her age and maturity level, was perfectly capable of setting a boundary with her own mother. And she obviously doesn't get a vote in your finances. But it's when you start talking about this stuff as if you're married and you're not that that my red flags go up. And if I'm mom, I'm running you off because you have a bunch of this crap out of order. And I think that might be what's going on here. But like, you know, Jacob wants to build a house on my land and not be married to my daughter. Yeah, I don't think I'm going to go along with that.

C (8:42)

Mom says we need mom to call in. We gotta hear her side of the story here.

A (8:46)

Yeah. So that could be what it is, Jacob, but it could be that she's just nuttier than a fruitcake and you don't need a fruitcake near you. And so you just get away from the fruitcake. Just a little distance. Little distance.

C (8:55)

It's a principle I live.

A (8:56)

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. You know, it's like it takes about a year of marriage to know how close to your mother in law to live. Yeah, she watched you don't buy a house in the first year of marriage.

C (9:05)

How does she know he's buying all this stuff on Amazon. She's a little too close for comfort. My mother in law doesn't know what's showing up at the house. That's all I'm saying.

A (9:15)

I don't know what's showing up at your house either, George. So it would scare me? Probably. I would probably question you.

C (9:22)

It's a lot.

A (9:22)

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.