My Husband and I Are Getting Back Together But He Still Doesn't Trust Me

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: My Husband and I Are Getting Back Together But He Still Doesn't Trust Me
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: January 31, 2026

In this emotionally rich episode, the hosts of The Ramsey Show take a heartfelt call from a woman reconciling with her husband after a 2024 divorce. While their marriage is being rebuilt, her past financial mistakes—and the breach of trust from leaving—loom over their renewed partnership. The hosts provide actionable, compassionate advice for rebuilding financial and relational trust, emphasizing transparency, shared commitment, and the importance of both partners being “all in.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Caller’s Situation and Main Concern (00:06–01:34)

• The caller shares that after divorcing her husband in 2024, they are reconciling:
  • “By the grace of God, as of the holiday season of this year, we are reconciling and God's restoring our marriage.” (B, 00:06)
• Her own financial struggles contributed to their issues:
  • Jumping from job to job, not handling money well, accruing $10,000 in credit card debt.
  • Over the past year apart, she completed Financial Peace University and is almost debt-free.
• Main question: How to approach commingling finances again, given her past mistakes and her husband’s broken trust?

The Nature of Broken Trust (01:34–02:55)

• The host, Dr. John Delony, clarifies that the trust issue is deeper than just money:
  • “I want you to hear his hesitancy as not about money. It's deeper than that.” (C, 02:44)
• The caller explains there was no infidelity; her breach was “giving up” and leaving suddenly.
  • “The story... I really just was in a really bad place. I believed a lot of lies about myself and my marriage, and the enemy convinced me that it was right to leave. And so I just did. ... there was no seeking God in any of that.” (B, 02:16)
• Dr. Delony uses metaphor:
  • “You pulled a pin on a grenade and rolled it into his life and exploded it.” (C, 03:13)

The Real Path to Restoring Trust (02:55–06:47)

• Both partners must be fully invested (“both feet in the boat”):
  • “If you're going to truly say we're reconciling, ... there's not a true remarriage if both of you don't have your feet in the boat.” (C, 03:37)
• Trust isn’t restored all at once, but through consistent, small actions:
  • “Trust will not be re-earned in huge, grandiose moments. It will be earned in a thousand tiny little ways over time.” (C, 04:03)
• Suggests creating a “clear roadmap” for rebuilding trust, revisited regularly (every 30, 60, 90 days).
• Important: The partner who was hurt also has to risk being vulnerable again:
  • “If he says I'm in, he's got to be all in, too, which means he has to risk that the person he's marrying does this to him again.” (C, 04:55)

Setting Practical Steps and Boundaries (06:47–08:09)

• Tactical suggestions from the hosts:
  • Cut up and close all credit cards.
  • Freeze credit and give husband the password so new debt cannot be incurred.
    • “Here's the baller move. You freeze your credit and you give him the passcode so that you can't open any type of account.” (A, 07:00)
  • Set up a joint account but abstain from getting a debit card initially, turning on transaction alerts so both see every transaction.
• Provide a progress report to husband: what’s been done, what’s next, set a six-month review for “opening the floodgates.”
  • “Maybe you guys agree on a timeline. ... Six months from now, if all is good, then we’re going to open the floodgates and ... build wealth together.” (A, 07:49)

Affirming Courage and the Need for Mutual Investment (08:10–08:55)

• Caller shouldn’t become submissive or self-punishing in the process:
  • “You don’t want to re-engage in this marriage if only one of your feet is going to be in the boat.” (C, 08:17)
  • “Not just I'm going to put my head down and go along with whatever he says because I screwed up and I'm just a whipping post. That's—it won’t work that way.” (C, 08:49)
• The hosts praise her courage and growth:
  • “I’m proud of you.” (C, 08:55)
  • “I’m so just inspired by the reconciliation. ... I hope that you guys are fully reconciled soon. Full unity, building wealth together like never before.” (A, 08:58)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Trust will not be re-earned in huge, grandiose moments. It will be earned in a thousand tiny little ways over time.”
  (Dr. John Delony, 04:03)

• “You pulled a pin on a grenade and rolled it into his life and exploded it.”
  (Dr. John Delony, 03:13)

• “If he says I'm in, he's got to be all in, too, which means he has to risk that the person he's marrying does this to him again. That's the risk of any great marriage and any great relationship at all.”
  (Dr. John Delony, 04:55)

• “Here's the baller move. You freeze your credit and you give him the passcode so that you can't open any type of account.”
  (Host A, 07:00)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

- 00:06 — Caller introduces her situation and reconciliation - 01:34 — Host probes deeper into trust issues; ad skipped - 02:16 — Caller explains the emotional breach, not infidelity - 03:13 — Metaphor of grenade/ruptured trust - 03:37 — “Both feet in the boat” analogy for reconciliation - 04:03 — The roadmap for rebuilding trust, incremental approach - 07:00 — Practical, tactical steps to increase transparency and trust - 08:17 — Warning against being a “whipping post”; prioritizing partnership and mutual respect - 08:58 — Hosts’ final affirmations and encouragement

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Takeaways

• Restoring trust after marital separation requires a mix of transparency, humble accountability, and mutual courage—not just in finances but in the willingness of both partners to risk and invest in the new relationship fully.
• Practical measures—like cutting up cards, freezing credit, sharing account access—can demonstrate financial trustworthiness, but emotional trust needs time, transparency, and repeatable actions.
• Regular check-ins and clear milestones create tangible markers of progress toward rebuilding unity, both financially and relationally.
• The hosts encourage the caller to avoid shame-driven submission and instead ask for a clear, mutual path forward—emphasizing dignity and shared agency.

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This episode offers not only a financial roadmap but a compassionate blueprint for healing and re-committing to partnership, blending real-world practicality and deep empathy.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I went through a divorce in 2024, and by the grace of God, as of the holiday season of this year, we are reconciling and God's restoring our marriage.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, it's really beautiful. My question, however, has to do with. So when we were married before, I was not great in the financial department. My husband was with the same company for almost 20 years. Hard worker, always provided. I kind of jumped from job to job. Wasn't the best with the money. Racked up a $10,000 credit card, all of that. So over the past year, while we were apart, I graduated from FPU and have followed Dave Ramsey. And I'm working with a company right now to pay off my credit card. So I'm hopeful that within the next couple months, that will be paid off, so I will myself be debt. My question really is, I know that Dave is pretty vocal about his opinion that when a couple is married, that there is no my money, it's our money. So, understandably, given my past behavior, my husband is a little hesitant to go back to commingling our funds. So I'm just kind of looking for some guidance on how he and I can navigate that this time. Just, you know, as we. That trust is built back up and maybe just some guidance on how to navigate this this season.

[C]

What other trust was broke in your previous time together? This is an ad for Better Help. One of the most important things I've ever done in my life as a husband, as a dad, as a community member, as a neighbor, is to finally break down and go see a therapist. It's not just for major traumas. It's for anyone wanting better mental and emotional health and. And peace. If you're thinking about trying therapy, try my friends at Better Help. BetterHelp is 100% online, so it's affordable and it's convenient. Visit betterhelp.comramsey for 10% off your first month. What other trust was broke in your previous time together?

[B]

Well, there was no infidelity or anything like that. I honestly. The story. My story is that I really just was in a really bad place. I believed a lot of lies about myself and my marriage, and the enemy convinced me that it was right to leave. And so I just did. I just picked up one day and I left. I didn't. There was. There was no seeking God in any of that. So really, the trust that was broken was just me giving up on us.

[C]

Okay. So I want you to hear his Hesitancy as not about money. It's deeper than that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

If. If it was a surprise to him, not that y' all were in a tough season, not that, you know, you were struggling or anything like that, but if it shocked him when you walked in and said, I'm out, I want you to see that for what it was, which is you pulled a pin on a grenade and rolled it into his life and exploded it.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[C]

Now, every couple co creates their relationship. That is what it is. Right. So I'm sure he's would sit here and tell me he's not perfect. I get all that. But if you're going to truly say we're reconciling, you can't. There is no reconciliation. There is no. I mean, you can get remarried, you can do whatever you want, but there's not a true remarriage if both of you don't have your feet in the boat. And at the same time, he's still living. He still has fresh scars from when this person he's getting back into the boat with shot a hole in the middle of the boat and then swam to another shore. You get what I'm saying?

[B]

Of course.

[C]

And so here's the path back. The path back is, will you give me being him to you, a very clear roadmap that I can follow to reestablish trust? Because trust will not be re earned in huge, grandiose moments. It will be earned in a thousand tiny little ways over time. And the commitment here is, we're going to do this every 30 days, every 60 days. And it's not you groveling. It's not like, how am I doing? Do I get an A on trust this month? It's not that. It is. I want a clear path back. If we're going to really get remarried, we're going to go all in on this thing again. Both of us have to put our feet in the boat. And you'd be crazy to do that all the way. I get that. So I'm going to ride in your boat for a while. Like, I'm going to ride shotgun with you. What is a path to reestablish trust look like? And he's going to lay that path out, and then you get to decide whether I'm going to follow that or not.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[C]

And. And here's the other thing. If he says I'm in, he's got to be all in, too, which means he has to risk that the person he's marrying does this to him again. That's the risk of any great marriage and any great relationship at all.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Is that you could get hurt. So he needs to give you a path. You need to ask him not, hey, why aren't you sharing our money? You don't trust me and not you heading, hanging your head in shame saying I'm not trustworthy. We're past that. We're going to start establishing this. What does a path look like for me to re. Establish trust? And let's take infidelity. Sometimes people say, I want to see your phone every night. I want us to get new phone plans. I want us to change our numbers. I want you to cancel all your social media. And here's the thing. The person who got cheated on can lay out whatever path they want. And then the other person gets to decide whether I'm going to follow that path or not, whether I want to be a part of this relationship or not. And when that, when you start walking that path, they can't weaponize the past because they have said, I'm in this too.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And reestablishing money, like sharing your money together is part of me and my wife share a single account. George and his wife do. Dave and Sharon, like the people that I know are. That are successful and the data bears it out. Couples who share finances do better because. Not because. Not just because of the money. But that means they share a picture on what they value, where they want to go with their life, what their shared vision is like. All that stuff gets wrapped up in. We all know where the money is and, and all that. So it's just you humbly asking for a clear roadmap. And we're going to do one at 30 days, we're going to do one at 60 days, we're going to do 1 at 90 days. And we're going to continue to work down this path together until both of you feel safe enough in your guts that both feet are in this boat and we are rowing the same direction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I give you some ideas, Lee, of some tactical things you could do that might. It might make him go, who are you? Number one, cut up all of your credit cards and close all the accounts.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And then all of them.

[A]

Here, here's the baller move. You freeze your credit and you give him the. The passcode so that you can't open any type of account. You can't take on any type of debt if your account is frozen, if your credit's frozen. And then on top of that, say, hey, you know what? We're gonna have a joint account, but I don't want the debit card right now. And we're going to turn on transaction alerts so that anytime anything comes out of the account, we both get a text message of what happened.

[C]

Or to celebrate your guys getting back together, we're going to give you a year of every dollar premium. It will alert each of you if somebody spends something with a debit card.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

But these are some things you can put on the table. When he's like, what are you talking about? A roadmap to trust. I'm going to do this thing and this thing and this thing. I want to know a path so that we can re establish trust in this marriage. All in both feet in the boat, both of us.

[A]

Here's what I've already done, here's I'm doing now. Here's what I plan on doing. I'd like to check back in and then maybe you guys agree on a timeline. Hey, we're going to check back in. And six months from now, if all is good, then we're going to open the floodgates and it's going to be, you know, we're just going to fly and build wealth together. And I, you know, I think that will prove to you more than to him.

[C]

That's exactly.

[A]

That has changed because I don't trust you right now, Lee. You probably have some shame and guilt and baggage.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

And by the way, you have to have the courage to say, I don't want to re. Engage in this marriage if only one of your feet is going to be in the boat. And so you get to say one of my, one of my bedrocks. One of the thing that's going to be important for us moving forward is that we get back to trusting each other enough to share money, to share whatever. And so. But I also know that's a tough, scary thing right now. So I need a path. But you get to say, this is a big deal to me. Not just I'm going to put my head down and go along with whatever he says because I screwed up and I'm. I'm just a whipping post. That's. It won't work that way.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You know, I'm saying I'm proud of you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

This is a big step, Lee, and I'm so just inspired by the reconciliation. And I hope that you guys are fully reconciled soon. Full unity, building wealth together like never before with an amazing marriage. So hang on the line. We're going to send you every dollar to. That'll impress them. Go. Hey, I'm working on my budget this month. You want to take a look? Like who? Who is this person?

[C]

Or our budget?

[A]

Now we're talking. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.