My Husband CashApp's Me Money (I Don't Know What's Coming In)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights Episode: My Husband CashApp's Me Money (I Don't Know What's Coming In)
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Release Date: June 21, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Nicole shares her decade-long struggle with her husband over financial transparency and partnership. Despite their commitment during their church’s Financial Peace University (FPU) class, Nicole feels sidelined in managing their household finances. The discussion delves into the complexities of financial control within a marriage, the impact of past relationships on current financial behaviors, and the importance of mutual financial respect and transparency.

---

Case Presentation: Nicole's Financial Dilemma

Nicole, a stay-at-home mother, has been married for ten years to a husband who works in sales with an approximate annual income of $100,000. Despite jointly deciding for her to stay home to raise their children, Nicole feels excluded from full access to their finances. Their financial arrangement includes a joint checking account and separate savings accounts. However, Nicole does not have access to her husband's savings account, which receives his direct deposits. Instead, he transfers funds to the joint account for bills and uses platforms like CashApp for daily expenses.

Key Points:

• Lack of Financial Transparency: Nicole cannot see what funds are coming into their joint accounts.
• Use of Alternative Payment Methods: Her husband prefers transferring money through CashApp rather than direct budgeting.
• Age Difference and Role Division: A 25-year age gap and the decision for Nicole to stay home exacerbate the power imbalance.
• Past Marital Experiences: Her husband's previous marriages, which ended poorly financially, are cited as reasons for his reluctance to fully merge finances.

---

Expert Analysis and Insights

1. Financial Control and Its Impact

Jade highlights the controlling nature of Nicole's husband's financial management. She emphasizes that true partnership requires equal access and decision-making power over finances. When one partner controls the majority of financial information and access, it undermines the marital relationship and places undue stress on the other partner.

Jade (02:52): “You don't have autonomy. Everything is to make decisions.”

2. Red Flags in Financial Management

Both Jade and John identify several red flags in Nicole's situation:

• Procrastination and Evasion: Delays in combining finances despite agreeing to do so.
• Lack of Counseling: Avoidance of professional help to address deep-seated financial control issues.
• Risk of Financial Vulnerability: In the event of unforeseen circumstances, Nicole may find herself without necessary financial information or resources.

John (07:45): “If you can't give me the password... there's a problem.”

3. The Importance of Joint Financial Planning

Experts stress the necessity of transparent financial practices in a marriage. This includes shared access to accounts, joint budgeting, and mutual decision-making. Without these, one partner may feel powerless and the relationship can become unbalanced.

Jade (04:43): “We are a team. It's not; one is higher than the other.”

4. Steps Towards Resolution

John suggests seeking counseling to address the underlying issues stemming from her husband's past marriages and current financial behaviors. Professional guidance can facilitate better communication and help establish a more equitable financial partnership.

John (05:52): “If you're having these discussions, maybe consider counseling.”

---

Notable Quotes

• Nicole (00:06): “I have not been able to get him to combine finances with me or honor any of the commitments that we made together.”
• Jade (02:52): “You don't have autonomy. Everything is to make decisions.”
• John (07:45): “If you can't give me the password... there's a problem.”
• Jade (04:43): “We are a team. It's not; one is higher than the other.”

---

Conclusion

Nicole's experience underscores the critical importance of financial transparency and mutual respect in a marriage. The episode highlights how financial control can strain relationships and emphasizes the need for open communication and joint financial planning. Experts advise couples to address such issues proactively, seeking counseling if necessary, to foster a balanced and supportive partnership.

For listeners facing similar challenges, the episode serves as a reminder that financial harmony is foundational to a healthy marriage, advocating for shared responsibility and trust in managing household finances.

---

Note: This summary intentionally excludes promotional segments and focuses solely on the substantive discussion to provide a comprehensive overview of the episode's key themes and insights.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Nicole]

My question is, how do I get my husband to honor the financial commitment that we made together as newlyweds when we went through SPU at our church? We've been married for 10 years now, and even after committing to do all of everything that, you know, goes into the class of S ftu, I have not been able to get him to combine finances with me or honor any of the commitments that we made together and all that.

[Jade]

Did you make it 10 years ago when you. When you guys went through FPU? Was it 10 years ago?

[Nicole]

Yes.

[Jade]

Okay, and is it. Has it been an ongoing discussion for a decade or are you like, deciding more recently? Okay, I want to get back and try to figure this out.

[Nicole]

It has been an ongoing issue and I'm a stay at home mom. We also have a. I should have led with this. So we have a 25 year age difference and I'm a stay at home mom and he's in sales. And we did make that decision together for me to stay home with the kids. But really I. I'm not unable to work or anything. He has just. Every time I've come to him and said, you know, if we need me to go back to work or anything like that, I'm. I'm fine with doing that. And he's always telling me, no, if anything, I would rather you be able to go back to nursing school because I did that prior to us getting married and. But he never wants me to work or anything. But it's like I can never get him to be on the same page with me with finances.

[John]

Oh, boy.

[Jade]

Okay, so what, tell me tactically because you're not working right now.

[Nicole]

No.

[Jade]

Are you guys sharing like a checking account? Like, does he have his income coming in and you have access to everything? When you say we're not sharing, what is that? How does that look tactically?

[Nicole]

Okay, so we have a joint checking account and. But we also have a save. Well, he has a savings account, but his check is direct deposit in that I do not have access to, so I do not see what's coming in. And then he just transfers over money into the checking account to like pay bills or whatever. And I know, I've been listening recently and I'm hearing a lot of things like you guys talk about, like if. If you're venmoing each other and stuff. And he's doing that, he's cash apping me for like, you know, just whatever.

[Jade]

Going to the store and what's his rebuttal? When you say, hey, I want to be on everything. I'm your wife and I want to be one in this. And so I want my name on everything because I have as equal partnership to this money as you do. And just because I'm staying at home doesn't mean, you know, like, we definitely believe that stay at home moms or stay at home parents, like, they carry the same value as if you're going out to the workplace and making. What does he say?

[Dave Ramsey]

He Meet everydollar budgeters, Christy and Steve. Their life is chaotic, but their money is simple because they budget with every dollar.

[John]

Budgeting with the spreadsheet took a ton.

[Jade]

Of time, but now with every dollar, I can do a budget in five minutes.

[Dave Ramsey]

And tracking purchases is just as simple.

[Jade]

It's so freeing to know exactly where your money is going.

[John]

It just takes that stress out of.

[Nicole]

The day to day life.

[Dave Ramsey]

You got this Hanigan family, every dollar, create your free account today.

[Nicole]

He. I feel like it, it kind of varies. Like sometimes he, he'll agree and say like, yes, we need to do that. And then it just never gets done. Or like he knows that this call is going on. And so we were talking last night and I said, so if you were to tell me like one reason, like, just, just give me the reason. He's like, he feels like it's because of his past marriages. He's had two prior marriages that I guess things just did not end well financially with the divorces and stuff like that. And I'm like, I under. I understand that to a degree. But like after 10 years of marriage and like, do you know what I mean?

[John]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Nicole]

That only goes so far as an excuse to me.

[John]

Yeah. But you're right. I think that you're right. If you guys have been together 10 years, there's just part of this that feels really controlling because it's. He, he's the one that gets the control. Right. And for you, being the stay at home mom who's not earning an income outside of the house, then now you're the one who's kind of at his beck and call. Well, I hope he transfers money into the account and I hope he Venmo's me. And I hope he does this and I hope, I hope and that I, I just, there's no, there's no balance in that relationship.

[Jade]

You don't have autonomy. Everything is to make decisions.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jade]

With the household because it has to be run through, through him.

[John]

And now you're not two adults Making decisions together. You're having to go to him and saying, sir, may I have some money? And may I have this? And can I have that? And that's not.

[Jade]

Yeah, that dynamic doesn't work in a marriage. So I think that's it. I think it's having equal say, equal opinion. You know what I mean? Like, we are a team. It's not. One is higher than the other. And sadly, what money does is money does give power to one that has. That has the ability. So when Jade uses that word, control, that's. That is what it feels like. And so for him to relinquish control and to give you access, being his wife for 10 years, you know, is not just from a logistics standpoint. It's not that. It's. It's so much deeper than that to know, like, we are fully committed in this together.

[Nicole]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And that's the piece you're not getting. And so, yeah, my red flags go up for you, just like, as an individual, because. Yes. Yeah. What if something does go south? You're the one that gets screwed, Nicole. Like, do you know what I mean? So you're like, well, yeah.

[John]

What about. What about some sort of. If he says, like, this is the reason it's my past relationships, has there been any counseling to work that out with him and then maybe with you present as well, or is. If that's the big reason, what are we doing to combat it? It would be my question.

[Nicole]

Yeah. No, we haven't actually done counseling. We've talked about it, but it's always kind of, again, just like a financial thing. Like. Well, I don't know that we could afford to do that. I don't personally think that. I mean, we're active in church and everything, so I don't.

[John]

Yeah, but that's not the same thing.

[Nicole]

No, I mean, like, I don't know that, like, our pastors would charge us. Oh, yeah. Like. Because he'll use that as an excuse of, like. Like, he's willing to go, but he doesn't know that we could afford it or. Or this and that.

[Jade]

How much does he make a year? Do you even know that?

[Nicole]

I. I would assume it's. It's close to around 100,000.

[John]

So you don't know exactly what would happen if you asked him, hey, how much do you make a year?

[Jade]

Log into that savings account, and I want to look at it with you. Would he do that?

[Nicole]

Right. I think he would do that. But I did ask him last night because I. Like I said, he knew about the call. And I was like, I don't want to look like an idiot, you know.

[John]

Sure.

[Nicole]

So at least give me that, you know. And so he did. And it was about 100,000 and I think he would show it to me if I asked. But.

[John]

But what if you said, can I have the logins so that I can log in whenever I want and can I have access to your account just in case I something happens and you forget to transfer it? Can I have acts. What would he say to that?

[Nicole]

We've had that discussion before and like, it's almost like a, like an all day thing. Like we'll get, we'll have, we'll take a day and we'll do all that stuff. Like you know, putting names on bank accounts and getting logins and figuring out, you know, because I've said to him with the age difference, something else that concerns me is like we tomorrow isn't promised and if something happens, how am I even going to know where to begin? And so I would love to know, you know, how do I pay this bill? Where do I get, you know, how much is this?

[John]

Nicole, I'm. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be real with you. One to one. Like if you were my best buddy and we went out to, to eat and you were telling me this, I would be like, oh, h. No, like that's what I would say to my friend. I'd be like this. No, no, no, this is not good. Because my thing is, it's open. You should at the very least, I'm like, why can't. If you can't give me the password. Yep, there's. There's a problem. Or if you have to log in for me, that's a problem. My girl. And that I'm concerned about that. I don't like that one bit.

[Jade]

Yep. Yeah. So there's. There's a lot of red flags and it's the pushing off the procrastination and the fact that I get as much access to this because I bring as much value to this. This is our home and our household. And going forward, I wouldn't go to bed tonight until you have all that information.

[Dave Ramsey]

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.