My Husband Co-Signed For A Coworker And Didn't Tell Me (They're Behind On Payments)

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "My Husband Co-Signed For A Coworker And Didn't Tell Me (They're Behind On Payments)"
Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Featured Experts: Financial Advisor, Marriage Counselor

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Episode Overview

In this episode, a caller grapples with the fallout of her husband secretly co-signing on a car loan for a coworker—a loan now badly overdue, tied to a trashed vehicle, and threatening her marriage and finances. The hosts dig into the roots of the problem, balancing practical financial advice with an emphatic call for marital counseling.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Hidden Debt

• Caller reveals she discovered her husband secretly co-signed an auto loan for a coworker three years ago, now behind on payments due to the coworker's addiction.
• The couple’s finances have been separate for years due to past money issues, and this new revelation deepens the divide.

  "Three days ago I found out that he... had been keeping a secret for three years that he co-signed on an auto loan with a coworker that I have never met to this day." —Caller, 00:22

2. State of the Loan and Vehicle

• The husband is unclear about the loan’s amount ($20,000–$21,000 owed), while the car itself is in poor condition—likely worth only $5,000 at auction.
• The hosts clarify that since the husband’s name is on the loan, he (and by extension the caller) could be responsible for the debt after repossession and auction.

3. Marriage Strain & Communication Breakdown

• The couple previously split finances to avoid marital rupture but have struggled to come back together.

• The caller expresses deep frustration at the recurring financial betrayals, despite her love for her husband.

  "Every time I try to get ahead, I feel like I'm... I love him dearly, but he's a bit too much of a nice guy making the wrong decisions." —Caller, 01:59

• The hosts urge the caller to seek professional counseling, highlighting that the issue transcends finances.

4. Recognition of Behavioral Patterns

• Hosts probe whether the husband’s decisions stem from a "character issue," trauma, or a tendency to be an "unhealthy pleaser"—always risking too much to help others.

  “So he's an unhealthy pleaser.” —Financial Advisor, 04:49

  “But not for you, weirdly enough...” —Marriage Counselor, 04:53

• The caller confirms her husband’s chronic over-generosity, often to strangers rather than family.

5. The Need for Help and Boundaries

• The experts strongly recommend therapy—both for the couple and for the husband individually—to address patterns before considering financial recombination or future decision-making.

  “You need somebody to get in between that because this has been a wild ride for you.” —Marriage Counselor, 03:19

  “He just needs to figure out the person he actually needs to please a little bit more. Is you.” —Financial Advisor, 05:09

6. Practical Next Steps

• Confirm exactly what’s owed on the loan and the vehicle’s current value.
• Begin saving to cover the expected loss after repossession/auction.
• Establish a united front with joint decision-making, but only after investing in relationship repair and counseling.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On discovering the secret:

  “And yeah, and that coworker, who he doesn’t even work with anymore, is struggling with addiction, so they are not making their payments. And he finally told me, my husband, there tail between his legs...” —Caller, 00:38

• On recurring patterns:

  “Sometimes I describe it like, if we were to go to a store and he held the door open for somebody, I might be the third person he let in. But then he's also going to stand there and continue to hold the door open for 80 people, and I’m going to be standing there like, okay, honey, can. Can we go?” —Caller, 04:25

• On prioritizing family:

  “He just needs to figure out the person he actually needs to please a little bit more. Is you.” —Financial Advisor, 05:09

• On the urgency of counseling:

  “You have to say to him, never again if you want to be in this marriage. We have to get this solved. We have to heal together.” —Financial Advisor, 05:52

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Important Timestamps

• 00:22 — Caller reveals the secret co-signed loan
• 01:59 — Caller on financial separation and ongoing difficulties
• 03:00–03:19 — Marriage Counselor detects emotional exhaustion and calls for professional help
• 04:49–05:09 — Hosts discuss unhealthy pleasing tendencies
• 06:28 — Action plan for handling the repossession and financial fallout

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Summary and Takeaways

• Financial Infidelity: The husband’s secretive decision created a new rift in an already strained marriage, demonstrating the high stakes of financial infidelity.
• Marriage First: Experts urge that healing the marriage—with outside help—is even more urgent than resolving the money mess.
• Accepting Loss, Planning Ahead: The callers are encouraged to prepare for financial consequences but only in tandem with addressing the relational root causes.
• A Call to Action: The conversation ends with powerful advice: Fight for the marriage first, then the finances, and don’t delay getting professional help.

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This episode offers a candid, compassionate look at how financial and relational troubles often go hand in hand—and why addressing both, with professional support, is crucial for true recovery.

Transcript

[Financial Advisor]

In today's digital world, you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect [e-mail] My husband and I have.

[Caller (Wife)]

Been married 12 years. Early on in the marriage, we were debt free. Then he took on credit card debt. So our finance were. Finances were separate. They've been separate for quite some time.

[Financial Advisor]

Oh, no.

[Caller (Wife)]

Three days ago I found out that he. He had been keeping a secret for three years that he co signed on an auto loan with a co worker that I have never met to this day.

[Financial Advisor]

Oh my goodness.

[Caller (Wife)]

And yeah, and that co worker, who he doesn't even work with him anymore, is struggling with addiction, so they are not making their payments. And he finally told me, my husband there tail between his legs. But you know, it's very. Well, had you talked to me, I would have told you not to do it.

[Marriage Counselor]

Sure.

[Caller (Wife)]

And, and here we are. So right now I've seen this vehicle. My understanding is that it's probably trashed and it probably smells like cigarette smoke. So I have no interest in taking it over.

[Marriage Counselor]

How long ago was it.

[Caller (Wife)]

The. That the loan was taken? Yeah, three years ago.

[Marriage Counselor]

Oh, gosh.

[Financial Advisor]

Do we have any idea on the numbers? In other words, what's owed on it versus what it's worth?

[Caller (Wife)]

Well, one day my husband tells me 20,000. The next day he says 21,000. Really and truly, how much is this? I don't know. They think that if it were to go to auction, I have no experience with repo. I don't know how any of that works, that they think they would get $5,000 for it at auction.

[Financial Advisor]

So it's. So it's in bad shape now.

[Marriage Counselor]

Did you say, did you say that you've already separated finances?

[Caller (Wife)]

Yeah. Okay, but we still, we. We both own a home and we would love to try to recombine. He has made an effort because the issues that made us split our finances in the first place, that almost split us, it was like, okay, let's split our finances. And I continue to try to live my life debt free, but every time I try to get ahead, I feel like I'm. I love him dearly, but he's a bit too much of a nice guy making the wrong decisions.

[Marriage Counselor]

Who's, who's, who's facilitating the conversation with you guys that's helping. You see, okay, here's, here's what caused the split. Here's what must be true for you guys to come back together. Like, who. Is there a counselor helping you with this?

[Caller (Wife)]

There needs to be.

[Marriage Counselor]

I think so too. Yeah, I think so too. Because What I'm hearing on your end is a woman who's almost done. That's what I'm hearing.

[Caller (Wife)]

I've been there before, but I. I know that I love him very, very much.

[Marriage Counselor]

But he's. It's just like again and again and again and again. Right? Yeah.

[Caller (Wife)]

And there's that part of me that feels stupid because it's like, okay, as much as this hurts, he's probably gonna do it again.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah. You need. You need somebody to get in between that because this has been a wild ride for you. And, I mean, I'm not a marriage counselor. I can't help you with that. I can look at these numbers, but I don't think it's going to solve the problem here today.

[Financial Advisor]

He is, I'm assuming, fully aware of how this makes you feel and what this does to your relationship, Correct?

[Caller (Wife)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Financial Advisor]

So do you think he's in a situation? And again, I don't. I want to be very careful, the word I use here, but is this a character issue only or is this. He's got some type of trauma, he's got some type of addiction or something in his world to where he needs some extra help. It's not just him deciding to act like an adult. I'm just curious. Your take.

[Caller (Wife)]

I think it's a bit character. I think it's relevant to something tragic that happened on the job with this worker that many years ago.

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah.

[Caller (Wife)]

Even still, though, regardless of that, it is a pattern.

[Financial Advisor]

That's right.

[Caller (Wife)]

Sometimes I describe it like, if we were to go to a store and he held the door open for somebody, I might be the third person he let in. But then he's also going to stand there and continue to hold the door open for 80 people, and I going to be standing there like, okay, honey, can. Can we go?

[Marriage Counselor]

So is it an overage of, like, he's just trying to help everybody too much? Is that what he's spending this money on? A crazy generosity.

[Financial Advisor]

So he's a unhealthy pleaser.

[Caller (Wife)]

Yeah.

[Marriage Counselor]

Got it, Got it. Okay. That's insightful. But not for you, weirdly enough, you.

[Financial Advisor]

Know, But I, I. And you know what? I hate to say it this way, but there is a silver lining there. He just needs to figure out the person he actually needs to please a little bit more. Is you.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah.

[Caller (Wife)]

Oh, thank you.

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah. And not in an unhealthy way, because.

[Marriage Counselor]

He'S not healthy, but prioritizing you and what you think and what you want.

[Financial Advisor]

And is he willing to do therapy?

[Caller (Wife)]

Yeah. So. Well, Especially the financial piece of it, because I'm not gonna lie, I did propose this to AI and said, what do I do?

[Financial Advisor]

But you don't talk to freaking artificial intelligence. You guys need a. So are you in a church? Are you in some type of community where you can talk to people and go, I need three or four really great legitimate recommendations on a therapist.

[Caller (Wife)]

I. Maybe you're not.

[Financial Advisor]

So you need to. You need to figure out who, you know, that has some credibility, that you trust their judgment that they've been to a therapist. We're going to have to dig a little bit and uncover. Let's just go to the website, the web, and find a local therapist. But I think he's got to commit to this. You have to say to him, never again if you want to be in this marriage. We have to get this solved. We have to heal together. We both got our junk. Some of us did it to the other or whatever. There's no scorekeeping here. We got to get healthy. And if we can get healthy, there's a great chance that the money stuff on his end gets healthy.

[Marriage Counselor]

Yeah. So regarding the situation, I mean, the best thing that you're going to be able to do here is he needs to get his hands on the records to find out what is owed on this vehicle. And. And you guys need to start stacking up some cash so that when the time comes, whether it goes to auction or not, there is going to be a deficit for you to pay and you're going to be on the hook for it. And that's unfortunate, but it's the way it is.

[Financial Advisor]

Thank you for the call, but you got to fight for this. This is a fight for your marriage. Then the finances. The best ID theft protection comes from Zander. Real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn [e-mail].