My Husband Has A Spending Addiction

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Husband Has A Spending Addiction"

Episode Overview In the April 6, 2025 episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, listeners are presented with a heartfelt and urgent call from a woman grappling with her husband's spending addiction. The conversation delves deep into the challenges of managing finances within a marriage strained by addiction, offering expert insights and practical advice from financial guru Dave Ramsey and his colleague, Rachel Cruze.

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1. Caller's Financial Journey and Current Struggles

The episode opens with a call from a wife who shares her progress and predicament in managing their family's finances. She proudly announces, “we have paid off $45,000 in two years from 71,000. So we're almost there” (00:06). This remarkable achievement aligns with Baby Step Two of Dave Ramsey’s financial roadmap, focusing on debt repayment.

However, her optimism is clouded by her husband's ongoing spending issues, which she suspects stem from an addiction. Despite implementing various financial strategies, including setting a monthly limit and using different payment methods like cash and debit cards, her husband consistently exceeds the $500 monthly spending cap. She expresses her internal conflict:

“I know I don't want to separate finances, and we've been doing so well.” (00:06)

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2. Nature of the Addiction and Its Impact on Finances

Rachel Cruze steps in to understand the specifics of the addiction, prompting the caller to reveal that her husband struggles with alcohol and smoking:

“He likes to drink beer, and he smokes cigarettes as well.” (01:24)

The caller mentions that both she and her husband are engaged in marriage counseling, aiming to address these issues. However, progress remains slow, and communication about his addiction is minimal.

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3. Experts Weigh In: Rachel Cruze's Guidance

Rachel Cruze offers compassionate yet firm advice, emphasizing the importance of financial boundaries when dealing with a loved one's addiction:

“I would keep the money completely separate, and I wouldn't allow that person to have that kind of access to the money because they're dealing with something that is a health struggle for them.” (02:07)

She underscores that granting access to funds only enables the addiction, asserting that the caller’s husband is unlikely to use the money responsibly. Rachel advises full transparency in finances and highlights the futility of allowing the addicted individual to have discretionary funds.

When pressed about the effectiveness of the $500 allowance, Rachel questions the intent behind it:

“When you give him $500, what's the intent of that money? What are you thinking he's going to spend it on?” (03:21)

She ultimately advocates for cutting off financial support to prevent further enabling of the addiction, stressing that substantial sums like $500 are too much for someone battling such issues.

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4. Dave Ramsey's Strategic Recommendations

Dave Ramsey complements Rachel's advice by urging decisive action to protect the family's financial stability and emotional well-being:

“He needs to agree to go to AA tomorrow. And you need to cut off all ties.” (04:34)

Ramsey recommends:

• Immediate Enlistment in Support Groups: Encouraging attendance in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to address the root of the addiction.

• Freezing Credit and Financial Separation: Ensuring the husband has no access to joint finances or credit, thereby preventing further financial harm.

• Reaffirming Financial Goals: Reinforcing the importance of communication, trust, and unity in managing finances, which are currently compromised due to the addiction.

He emphasizes that until the husband is ready to confront his addiction, the responsibility of paying off debts and maintaining financial order falls solely on the wife.

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5. Personal Reflections and Emotional Toll

The caller reflects on the emotional strain of the situation, revealing her exhaustion and desire to sever financial ties completely:

“I really hate it. I know. I. I hate it.” (04:17)

She acknowledges the difficulty of adhering to a strict budget when her husband persistently asks for more funds, despite professional advice:

“Our therapist has said, don't, you know, give in to that. And sometimes it's just really hard.” (03:34)

Rachel and Dave validate her feelings, reinforcing that setting firm boundaries is not only appropriate but necessary for the safety and financial security of the family.

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6. Impact on Family and Future Steps

The couple has two toddlers, adding urgency to resolving the financial and emotional turmoil. Dave Ramsey prompts the caller to engage her husband in a serious conversation about the family's future:

“Have you sat down with them real seriously and went, listen, I care about this family? I don't want to see my kids lose their dad to this addiction. Are you willing to do what it takes for our family?” (06:31)

Despite her husband's hesitant responses and communication barriers, the focus remains on safeguarding the family's well-being and ensuring that the children are not adversely affected by the ongoing issues.

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7. Conclusion and Final Advice

As the episode draws to a close, Rachel Cruze reinforces the necessity of enforcing financial boundaries to maintain safety and stability:

“You should not feel bad for enforcing those boundaries because it's keeping everything safe.” (06:20)

Dave Ramsey reiterates the importance of taking control of the situation by prioritizing debt repayment and addressing the addiction head-on.

The episode concludes with a reminder for listeners to utilize tools like the EveryDollar budgeting app to manage their finances effectively, though these segments are minimal compared to the substantive content.

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Key Takeaways

• Financial Boundaries are Crucial: In situations involving addiction, maintaining strict control over finances prevents further enabling behavior.

• Seek Professional Help: Engaging in counseling and support groups is essential for both financial and personal healing.

• Prioritize Family Well-being: Protecting the safety and financial security of loved ones, especially children, should remain a top priority.

• Open Communication is Vital: Despite challenges, striving for honest and transparent discussions about finances and personal struggles is necessary for resolution.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Caller on Progress: “we have paid off $45,000 in two years from 71,000. So we're almost there.” (00:06)

• Rachel Cruze on Financial Separation: “I would keep the money completely separate, and I wouldn't allow that person to have that kind of access to the money because they're dealing with something that is a health struggle for them.” (02:07)

• Dave Ramsey's Directive: “He needs to agree to go to AA tomorrow. And you need to cut off all ties.” (04:34)

• Caller’s Emotional Struggle: “I really hate it. I know. I. I hate it.” (04:17)

• Rachel Cruze on Enforcing Boundaries: “You should not feel bad for enforcing those boundaries because it's keeping everything safe.” (06:20)

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Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights poignantly addresses the intersection of financial management and personal addiction within a marriage. Through compassionate dialogue and strategic advice, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze provide a roadmap for individuals facing similar challenges, emphasizing the importance of financial discipline, professional support, and unwavering commitment to family well-being.

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Timestamps

• 00:02 – Dave Ramsey introduces the episode.
• 00:06 – Caller shares her financial progress and concerns.
• 00:32 – Dave Ramsey inquires about the husband's spending behavior.
• 01:24 – Caller explains the nature of her husband's addiction.
• 02:07 – Rachel Cruze advises on financial separation.
• 03:21 – Rachel Cruze questions the intent behind the $500 allowance.
• 04:17 – Caller expresses her frustration with the situation.
• 04:34 – Dave Ramsey recommends seeking AA and financial severance.
• 06:20 – Rachel Cruze emphasizes the importance of enforcing boundaries.
• 07:39 – Episode concludes with brief mentions of budgeting tools.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

My question and situation is we're in baby step two, and we have paid off $45,000 in two years from 71,000. So we're almost. And my husband has a spending problem with part of addiction. So I'm at this point of considering just separating our finances to get through this, but I know I don't want to separate finances, and we've been doing so well.

[Dave Ramsey]

So something happen where he derailed?

[Caller]

No, it's. It's basically just he has a limit of 500amonth, and he keeps spending over one month out of the year.

[Rachel Cruze]

He'll.

[Caller]

He'll get right on there, but most of the time, it's way over.

[Rachel Cruze]

How is he spending over? How is he doing it?

[Caller]

Yeah, so we've tried so many different ways from cash to debit card to even a credit card from, like, before, but now we don't. But he's been spending, and it's just on his addiction. So he just wants more money. So he keeps asking me every week for money, and I'm like, no, we gotta stay on budget. And so it's just kind of that up and downhill as we go.

[Rachel Cruze]

So even the 500 that you're giving him, he's spending on the addiction, whether it's cash, whether it's a debit card.

[Dave Ramsey]

And what's the nature of his addiction?

[Caller]

So he likes to drink beer, and he smokes cigarettes as well.

[Rachel Cruze]

Has he gone through any, you know, rehab or counseling for that?

[Caller]

Currently we are going to marriage counseling right now. We are still talking about trying to get him to quit smoking. And right now it's just kind of like that. That steady flow of, like, he wants to, but it's not quite getting there yet.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is he in a.

[Caller]

Not currently, no.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is he willing to.

[Caller]

I would hope so. But every time that we try to talk about it, he doesn't really want to say much about it. He doesn't really communicate that well with me, especially on those topics.

[Rachel Cruze]

I got to tell you, I would keep the money completely separate, and I wouldn't allow that person to have that kind of access to the money because they're dealing with something that is a health struggle for them. It's a mental struggle for them, and they're not in a place where they can handle money. 500 is a lot of money. And especially if it's just like, here, here's 500. It's. There's no. There's no good that can come of that. Now, I do think that if you're in charge of the money, what a great thing to do would be, hey, let's sit down together. Here's what we make. Here's what we have. Here's what I'm doing with the money. So he's got full transparency. He can see everything that's happening. But if you're handing a person who's addicted to alcohol $500 a month, they're going to spend it on alcohol. And that's the nature of the disease he's working through right now.

[Caller]

Yeah. So when I am full control of the money and he's okay with that, I do, you know, we have conversations at least three times a month about it. I keep talking to him about it. So it's just trying to stay on that budget of making sure that it's there because it used to be way more. So right now we're just trying to make sure that we don't go over budget. So I think that might be the. Just the problem right now instead of, like the addiction problem. I know that's still a big problem.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, you said you opened with, hey, I gave him $500, and he's spending over it. And what he's spending over is on beer. So my question is, when you give him $500, what's the intent of that money? What are you thinking he's going to spend it on?

[Caller]

Yeah, so I kind of did. I love finances, so I've gone through, like, the money aspect. So smokes of how many per week? Beer as well. And then there's that extra, like, 10 to $15 of, you know, snacks from 711 or something like that. So I kind of even it out through there each week. And so I give it to him each week. And it's been going okay. It's just by the time it's about Friday or Thursday, he asked for more, and I'm like, no. And our therapist has said, don't, you know, give in to that. And sometimes it's just really hard.

[Rachel Cruze]

So, you know, he's got a problem with alcohol, and yet it's still okay to fund him. Go going to 711 to get alcohol as long as he stays in budget.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well.

[Caller]

And so that didn't feel right. I really hate it. I know. I. I hate it.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I think you've been putting up with this for too long, but you're doing.

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean, I want to cut him off completely.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why not? Why not? He's hurting himself. No, no.

[Dave Ramsey]

He needs to agree to go to AA tomorrow.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

And you need to cut off all ties. You need to make sure his credit is frozen, give him no access to further money until he shows that he can be trustworthy. Because there's a prerequisite to combining finances, and that's communication, trust, unity, and alignment. And he doesn't have those right now. He can't have those because he's going through an addiction.

[Caller]

And.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so he needs to deal with that. And right now it's going to be you hustling to try to pay off this debt while he deals with his addiction, because right now he's dragging this whole thing down until he deals with it.

[Caller]

Agree that it's an addiction. So it's more like of a habit to.

[Rachel Cruze]

But you know that it is. And here's the thing, and I think this is so true. You know when something has got a hold on you, when the people who love you most are saying, you know, this is making me uncomfortable, or this is really causing a problem in our relationship and they can't stop. Like, they. That's when. Even if it's just a couple of drinks, if you say, hey, this is important to me and it's making me uncomfortable, it's making me feel unsafe, it's making our finances in disarray. Even if it's two drinks a night, if a person is still struggling to get control over that, there is a problem there. I'm not saying they're like an all, you know, I'm not that person that can say that. But wouldn't you agree if you can't just say, okay, yeah, I can. I can stop that behavior, or I can get a hold of that. That denotes that there is some sort of an issue there, a control issue that they're struggling with. And so if you see it, you've got the advantage of saying, I see that. He doesn't see it, but I see it and the counselor sees it. I. I cannot keep playing into that and keep feeding into that by giving him large sums of money. Like $500 a month is a lot of money, no matter how you slice it out.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is he working full time?

[Caller]

Yes, he works full time. I work full time. I also have two jobs as well.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you guys have kids?

[Caller]

Yes, we have two toddlers.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, my goodness. Have you sat down with them real seriously and went, listen, I care about this family? I don't want to see my kids lose their dad to this addiction. Are you willing to do what it takes for our family?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And he says, yes, Ma'am.

[Caller]

He kind of disagrees with me. That's where it gets tense, is he doesn't really know how to communicate with me.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is really tough until he gets into AA or somewhere where he can start walking through that rehabilitation. It's going to be tough. And for you, you've got to be able to just step in and say, okay, these are the things that I can control. These are the parts of the equation where I can keep us safe. Because it's. You're the adult now. You're the functioning adult in this relationship. So it's up to you to keep your family safe, your kids safe, your finances safe, keep the safety in the home. And you have an opportunity to do that. And I, you know, just want to validate that. You should not feel bad for enforcing those boundaries because it's keeping everything safe. If you let him have control of that money, it's going to put you guys in a financially unsafe situation. So that's our take on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, sorry. Going through that. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.