My Husband Hid Our Finances, Now He Wants A Divorce

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Husband Hid Our Finances, Now He Wants A Divorce
Date: March 13, 2026
Featured Hosts: Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze
Guest Caller: Susan

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Susan calls in to share her challenging marital and financial situation. After six years of marriage marked by secrecy and financial control by her husband—an accountant who kept her out of their financial affairs and pressured her to sign an unusual prenup—Susan’s insistence on transparency has led to divorce threats. She seeks guidance on her financial responsibilities, potential liabilities, and next steps for protecting herself as her husband faces mounting debts. Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze offer advice on legal responsibilities, personal empowerment, and urgent steps for Susan’s future independence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Background: Financial Control and Lack of Transparency

• Susan describes marrying a man who pressured her into signing a blank prenup right before their wedding—something she refused.
• Throughout their marriage, finances were kept secret from Susan. Her husband gave her a limited allowance and controlled all major bills while she covered minor expenses.
• Susan only recently began demanding financial transparency, which led directly to her husband seeking a divorce.
• Her husband owns a business that’s failing and has created a new side business, accruing significant debt.

Notable Quote:

“He gives me a small allowance... but finances have always been kept a secret.”
(Susan, 01:09)

Assessing Susan’s Financial Liability

• Susan is unsure about her liability for her husband’s business debts, mortgage, and other obligations.
• Dave and Rachel clarify:
  • If her name isn’t on the debt, she generally isn’t responsible for it.
  • She may not benefit from any house equity if her name isn’t on the mortgage or deed.

Notable Quotes:

“If your name's not on [the debt], you're not responsible for it.”
(Dave Ramsey, 03:46)

“You don’t have... any equity that’s built into this thing.”
(Rachel Cruze, 04:45)

Legal and Marital Realities

• Rachel and Dave highlight that Susan’s husband’s actions amount to extreme financial control, not partnership.
• Rachel advises that Susan faces a choice: stay and hope for change (which seems unlikely) or move on and protect herself.

Notable Quotes:

“This is an overlord, not a husband. He’s acting like some, you know, crazy, maniacal overlord.”
(Dave Ramsey, 03:00)

“It is the most controlled financial situation on his benefit and not yours. And that's unfair.”
(Rachel Cruze, 06:06)

Immediate Action Steps for Susan

• Legal help is critical: Dave and Rachel stress the importance of consulting a qualified divorce attorney to fully understand her rights, especially regarding marital property and state law nuances.
• Economic independence: Susan must assume she will not receive financial support and act accordingly by securing employment and opening her own bank account.

Notable Quotes:

“Go get a job…because you're going to need to go rent an apartment or go find another divorced lady who needs a roommate. This is your reality right now.”
(Dave Ramsey, 08:21)

“Either way, go get a job. You're functioning as an individual whether you stay in the marriage or not, which means you need money to your name, Susan.”
(Rachel Cruze, 08:44)

Susan’s Situation and Progress

• Susan recently finished school to become a master esthetician but is worried about supporting herself.
• At 59, she has no retirement accounts or significant assets.
• Rachel and Dave both commend Susan for taking steps to empower herself, encourage her to start working immediately, and rebuild her financial foundation.

Notable Quotes:

“I’m proud of you for going back to school, though. Seriously, you're making some...right...the right steps.”
(Rachel Cruze, 09:17)

“You have a very good skill, and you can work and make enough money as an esthetician. You can. So now you must.”
(Dave Ramsey, 09:38)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:07 — Susan shares the prenup incident and lack of financial discussion during dating.
• 01:09 — Description of marriage financial arrangement and escalation toward divorce.
• 02:26 — Susan asks about her potential responsibility for her husband’s debts.
• 03:00 — Dave denounces the controlling dynamic.
• 03:46 — Clarification on responsibility for debts not in Susan’s name.
• 04:12-04:45 — Mortgage discussion and implications for Susan’s access to equity.
• 06:06 — Rachel emphasizes the severity and unfairness of the situation.
• 08:21–08:59 — Strong advice for Susan to seek work and financial independence.
• 09:38 — Dave reaffirms Susan’s earning potential as an esthetician and stresses urgency.
• 09:52 — Advice to open her own bank account and start over financially.

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Memorable Moments & Tone

• Empathy and Support: Consistent throughout, with Dave and Rachel offering understanding but tough love.
• Highlight on Independence: The repeated message is that Susan must act decisively for her own security.
• Call to Action: Multiple reminders for Susan—and listeners in similar situations—to take control, seek legal counsel, and build self-sufficiency without waiting for the other party to change.

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Summary for Listeners

This episode candidly addresses the intersection of marriage, secrecy, and financial abuse. Through practical advice and emotional support, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze empower Susan—and listeners—to take control, seek fairness, and understand their legal and financial standing. The episode is both a wake-up call and a roadmap for anyone facing financial manipulation in a relationship.

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Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Susan]

I have been married for six years to my husband. When we got married, he wanted me to sign a last minute prenup day before we were going to go get married. Nothing was written up, so I didn't agree to sign anything because he wanted me to sign a blank piece of paper and, and have him and his attorney was going to write up whatever he told him to. And I said, well, that's. We've never even discussed finances in our year of dating, so I'm not comfortable doing that.

[Rachel Cruze]

Good for you.

[Dave Ramsey]

Good for you. I've never even heard of such a crazy request.

[Susan]

Well, yeah, so the day before we were leaving to go out of state to go get married, he, he said, well, I want you to come down to the attorneys and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I just said, well. And then he said, well, don't you trust me? And I said, this is ridiculous. I said we've never even talked about, about finances. And when we were dating, he was throwing money around like he had all this money, but I didn't know what he had or didn't have.

[Rachel Cruze]

Sure.

[Susan]

Anyway, so anyway, fast forward, I didn't sign it. I'm like not signing a blank piece of paper. That's ridiculous. And so anyway, so fast forward six years. Finance finances have always been kept a secret. He gives me a small allowance he puts in a joint checking to cover, you know, whatever small things on the side. He pays the main bills, you know, I pay the groceries and other small things. But anyway, so now he, fast forward, he wants a divorce because I've finally put my foot down and said I'm not going to leave in secrecy anymore. You either become transparent because as far as I can tell, somehow he's acting. He's put his one business. I think it's like going in the hole because he's an accountant and he went from having a dozen employees to having two. And anyway, I think he's just lost a lot of money so he started another driving business on the side and he started that a year and a half ago and went into a ton of debt for that.

[Dave Ramsey]

So. Susan, this is really bad and I am so sorry you're going through this. What specifically would you like us to weigh in on today?

[Susan]

Well, I'm just wondering with, with all this debt, I'm like, what am I responsible for? And, and is he really in debt or is he not in. I mean, I don't really know what's

[Rachel Cruze]

his, what's his reasoning. When you. When you push him to the point that he said, I'm going to divorce you, when you push him on. I want transparency. I want to see everything. What's his response? Is it. It's none of your business. Is it?

[Susan]

Yes. Like, yes, okay, I just said I need to know what's going on. Like, where are we and how can I help him? What's going on? And he says, I'm not telling you. It's none of your business.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, this is an overlord, not a husband. He's acting like some, you know, crazy, maniacal overlord.

[Guest Speaker]

I think.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let's answer your question as technically as we can.

[Guest Speaker]

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[Dave Ramsey]

If your name's not on it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, the debt, you're not gonna be responsible.

[Dave Ramsey]

You're not responsible for it. So. But that doesn't really help you with your problem is that you don't know what he's done.

[Susan]

You're.

[Dave Ramsey]

You don't know what he's put in your name. Do you guys have a mortgage?

[Susan]

We. We have a mortgage. So right after we got married, he had the house appraised.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are you on the mortgage?

[Susan]

No.

[Dave Ramsey]

Your name's not on the mortgage.

[Rachel Cruze]

Only his is.

[Susan]

No. So he bought the home about a year before we got.

[Dave Ramsey]

Great.

[Susan]

About a year and a half.

[Dave Ramsey]

Great news for you. Great news for you.

[Susan]

So then we got married, and then a couple months later, he. He decides. Doesn't even tell me that he's talking to the bank about refinancing. So the morning of. I said, where are you going? He goes, I'm going down to the bank. I'm refinancing the house. And I said, oh, well, that would have been a good thing to know. And anyway, so he just goes down and does it. And I'm like, well, wait a minute. We haven't even discussed. We want to put it on 20 or 30 or what? What's the plan? And how much is.

[Dave Ramsey]

But your name is not on it. Even after the refi Nothing.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Which means you. Okay. So that is, that's hard because any, any equity that's built into this thing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Either you, you don't have. You don't have, which is a negative. But also if he is underwater a hundred grand in business loans and he has to file bankruptcy, they're going to take the house and, and use the equity in that to, I mean, you know what I mean? Like that gets.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Our hope is that your name's not on any of his debt. But to Rachel's point, you're not going

[Rachel Cruze]

to benefit from anything from the house. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Susan, the way he's talking to you with money, this doesn't like your marriage overall.

[Susan]

Isn't he engages. No, he doesn't engage in any marital anything.

[Rachel Cruze]

So I think you have to make a decision, Susan. Either he changes and he chooses to be a spouse in this relationship, which means a commitment and transparency and, and oneness and a team in everything healing in all areas of life. I think not just money is what this sounds like. And if he doesn't do that, which he probably won't, then you have to make a decision, Susan, on how you want the rest of your life to be. And we never are pro divorce. Right. Like, I never wanted to get to this point, but I also want you to protect yourself in a situation like this where the allow, like all of it like this is. It is the most controlled financial situation on his benefit and not yours. And that's unfair.

[Susan]

Well, and that's what he's told. You know, I was trying to fix it and go to the counselor and stuff. And, and he just told the counselor, he just said, I set things up the way I wanted it. This is the way it's going to be.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so then you, you have grounds here. We're not recommending divorce. But this is a marriage that's non existent. It's only on paper and who knows what else he's hidden from you. So, yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't know how forthcoming he's going to be in divorce proceedings, but he won't have much when you start getting down to it. So at this point, it's like you have to take your losses and you called asking what do I do about debt? That's in my name. If it's in your name, you're gonna have to walk our process of the baby steps out. And it's a baby step one. Baby step two is you start over. But the reality is you don't know

[Susan]

and we don't build any credit.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's that?

[Susan]

Don't you build any credit after you're married? Any equity that is built, but it's

[Rachel Cruze]

not in your name.

[Susan]

You're married.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's not in your name.

[Rachel Cruze]

It's not your name.

[Dave Ramsey]

Here's the real answer, Susan.

[Susan]

Our state law, it does say that any equity that's built from a marital perspective.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, again, that's where you need a divorce lawyer, a good one, right? We don't know.

[Rachel Cruze]

But I'm saying, though, Susan, if he does. But if he goes and tries to get any. Any assets that he can to avoid a bankruptcy or something, you know what I mean? Like, he's going to be finding.

[Susan]

Right.

[Rachel Cruze]

Anything. Which. Which scares me, that, that there's me nothing for you.

[Susan]

Well, I know. That's what I'm like. I'm gonna.

[Rachel Cruze]

Are you working right now?

[Susan]

No. Okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

Do. Do y' all have kids? Do you have kids?

[Susan]

I went to school. No, I went to school for this last year. I just. I just finished and I have, for you $500 in. In school loans that I have to start paying back and forth.

[Dave Ramsey]

What did you go to school for?

[Susan]

Master esthetician. I have a cosmetology lab.

[Dave Ramsey]

Can you go get. Can you go get a job in the next week or two as an esthetician or doing makeovers at Nordstrom or something like that? Yes.

[Susan]

I don't know. I mean, I probably go to a spa.

[Dave Ramsey]

It was kind of a trick question. The answer to my question is yes.

[Susan]

No, I can't go make enough money in the next month to support myself. That's the answer.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, no. Okay. But that's the wrong. But you got the wrong mindset. I didn't say. To be able to make all that up. You're. You have to now go get a job like Rachel said, because you have to assume that you're not going to get any money out of this and you need a job because you're going to need to go rent an apartment or go find another divorced lady who needs a roommate. This is your reality right now. And I, I hate that I'm telling

[Rachel Cruze]

you this, but it's that or if you choose to stay in the marriage you guys have. No, no, I'm just saying. Yeah, either way, go get a job. You're functioning as an individual whether you stay in the marriage or not, which means you need money to your name, Susan.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, so go get a full time

[Rachel Cruze]

job because you don't even know. He could take everything tomorrow, you know, I know. So how old are you?

[Susan]

59.

[Rachel Cruze]

59. Okay. Do you have any retirement anything in your name?

[Susan]

No.

[Guest Speaker]

No.

[Susan]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. Urgency.

[Susan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's the work.

[Rachel Cruze]

I'm proud of you for going back to school, though.

[Dave Ramsey]

Absolutely.

[Rachel Cruze]

Seriously, you're making some. Right. The right steps.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

But there's some.

[Susan]

Well, I just kept seeing this coming, and I'm like, I've got to have some. Some more. Something.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Susan]

As a foundation to be able to earn some money. And I'm just like. I'm. I'm just like. What you're saying. I'm scared that I'm going to be left with nothing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah. But here's the deal. Here's the good news. You have a very good skill, and you can work and make enough money as an esthetician. You can. So now you must.

[Susan]

But what do I do in the meantime if I don't have any access to funds?

[Dave Ramsey]

You open up your own bank account. You're a grown woman. Your money goes into your account.

[Rachel Cruze]

Go to Target for now, if you need to, you know, go work somewhere and you start your own financial life.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Today, create your free everydollar budget. Today, the simplest way to budget for your life.