My Husband Left Me And Our 4 Kids (File for Bankruptcy?)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Husband Left Me And Our 4 Kids (File for Bankruptcy?)"
Date: February 28, 2026
Hosts: Jaden (C), George (D)
Caller: Emily (B)

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally raw episode, a caller named Emily seeks advice from the hosts after her husband abandoned her and their four young children. She faces not only financial instability but also the emotional toll of extricating herself from an abusive marriage. Emily asks if bankruptcy or a second mortgage is her best move, and the hosts provide empathetic, actionable guidance to help her protect her assets and regain her financial footing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Emily’s Situation and Main Concerns

• Background: Emily is a disabled veteran, stay-at-home mom of four (all under five years old), struggling with the fallout of an emotionally abusive, now-absent husband.
• Immediate Need: Emily is worried about cash flow, legal costs for divorce, and mounting debts. She needs help deciding whether bankruptcy, a second mortgage, or another option is best.
• Family and Location: Her closest family is three hours away. She lives rurally, limiting housing and job options.
  • Quote: "I live in kind of a unique area...there's nothing for rent near me, and jobs are few and far between." (00:37, Emily)
• Ownership: The marital home is solely in her name, purchased before marriage.
• Income: Receives $2,600/month in VA disability; recently started a business generating approx. $1,600/month (variable).
• Husband’s Actions: He earned $225,000 as an owner-operator truck driver last year, but contributed just $29,000 to the household over 13 months, recently stop communicating, and has rerouted his paycheck elsewhere.
• Debt Profile:
  • $34,000 left on mortgage, with about $58,000 in equity
  • $41,000 in student loans
  • $22,000 on credit cards
  • $6,000 on car loan
• Emergency Fund: Down to roughly $4,000 after using up a VA back payment.

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Hosts’ Advice and Guidance

1. Assessment of Living Situation

• Strong Advice Against Selling the Home:
  • The hosts insist keeping the house is wisest. Lower mortgage and significant equity make it the best current living option for a family of five.
    • Quote: "I don't think you're going to find anywhere cheaper to live for a family of five, do you? Do you agree or disagree?" (06:46, Jaden)
  • Emily agrees: "I completely agree." (06:49)

2. Budgeting and Cash Flow

• Budget Deficit Explained:
  • Emily is running a $1,000+ monthly deficit; budgeted living expenses are $4,500–$5,000/month vs. income of ~$3,600–$3,800.
    • Quote: "That's why this is dwindling so quickly. But there's also a path to get your income up with the business." (05:55, Jaden)
• Tool Recommendation:
  • The hosts urge Emily to use their EveryDollar app to track and refine her budget for any available margin.

3. Legal Steps and Personal Protection

• Legal Representation:
  • Emily must find a local attorney, even though rural location makes it challenging.
  • Hosts suggest seeking recommendations from local community members (church, friends).
• Immediate Actions:
  • Change home locks post-filing for divorce to prevent husband’s sudden entries. (06:50)
  • Freeze credit—Emily confirms she’s already done this to prevent husband from opening new debts in her name.

4. Debt and Bankruptcy

• Avoid Bankruptcy or House Sale For Now:
  • Not recommended immediately. Wait for divorce process to clarify asset/debt division.
    • Quote: "I wouldn't try to pay anything off just yet...Because once this goes to court, who knows how this is going to get split, including the house." (08:02, Jaden)
• Don't pay off debts just yet:
  • Pause aggressive debt repayment until legal outcomes are clear.

5. Long-Term Recovery

• Child/Spousal Support:
  • Quick divorce process is key to unlocking alimony and child support so the family can breathe financially.
    • Quote: "The faster we get through this process of divorce, the faster we can hope for some alimony and child support, which means you can breathe again..." (07:48, George)
• Job/Income Outlook:
  • Emily’s business offers hope, but may plateau due to rural economy—still, it’s a promising area for potential growth. Host encourages continued focus on increasing income.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Emily on her situation:
  • "I'm trying to figure out how to create some margin, hire a lawyer. And... what's the next best move, to file bankruptcy or take out a second mortgage...?" (00:07)
• Hosts’ empathy and support:
  • "I'm sorry that you're going through this..." (02:15, Jaden)
  • "I can't imagine. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Emily. This fact that this guy's not even covering the expenses for his own children and just abandon the family just breaks my heart. And I know you'll get through it. You're a survivor and a warrior." (08:28, George)
• Proactive steps:
  • "Change the locks once you file for divorce." (06:50, Jaden)
  • "Freeze your credit...because my fear is he's opening debts in your name." (07:42, George)

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Important Timestamps

• Rural limitations and support context: 00:37
• Legal ownership of house: 00:54
• Income and husband's financial abandonment: 01:09, 01:25
• Emergency fund and recent financial actions: 02:28
• Debt breakdown: 03:34
• Monthly budget deficit outlined: 05:32–05:53
• Advice against immediate home sale: 06:30
• Securing personal safety and legal process: 06:50–07:48
• Child and spousal support outlook: 07:48–08:02

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Summary Verdict

The hosts compassionately steer Emily away from knee-jerk drastic options like bankruptcy or selling her house. Instead, they counsel her to prioritize legal protection, secure her assets by freezing credit and changing locks, and lean into her current budgeting tools and business income. The ultimate goal: stabilize her situation until the divorce can bring clarity—and, hopefully, fair support for her and her children.

This episode is a testament to the show's blend of empathy and practicality—offering real hope amid financial and emotional crisis.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I am a stay at home mom, and I'm trying to get out of an abusive marriage, an emotionally abusive marriage. My husband's basically abandoned this. I've got four small children. They're five years old and under. And I'm trying to figure out how to create some margin, hire a lawyer. And I'm just trying to figure out what's the next best move to file bankruptcy or take out a second mortgage on the house or something else. And I've got all my financial information written down if you want that.

[C]

Is there any support near you? Family, friends, church?

[B]

My family all lives about three hours away and they're doing what they can to help me. I live in kind of a unique area where there's not like I can't just sell the house and go rent. There's nothing for rent near me, and jobs are few and far between.

[C]

Is your house in your name?

[B]

Yes, it's solely in my name. I bought it before we were married.

[C]

Okay, how long have you been married?

[B]

Since 2018.

[D]

Okay, and what's your household income right now?

[B]

I am. I'm a disabled veteran and I'm receiving disability benefits of about $2,600 a month.

[D]

Okay, and then is his income covering any expenses for you guys or is he kind of cut off access?

[B]

He's. I think he's rerouting his paycheck someplace else. He's a over the road truck driver. He's an owner operator. I've done his taxes forever. He'll gross about 225,000 from last year. And I was only able to move over 29,000 to help pay household bills out of the last 13 months. I've paid for the entirety of the bills six months out of the year.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Okay. So he just kind of up and left. Is that he?

[B]

Well, being over the road, he's. He's gone a lot, but he's not called me since September. He's showed up at the house unannounced a couple of times for a few days at a time. And it's just been weird.

[D]

Like, just to crash?

[B]

Yeah, like over Thanksgiving and Christmas. Otherwise, he usually parks at a friend's house a couple of hours away.

[D]

Oh, gosh.

[C]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, so thank you. Tell us more about. So you've been covering the bills just out of your money?

[B]

Correct.

[C]

And is there. Is there any margin? Sorry, say it again.

[B]

Oh, I received a lump sum back payment from the VA a year ago.

[C]

How much was that?

[B]

42,000.

[C]

Okay, and what did you. Has that allowed you to be current? What did that allow you to do?

[B]

I was able to, I put six months worth of bills and savings. You know, I had a cushion of six months.

[C]

Okay. Emergency fund.

[B]

And then I paid off some debt and I started a business in May. And that's actually been helping a lot.

[C]

Okay, so how much debt do you have left?

[A]

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[D]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[D]

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[A]

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[C]

Okay, so how much debt do you have Left?

[B]

I owe 34,000 on the house with about 58,000 in equity. I've got 41,000 in student loans, 22,000 in credit cards, and I owe 6,000 on my vehicle.

[C]

Okay, and how much is in that emergency fund?

[B]

I've got enough to fund February.

[C]

How much is that?

[B]

I'd have to look. I think it's down to 4,000 right now.

[D]

So you burn through the emergency fund. So you got 4,000 left to your name, essentially, yes, sir.

[C]

Okay. $58,000. $58,000 of equity. 41,000. Okay. And tell me again, did I hear you say I wrote down a lot of numbers? Did I hear you say your income at this point, is it 2600amonth? Is that what I heard you say?

[B]

2600amonth? And then my business, I just started it in May, so the numbers have been different about every month. But right now I'm grossing about 1600.

[C]

Good.

[B]

And about a third thousand to 1200. And I'm hoping that it, it just continues to grow, especially as we get into the summer.

[C]

Okay, so fair enough. Like around 3600 is what maybe you could count on per month.

[D]

Do you have your own bank account that is not at the same bank your husband has?

[B]

I do, yes.

[D]

Okay, good. Is that what you've been routing all of your money?

[B]

That's correct.

[C]

Good. What do you pay? What's the mortgage every month? What do you pay?

[B]

$933.

[C]

Good, good. Okay, so tell us right now what's on fire besides your marriage, financially, what's the thing that you're like, help me understand this, Jaden and George, I don't

[B]

know how to pay bills after February and I need to hire an attorney.

[C]

Okay. So I think that you can pay the bills after February, tell us how much the deficit is. When you take your 3600, you pay the 900 in the mortgage, you pay your debts. Is there. You pay for food and transportation. Is. Is there anything left?

[B]

I've got life insurance payments and then. Oh, geez. What else? Oh, electricity and propane and normal stuff. So it's usually about. My budget's about 4,500 to 5,000.

[C]

Okay. Okay. And that's in everydollar

[B]

I'm using. You need a budget at the moment.

[C]

Okay. I want you to pop into every dollar because everydollar is going to help you find margin anywhere possible. You'll be able to tell it about your specific situation and it's going to work overtime to find you money anywhere. So right now you're $1,000 deficit every single month. So that's why this is dwindling so quickly. I can see. But there's also a path to get your income up right, with the business.

[B]

Yes, it's been very slow. I mean, it keeps changing, but I see it being capped at some point with the market becoming saturated.

[C]

Okay, so what I don't think you should do, and I don't think that you need to sell your house right. Right away. I think you're actually, you're paying a little less than 900 bucks a month. I think I heard you say you're in a good equity position with it. You don't owe a ton on it. I don't think you're going to find anywhere cheaper to live for a family of five, do you? Do you agree or disagree?

[B]

I completely agree.

[C]

Okay. What I would do is change the locks once you file for divorce. I would change the lock so that he's not just coming up in there willy nilly.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Okay. And then is there anybody in your community who can set you up with a good attorney or who could recommend a good attorney?

[B]

I've been shopping for three months now, and we live so rural. I've been told that I live too far away.

[C]

What's that mean?

[B]

The attorneys don't want to drive to the courthouse in my location if they had to.

[D]

Got it.

[C]

Okay, understood.

[D]

And are all the debts in your name solely or is anything joint or is anything in his name solely?

[B]

The ones that I named are either in my name or our joint. He's got his own mess he's been opening up credit cards for the last two years, and he's got.

[D]

Have you frozen your credit yet? Because my fear is he's opening debts in your name.

[B]

I have frozen it, and I check on it.

[D]

Okay, well, here's the truth. The faster we get through this process of divorce, the faster we can hope for some alimony and child support, which means you can breathe again, and that'll get you to fight another day and hopefully clean up some of these debts.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't try to pay anything off just yet. I wouldn't try to sell your house or anything like that just yet. Because once this goes to court, who knows how this is going to get split, including the house. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the. The laws are in your area. He's been living there since 2018, so I'm not sure if any of that will be up for grabs. But. Yeah, change the locks, freeze the credit, and file for divorce and figure out how to pay for it. Because you got to divorce this guy, right?

[D]

I can't imagine. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Emily. This fact that this guy's not even covering the expenses for his own children and just abandon the family just breaks my heart. And I know you'll get through it. You're. You're a survivor and a warrior. But it's going to be a process to get to the other side of this and see some light. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.