B (2:14)

I know that some of them are. I think they're.

D (2:17)

I mean they'll all be personal.

C (2:19)

Yeah, but you're not taking it out on the business. To John's point.

B (2:22)

Okay.

C (2:25)

Gosh, Kate, how much do you guys make a year?

B (2:29)

He pays himself as a W2 employee with his company and he. 60,000 a year is how he does it.

C (2:39)

Okay.

B (2:42)

We will be filing bankruptcy in markets not even Optional. There's no way out.

C (2:48)

Yeah. Have you guys spoken to an attorney?

B (2:51)

We have. And that was, that was the question I had. Should I get a job? My husband doesn't think it's in my best interest to get a job because he thinks it actually might hurt the situation more than help it.

C (3:02)

Because you're what, like showing more income or something?

B (3:06)

Because we file our taxes jointly and so he thinks that's going to increase our household income.

D (3:10)

Dude, you're so far past that situation. Here's what you have. Here's what getting a job would do for you right now. Like, the world you knew as of like two weeks ago doesn't exist anymore. The integrity of the man you anchored your life to doesn't exist anymore. And like, you owning that reality is really important.

B (3:35)

I understand that.

D (3:36)

And taking money advice and, well, it's gonna bracket us from the person that just did that. That's like. That's like your spouse cheating on you and then giving you dating advice.

A (3:47)

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D (4:17)

That's like. That's like your spouse cheating on you and then giving you dating advice. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm not taking that, that kind of advice from you in this moment right now.

B (4:29)

Well, you guys are much smarter, wiser than I. So what do you have? This? I.

D (4:35)

We call it financial infidelity.

B (4:36)

Yeah.

D (4:37)

Yeah.

C (4:37)

So, Kate, if I were you, I would be. I would be separating everything right now because this part of your marriage no longer has trust. Right. And John can talk about what it looks like to rebuild that, but for you. And you're expecting, right? A baby, correct?

B (4:52)

Yes. And I already have a one year old.

C (4:55)

Yeah, probably. Like what I would probably do today is I would go down to the bank and get a separate checking account. And when he pays himself, I would split it 50, 50 and just have your own money in an account for right now. And then you guys need to look at what it looks like going forward because for you to. What John's saying is like creating safety for you, Kate, is what I'm looking for here in a financial situation now you having a baby and being pregnant like that, I mean it does, it adds so many complexities because do you go and put the kid in daycare and try to get a part time job? I mean realistically like you know, probably not like daycare is going to cost as much as, you know. I mean I know how expensive that stuff is. So.

B (5:41)

Yeah.

C (5:42)

So looking at it. So what I would do probably right now is I would tell him I need 50% of the paycheck and I'm having my own account because you need to start rebuilding your own side of your, of the finances in marriage. And then unless you guys can get to a point where you are rebuilding your marriage and the trust of the money comes after all of that. But you're gonna probably be in a holding pattern for a bit. And I wouldn't, I would want every login information. I would have every account. I would freeze his credit so he can't go and borrow more for years.

D (6:21)

Freeze yours too.

C (6:22)

Freeze yours. Your child's too. People take out loans and their kids names and commit fraud that way. And, and the thing with what he's done and I don't obviously we don't know him but. And John, you probably could speak to this way better than I could. But when you find yourself in a hole that deep, you almost become crazy. Like you start to like make decisions that aren't even rational to out of the freak out of trying to get yourself out of this much.

D (6:45)

You go into survival. You don't, you're not thinking anymore.

C (6:47)

Yeah. There's no rational. So, so him like it's not excuse.

D (6:49)

It's not excuse but it's a context.

C (6:51)

Yeah. So like him taking money out on one year old, most people are like that would be crazy. I'm like yeah, but he would be in that desperate situation that he'd probably go and do things like that. Right. So you're just trying to at. I would put as much protection around yourself from a cash flow perspective that's realistic and that he can't tap into anything else. And I would, yeah, I mean I would make sure you have every login account. Do you guys have. I mean. Yeah. Do you have investments? I mean all like when you file bankruptcy they're going to be taking it so much.

B (7:17)

Like do they talk about like your like what investments?

C (7:21)

As far as like 401k Roth IRAs, do you guys have any of those?

B (7:26)

He does. Okay, so I have one but it's just in my name, so they're not going to touch it because all the loans are in his name, not mine.

C (7:32)

So I would have, I would even get.

D (7:34)

I don't know if that's how that

C (7:35)

works, the login information on all of that. Like Junior, I would get as much information as you can to have access to what you need to get to if the time comes.

D (7:43)

And you, you just explained it. You learned something two weeks ago and then you found something out last night. I, I think I can probably count on one hand the number of times somebody has come forward with a spouse and said, hey, I screwed up, I've been cheating, I screwed up with our money, I haven't been employed for a year, whatever, and they get the whole story the first time out. So for you, I would guess that there are. I would, I would predict that there are going to be waves of you uncovering and finding things out. And so the conversation you begin with your husband starts like this. You, husband have burned our trust to the ground. For the next seven days, Here's a roadmap that I want you to follow that we can start practicing in teeny, tiny, tiny little ways to rebuild trust. I want every login, I want our credit reports, I want. I want my own checking account. And then seven days from now, we're gonna get. You're gonna give him another roadmap, very clear that he can follow, and then he gets to decide whether he's gonna follow that or not.

A (8:42)

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