My Husband Used His "Fun Money" To Talk To A Girl In Prison For 3 Years

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "My Husband Used His 'Fun Money' To Talk To A Girl In Prison For 3 Years"

Date: January 27, 2026
Hosts: Ramsey Network (speakers A & C)
Guest Caller: Caroline (B)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode addresses the intersection of financial and emotional infidelity in marriage. Caroline, the caller, seeks advice after uncovering that her husband spent his personal "fun money" over three years to communicate with a female prison pen pal. The conversation centers on rebuilding trust, navigating financial safety, and processing the aftermath—both emotionally and practically.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Discovery of Infidelity—Financial & Emotional (00:06–01:47)

• Caroline reveals she found out her husband had used his designated "fun money" for three years to maintain a relationship with a woman in prison.
• She shares details about how she detected this: discrepancies in their phone bill and her husband's constant lack of funds.
• Caroline acknowledges her struggle processing what she labels "financial and emotional infidelity."
• Hosts clarify that this was a willful choice, not something her husband was “trapped” in.
  • Notable quote:
    • A (Host): “No, he wasn’t trapped. He was willfully doing this on his own volition.” (01:25)

2. Understanding the Prison Pen Pal Situation (01:47–02:29)

• Caroline explains the context: people pay to be prison pen pals, which gives inmates money for commissary or other needs.
• Hosts question if the arrangement might be a scam, but Caroline asserts it's a real, widespread practice.
  • Notable moment:
    • C (Host): “Is this a scam, or is this a real thing? Because it feels like a scam.” (01:47)
    • Caroline: “It actually is a real thing that people are doing...” (01:52)

3. Confrontation and Marital Fallout (02:29–04:25)

• Caroline only discovered the truth four months ago.
• She and her husband are in crisis: she’s pursued individual therapy, and a tree falling on their house has complicated their ability to separate or move.
• There’s hesitance, but attempts at reconciliation, including church attendance and upcoming marriage retreats.
• Her husband resists counseling, calling it “so dark”—potentially indicating more undisclosed issues.
  • Notable exchange:
    • C (Host): “He said, it’s just so dark. Is that what you said?” (04:40)
    • Caroline: “He’s like, it won’t be good. It’s just so dark, his story.” (04:47)

4. The Need for Full Disclosure and Individual Work (05:10–06:27)

• Hosts stress that “everything needs to come into the light” (05:10) if the marriage is to move forward.
• Without full disclosure, rebuilding trust is impossible.
• Both partners should seek counseling—Caroline to regain trust in herself, and her husband to confront unresolved issues.
• Repair must happen individually before any marital healing can begin.
  • Notable quote:
    • C (Host): “It’s a full disclosure situation that you guys need to sit down with a counselor to even move forward. There’s no way you can move forward with half the truth with your marriage.” (05:15)

5. Strategies for Financial Protection and Rebuilding Trust (06:27–09:13)

• Immediate steps recommended:
  • Separate finances until trust is rebuilt.
  • Track and monitor all “fun money.”
  • Pull and freeze the husband’s credit report to prevent undisclosed debt (07:00).
  • Set up transaction alerts for any outgoing funds, ensuring financial transparency (07:23).
• Hosts clarify these steps are not about “being his mom,” but about necessary safeguards until (and if) trust is restored.
• They caution Caroline to remain vigilant, as additional issues (financial or otherwise) could still surface.
  • Notable quote:
    • C (Host): “There has to be some steps, some visible evidence for trust to be rebuilt in the situation, Caroline. So that’s not you being over controlling or like being his mom... This is—there was broken trust within the marriage. Money was involved in it, as it usually is.” (07:33)

6. Emotional Support and Future Steps (09:13–09:56)

• Hosts empathize deeply with Caroline’s pain, referencing the increasing prevalence of such cases.
• Affirm the importance of both partners working on themselves individually—regardless of whether the marriage survives.
• Ultimately, rebuilding trust is a process requiring “action plus time plus counseling plus God.” (09:13)
  • Notable quote:
    • A (Host): “Action plus time plus counseling plus God, that’s going to be the only solution to rebuild this trust and restore this marriage.” (09:13)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• A (Host): “No, he wasn’t trapped. He was willfully doing this on his own volition.” (01:25)
• C (Host): “Is this a scam, or is this a real thing? Because it feels like a scam.” (01:47)
• Caroline: “It actually is a real thing that people are doing...” (01:52)
• C (Host): “It’s a full disclosure situation that you guys need to sit down with a counselor to even move forward. There’s no way you can move forward with half the truth with your marriage.” (05:15)
• C (Host): “There has to be some steps, some visible evidence for trust to be rebuilt in the situation, Caroline.” (07:33)
• A (Host): “Action plus time plus counseling plus God, that’s going to be the only solution to rebuild this trust and restore this marriage.” (09:13)
• C (Host): “...the best line of defense, Caroline, is you work on you. He needs to work on him. And you guys moving forward with all the truth out decide what are we going to do?” (09:43)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:06 Discovery: Caroline explains the pen-pal situation.
• 01:25 Host clarifies husband's responsibility.
• 01:47–02:29 Details and context around prison pen pals.
• 02:44 Timeline on when Caroline discovered the infidelity.
• 03:32–04:25 Marital difficulties, attempts at reconciliation, husband’s reluctance to go to counseling.
• 05:10–05:15 Hosts stress full disclosure, need for counseling.
• 07:00 Hosts outline practical financial protection steps.
• 07:33–08:59 Steps for financial transparency and monitoring.
• 09:13 The path forward: action, time, counseling, faith.

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Conclusion

This episode is a candid, compassionate exploration of the pain and complexity created by secretive financial and emotional behavior in marriage. Caroline’s story is guided with both empathy and clear, practical advice. The hosts encourage her to protect herself financially, seek the full truth, and invest in individual and collective healing, emphasizing that restoration will be neither quick nor easy—but is possible with sustained effort and full disclosure.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I recently found out that my husband's been misusing his fun money to pay for communicating with a prison pen pal.

[C]

And.

[A]

Sorry, did you say prison pen pal?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Like, is that a lady in prison?

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Did he know her before she was in prison?

[B]

No, I guess it was like, some ads that popped up, he said, on a site. So he got in this cycle, and he stopped. But I'm wondering, how do I move on from this financial and emotional infidelity now? And. And trust.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Did he come forward with it, or did you catch him? Like, where is he at with this?

[B]

So I. I caught him because I found some suspicious numbers on. On our phone bill. And so he had been, like, broke all the time, like, just waiting for, you know, couldn't wait for that next, like, fun money to come, but had nothing to show for it. So I. I couldn't figure things out. But though, those. Yeah, I get. I guess it's. It's a thing that people do, and. And he was kind of, like, trapped in it, because I didn't know, so he couldn't tell me. He couldn't, you know, do his phone number. I mean, he just.

[A]

No, he wasn't trapped. He was willfully doing this on his own volition.

[B]

Yeah, you're. You're right. You're right.

[A]

Nobody, like, was forcing him to continue this weird prison pen pal.

[C]

How long was the relationship for?

[B]

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't figure it out. For three years.

[C]

Okay. And it was the same woman.

[A]

Is this a scam, or is this a real thing? Because it feels like a scam.

[B]

So it actually is a real thing that people are doing. Like, I guess the purpose of it is to get people to get out and communicate, you know?

[A]

So who's making the money paying?

[B]

Exactly. So then they're there. So they use the money to put on their records or to buy things in their commissary or. Or who knows what else? Like, I'm not really sure, but it kind of, like, funds their money while they're in commissary.

[A]

Money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is wild.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, that. Yes. Okay. So, I mean, from the financial standpoint, Caroline, are you guys. Well, sorry, let me just back up for a second. When you found out, when did you confront him about this? How long ago was it?

[B]

It's been probably in the past. I would say four months.

[C]

Okay. Are you guys working on your marriage actively right now? Are you seeing someone? Are you. You know, Going to therapy. What are you guys doing?

[D]

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[C]

What are you guys doing?

[B]

So I was. I was going to therapy, and we also had the complication that we had a tree fall on our house. So we were dealing with a hole in our marriage, a hole in our house. So even if we wanted to, like, get divorced, sell the house, we couldn't because we're in. We have this massive hole.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You know, going on. I was talking to somebody in counseling, and he did. I. I just. I was ready to get divorced and I just said, hey, would you be interested in going, like, to church with me, you know, sometime? And it was only because of his reaction of, like, how excited he. He was to, like, try to go to church and know that I was. Maybe there was a way that I was willing to, like, to reconcile.

[C]

Is he doing work on his own, individually.

[B]

Just, like, through the church. And I know we're going to do a marriage retreat soon. He, like, I talked to him about counseling. He's willing, but he's just like, it's just so dark. It's just so. And I told him like, I this in order to.

[C]

He said, it's just so dark. Is that what you said?

[B]

I'm sorry.

[C]

He said, what was his response when you said that he needs to go to counseling?

[B]

Oh, it like the. Out. He's like, it won't be good. It's just so dark, his story.

[C]

Like, what. What's in his head?

[B]

Like, all of that, I think just maybe of like, the whole truth coming out. Like, I maybe only know a portion of it because I wanted to know, like, what did this person go to prison for? In my face. How long were they in PR for?

[A]

You know, if you guys are going to move forward, everything needs to come into the light.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yep. Yeah. It's the only way. Full. It's a full disclosure situation that you guys need to sit down with a counselor to even move forward. There's no way you. You can move forward with Half the truth with your marriage. And George and I are not marriage experts. If Dr. John DeLoney were here, I think he would completely agree with us on that. So, yeah, so this is a. This is a rebuilding because of how deeply cut the trust has been in the marriage. Right. I mean, for. For three years. And at any given period of time. Right. When a spouse steps outside the marriage like that is. That is painful. And that is yet something to really, really be working on for both of you and the individual work for both of you. You having to learn to trust yourself again. For him to face some of his demons and to understand what work he needs to be doing. I mean, yeah, there's. There's a lot of repair that has to happen regardless of if the marriage survives. So I'm just saying individually, to be two healthy people, that's what you guys need. And then moving forward out of that, if you get the whole truth and you still decide, yes, I want to be in this marriage, then yes, then there's all the repair work within the marriage. But from an emotional side, it's definitely going to take some individual work. And then I would say from the financial. I would definitely have. Have a. I would be separating finances. Does he work and do you work? Do you both bring in a paycheck?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. And did we all sharing an account at the time when this happened?

[B]

We were, but because we were working the baby steps, he was doing it with his fun money. So he just was going, where was the.

[C]

But the fun money? Is it. Is the fun money in Yalls checking account?

[B]

Well, we would take it out cash.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

So right now we're at the point that I'm like, in order for me to trust.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Your fund money is going to have to be tracked.

[C]

Tracked 100%. Yes. Oh, I think that's totally fair.

[A]

And I would also pull his credit report and then freeze his credit on top of that. So we want to pull the credit report to make sure there's no outstanding debts that maybe you don't know about and to get a clear picture of what's out there and then freeze his credit so he can't open any new accounts. And that's just one stopgap to make sure that there's no more financial infidelity outside of what's even in your checking account.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I would have transaction alerts set up. So you get a text message. Every time ascent comes out of that bank account, you get a transaction alert. Even if it's just his account right now. If you separate.

[C]

Yeah. Because there has to be some steps, some visible evidence for trust to be rebuilt in the situation, Caroline. So that's not you being over controlling or like being his mom. Right. Some. Some marriages can function so dysfunctionally with money where like one person just has all the control and has to see everything and the other one doesn't know any passwords, all that. And I'm not talking about that. This is. There was a. There was broken trust within the marriage. Money was involved in it, as it usually is. And because of that, in order to rebuild trust, I have to know exactly where the money's going. I need every account, just like his phone records. I need every account of your phone records. Like, there has to be a level of. Of knowledge for you to keep moving forward in this marriage when it comes to building trust.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And I know I'm. I'm really tempted. I know he didn't, you know, I know he didn't steal money from you guys and all of that, but. Because it was allocated to him. But I. I mean, there's almost a part of me. Until you know, that the marriage is going to survive this, I almost would just have my own checking account, Carolyn. And then. But he has to be showing you his transactions out of his. But I'm just scared that something else is gonna come up and you're gonna find whether there's more on the infidelity side with the relationship or even more financially uncovering some stuff.

[A]

Cause you caught him and he still is not telling you the whole truth. And that's the scary part is we just don't know how much more damage there is. And so because of that, I would just be on the cautious defensive side right now. To protect yourself.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then action plus time plus counseling plus God, that's going to be the only solution to rebuild this trust and restore this marriage.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. I'm so sorry, Caroline. That is like. It's so heartbreaking. So heartbreaking. And what's wild are these calls, George, we get. We get pretty consistently whether it's a marriage that, you know, one. One of the two have, you know, made poor choices. But even from the financial infidelity side of taking money and doing things that the spouse didn't know about, it's becoming more and more common. So again, yeah, the best line of defense, Caroline, is you work on you. He needs to work on him. And you guys moving forward with all the truth out decide what are we going to do?

[A]

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