My Husband Wants To Amend Our Prenup

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Husband Wants To Amend Our Prenup"

Episode Information

• Title: My Husband Wants To Amend Our Prenup
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Release Date: April 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a concerned caller reaches out for advice regarding a prenup dispute that has arisen in her marriage. The discussion delves into the complexities of prenups, financial equity in marriage, and the importance of shared financial responsibilities. Experts Dave Ramsey and George Kamel provide insightful perspectives to help the caller navigate this challenging situation.

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Caller’s Situation and Concerns (00:06 - 05:25)

The caller, married since 2017, shares that she entered the marriage with a higher net worth and had signed a prenuptial agreement to keep their separate assets distinct. They reside in her solely owned home, which has appreciated significantly over time. Recently, her husband has requested to amend the prenup to gain an equitable stake in the home—her primary and most valuable asset. Additionally, he has stated that he will no longer contribute to the housing costs unless she shares a portion of the equity with him.

Notable Quotes:

• Caller: “We entered into our marriage in 2017, and each came into our marriage with separate assets and I had a greater net worth than he did.” (00:06)
• Caller: “He’s not going to contribute to housing costs anymore, cost of living here, as long as I’m not contributing any portion of the equity over to him.” (00:27)
• Caller: “We have three kids together. Other than this, we’re mostly happily married.” (03:11)

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Dave Ramsey’s Initial Response (01:31 - 03:05)

Dave Ramsey reacts strongly to the caller’s predicament, characterizing the husband’s behavior as immature and unconstructive. He emphasizes that marriages should be about mutual support rather than business transactions. Ramsey underscores the importance of celebrating each other's successes rather than making demands based on financial standings.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey: “He’s throwing a grown up temper tantrum. He’s being a child.” (01:31)
• Dave Ramsey: “This is not how marriages work. Marriages celebrate each other...” (01:50)
• Dave Ramsey: “I can't imagine this happening. There’s not other things going on in your marriage.” (05:04)

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Advertisement Interruption (02:34 - 03:05)

A brief advertisement for the Knockbox service interrupts the conversation, promoting its utility in organizing financial accounts and estate plans for families.

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George Kamel’s Perspective and Mediation (03:05 - 07:55)

George Kamel steps in to further analyze the caller’s situation. He highlights the financial arrangements in the marriage, noting that the husband pays a portion of the mortgage but has no equity stake in the home. George plays devil’s advocate, suggesting that effectively the husband is “renting” the house from his wife. He proposes a compromise where any equity built during the marriage could be shared, aligning with what he believes is fair.

Notable Quotes:

• George Kamel: “But essentially he’s renting a house from his wife.” (04:09)
• George Kamel: “So here's the deal. Y'all signed a prenup that says...” (05:28)
• George Kamel: “I think there’s a compromise here.” (06:22)

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Further Advice and Emphasis on Shared Finances (07:26 - 08:49)

Dave Ramsey returns to the conversation, expressing concern over the couple’s approach to finances. He observes that the couple treats their marriage more like a business partnership rather than a unified marital partnership. Ramsey advocates for shared financial responsibilities, such as a joint checking account and joint tax filings, to foster unity and collective wealth-building.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey: “You guys have got to begin to be on the same page and sharing money and filing jointly together.” (07:15)
• Dave Ramsey: “When you marry somebody, they can hurt you and they choose every day to love you.” (07:47)
• Dave Ramsey: “Otherwise, you're just great business partners who share a house.” (08:49)

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with a reinforcement of the importance of financial unity in marriage. Both Ramsey and Kamel emphasize that while protecting individual assets is important, fostering a shared financial journey is crucial for marital harmony and wealth accumulation. The caller is encouraged to re-evaluate her financial arrangements with her husband to align more closely with mutual growth and shared responsibilities.

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Key Takeaways:

• Prenuptial Agreements: Essential for protecting individual assets but should allow room for mutual growth and shared investments.
• Financial Unity: Sharing financial responsibilities and accounts can strengthen marital bonds and facilitate joint wealth-building.
• Communication: Open and honest discussions about finances are vital to prevent misunderstandings and foster collaboration.
• Compromise: Finding a middle ground that respects both partners' financial contributions and aspirations is crucial for a healthy marriage.

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Final Note

For more personalized financial advice and strategies to manage your life's finances effectively, consider exploring resources and tools like the EveryDollar app and Knockbox, as mentioned by the Ramsey Network on their platform.

Transcript

[George]

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[Caller]

Well, I've got a bit of a. It's a bit of a financial and a bit of a personal question. My husband and I entered into our marriage in 2017, and each came into our marriage with separate assets and I had a greater net worth than he did. And we did sign a prenup that said that our separate assets would remain separate. After our marriage, we moved into my home, which I again own separately, and it's been our primary residence since. And it has greatly increased in value. And he's recently requested an amendment to our prenup that gives him an equitable stake in my home, which is at this time my greatest asset. And has, without, you know, splitting hairs, basically said that he's not going to contribute to housing costs anymore, cost of living here, as long as I'm not contributing any portion of the equity over to him. And so I'm kind of at a loss as what to do financially as I still have the greater net worth. And I don't know what other married persons do in this kind of situation where he's not. I don't feel that he's completely out of line since we are married and we do reside here, but we had an agreement and now he's feeling differently about it. So he's saying.

[Dave]

He's throwing a grown up temper tantrum. He's throwing an absolute grown up temper tantrum. He's being. He's being a child. I'm going to take my ball and go home if you don't do what I say. Yeah, that's not how marriages work. Yeah, marriages celebrate each other when, when, when two people are, let's take the home equity off the table. When I'm. I'm a writer. Part of my job at Ramsey's writing. My wife also writes. She writes historical fiction. It's never gonna sell. There's not a market that would be the same as one of a book on anxiety. Right. When my book does really well, she cheers for her husband. And in her world, her book did pretty good. It did really good. And I celebrated her. I didn't demand. Hey, by the way, you sold more than we thought, so you owe me a p. That's not how that works. This. I. I can't imagine this happening. There's not other things going on in your marriage.

[George]

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[Dave]

Can'T imagine this happening. There's not other things going on in your marriage.

[Caller]

There's truly not. It really boils down to just this one financial issue. We have three kids together. Other than this, we're mostly happily married. Other than, you know, trivial things here and there. When, when this got brought up, I was a bit blindsided by it, to be honest.

[George]

Do you have a mortgage?

[Caller]

I do, yeah.

[George]

And you guys, how do you guys cover the mortgage?

[Caller]

The mortgage is 4150amonth and he contributes 1600 of that. So I still pay the greater share.

[George]

But he has no stake in this house.

[Caller]

He doesn't? No. It's just was more. When we, when we initially moved in together, he was paying X amount in rent somewhere else. Right. And we decided to cohabitate shortly before our marriage and he brought that, that money that he was paying in rent over as a contribution to this house.

[George]

But essentially he's renting a house from his wife.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[George]

So I'm trying to play devil's advocate to see his side. And I'm going, yeah, I think I'd be a little bit ticked if I was paying my wife rent. But I have no stake in the equity of this house. It's not in my name. It's not part of my wealth building journey. I want to go buy my own house and build some wealth. Then do you see, do you see his side?

[Caller]

I do, I do. And that's, that's actually the exact phrasing that he uses. And I do, I do see that. But I also see it as, no matter where you live, you're going to pay for housing. Unless you own it free and clear, you're going to pay for housing no matter where you live. But. So I do understand that. But he does own his separate real estate. So he brought a piece of property.

[George]

And he's renting it out.

[Caller]

He's renting it out. In addition, I assisted him in buying a property in 2021. So it's an additional investment property.

[George]

What do you mean assisted?

[Caller]

I used my income and credit to help bolster the deal. If he tried to buy it by himself when he already had the other property.

[George]

Okay, so what's the split on that one?

[Caller]

Purchase it. I get none of it. It's against my credit, but I don't get any of it. And it is a net positive property.

[George]

You guys have created a real complicated financial situation.

[Dave]

So y'all came in and y'all said, hey, have both of y'all been through divorces where y'all got burned?

[Caller]

I have not been married, but I have. And I haven't been burned. But I've been through some. A difficult separation where someone tried to, again, take advantage of me financially just because we were together for so long.

[Dave]

Okay, so here's the deal. Y'all signed a prenup that says, hey, what I'm coming into this marriage with, I'm gonna keep. What you're coming into this marriage, you're gonna keep. Okay.

[Caller]

And it specifically stated, it didn't stop us from ever having joint property together in the future. Just what's. Minus mine entering what's his. It's his.

[George]

Yeah, but you don't own the house free and clear. And so therefore, I would say in that prenup, here's the equity that I came in with. Now, every equity dollar that we build together, you're gonna have a stake in. That would be more fair to him, don't you think?

[Caller]

I think that's a great suggestion.

[George]

So I think there's a compromise here.

[Caller]

Exactly what I was hoping from. In this call. Well, let me.

[Dave]

I wanna go one step deeper, though. I'm telling you right now, as somebody who works with married couples, your language is unnerving to me. And here's why. Y'all are not building a thing together. You're. You're talking as business partners. In fact, you're not even talking as business partners do, because business partners even talk about ours. You're talking about my income and his income and his house and my house. My house and his house, and he pays for my house. That kind of language. I'm going to revise what I said. I don't think he's being a child. I think he's realizing how completely exposed he is. And like George said, he's paying rent to his wife. He's. He's. Y'all need to share a single checking account, and y'all pay for the mortgage every month. And.

[Caller]

Yeah, we don't. We file taxes separately. We. He has a business. He files that separately. I don't see anything with it. We have separate checking accounts. Everything is separate.

[George]

Why did you guys get married? It seems like you want to keep your lives separate.

[Caller]

No, no. We're. We're great friends. We enjoy doing everything together. We enjoy our family together, our off time together. We enjoy each other. But financially, I think it. And it may have been more me because I have had someone try to take advantage of me financially, but I really try to protect my finances.

[Dave]

And so I think he's calling that out. The data tells me that couples that share a checking account build wealth, greater wealth over time period. It also shows that couples that share a checking account, quote unquote, may be more exposed. But that's marriage. It's both of us with both feet in the same boat. And the real, the reality is when you marry somebody, they can hurt you and they choose every day to love you. And that's the way this thing works. And so if there's great wealth inequality when someone's getting married, then I'm okay with the prenup. And I've even, I've even come around with some different ideas on a prenup. That's for a whole nother call. But I'm telling you right now, you guys have got to begin to be on the same page and sharing money and filing jointly together. Otherwise, you're just great business partners who share a house.

[George]

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