My Husband Was Just Put In Jail, How Do I Support My Family?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Husband Was Just Put In Jail, How Do I Support My Family?"

Release Date: July 5, 2025

Introduction to Christy's Crisis

In this poignant episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Christy shares her harrowing experience of her husband’s recent incarceration and the subsequent impact on her family. With four children, including a junior in college and three younger children aged 15, 11, and 9, Christy finds herself navigating immense emotional and financial challenges alone.

Emotional Impact and Processing

Christy opens up about the emotional toll of her husband's conviction. She reflects, “I mean, I'm better than I was. I've had a year to process it, but there was so much to process that I'll probably be processing for a decade” (00:44). This statement underscores the prolonged grief and adjustment period she anticipates as she adapts to her new reality.

Nature of the Crisis

Christy explains the severity of her husband's situation, stating, “It was a sex crime” (01:12), revealing the gravity of the legal circumstances they are facing. The conversation delves into the financial repercussions, including substantial legal fees amounting to approximately $150,000 spent on criminal defense, bond, civil attorneys, and divorce proceedings.

Financial Challenges and Solutions

Despite the daunting financial strain, Christy maintains a level-headed perspective. She shares, “It's not bad. Right now I have about $7,000 in credit card debt, but I have enough in the bank to cover that” (03:28). Additionally, she mentions having $50,000 left from the sale of their home and retaining full ownership of their remaining assets due to the plea deal. Their financial situation includes:

• $260,000 in their 401(k)
• $75,000 in a pension from a former employer
• $10,000 in a military 401(k), with only two years left until retirement.

Dependence on Family Support

To manage immediate financial obligations, Christy moved back to her hometown and is currently relying on her parents for support. She states, “my parents are willing to pay half the rent pretty much indefinitely” (05:55). This arrangement provides stability, allowing her to secure a home in a good public school district for her children, despite not being able to afford the rent independently.

Steps Forward and Career Advice

The hosts emphasize the importance of taking proactive steps to overcome paralysis in the face of adversity. George Kamel advises, “The only way to get through the paralysis is to take a step” (07:55), encouraging Christy to apply for teaching positions to secure a steady income and maintain insurance for her family. He highlights the urgency of the situation, noting the impending loss of insurance due to the finalization of the divorce.

Resources and Support Offered

Recognizing Christy's need for assistance, the hosts offer valuable resources to aid her transition:

• Ken Coleman provides access to his books, Paycheck to Purpose and Proximity Principle, as well as a career assessment tool titled Find the Work You're Wired to Do.
• George Kamel directs Christy to Ramsey Solutions’ resume builder at their website, offering a structured template to help her create a resume despite employment gaps.

Christy’s struggles with creating a resume are acknowledged, with Kamel reassuring her, “If you're, if your district's like every other district in America, they're desperate for teachers... Is it going to take care of you and give you and your family insurance? Yes” (07:38).

Conclusion and Encouragement

The episode concludes with a strong message of resilience and the importance of utilizing available support systems. Christy expresses hope, stating, “I don't worry about us in the sense that I know it's all gonna. We're going to end up on the streets or something” (06:25), highlighting her determination to overcome the current hardships with the help of her family and the resources provided by The Ramsey Show.

Notable Quotes

• Christy on emotional processing: “I'm better than I was. I've had a year to process it, but there was so much to process that I'll probably be processing for a decade” (00:44).
• George Kamel on taking action: “The only way to get through the paralysis is to take a step” (07:55).
• Christy on financial stability: “It's not bad. Right now I have about $7,000 in credit card debt, but I have enough in the bank to cover that” (03:28).
• George Kamel on job application urgency: “By the end of Wednesday, I want you to have applied to every open teaching position in your local district” (06:58).

Final Thoughts

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights offers a raw and honest look into the challenges faced by families dealing with sudden incarceration of a spouse. Through Christy’s story, the show provides not only empathy but also practical advice and resources to help navigate the complex interplay of emotional healing and financial recovery.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Christy]

Oh, what's not going on? Yeah, yeah, we're in a bit of a crisis. I'm going to try to keep it all together. We're not really in a crisis. We're actually in recovery from a crisis. So we recently moved back near my hometown because my husband of 20 years was. Well, he took a plea deal, but he was essentially convicted of a crime that will put him in prison for at least 10 years there. Wow. Yeah.

[Ken Coleman]

Holy smokes. How are you feeling?

[Christy]

I mean, I'm better than I was. I've had a year to process it, but there was so much to process that I'll probably be processing for a decade, you know.

[George Kamel]

Do you have little. Do you have little ones?

[Christy]

So we have four kids. The oldest is a junior in college. And then I have the younger three still at home with me. My youngest of those three, it's 15, 11, and 9.

[George Kamel]

So plea deal on 10 years. That means he was in to some not good stuff, huh?

[Christy]

Yeah. It was a sex crime.

[George Kamel]

Yeah. Okay. God, dude, I'm so sorry.

[Christy]

Yeah. Thank you. You know, spiritually, we're doing very well. We have a. We have a great church here. Good support system. You know, he had lived for himself for about 20 years and for the last year. I mean, something like this will really break you when you realize it hits you between the eyes what you've been doing to yourself and your family. And he's been living for Christ for a year. So seriously, we have that solace, but it doesn't really. Now I'm here, I'm boots on the ground trying to figure this all out. And I've been a stay at home mom for 15 years.

[Ken Coleman]

Are you still.

[Christy]

And he was.

[Dave Ramsey]

Meet everydollar budgeters, Christy and Steve. They used to fight about money.

[Christy]

I'm the spender.

[George Kamel]

I'm definitely the saver.

[Dave Ramsey]

Now that they budget with every dollar, they're on the same page. Money is definitely one thing we do.

[George Kamel]

Not ever fight about.

[Christy]

Having the budget gave me the permission to spend. Knowing that the money is in each.

[Dave Ramsey]

Category, it just allowed us to work together better. Now that's what we call a win win.

[Christy]

Now we just have to pick paint colors.

[Dave Ramsey]

We can't help you with that. Everydollar, create your free account today.

[Ken Coleman]

Are you still.

[Christy]

And he was. No. Or divorcing. Let's put it this way. It's. It's amicable in the sense that it's with a lot of peace. Like, we had a Year to, to kind of work through the peace and forgiveness and watching him walk, if that makes sense.

[George Kamel]

Sure, yeah. But there's, there's the spiritual connection, there's the resolution of the court deal. But that light bill keeps coming and that water bill keeps coming.

[Christy]

Right.

[George Kamel]

And that rent keeps coming.

[Christy]

Correct. And as you know, we, I mean, he was an excellent provider. He had a very high paying job, actually, and some side jobs. And we, you know, we were kind of, we're 40 and we were kind of at the crest of about to push that snowball all the way down and really start building some serious wealth and had a kind of a plan to pay our house off in the next three to two to three years. At that point, you know, it's just a lot. And. But by the time we had hit January 1st, you know, he, we had spent like $150,000 on criminal defense and bond and civil attorneys, divorce attorneys. There's an attorney for everything.

[George Kamel]

And so how bad is it? How bad is it right now? Who do you owe?

[Christy]

It's not, it's not bad. Right now I have about 7,000 in credit card debt, but I have enough in the bank to cover that. I have about $50,000 left from the sale of our home. And because of the circumstances and how much we had to spend that didn't benefit community property in the divorce, I'm getting his 50%. So I'm leaving with everything we had left.

[Ken Coleman]

And how, what does that amount to? Can you tell us a little of that?

[Christy]

Yeah. It's 260,000 in our 401k. Okay. 75 in a pension through a former employer. Okay. 10,000 through another employer in like a. Basically a 401k through the military. Okay. Because that's the other thing. We were two years from military retirement.

[George Kamel]

Yeah. Hey, Lee, can I encourage you to do one thing that's going to be really, really hard?

[Christy]

Yeah.

[George Kamel]

It's gonna be the probably the toughest thing, existentially or spiritually, that you're gonna have to do for the next six months to a year to maybe two years and beyond. Okay. In this short phone call, you've mentioned all of the things that were about to happen or that were gonna happen.

[Christy]

And they're not gonna happen.

[George Kamel]

And they're not gonna happen. And every second you spend thinking about what almost happened or what could have happened is energy taken away from a mama that now has to provide for three kids all by herself.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's pretty much all day long. I mean, it's the grief is Crushing.

[George Kamel]

Yeah. Yeah. It's overwhelming. And it will be that way. And here's the crummiest, hardest, harshest thing I'm going to say probably today on the show. The water bill doesn't care. I know, right? And so this is going to be one of those things. You're going to wake up in two and a half years and wonder how you did it and you're just going to have to go get it done. Right?

[Christy]

Yeah. And yes. And that's been the hard part right now is so when I moved, I lived with parents for a while. They really did not have room for us and they are not in a good school system. My kids have always been in private school or homeschooled. So knowing I needed to utilize the public school system moving forward, I moved to an area that has a really good public school system and my parents helped me. So I'm renting a house that has plenty of room and it's a great location. It's wonderful for me and the kids. It's right.

[George Kamel]

Can you afford it?

[Christy]

And my. I can't afford it on my own, but my parents are willing to pay half the rent pretty much indefinitely.

[George Kamel]

Is that okay with you? Does that come with strings?

[Christy]

No, it's. No, it does not come with strings. I will say I have. It would with my in laws, but it doesn't with my parents. They will do anything they can to help us. And I'm willing. I would love to eventually be completely.

[George Kamel]

I know, I know, I know. You are, you are willing. You're out at sea and it's. You gotta grab that life raft. And I'm so. What, what a blessing that they're willing to step up.

[Christy]

We won't, we won't starve. You know, they're. They're nearby.

[George Kamel]

Sure.

[Christy]

I mean, I don't worry about us in the sense that I know it's all gonna. We're going to end up on the streets or something. But I'm paralyzed in terms of what to do next. Pay off all the debt and lose the cash. I obviously have been kind of looking around at jobs, but I'm a little bit paralyzed with that. I'm thinking about maybe the school system because most of my experience is with teaching and that's great.

[George Kamel]

Listen, schedule, apply today. The dreams you had about the home school and the private school, there's a, there's a period in that sentence. It's over.

[Christy]

It is. It's over.

[George Kamel]

The dream of the, like the goat farm and the five acres and the chickens that's over, right? Yeah, for now. For now. What we're going to do right now is we're going to survive. So by the end of today, you're calling the show on a Tuesday. By the end of Wednesday, I want you to have applied to every open teaching position in your local district. And if you're, if your district's like every other district in America, they're desperate for teachers, is it going to be ideal? Nope. Is it going to be the best situation for you in the dreams you had? Nope. Are you going to be an amazing teacher with empathy and compassion for those kids? Absolutely. Is it going to take care of you and give you and your family insurance? Yes.

[Christy]

Yeah. Because we, we haven't lost our insurance yet, but the divorce will go through in the next couple of months and I'll lose my insurance immediately. And then the kids will lose their insurance whenever the.

[George Kamel]

So. So get on it today. Like the only way to get through the paralysis is to take a step.

[Christy]

Okay.

[George Kamel]

Is that. You get what I'm saying?

[Christy]

Yes, I do. I, I feel a little bit. I mean, I haven't made a resume and it's got all these gaps. I don't, I don't even know where to start on that. How do I explain all of that? Well, we'll give you.

[Ken Coleman]

We're going to give you a bunch of gifts before we get off the line with you. We're going to give you paycheck to purpose. That's Ken's book. We're going to give you Proximity principle. That's Ken's book. We're going to give you find the work you're wired to do with the assessment inside. All that's going to walk you through the career side of this.

[George Kamel]

There's a resume guide on online, so go to Ramsey Solutions.com and put in the search thing, the resume builder, and it will walk you through a template on how to do that.

[Ken Coleman]

And hey, call us back. Call us back. If you need us, we're here. It's the same number. We'll be here to help you create.

[Dave Ramsey]

Your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.