My Husband Won't Tell Me How Much Money He Makes

Summary

Summary of "My Husband Won't Tell Me How Much Money He Makes" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: August 10, 2025

In this insightful episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman tackle a pressing issue brought forth by a listener named Mallory. The episode delves deep into the challenges of financial transparency within a marriage, exploring the potential red flags and offering expert advice on navigating such difficult situations.

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Introduction to Mallory’s Situation

At the outset of the episode (00:06), Mallory reaches out with a concerning issue:

Mallory: "So I'm having an issue with my husband not wanting to combine finances with me and also not disclosing his finances with me."

Despite being married for one year (00:15), Mallory feels she knows nothing about her husband's financial standing. She emphasizes her lack of knowledge about his income:

Mallory: "You don't know what he makes? Nope."

When pressed for specifics, her husband provides evasive answers, leaving Mallory in a state of uncertainty and mistrust.

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Ken Coleman's Analysis: Identifying Red Flags

Ken Coleman promptly responds to Mallory’s concerns, highlighting the seriousness of financial secrecy in a marital relationship:

Ken Coleman: "All right, there's no way this happens in a black hole. What are other areas in your marriage where you don't really know what's going on." (00:48)

He suggests that such behavior indicates deeper issues beyond mere financial disagreements. Coleman uses a stark analogy to emphasize his point:

Ken Coleman: "Then you do not have a marriage." (03:31)

This bold statement underscores the gravity of the situation, implying that financial secrecy often correlates with broader relational problems such as deceit, substance abuse, or gambling.

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The Roommate Analogy and Behavioral Insights

The conversation pivots to comparing Mallory and her husband’s financial arrangement to that of roommates. Mallory describes their setup:

Mallory: "We're in a rental home and we split the rent 50, 50. We split utilities 50, 50. And we split our child's daycare 50, 50. So we kind of operate as roommates financially." (04:31)

Dave Ramsey echoes this sentiment, highlighting the inappropriateness of such an arrangement within a marital context:

Dave Ramsey: "What you just described is how I lived with every roommate I've ever had." (05:03)

Ken Coleman reinforces the importance of behavior in understanding relationship dynamics:

Ken Coleman: "Behavior is a language. I don't care what words are coming out of his mouth. I'm punching him in the mouth and keying his car. My actions would show him what I really think about him." (05:50)

This emphasizes that actions, not words, are the true indicators of marital commitment and trust.

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Exploring Motivations and Legal Implications

The discussion shifts to potential reasons behind Mallory’s husband’s secrecy. Mallory speculates that he might be hiding debt or viewing her as a financial asset:

Mallory: "I think potentially he's hiding debt and maybe he thought I could be a financial asset to him." (06:41)

Ken Coleman raises essential legal concerns, advising Mallory to protect her financial identity:

Ken Coleman: "Pull your credit report. Yes, because you're married now, and he has access to your Social Security number. He can take out debt on anything." (07:19)

This advice is crucial, as it highlights the vulnerabilities that come with shared financial responsibilities and the importance of safeguarding one’s financial information.

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Tax Filing Complications and Further Concerns

Mallory mentions difficulties in obtaining her joint tax return, adding another layer of complexity to her situation:

Mallory: "He filed our taxes jointly with his CPA, and I've been contacting them, like, daily, and they still don't have an update." (07:52)

Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman express skepticism about the legitimacy of this process, highlighting irregularities that suggest deceit:

Ken Coleman: "It's not a healthy marriage, is what we're telling you." (08:43)

This emphasizes the critical nature of financial transparency and trust within a marriage, indicating that such issues are often symptomatic of deeper relational fractures.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mallory: "So I'm having an issue with my husband not wanting to combine finances with me and also not disclosing his finances with me." (00:06)

• Ken Coleman: "Then you do not have a marriage." (03:31)

• Dave Ramsey: "What you just described is how I lived with every roommate I've ever had." (05:03)

• Ken Coleman: "Behavior is a language. I don't care what words are coming out of his mouth." (05:50)

• Ken Coleman: "It's not a healthy marriage, is what we're telling you." (08:43)

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Conclusion: Recognizing and Addressing Financial Secrecy

The episode concludes by emphasizing the importance of financial transparency in maintaining a healthy marital relationship. Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman urge listeners to recognize the signs of financial secrecy as potential red flags and take proactive steps to address them. Whether it involves seeking professional financial advice, safeguarding personal financial information, or reassessing the relationship’s foundation, the experts highlight that financial honesty is paramount for a stable and trusting partnership.

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Key Takeaways

1. Financial Transparency is Crucial: Open communication about finances is essential for trust and partnership in marriage.

2. Red Flags Indicate Deeper Issues: Secrecy about money can signal underlying problems such as deceit, substance abuse, or financial irresponsibility.

3. Protect Your Financial Information: In situations of mistrust, safeguarding personal financial data is imperative to prevent potential exploitation.

4. Behavior Speaks Louder Than Words: Actions corresponding to financial behavior are more telling than verbal assurances.

5. Seek Professional Help: Consulting with financial advisors or marriage counselors can provide pathways to resolving financial and relational issues.

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This episode serves as a vital resource for individuals grappling with similar financial transparency issues in their relationships, offering both empathy and actionable advice to navigate these challenging circumstances.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Mallory]

So I'm having an issue with my husband not wanting to combine finances with me and also not disclosing his finances with me.

[Dave Ramsey]

How long you been married?

[Mallory]

It's one year. Exactly one year.

[Dave Ramsey]

And this has been happening since you guys have been dating or what? Or is this a new development.

[Mallory]

Since we've been dating?

[Dave Ramsey]

You know nothing about this guy when it comes to money, correct? Like you don't know what he makes?

[Mallory]

Nope.

[Ken Coleman]

Wow.

[Mallory]

I've asked. He gives me, he tells me it varies. And I say, okay, well, what does that mean? What did you make last month? He said, I don't know. Probably the same as you.

[Ken Coleman]

All right, there's no way this happens in a black hole. What are other areas in your marriage where you don't know really know what's going on.

[Mallory]

There? What do you mean?

[Ken Coleman]

Like this kind of person doesn't operate in a vacuum. Meaning they're not the a perfect upstanding, ride or die husband, partner, spouse that's all in on building a future with you. And just this one thing, you can't know anything about my finances, how much I owe, how much I make, where I spend my money. You shut your mouth on that stuff. But everything else aligned on where are other places y' all are not aligned? Or let me ask it a different way. Where are other areas where your gut just knows something's not right? Meet every dollar budgeters, Christy and Steve. Their life is chaotic, but their money is simple because they budget with every dollar. Budgeting with the spreadsheet took a ton.

[Mallory]

Of time, but now with every dollar, I can do a budget in five minutes.

[Ken Coleman]

And tracking purchases is just as simple.

[Mallory]

It's so freeing to know exactly where going.

[Ken Coleman]

It just takes that stress out of.

[Mallory]

The day to day life.

[Ken Coleman]

You got this Hannigan family. Every dollar, create your free account today. Where are other areas where your gut just knows something's not right?

[Mallory]

I have caught him texting another girl before.

[Ken Coleman]

Yep.

[Mallory]

But other than that.

[Ken Coleman]

What do you mean other than that?

[Dave Ramsey]

That's like the whole thing when you get married, right? Is you are the person.

[Mallory]

Right.

[Ken Coleman]

So here, here's the truth. I, I, I know a lot of people who just for a variety of reasons with sharing a single checking account. Right. I know that and I know what I think about it. I know what me and my wife do. I know what George and Whitney do. But I get that, hey, I, I was married to somebody and they took everything or my father was financially Abusive and I feel unsafe. I get that.

[Mallory]

True.

[Ken Coleman]

But if he's not also showing. Here's my bank account. Here's all my checking account. It's not. It's not about secrecy. It's about safety. You have a much bigger issue on your hands. You have a person who's deceiving you. And in this situation, it's very rare for somebody to act like that who doesn't have somebody on the side or is not struggling with some sort of substance abuse or gambling challenges.

[Mallory]

Okay.

[Ken Coleman]

It's not. It's not. It's not a hundred percent. You may go through his checking account, realize, oh, he's kind of a great guy. He's just perfect. He just is weird about this. I would be willing to bet that's not the case.

[Mallory]

Okay.

[Ken Coleman]

Do you have. Do you have the passcodes to his social media, too?

[Mallory]

No.

[Ken Coleman]

Do you have the passcodes to his phone? Can you just pick up his phone and read his text whenever you want?

[Mallory]

No.

[Ken Coleman]

Okay, then you do not have a marriage.

[Mallory]

Okay.

[Ken Coleman]

Do you get that? And you know that too, right? I know it's a harsh way for me to say that, but you know that intuitively, like in your chest, right?

[Mallory]

It seems like, you know, I mean, he is. I live with him. We have a child together. You know, that is that.

[Ken Coleman]

I mean, that happens all the time without two people wanting to build a life together.

[Mallory]

I want to build the life is what I'm getting at.

[Ken Coleman]

And behavior is a language. And he's being very clear with you. I do not want to build a life with you.

[Mallory]

He claims he does, though. Like, he.

[Ken Coleman]

But behavior is a language.

[Mallory]

Right? But he wants to buy a home together.

[Ken Coleman]

Of course he does. You're gonna pay for it. He can do whatever he wants. He can see other people. He can spend money however he wants. He can do whatever he wants.

[Dave Ramsey]

How?

[Ken Coleman]

He wants to buy a house with you.

[Dave Ramsey]

How do the finances work right now, Just out of a dark curiosity, because I don't think I'm gonna.

[Mallory]

Like, we're in a rental home and we split the rent 50, 50. We split utilities 50, 50. And we split our child's daycare 50, 50. So we kind of operate as roommates financially.

[Dave Ramsey]

So there's no joint account. You just send him the money and he pays all the bills?

[Mallory]

No, like we venmo the landlord, and then his credit card is linked to the daycare mines linked to the daycare. Like, everything is done separately. We just pay our own half.

[Ken Coleman]

Okay, you hear this as you're saying it Right.

[Mallory]

What'd you say?

[Ken Coleman]

Like, I want you just to, like, absorb.

[Dave Ramsey]

What you just described is how I lived with every roommate I've ever had.

[Ken Coleman]

Yeah. Four dudes I lived with in college. This is how we did it, minus a kid.

[Dave Ramsey]

I guess I'm looking for the love in all of this.

[Mallory]

He.

[Dave Ramsey]

Other than him getting you pregnant.

[Mallory]

I had a conversation with him a million times where I'm like, hey, we're operating as roommates. Like, why can't. I actually had a financial advisor booked for us today. The financial. And we already did the consultation last week. Went well. My husband agreed to move on to, like, the second step, which was meeting with him today, and then all of a sudden, this morning, he backed out.

[Ken Coleman]

I know, but you're not hearing what I'm saying. Okay.

[Mallory]

Okay.

[Ken Coleman]

Behavior is a language. I don't care what words are coming out of his mouth. I can tell. I can tell George all day long. I'm your best friend, man. I'm your best friend. And then I'm punching him in the mouth and I'm keying his car. My.

[Dave Ramsey]

That was two hours ago.

[Ken Coleman]

That was two hours ago, Literally. That's right. Like, my actions would show him what I really think about him. And so it doesn't matter what words are coming out of his mouth. He's been saying words to you for years. That's how he got you in bed. That's how he got you to move in with him. That's how he got you to the courthouse.

[Mallory]

Right.

[Ken Coleman]

But his actions. And you want this to work so bad, and I'm heartbroken with you on this.

[Mallory]

This.

[Ken Coleman]

I get it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Did you guys have the child before you were married?

[Mallory]

He got me pregnant, like, two months before we officially got married.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so you were engaged at the time?

[Mallory]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. I was just wondering what caused him to propose and even move forward with this commitment if he really wasn't wanting any.

[Mallory]

That's a good question. That I think about a lot. I do think potentially he's hiding debt and maybe he thought I could be a financial asset to him.

[Ken Coleman]

Correct. Correct. You'll take care of his kids. You'll pay half his rent in the.

[Mallory]

Trash can as well, with his name on it the other day.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm getting butterflies in my heart just hearing this love story. Thought I'd be a good financial asset.

[Ken Coleman]

Hey, do me a favor. Pull your credit report. Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

Make sure he's not taking debt out in your name.

[Ken Coleman]

Correct. And I. I would freeze it if I were you. And here's why.

[Mallory]

Freeze my Credit report?

[Ken Coleman]

Yes, because you're married now, and he has access to your Social Security number. He can take out debt on anything. And you. You won't know because it wouldn't occur to you to do that to somebody else. But you're dealing with a person who's untrustworthy.

[Mallory]

Right.

[Ken Coleman]

You know what I mean.

[Mallory]

He filed our taxes jointly with his cpa, and I've been contacting them, like, daily, and they still don't have an update. And it's like, what, halfway through the year?

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you mean, update? You're asking for your tax return. A copy of it. They won't give it to you.

[Mallory]

They. They won't. No, I've.

[Ken Coleman]

Are you confident that he filed your taxes?

[Mallory]

Whenever I talk to their receptionist, he reassures me that they have.

[Ken Coleman]

Okay, just so you know, George and I got our taxes done at the same place this year, and we walked out with our return.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I walked out with my spouse, who was there the whole time.

[Ken Coleman]

Yeah, and our returns are pretty complicated, but we walked out with them.

[Dave Ramsey]

Mallory, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't make the decision for you on what to do next, but I can tell you this is bad.

[Ken Coleman]

It's not a healthy marriage, is what we're telling you.

[Dave Ramsey]

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