My Husbands Addiction Is Ruining Our Finances

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights – Episode Summary

Episode Title: My Husband’s Addiction Is Ruining Our Finances
Date: May 21, 2026
Hosts: Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Delony (with Dave Ramsey segment)

Episode Overview

This emotionally charged episode centers on Amanda, a caller struggling with her husband’s addiction to Kratom—an addictive substance—and his consistent, irresponsible spending. Amanda seeks guidance on how to protect herself and her children financially, while navigating complex marital dynamics exacerbated by addiction. The hosts provide pragmatic advice about boundaries, financial safety, and prioritizing family well-being, all while validating Amanda’s challenges.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Problem – Daily Irresponsible Spending

• Amanda's Concern: Amanda describes her husband spending $50-70 a day at gas stations, 5-7 days a week, mainly on breakfast, energy drinks, and Kratom shots.

  “Mostly we’re averaging $50 to $70 a day, between five and seven days a week, spending at gas stations...” — Amanda (00:54)

• Kratom Addiction Highlighted: Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Delony immediately frame this as an addiction issue rather than mere poor spending, emphasizing the impact on family finances and emotional safety.

  “It’s a plant that is an ingredient in things that it's addictive, just like any other substance.” — Rachel Cruze (02:03)

2. How Kratom and Addiction Affects the Family

• Broader Impacts: Amanda shares that the addiction leads not only to financial depletion, but relational frustration, lack of intimacy, and cycle of obsessive purchases.

  “Every two weeks, it’s a new obsession of, I want to buy watches, I want to buy Pokémon cards… We’re just draining money.” — Amanda (02:26)

• Dr. Delony’s Analysis: Dr. John compares Kratom addiction’s effect on marriage to alcoholism and urges Amanda to treat it as such.

  “I want you to treat this as though he has an alcohol addiction. He is regularly consuming a substance that is altering his ability to show up for himself and his marriage, and that is costing a bunch of money.” — Dr. John Delony (03:33)

3. Establishing Boundaries and Financial Safety

• Immediate Financial Separation: Dr. John strongly recommends Amanda open her own accounts, take control of essential payments, and ensure her own safety and that of her children.

  “I would advocate for you right now to get your own checking account and to make sure you’ve got your bills paid...” — Dr. John Delony (03:33)

• Boundary Setting: Rachel supports clear boundaries—not as punishment but as a means to protect Amanda and her kids—emphasizing no apologies are needed.

  “You’ve put us in a situation where I can’t trust you... when you’re ready to get the help you need, I would love for you to come back into the marriage and be a participant again in a healthy way.” — Rachel Cruze (05:20)

• Testing Boundaries: Dr. John prepares Amanda for the reality that her husband will likely resist and challenge new boundaries.

  “Expect him to run full force into this boundary with everything he’s got to see if it will hold.” — Dr. John Delony (06:24)

4. Family and Financial Details

• Children Involved: Amanda and her husband have three kids (8, 4, and 10 months), amplifying the need for stability.
• Income and Housing: Amanda shares she makes about $4,500/month, has a new house and a duplex as rental property, and navigates transitioning housing while covering daycare.

  “We clear about 900 a month [from the duplex].” — Amanda (08:12)

• Financial Prioritization: Rachel outlines the “four walls” approach—shelter, utilities, food, transportation—with daycare and insurance as vital next priorities.

  “When you’re up against it financially, there’s four things... Keep shelter, utilities on, there’s food... transportation. And in a close fifth... daycare, insurance...” — Rachel Cruze (08:42)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Addiction:

  “If you ever go to a gas station to try to feel better, that’s your first signal. Probably not a good idea.” — Dr. John Delony (02:14)

• Protecting the Family:

  “We’re solving for safety. We’re not solving for feelings right now.” — Dr. John Delony (05:13)

• Role as a Parent:

  “You’re going to be mama bear with these kids and say, ‘Hey, there’s a lot of crazy going on, but I am the source of, like, steadiness and peace.’” — Rachel Cruze (09:36)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Amandas Initial Question – 00:06
• Nature of Husband's Spending & Kratom Explained – 00:54 to 02:14
• Addiction Framed as Alcoholism – 02:55 to 03:33
• Advice: Financial Separation and Boundaries – 03:33 to 06:54
• Family Details, Housing, and Income Breakdown – 06:54 to 08:17
• “Four Walls” Principle for Financial Survival – 08:42 to 09:55

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Final Thoughts

This episode delivers empathetic yet practical guidance for those facing addiction in a marriage, especially where children and finances are concerned. The hosts underscore the necessity of forthright boundaries and self-protection, compassionately balancing hope for reconciliation with the imperative of immediate safety and stability. Rachel and Dr. John provide both validation for Amanda's struggles and a concrete action plan focused on securing her family’s well-being.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Amanda]

I'm calling to get some wise guidance on what to do in my marriage with our finances. My husband is pretty irresponsible with spending on a daily basis, and nothing seems to change for a longer period of time. And my next step for what I thought is to separate our finances and just ask him to pay a portion of our bills to me so I can handle our finances a little more responsibly. I just don't know if that's the best next step.

[Rachel Cruze]

What do you mean when you say he's irresponsible? Like, tell us what those behaviors look like. What was the most recent thing he did that you would say? Man, that was just so. So irresponsible.

[Amanda]

Yeah. So mostly we're averaging 50 to $70 a day, between five and seven days a week spending at gas stations on

[Rachel Cruze]

what, Mountain Dew and corn nuts. That's it, man. He's getting a drink, isn't he? He's getting a drink and a snack or like a sausage biscuit. That's what he's doing.

[Amanda]

Well, yeah, it's breakfast, it's energy drinks, and a lot of it is those liquid Kratom shots.

[John]

Oh, yeah. So number.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's next level.

[John]

Yeah. I've got a close friend who went through a gnarly Kratom detox. That's the issue here.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely, I think, an addiction at this point. And, you know, I bring up my feelings about it, but they change for two days, and then it goes right back to where it was. So.

[John]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

John, real quick, explain Kratom. So for folks who are listening who

[John]

don't know, it's just a. It's. I considered it. I mean, in the same way, I won't even go down that road. It's something you can get at a gas station that alters your mind.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. It's a plant that is an ingredient in things that it's addictive, just like any other substance. But a lot of people don't know that it is. And when they. When they buy it for the first time, anything.

[John]

If you ever go to a gas station to try to feel better, that's your first signal. Probably not a good idea. Where else in your life is he not showing up for you?

[Amanda]

Well, I think a lot of it is kind of trickled down from the Kratom thing. I think it's, you know, frustration caused by that. I think it's, you know, just lack of intimacy as well. Caused by that. But, you know, it's just. It's. It's something. Every two weeks, it's a new obsession of, I want to buy watches and now I want to buy Pokemon cards. And we're just draining money. Like there's. There's a nail on our tire. We can't seem to keep it filled.

[John]

So I. I want you to treat this. This might be a. What I would call. It might be an overcorrection, but I want you to treat this as though he has an alcohol addiction.

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[John]

But I want you to treat this as though he has an alcohol addiction. He is regularly consuming a substance that is altering his ability to show up for himself and his marriage, and that is costing a bunch of money. It's costing relational conflict, it's costing relational disconnection, all that stuff. And so anytime you're sitting with somebody who is struggling in any sort of addiction, what you can control in that moment is you, and it's you saying, here is what I'm going to do next. And yeah, I. I would advocate for you right now to get your own checking account and to make sure you've got your bills paid and make sure you've got your. How your roof over your head and make sure you can afford your own counseling bills. Because this is a bigger issue than the $50 or $75 a day he's blowing at gas stations.

[Amanda]

Right.

[John]

It's a much bigger issue that just. That's just one of the alarm bells going off.

[Rachel Cruze]

You had. Do you guys have kids together?

[Amanda]

We do. We have three.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay, what are their ages?

[Amanda]

Eight, four, and ten months. Okay.

[John]

Is he still showing up at work?

[Amanda]

Yes.

[John]

Okay.

[Amanda]

He. He took a pay cut at the beginning of this year, you know, but loves the job. So that's, I guess, better than making more money and hating your job, but.

[John]

Well, for a short time. Do you have. Do you have. Do you work outside the home?

[Amanda]

I do. And my. My concern with having our. Our bills split proportionally to what we make is that I make more money than him, and I don't want him to feel less of a provider.

[John]

That that ship. That ship is sailed. We're solving for safety. We're not solving for feelings right now. We're solving for safety.

[Rachel Cruze]

And I think it's good that he knows that. Hey, you've put us in a situation where I can't trust you. And therefore I have to be a woman and make sure that I'm keeping myself and the kids safe. And the way that I can do that is I can keep this money aside and I can use it to pay the bills, keep the house running. And when you're ready to get the help that you need, I would love for you to come back into the marriage and be a participant again in a healthy way. And I think that's just you saying what you're gonna do and controlling what you can do. And, and there's no apologies given for that because he's doing what he's gonna do. Right?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[John]

And, and, and be forewarned, anytime you put up a boundary like this, and by the way, this sounds like a boundary to re. Establish connection down the road.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's right.

[John]

And to keep you safe. So it's not like you're like a, like an immature 26 year old. Like I'm cutting off my parents because they gave me a curfew and I was a teenager. You're not doing that.

[Rachel Cruze]

You've told. Yeah, because you told them the bridge to come back. It. When you are able to take responsibility, get the help you need. I. I'm happy to have you back.

[John]

Basically, we're all back in. Expect him to run full force into this boundary with everything he's got to see if it will hold. And if you give him, I expect this much money for rent, I expect this much money for bills, and he stops paying you, you're going to have to, you're going to be forced to say, okay, what next? Am I going to hold the line here? Is he going to have to move out like you? You go ahead and set that stuff up in your mind because he's gonna test those, these boundaries and see if they hold.

[Rachel Cruze]

What do you make every month, Amanda?

[Amanda]

I make about 4,500.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. And what portion? Okay. After tax. And how much is the rent? Rent or mortgage?

[Amanda]

Well, our. The house we just bought is 2150. Okay. And we're currently staying in half of a duplex that we own. And the remainder to cover that mortgage is about 500.

[John]

Are you renting out the other side?

[Amanda]

We are. And we have renters lined up for this side when we move out in the month and a half to go

[Rachel Cruze]

to the new house.

[Amanda]

Correct.

[John]

Was the duplex another one of his scams?

[Amanda]

No, no, I think it was a wise investment.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Okay. What about daycare? Do you pay for daycare?

[Amanda]

Yeah, okay, we, we do pay for daycare. It's about 20 or it's $230 a week for our one, one child that's in daycare.

[John]

Okay, when you say it's a wise investment, what are you going to clear after both rents come in on the mortgage and the insurance and the upkeep?

[Amanda]

Yes, we clear about 900amonth.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. So that's enough to cover daycare, basically. And does that come to you? Are you able to get access to that money before basically grab access to that money so you can make sure it's getting used to keep the household running.

[Amanda]

So some of it and a portion of it is from like section 8 and that goes to our joint, joint account. So I have access to that though.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. And I would make sure that you, you keep that access. Because what I don't want is anything to come in the way of you being able to keep a roof over the heads of your children, them getting to school and daycare so that you can go to work. This is a four wall situation. So let me just back up and explain. When you're up against it financially, there's four things that you need to be in control of and prioritize. The first one is, yeah, you got to keep shelter. So you got to make sure you're able to pay the rent, you've got to keep the utilities on. That's number two. You've got to make sure there's food. Right, you got to eat and you got to make sure there's transportation. And in a close fifth, John, is things like daycare, insurance, making sure that those things are going. So that's your top four and then five and six that, that I would throw in there as well. And, and if you can just keep that ship running and like John said, enforce those boundaries, I mean, this is not going to be an easy season ahead. But I think for you, finding those areas of the, the things that you can control and the things that you can be responsible for when you put your head down on your pillow at night, that's going to be life saving for you. And to know that you're going to be mama bear with these kids and say, hey, there's a lot of crazy going on, but I am, like, the source of, like, steadiness and peace. That's the best that you can do for yourself and for your kids right now.

[Dave Ramsey]

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