My In-Laws Are Bad with Money and Just Moved Back In With Us

Summary

Summary of "My In-Laws Are Bad with Money and Just Moved Back In With Us"

The Ramsey Show Highlights episode titled "My In-Laws Are Bad with Money and Just Moved Back In With Us," released on February 23, 2025, delves into the financial and familial challenges faced by Chris and his wife as they navigate the complexities of having their in-laws move back into their home. Hosted by the Ramsey Network, this episode features insightful advice from financial experts Dave Ramsey and George Kamel, addressing themes of budgeting, boundary-setting, and financial responsibility within family dynamics.

1. Introduction to the Situation

The episode opens with Chris sharing his predicament:

Chris [00:06]: "Recently my in-laws have moved back in with us for a second time. They've made plenty of poor financial decisions and again wound themselves back up living with us again as of the beginning of this month."

Chris explains that his in-laws have a history of financial mismanagement, leading them to move back into Chris and his wife's home repeatedly. Despite their willingness to help, the in-laws are resistant to accepting financial assistance or guidance.

2. Attempts to Provide Help

Chris details the efforts he and his wife have made to assist their in-laws without offering direct financial support:

Chris [00:30]: "Without providing any financial help to them, we offered to sit down, help them with the budget. My wife and I have taken the financial peace courses."

They attempted to involve their in-laws in financial peace courses and budgeting sessions, believing that education and structured planning could alleviate the recurring financial issues. However, their in-laws dismissed these offers outright.

Chris [01:04]: "They shut us down immediately and get pretty upset with us."

3. Expert Opinions and Advice

a. Setting Boundaries

Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of establishing clear boundaries:

Dave Ramsey [03:00]: "If you suggested that to her, how would she react?"

George Kamel reinforces this by advising that enabling behavior can exacerbate the problem:

George [01:17]: "Well then have them move out. Why are you enabling them?"

The experts concur that without setting firm boundaries, the situation is likely to deteriorate further.

b. Leadership in Communication

Dave Ramsey suggests that leadership in the conversation should come from Chris:

Dave Ramsey [03:00]: "If you suggested that to her, how would she react?"

George adds that the responsibility lies with Chris and his wife to lead the conversation, even if it causes temporary discomfort.

c. Addressing Entitlement and Responsibility

Dave Ramsey points out the problematic behavior exhibited by the in-laws:

Dave Ramsey [05:11]: "It sounds like the parents are like, look, leave us alone. We'll figure it out on our own."

George highlights the manipulative tendencies and entitlement issues:

George [05:57]: "This might be manipulative."

The discussion underscores the need for Chris and his wife to break the cycle of dependency and entitlement.

4. Practical Steps Forward

a. Implementing Boundaries

Dave Ramsey advises Chris to take decisive action:

Dave Ramsey [05:45]: "Rip the band aid off. Respectfully... it frees up Chris and his wife and creates a boundary that needs to be in place."

George concurs, emphasizing the importance of severing the enabling behavior:

George [06:19]: "I don't think you should be living with them."

b. Encouraging Financial Independence

The hosts advocate for fostering financial independence rather than providing temporary relief:

George [07:00]: "You've got to be willing to do the work, otherwise this situation can't work."

This approach aims to empower the in-laws to manage their finances responsibly without relying on their children for continued support.

5. Personal Reflections and Broader Implications

Dave Ramsey shares a personal perspective on the challenges of intergenerational financial dependency:

Dave Ramsey [07:22]: "The only thing worse than your kids coming back to live with you are your parents."

He reflects on the emotional difficulty of balancing familial love with financial boundaries, highlighting the universal struggle many face in similar situations.

6. Conclusion and Final Advice

The episode concludes with a reaffirmation of the importance of maintaining financial boundaries to ensure personal and familial well-being:

Dave Ramsey [07:59]: "If your parents come back to live with you because they can't support themselves financially because of their irresponsibility... that's what I'm saying."

George emphasizes the injustice of relying on children for parental financial bailouts:

George [07:08]: "But intermingling them with your personal life and your own house I think that's not going to work anymore."

Chris and his wife are encouraged to uphold their financial boundaries, prioritizing their stability while encouraging their in-laws to seek financial independence.

Notable Quotes

• Chris: "They shut us down immediately and get pretty upset with us." [00:30]
• George: "If they can do it on their own, say, hey, we’ve been happy to help. Sounds like you guys have it figured out." [01:17]
• Dave Ramsey: "The only thing worse than your kids coming back to live with you are your parents." [07:22]

Key Takeaways

• Establish Clear Boundaries: It's crucial to set firm limits when family members overstep financial boundaries to prevent enabling destructive behaviors.

• Encourage Financial Responsibility: Providing education and resources is beneficial only if the individual is willing to engage and take responsibility for their financial situation.

• Prioritize Personal Stability: Maintaining one's financial health and household stability should take precedence over extended familial financial support.

• Effective Communication: Open and respectful conversations about financial expectations and responsibilities can facilitate healthier family dynamics.

This episode serves as a valuable resource for individuals grappling with similar familial financial challenges, offering practical advice and empathetic support to navigate complex interpersonal and financial landscapes.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Chris]

Recently my in laws have moved back in with us for a second time. They've made plenty of poor financial decisions and again wound themselves back up living with us again as of the beginning of this month. And we're kind of trying to figure out what we can do to, you know, we tried helping them and they don't really want our help.

[Dave Ramsey]

What was the attempt? Describe the attempt to help.

[Chris]

Yeah, so without providing any financial, you know, help to them, we offered to sit down, help them with the budget. My wife and I have taken the financial peace courses. We're trying to. They did actually say they're going to attend it with me as we are going to reattend it again. So they're interested in it. We'll see if it happens. I'm in school for finances so I feel like I'm pretty, pretty decent at making a budget. So I'm trying to help them with that. And they shut us down immediately and get pretty upset with us.

[George]

Why did they shut down?

[Chris]

I think it's just they, you know, they struggled with it for so long and they don't feel like they need the help and they can figure it out on their own.

[George]

Well then have them move out. Why are you enabling them?

[Chris]

You're right.

[George]

If they can do it on their own, say, hey, it's, we've, we've been happy to help. Sounds like you guys have it figured out. Best of luck out there. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for someone. Even though it feels harsh in the moment.

[Dave Ramsey]

I agree. And Chris, I have a question. Did they ask to stay with you or did your wife offer?

[Chris]

They, they kind of assumed at first and then my wife finally did offer but under temporary circumstances of, you know, hey, we can, we can help you for like a month, get you situated, get you going. So we're still, we're coming up at the end of that month. It doesn't seem like they're going to get out. They recently refinanced a payday loan, refinance their car.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are they both working?

[Chris]

My father in law works and his take home comes out to about 60,000 a year.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so is the mother in law able to work? Does she have a passport?

[Chris]

She is able to work. She is able to work, yes, but.

[Dave Ramsey]

She'S just not, she's just putzing around the house.

[George]

So it sounds like there really were no conditions of them living here other than hey, let's aim for a month. Yeah, I would have a lot of strings attached.

[Dave Ramsey]

When this happened last time, how long did they stay? And was there a same kind of a deal? This is a certain amount of time, or did there. Was that not the case?

[Chris]

Right. So when they moved last time, they kind of followed us when we relocated across. Across the state because they wanted to be closer to grandkids. They had a house. They couldn't make payments on it and move at the same time, so they decided just to let it foreclose and moved in for a couple months so they could find a new place here after their foreclosure of their house.

[Dave Ramsey]

If you said to your wife today, hey, babe, I think I need to be the man of the house. I know they're your parents, but this is. I'm the man of the house here. To a lot of people, that may sound archaic, but. And I'm gonna stick with it, George. And you said to her, I'd like to have a respectful conversation, but say, hey, the month is coming up. We agreed to a month, and we think that you guys need to move out. It's best for everybody, and we can't. We've tried to help. You've met it with resistance. And I'm enabling you some form of that speech, in Chris's words. If you suggested that to her, how would she react?

[Chris]

Obviously, I think she would be upset in the fact that it's her parents. She doesn't want to just throw them out, but she. She to understand, you know, we. That we're enabling them by doing this. Not, you know, they're not willing to accept our help. Even if they were to. Even if they were to stay longer, but allow us to help them with a budget so they can get going in the right direction, it wouldn't be as bad. But the fact that they won't even allow us to help, I definitely think she would understand that.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right. But my point in asking that was, if she's not comfortable with you doing it, is she comfortable doing it?

[Chris]

And we brought that up, and she's. She's getting a lot more comfortable with.

[Dave Ramsey]

It than let her. That's what I would do. I'd let her lead. But I would keep saying, babe, I'm here to support. You gotta have this conversation. If you're not comfortable, I'll be the bad guy. But you've got to kind of. You really got to keep that thing going. You cannot, because it's going to end up affecting your relationship.

[George]

It probably already has. And so she needs to be leading this it's her parents. And so for the son in law to get involved, it's just too sticky and.

[Dave Ramsey]

But unless she's not willing. That's why I threw that out there.

[George]

It sounds like she, she knows they're not going to care what she has to say. And so that can be a conversation you guys have together, the four of you, and say, hey, we love you guys. We want to help you get back on track. Here's what it's going to take. Here's the conditions. We want you to be financially independent. You're going to start paying rent. We're going to show you how to budget. You're going to take fpu and we're going to, we're going to help you get out of this thing. But it's not going to be by bailing you out financially. It's by showing you the steps. You've got to be willing to do the work, otherwise this situation can't work.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think it's not out. Sorry, George, interrupt. I, I apologize. I, I think that. Thanks. I want to point this out and tell me if you disagree because I want Chris to hear this. I think his wife needs to hear this. I don't see a scenario where this doesn't really ruffle their feathers. It sounds like the parents are like, look, leave us alone. We'll figure it out on our own. Obviously they don't know how to and they're not interested in leaving anytime soon. And there is a sense of entitlement. This is now not an entitled, spoiled teenager. These are entitled adults.

[George]

That's scary.

[Dave Ramsey]

Aren't mature in their finances and they are leveraging their parental position over their daughter. And I don't see how this goes well.

[George]

This might be manipulative.

[Dave Ramsey]

So my point is, is that I think this is a Rip the band aid off. Respectfully, I don't mean like, you know, slash and burn, but I don't see how this goes well at all other than it, it frees up Chris and his wife and creates a boundary that needs to be in place.

[George]

Do you agree with that? Absolutely. I, I don't think you should be living with them. I understand. You guys tried it, you tried to help them once. I think at this point he makes good money, he can figure it out. Rent, he's going to have to figure out these payday loans. And you can always be there to support with resources and say, hey, show up to this course with me. Show up to this course, but intermingling them with your personal life and your own house I think that's not going to work anymore.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And you know what's interesting too, George, that I heard. I appreciate that Chris and his wife wanted to help him do a budget. But you know what? Showing somebody how to do a budget is not enough if they don't want to do it. No amount of instruction or they're not.

[George]

Experiencing enough pain right now because they're living rent free. But when you need a roof over your head, Mama's going to work. She has no option.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh yeah? What is she?

[George]

And so I don't think this is going to lead to them actually living on the streets. It's just going to lead to them saying, all right, we got to figure this out. And asking your kids to bail you out is just a gross injustice to me.

[Dave Ramsey]

You know, I was just sitting here thinking as I have, I have 19 year old, two 16 year olds. I don't want my kids coming back to live with me. I love my kids. I'm brokenhearted with my oldest in college for the first time. Right. But at the same time, it's natural, it's normal. I don't want him to come back and live with me. The only thing worse than your kids coming back to live with you are your parents.

[George]

Hey, can you imagine if you say.

[Dave Ramsey]

Health situation and you're their caregiver, let.

[George]

Me say, and generationally and different cultures that are going to come mad us, Ken, they go, you don't understand, I get it. But this is a very different situation.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's what I'm talking about.

[George]

Enabling misbehavior versus living generationally with grandma.

[Dave Ramsey]

Thank you. Very clarifying that you bailed me out from all the hate. What I'm saying is if your parents come back to live with you because they can't support themselves financially because of their irresponsibility. That's what I'm saying. Oh, wow. Not easy stuff, tough stuff, Chris. But you and your wife, you got the right instincts. Follow them. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.