My Kids Have Ghosted Me, Should I Leave Them An Inheritance?

Summary

Episode Summary: "My Kids Have Ghosted Me, Should I Leave Them An Inheritance?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Description: A quick, daily dose of advice on life and money in under ten minutes, featuring experts like Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Delony, George Kamel, and Jade Warshaw.
• Episode: My Kids Have Ghosted Me, Should I Leave Them An Inheritance?
• Release Date: July 4, 2025

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1. Introduction to Ruth’s Situation

The episode opens with Ruth reaching out for advice regarding a deeply personal and financial dilemma. At [00:06], Ruth explains her predicament: she is retired and grappling with whether to designate her children as beneficiaries in light of a prolonged estrangement.

Ruth: "I'm retired, and I'm going through my finances, and I'm trying to figure out whether I should have my children as beneficiaries or not, since they ghosted me." [00:06]

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2. Causes of Estrangement

Dave Ramsey, responding empathetically at [00:20], invites Ruth to elaborate on the reasons behind her estrangement from her children. Ruth reveals that the frosty relationship began nine years ago when she set a crucial boundary with her youngest daughter battling heroin addiction.

Ruth: "I set a boundary with my youngest daughter, who is a heroin addict, and told her basically, she can't use me anymore, and I will support her in recovery and her healing, and it ran from there." [00:29]

George Kamel: "We don't ever talk about enough. The other side of boundaries is that when we can put up a boundary to keep ourselves safe and kind of create the world we want to exist in, other people can just walk away, and we don't talk about that enough." [01:17]

Ruth further emphasizes the impact of her daughter's addiction on her ability to parent effectively.

Ruth: "I think you can't be an active addict and be a very good parent." [01:37]

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3. Overview of Ruth’s Family and Financial Situation

Ruth shares that she has four children, one of whom sadly passed away. The remaining children range in age from 35 to 45 and have completely cut off communication with her.

George Kamel: "She has four kids, but her oldest child died. They range from 45 to 35, and none of them will talk to her." [00:51]

Regarding her financial assets, Ruth outlines her holdings:

• Home Value: Approximately $900,000 (following the sale of a joint home for $1.2 million due to a separation).
• Retirement Funds: Estimated between $600,000 to $800,000.
• Other Assets: Includes plans to leave an inheritance for her eight grandkids, ensuring her deceased child's share is directed appropriately.

Ruth: "Our home was sold for 1.2 million, so mine's probably 900,000. ... a possibility of 600 to 800,000." [03:05]

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4. Expert Advice: Managing Inheritance Amid Estrangement

George Kamel and Dave Ramsey provide Ruth with several strategies to handle her inheritance thoughtfully:

• Utilizing 529 Plans for Grandchildren: George suggests opening fully funded 529 plans dedicated to education for Ruth's grandkids. This approach ensures that the funds are used specifically for educational purposes, minimizing the risk of misuse.

  George Kamel: "You can open up 529s and fully fund them for all of the grandkids, specifying that money is going to be used for education only. If they choose not to go to school, it just can roll into a Roth with the kids down the line." [04:13]

  Dave Ramsey: "If you want to skip a generation or not punish the grandkids, ... leaving it in a 529 will make you feel better about this." [04:14]

• Conditional Inheritance: Establishing conditions for receiving the inheritance, such as sobriety for her children, ensures that the funds contribute positively to their lives.

• Charitable Giving: Alternatively, Ruth could choose to leave her funds to a charity, thereby not obligating her estranged children but still making a meaningful impact.

George Kamel: "You have to make peace with it. ... get a will in place, work with an estate planning attorney and get this done as soon as possible." [07:39]

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5. Ruth’s Personal Background and Current Challenges

Ruth provides deeper insight into her personal life, highlighting her resilience and responsible financial management despite facing significant challenges:

• Age: 66 years old.
• Health Issues: Forced into early retirement due to autoimmune disorders and arthritis ([05:10]).
• Financial Responsibility: Never incurred debt, carefully managed finances, and survived widowhood without relying on welfare.

Ruth: "I've been responsible my whole life, so not, you know, don't do debt and ... I just want to do the right thing and not leaving my kids out of their inheritance isn't for revenge." [05:10]

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6. Balancing Personal Needs with Inheritance Decisions

A critical point of discussion revolves around Ruth potentially needing her inheritance in the future:

George Kamel: "You're going to need it. You're not going to use it. You're going to have to have it." [07:35]

Ruth acknowledges the possibility of requiring her funds as she ages, especially given her health constraints and the unpredictability of life.

Ruth: "I could use it. ... and I have to have it as well." [07:11]

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7. Final Recommendations and Closing Thoughts

The experts underscore the importance of Ruth making informed and peaceful decisions regarding her estate:

• Estate Planning: Immediate action on creating a will and consulting with an estate planning attorney to formalize her wishes.

  Dave Ramsey: "Don't do anything that's going to leave you up at night going, oh, I shouldn't have done that. ... get a will in place, work with an estate planning attorney and get this done as soon as possible." [08:35]

• Personal Fulfillment: Encouragement for Ruth to find ways to reconnect or contribute positively to her community, emphasizing that her value extends beyond her financial decisions.

  George Kamel: "You can start a small group in your local community and provide 20 years of just life-giving, wisdom, and kindness." [08:03]

• Peace of Mind: The importance of Ruth making peace with her situation and ensuring that her financial legacy aligns with her values and intentions.

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Key Takeaways:

• Setting Boundaries: Ruth's decision to set firm boundaries for the well-being of her family members led to estrangement, highlighting the delicate balance between support and self-preservation.

• Strategic Estate Planning: Utilizing tools like 529 plans can effectively manage inheritance, ensuring funds are used as intended and minimizing potential conflicts.

• Personal Well-being: Prioritizing personal needs and future security is crucial when making decisions about inheritance, especially when health issues are a concern.

• Community and Legacy: Beyond financial considerations, contributing to the community and fostering positive relationships can provide fulfillment and a lasting legacy.

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Notable Quotes:

• Ruth on Setting Boundaries: "I set a boundary with my youngest daughter, who is a heroin addict, and told her basically, she can't use me anymore, and I will support her in recovery and her healing, and it ran from there." [00:29]

• George on Boundaries and Estrangement: "The other side of boundaries is that when we can put up a boundary to keep ourselves safe ... other people can just walk away, and we don't talk about that enough." [01:17]

• Ruth on Responsible Parenting: "You can't be an active addict and be a very good parent." [01:37]

• George on 529 Plans: "Specifies that money is going to be used for education only... But if not, it just can roll into a Roth with the kids down the line." [04:13]

• Dave Ramsey on Estate Planning: "Don't do anything that's going to leave you up at night going, oh, I shouldn't have done that. ... get a will in place, work with an estate planning attorney and get this done as soon as possible." [08:35]

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This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights delves deep into the emotional and financial complexities of familial estrangement and inheritance planning. Through Ruth's heartfelt story and the expert guidance provided, listeners gain valuable insights into making compassionate yet practical decisions that honor both personal well-being and family legacy.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Ruth]

Well, I'm trying to figure out. I'm retired, and I'm going through my finances, and I'm trying to figure out whether I should have my children as beneficiaries or not, since they ghosted me.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, wow.

[Ruth]

Like, nine years ago. So it's been a long time. I've reached out a lot. No responses.

[Dave Ramsey]

What caused the ghost?

[Ruth]

I'm not really sure. I set a boundary with my youngest daughter, who is a heroin addict, and told her basically, she can't use me anymore, and I will support her in recovery and her healing, and it ran from there. It did. Wow.

[George]

So how many other kids do you have?

[Ruth]

I have four, but my. My oldest child died. Okay. And they range. My living children arrange from 45 to 35.

[George]

And none of them will talk to you?

[Ruth]

No.

[George]

I'm sorry. I know that's hard.

[Ruth]

Devastating. It is.

[George]

Yeah. Yeah. That's just. That's heartbreaking. And for whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you for putting up a boundary with one of your kids.

[Ruth]

Thank you.

[George]

We don't ever talk. We don't talk about enough. The other side of boundaries is that when. When we can put up a boundary to keep ourselves safe and kind of create the world we want to exist in, other people can just walk away, and we don't talk about that enough. Boundaries looks good on. On Instagram, but, man, it's. There's a reality to it. This. That can be heartbreaking.

[Ruth]

Really heartbreaking. And I do believe that the drug aspect is the part of it, because I think that if my kids were in my world, they know that I would make sure their children were safe. And in my humble opinion, you can't be an active addict and be a very good parent.

[George]

I think there's truth to that. I think that's fair.

[Ruth]

I also think it's something about that.

[George]

Yeah. I mean, if you think that the kids. Their kids are in danger now, I think just not only as a grandma, but as a citizen, you have a responsibility to make a phone call, right?

[Ruth]

Yes. Yes.

[George]

But I think it's cruel to give somebody who's struggling with heroin a big inheritance because it's gonna kill.

[Ruth]

I agree.

[George]

It's gonna kill. And so how much money are we talking here?

[Dave Ramsey]

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[George]

Are we talking here?

[Ruth]

Well, it kind of depends. I'm separated and our homes were. You know, my neighbor sold our home for 1.2 million, so mine's probably 900,000. So I'm separated in that possibility of a divorce and let's say down the road, a possibility of 6 to 800,000.

[George]

What about in retirement funds or anything.

[Ruth]

That'S part of that? Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you're saying you would have 6 to 800,000 to leave?

[Ruth]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. And you're saying, hey, the kids won't talk to me. What do I do with this money?

[Ruth]

Yeah. And I want to do right, by God. And I want to. I want to be clear about this. I know. And I have eight grandkids, so my one child that died, they would get that child's inheritance. If you don't specify that in a will, then they don't. So I wanted to make sure that they would get that child's fortune.

[George]

Well, can you do something like. And I'm asking George this on your behalf. He's the expert here. But could she open up 529s and fully fund them for all the grandkids?

[Dave Ramsey]

Absolutely.

[George]

Specifies that money is going to be used for education only. And if they choose to not go to school, they just go straight into the workforce and never need any sort of training, which is almost no job. But if they want to go to college, they want to go to trade school, they want to go nursing school, that can be used for that, but. But if not, it just can roll into a Roth with. With the kids down the line. That would probably be something I would look to do if I would just.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, if you want to skip a generation or not punish the grandkids, you know, the grandkids hopefully can be trusted with this. And if, especially if you leave it in a 529 where it's for a specific purpose, that will also make you feel better about this, that the parents aren't going to just drain this thing down to zero and use it for whatever they want. Leave it in. You know, you'll need their Social Security numbers to open up that 529 for each of them. But that's a great way to sort of leave the inheritance, feel good about it without leaving it directly to the children.

[Ruth]

Right.

[George]

How old are you, Ruth?

[Ruth]

I'm sorry?

[George]

How old are you?

[Ruth]

66.

[George]

Why are you thinking about this right now?

[Ruth]

My first husband died, so I know that that's real. I'm separated, so looking at a divorce and just want to be responsible and just do the right thing, you know.

[Dave Ramsey]

But you also sounds like you need that. You might need a lot of this money. Let's say you live to be 90. I mean, you got another 24 years to manage expense wise. Are you still working?

[Ruth]

No, I was forced to retire early due to health things. I've got autoimmune and I've got arthritis stuff. I literally can't work. I would if I could, but I can't. And I've been responsible my whole life, so not, you know, don't do debt and you know, careful, really careful. I was widowed young and, you know, God took care of us and we were never on welfare. You know, I just, it's. I've been really careful. I just want to do the right thing and not leaving my kids out of their inheritance isn't for revenge. I just want to do the right thing, you know.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And if there's no communication there and you know, and I've tried, you could leave it to the kids that you, you trust with this, even if they don't have communication with you. It's your money you can do what you want with. You can leave it all to a charity and have none of it go to family. It's your prerogative. You're the one who has to make peace with all this.

[George]

Or you can leave it to a trusted executor of your estate or executor of a trust who could have a written explanation of what you want done with the money. If my kids come and they prove that they're clean with six months of drug tests or whatever, then they get their inheritance or automatically this money's this. This executor would fund 529 plans. Or I mean you could, you can, you can decide if you think things are going to happen on the road, but there's also a chance you live another 25 or 30 years.

[Ruth]

Yeah. And I could use it.

[George]

You're going to need it. You're not going to use it. You're going to, you're going to have to have it. Right.

[Ruth]

Especially, you know, grandma's live to be 96. I hope I don't. But yeah, you know, that's the reality of it as well. And I thought about that.

[George]

What do you mean you hope you don't? You have a whole third left to go, like halfway through the third quarter.

[Ruth]

You can't quit the game now, John. Heaven sounds better.

[Dave Ramsey]

Heaven sounds.

[George]

I know, I know, but listen, can I tell you something?

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[George]

There are mothers right now, and I know this because 1 out of 4, 25% of the calls that come into my show are about estranged families. Somebody's cut off their parents, the parents have cut off their kids or whatever.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[George]

What an amazing resource you would be to a 45 or 50 year old mom whose kids won't talk to her anymore.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[George]

Or to a group of young parents, young dads, young moms whose parents are too busy yoloing it up in their 70s and 60s and won't talk to them anymore. You can start a small group in your local community and provide 20 years of just life giving, wisdom and kindness. So don't cash out on me now. You're, you're, you still got it. You're, you're halfway through the third quarter. You got to play all the way to the end of the bell. But yeah, this, George, this is her money, right?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. You, you again. You have to make peace with it. So don't do anything that's going to leave you up at night going, oh, I shouldn't have done that. But get a will in place, work with an estate planning attorney and, and get this done as soon as possible. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.