My Mom Asks For Money Even Though She Makes More Than Us

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Mom Asks For Money Even Though She Makes More Than Us"

The Ramsey Show Highlights | October 21, 2025
Hosts: Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze, Chris Hogan
Caller: Son-in-law seeking advice about his mother

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights tackles a common but uncomfortable family dilemma: What to do when a parent who earns more money than you continues to request financial assistance. The caller, a son-in-law, explains how his mother (with a higher household income) habitually asks him and his wife for money, usually small loans that she quickly repays. Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze, and Chris Hogan offer guidance on financial boundaries, managing family relationships, and the emotional complexities of lending versus giving within families.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Real Issue

• The problem isn't budgeting advice:
  Rachel Cruze immediately notes, “She’s not asking for budgeting help, is she? She’s asking for money.” (00:17)
  • The hosts agree: The mom doesn't want help with her habits—she’s seeking cash.

2. You Can't Change Someone Who Doesn't Want to Change

• Chris Hogan on reality vs. hope:
  "You can’t change people…unless she wants it, it’s not gonna happen." (00:24)
  • Forcing budgeting advice won’t work if the person isn't receptive.

3. The Need for Boundaries

• Setting a clear line:
  Dave Ramsey advocates a direct approach: "Mom, no more. You’re a grown blank woman. This is nuts. And I'm putting a boundary up. This is not happening anymore. Here’s why.” (01:38)

  • The key is to set boundaries lovingly but firmly—explaining personal reasons and the stress it causes.

• Rachel Cruze suggests a compassionate but clear message:
  “I love you. I’m your daughter. I don’t want to become your lender. I care about our relationship too much for it to become a business transaction.” (02:39)

  • This separates personal family bonds from financial entanglements.

4. Emotional Impact and Role Reversal

• Parent becomes the child:
  Dave mentions "you become the parent and the parent becomes the child. This is a function of life." (01:54)

  • Addressing the awkwardness and emotional labor when roles flip in family dynamics.

• Caller admits the stress:
  "[It] puts me in the middle... I want to be that [lender], but not every time." (04:40)
  He struggles with wanting to help but also feeling overwhelmed and in conflict.

5. Lending vs. Giving

• Chris Hogan draws a vital distinction:
  "The borrowing is different than the giving, right? So both need boundaries... When you are lending money and expecting to be paid back, that's a no..." (07:42)
  • If support is to be given, do so as a gift, not a loan, and only when truly appropriate—not as a pattern.

6. Recognizing Enabling Behavior

• Rachel Cruze’s clarifying question:
  "Am I enabling misbehavior or am I helping someone who's hurting right now?" (08:21)
  • The panel agrees that, in this case, the mother’s pattern is misbehavior, not true need.

7. Expect Pushback and Repetition

• Dave Ramsey warns the caller: “Are you prepared emotionally for her to get really pissed off and cut you off for a season?” (03:21)
  • The caller is doubtful this will happen, but Dave and Chris suggest repeated requests are likely.

8. Attempts to Help Have Failed

• Caller reveals efforts:
  “I’ve bought her EveryDollar. I’ve tried. We talk about it. They work together.” (05:15)
  • The mom remains uninterested in learning or changing, reinforcing the need for boundaries.

9. When to Stop Helping

• Hitting rock bottom:
  Dave concludes, "She’s going to have to hit rock bottom financially…for you to be able to get through to her." (06:39)
  • Sometimes the only way to inspire change is to step back entirely.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On boundaries:
  “I love you. I’m your daughter. I don’t want to become your lender. I care about our relationship too much for it to become a business transaction.” — Rachel Cruze (02:39)
• On changing people:
  “Unless she wants it, it’s not gonna happen. So…it’s either a pretty strong boundary or a conversation.” — Chris Hogan (00:24)
• On hitting rock bottom:
  “She’s going to have to hit rock bottom financially…for you to be able to get through to her.” — Dave Ramsey (06:39)
• On stress:
  “[It] puts me in the middle…we shouldn’t be doing this. So. Yeah, it’s hard.” — Caller (04:40)
• Comic relief:
  “She told you loud and clear she doesn’t want help in that regard.” — Rachel Cruze (05:57)
  Dave jokes: "You work with your mother-in-law? That’s how we met.” (05:30)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Understanding the real ask (budgeting help vs. cash): 00:17
• The hard truth about changing others: 00:24–01:29
• Setting boundaries—direct talk: 01:38–02:30
• Emotional fallout and role reversal: 01:54, 04:40
• Clear boundary phrasing: 02:39
• Lending history—frequency and repayment: 03:49–04:11
• Caller’s stress explained: 04:36–04:40
• Previous failed attempts to offer budgeting help: 05:15–05:39
• Enabling vs. helping: 08:21
• Giving vs. lending distinctions: 07:42

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Takeaways

• Setting boundaries with family about money is difficult but necessary, especially when patterns develop.
• Lending, even if consistently paid back, can strain relationships and enable unhealthy financial habits.
• Offering budgeting help is only effective if the recipient wants to change.
• Prepare for emotional backlash and repeat conversations.
• You can’t “fix” someone else’s relationship with money—they need to want change for it to work.
• Differentiate between "helping" and "enabling" recurring poor financial behavior.

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Overall Tone

The hosts approach the topic with a mixture of tough love, humor, relatable personal anecdotes, and practical candor. Their advice is actionable, empathetic, and grounded in real-world family dynamics.

For listeners facing similar family money conflicts, this segment offers validation, clear next steps, and the encouragement to draw necessary boundaries—even when it’s hard.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

My mom occasionally asked us to borrow money even though her household income is higher than ours. So what are some tips or help to help her budget?

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, man, she's not asking for budgeting help, is she? She's asking for money.

[Chris Hogan]

Okay. I think this is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. And I think it took me thousands of dollars of therapy, literally, for this to, like, sett and realize you can't change people. As much as you guys want her to do X, Y, and Z, as much as you want her to budget, live on less than she makes all the things. Unless she wants it, it's not gonna happen. So it's either, in my head, a pretty strong boundary of a conversation. It's probably really hard of like, mom, I love you, but we have a set plan for our income right now that has to go to this. We're not gonna be able to help you in the future, as of now or forever. Whatever you wanna say. Right. And. Or, hey, mom, would you be curious to learn or probably not to learn. It's probably a little patronizing, but, like, would you like to find a new way to handle your money? Things that have worked for us. If you're curious about that, let me know and you can kind of open the door for her to walk through. But it's hard. And we get this question a lot with families. Cause you're wanting them to not only change, but. But now in your case, they're, like, asking you for money. Right. And so there's a boundary that has to.

[Dave Ramsey]

Rachel's the nicest one of all of.

[Rachel Cruze]

Us can all agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I think Rachel's right, but I think that's step two. Step one is. Whose mom is it?

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Mine.

[Dave Ramsey]

Mom, no more. You're a grown blank woman. This is nuts. And I'm putting a boundary up. This is not happening anymore. Here. Here's why. You don't have to attack her. But you talk about your reasons and what it's causing for you. And at some point, you're going, by the way, you're getting to that age. And I'm really at that age where you become the parent and the parent becomes the child. This is a function of life. And I don't know how old she is, but it's headed that direction anyway. And this is causing strife for you. Yes or no?

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right. So no, Mom. Never again. It stops. Never again. I'm putting up a boundary. Then you go to step two. But this is. This is not okay. And I know you're smiling about it, but I hope you walk away empowered tonight because you got to tell her to grow up.

[Chris Hogan]

Are you guys on the same page with it? Like, are you both annoyed? Like, yeah. Okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

It puts you on.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's his mother in law. That guy is steaming. Willie Beamer can fry an egg on each other.

[Rachel Cruze]

You can. Well, here's the thing you can tell her that's maybe also kind is, I love you. I'm your daughter. I don't want to become your lender. I care about our relationship too much for it to become a business transaction. And now you don't want to talk to me because you know you owe me money. I want to come over for Thanksgiving and give you a hug and sit down and talk about anything else other than the money you owe me. And that's what really happens on the Ramsey show. You can send her calls if things gone awry. But I do think that it starts with you saying no in love and then getting to the root of it. If she's willing. And one day she might be, today might not be that day, but one day when she truly needs help and she sees the way you guys have been living, she's going to say, tell me more about how you did it. That's the day you can start to introduce some of our principles and teaching to her.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are you prepared emotionally for her to get really pissed off and cut you off for a season? He's shaking his head no.

[Chris Hogan]

Oh, she won't do that.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

No, because I. The last time it was like more assertive, like, why would I give this to you? Or if I give this to you, when are you gonna learn? So a little more mean than I have been, but she wouldn't cut me off.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, well, that's great news.

[Chris Hogan]

That's a good.

[Rachel Cruze]

Have you been giving her money thus far?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

How many times? How much total?

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, boy.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

I'd say like twice a year. And it can range from a couple hundred to her refrigerator broke, so like a thousand or two.

[Rachel Cruze]

And has she ever paid you back?

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

She's always paid me back.

[Dave Ramsey]

How?

[Rachel Cruze]

What time frame is it? An agreed upon time.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

The last time was the next day, which makes me most angry because you should not be that tight with money.

[Rachel Cruze]

Was it like, hey, I just need to get to the next paycheck and.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

I'll pay you literally tomorrow. Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

So you're her payday lender? Essentially, yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

What is this causing for you, young man? Your wife needs to hear this. This is your moment. You stood up. What kind of stress is this causing? Step towards the mic, Step towards the mic.

[Rachel Cruze]

Step towards the light, my friend.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Man, I'm so excited. Do you want pizza? Do you want the pizza?

[Dave Ramsey]

We'll give you.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Get out of the situation.

[Dave Ramsey]

Rachel only had two bites. I'll give her her slice if you tell the truth.

[Caller (Husband)]

So you see.

[Dave Ramsey]

Get up on the mic. Get up on the mic.

[Caller (Husband)]

You said. What kind of stress is it causing?

[Dave Ramsey]

What's it doing to you?

[Caller (Husband)]

It, like, puts me in the middle because I want to. You know, the Bible says we are the lenders, not the borrowers. So I want to be that, but not every time. And I don't want to be, you know, the only soul. You know, every time they come to us saying, hey, we need this. So it kind of puts me in the middle when I'm like, it's your mom, but we shouldn't be doing this. So. Yeah, it's hard.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. So are you prepared tonight, ma', am, to draw a line in the sand?

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why are you smiling and laughing so much?

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Because it's hard to explain. Because I've tried. I've bought her every dollar.

[Dave Ramsey]

Get up on the mic. We gotta be able to hear you. Sorry.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

I've already, like, done all the things. I've bought her every dollar. I've tried. We talk about it. They work together, so, like, they talk about every single thing.

[Chris Hogan]

She work together.

[Dave Ramsey]

You work with your mother in law? Kind of.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

That's how we met.

[Chris Hogan]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Ramsey]

So we've done all those for you.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Like, the next thing would be like inviting her over secretly and just for nine weeks straight doing financial peace.

[Rachel Cruze]

But that's called staging an intervention.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

I would have snacks. I would have fun stuff. No snacks. But a no would be easy. So it's not that. It's just like, she told you loud.

[Rachel Cruze]

And clear she doesn't want. She doesn't want help in that regard.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

But, like, I want to help her. That's right.

[Chris Hogan]

That's right.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

You want her.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah. Her to help herself.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Right. I'm more of like. Like step one.

[Chris Hogan]

Yes.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

You're an idiot. Slight. Get it together.

[Chris Hogan]

Yes.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

So I'm more like on the. How do I help her step?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. I. First of all, I did not say that she's an idiot.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

No, I did. I did.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And I. And I think, honestly, the. The idiotic behavior is you helping her. Yeah. And I'm not calling you an idiot. All right. The crowd's like, ooh. But I'm saying, if I Was gonna label some really dumb behavior. It's actually you. She's broken. You're not broken.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Gotcha.

[Dave Ramsey]

And she's going to have to hit rock bottom financially. I hate to say this for you to be able to get through to her.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So I do think it's a clear boundary, love. I'm going to be your daughter, not your lender, son in law. This is a weird deal because she's like in the cube next to you doing TPS reports. You're going to have to figure this out too. So you guys got to come together in very clear boundaries here. And mom needs to get a very clear but kind message. This is over forever. And at that point, you're gonna have to move on. It may not be ugly in that she cuts you off, but she's gonna come back, by the way. I don't think she's gonna get this stern message the first time.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Gotcha.

[Dave Ramsey]

So what are you gonna do? You gotta prepare for that when she comes back. A second, a third, a fourth, and maybe even a fifth time. So you guys are brave. Thanks for standing up and asking this question. You all give them some love. So good.

[Chris Hogan]

And let me say this too. The borrowing is different than the giving, right? So both need boundaries around it. But when you are lending money and expecting to be paid back, like, that's a no all the way around. Now, if there's a giving element and there's a family member, a friend, whatever, and you as a couple decide that we're in a good place financially, we feel like, yes, we can do this, we want to do this. We feel like they really, truly need help. It's not creating this sense of entitlement. And we choose to give it, that's a whole other prerogative. So there is a difference between the giving and the lending. So I would cut the lending off hardcore right now, today, 100% and probably the giving. I think there's an element of that that's all true in this.

[Caller (Son-in-law)]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

The question asks, am I enabling misbehavior or am I helping someone who's hurting right now? And there's a big difference. And clearly this is a long pattern of misbehavior on mom's part.

[Dave Ramsey]

And this is awkward, but I have a very personal experience with this with George. Years ago, when George wasn't making very much money at Ramsey, he asked me if I would front him some money for a very expensive blow dryer. And I had to say no.

[Rachel Cruze]

He's got a great head of hair. I thought Ken would know what the best blow dryer is, so.

[Dave Ramsey]

We got through it, though, didn't we?

[Rachel Cruze]

We did.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

We salvaged the relationship, and we're here.

[Dave Ramsey]

To tell about it. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.