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Radio Host
Brought to you by CHM, a budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget My mom is 67 and
Beth
currently living on Social Security. She is married to my stepfather and they both had pretty major surgeries this year. My mom had a back surgery and my stepdad had open heart surgery and they can't really work right now. They bring home about $4,400 a month. But I recently she started like being short on things and finally I kind of asked to look at her finances and she has $51,000 in credit card debt. She has zero savings, like literally zero. She has never really been really good at money. She's lost two houses and filed bankruptcy before. I'm currently debt free after following baby steps. I'm worth with my husband about $1.8 million. And she knows that I have money and so she keeps calling me and expecting me to help and I've kind of put all of her stuff into a budget for her and she keeps overspending. You know, she'll order doordash or something and then wonder why she's short every month. And so I'm trying to figure out how to kind of get it through to her that, that like she has to stop. And I, you know, I've talked to my husband and we, we just like don't feel like helping her. Is.
Ramsey
Yeah, what about your stepdad? What's his role? What's his role in all this?
Beth
I mean, they're both equally terrible at money, just generally speaking. And so, you know, she's asked me to buy her a house and she's asked me to do like all of these things and I'm like, we, we can't do that.
Ramsey
Like, that's, oh, this is extreme. This is far worse.
Jade
I asked my buddies for nachos, not a house. Yeah.
Ramsey
Oh boy. And how long, how long have they been married?
Beth
They've been married since I was five.
Ramsey
Okay. Years. So this is not like, oh, this is kind of new. They're, they've, they've been a mess for a while. A long, long while.
Beth
Yeah. And, and they had money when I was in high school and like kind of just spent it and leaned into that lifestyle and then they tried to downside and so bought another house, ended up losing both houses and they've lived in rentals ever since then. And you know, I thought that they were kind of getting back on their feet, but I just think that they're terrible budgets and they, they feel very entitled coming from, you know, living a lifestyle that was above their means for so long.
Ramsey
Yeah, I mean, they made choices, but they made choices the same way you made choices, right. They were adult a hand and they said, here's what I'm going to do. You were dealt your hand and you said, here's what I'm going to do. If you spend too much time and, and John, this is your area, but if you spend too much time trying to sort through why other people made and make the choices that they're making, it is just.
Jade
You're going to go insane, right?
Ramsey
Yeah, you will go insane. Especially if you're using that framework to determine what you're going to do. It's like you just gotta look at you and just go, hey, I see what's going on. It's very apparent. I don't need to do a bunch of mental gymnastics here. It's very apparent what's going on. And the fact that here's what did it in for me. When you said she was literally coming to you saying, hey, will you buy me a house? That's when I knew we don't even need to go through a whole lot of the rigmarole of what they're doing. This is ridiculousness. And I'm wondering, have you just gone to her and said, mom, here are the ways I can help you.
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Ramsey
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Ramsey
Have you just gone to her and said, mom, here are the ways I can help you. I can help you with a budget. I can help you as accountability to stick with the budget. I can help show you the things that I've done. I can provide a plan for you. But one thing I cannot do because you guys actually do have money is I am not going to give you monetary help because you have money coming in that if you manage it properly, will be enough for you. And I think when you say that very clearly, that's all you can say. And then when, when, when your mom oversteps the boundary because she's going to you can just say, hey, just remember what I said before. Let's. I'm happy to sit down with you and do the budget.
Beth
Yeah, I think the tricky part right now is that like about half of these things are already in collections. Like the credit cards are in collection. She, she doesn't even have enough room in her budget to pay these crazy minimums. And so I kind of told her to, to start with one credit card and like not pay the rest right now. And I've spent like, I've set up a budget for her.
Jade
Beth, hold on. Beth. Beth.
Beth
Follow it.
Jade
Beth. She's lost two houses before.
Beth
Yeah.
Jade
She, she's had the worst thing that can happen to somebody. She lost her home and then she had it happen again. And then she's about to have it happen again. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Beth
I mean, I just feel like they just don't learn from their mistakes.
Jade
Okay, so. So you. Here's the thing. You're right. And like they, they blow by natural consequences. The rules of the world of reality don't apply to them when they have money and when they don't.
Beth
And yeah.
Jade
No, no amount. Let me free you from this. There's not a thing you haven't said in just the right way that would solve this for them. They're really fortunate to have you as their daughter. The fact that you care this much. Because I know in a family with finances like this, you've been through a lot also. Right?
Beth
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah.
Jade
Listen, listen.
Beth
We went to food banks when I was little for the same reason probably.
Jade
Yes. I wanted you to hear me say, you have changed your family tree. You didn't take the baton from them. You picked it up off the track and you decided to run as fast as you could with it. And you're going to hand it off to your kids in a much better position than you were given it. Right?
Beth
Yeah. I mean, that was my huge motivator for not ending up like that.
Jade
That's right.
Beth
Just promised I would never leave my kids like in this position.
Jade
Yeah. And you've done that. And I want you to hear me and Jade say, we're man, we're so proud of you. Because what you've done is really hard. It's harder than just doing the baby steps. You also had to take care of that seven year old little girl that was dealing with chaos and divorce and new boyfriends and food insecurity growing up.
Ramsey
And now it continues to be hard because here you are doing well and you have to sit and see.
Jade
You got survivor's guilt.
Ramsey
That's right.
Jade
Yeah. And so let me say.
Beth
Yep.
Jade
Here's what I know about you. I can tell it by the way you told the story. If this. If your mom and stepdad were doing really well and suddenly their house got hit by a giant limb, you would be there with a checkbook on day one. That's who you are.
Ramsey
Yep.
Jade
But you can't keep showing up to the bar of a friend who's struggling with an alcohol addiction and saying, all right, I'm going to buy this round.
Beth
And then you got to go, yeah.
Ramsey
And you. And into that same analogy, you've been kind, but you've been kind. You said, I'll pay for therapy, I'll pay for rehab. I'll pay for. And. And if they say I don't want to go on it, they don't want it.
Jade
Yeah.
Beth
Yeah. I offered to pay for financial peace. And they don't.
Jade
They don't want.
Beth
I don't even want to do. I don't even want to do it because I don't think she'll do it.
Jade
Yeah. And they won't. And they don't. They don't. They don't want your help. I mean, they don't want your advice. They want your money. And that means it's not a relationship, it's a. It's. It's transactional. And that breaks my heart for you because everyone needs their mom.
Beth
Yeah.
Jade
Yeah.
Beth
Yeah. I feel like the adult.
Jade
Yeah, you a hundred percent are the adult. And that means you have to act like the adult. And when our toddlers. I. I never. It never ceases to amaze me when people are like, man, my 10 year old only wants ice cream. I'm like, yes, they're 10 and ice cream's awesome. Then you had adults in their lives to say, hey, we can't do that all the time. And similarly, you are. You're the adult now. And you have to say, hey, I'm not giving you any more money. And then you're gonna have to go home with your husband and be real sad that your mom put you in this position. I hate it for you.
Ramsey
Yeah. And if you give her more money, she's gonna be wasteful with it. And that's just gonna add to any resentment or any feelings of, you know, any negative feelings that you already have towards her.
Beth
Yeah.
Radio Host
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Theme/Purpose:
In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights (May 12, 2026), hosts Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw counsel Beth, a caller facing emotional and ethical dilemmas involving her financially irresponsible mother. Despite Beth’s own financial success, her mother, who has a history of bankruptcy and poor money management, repeatedly requests financial assistance, including major “asks” like buying a home. The discussion explores setting healthy boundaries, dealing with “survivor’s guilt,” and the generational challenges of breaking negative financial cycles.
This episode masterfully balances empathy with tough love as Beth navigates family responsibility, emotional baggage, and financial boundaries. Ramsey and Warshaw validate the difficulty of her position, clearly articulate why enabling her mother won’t solve the core issues, and uphold Beth’s right—and duty—to prioritize her own family’s security and her hard-won financial peace.
For listeners in similar situations, the message is clear: it’s not unloving to uphold healthy boundaries, especially when support is consistently mismanaged, and breaking a generational cycle requires courage, clarity, and sometimes, grief.