My Mom Is A Toxic Human Being

Summary

Summary of "My Mom Is A Toxic Human Being" Episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: June 15, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Episode Title: My Mom Is A Toxic Human Being

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a caller reaches out seeking guidance on navigating a deeply troubled family dynamic. The discussion centers around financial abuse perpetrated by the caller's mother, the passive behavior of her father, and concerns about the impact on her nieces. Hosted by Dave Ramsey, the episode features insights from Dr. John Delony, offering both practical advice and emotional support to the distressed caller.

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Caller’s Situation

Caller’s Background and Concerns
The caller, a woman in her 30s, shares her distress over her parents' dysfunctional relationship and its detrimental effects on the next generation. Specifically, her mother has a history of financial misconduct, including:

• Criminal Activity: "She did prison time for stealing from her employer when I was 16." (Caller, 00:17)
• Financial Recklessness: Engaging in fraudulent activities such as taking out false loans and grants in her and her father's names, leading to their financial ruin.
• Impact on Children: Her mother has raised her sister's twin daughters, now 10, raising fears that the same negative patterns may continue.

The caller also reveals her father's inability to confront their mother's destructive behavior, stating, "he does have a verbal confrontation with her, but he rolls over and pees on himself, basically. And he won't stand up to her." (Caller, 01:25). This passive behavior has left the caller feeling responsible for preventing her nieces from enduring similar hardships.

Personal Struggles and Resilience
Despite these challenges, the caller has managed to maintain stability in her life:

• Therapeutic Support: "Therapy helped a lot, removing myself from the toxic situation." (Caller, 02:06)
• Self-Sufficiency: After being kicked out by her mother at 17, she assumed the role of caregiver for her younger sister, demonstrating remarkable resilience and maturity.

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Host and Expert Reactions

Dave Ramsey’s Response
Dave Ramsey expresses shock and disappointment towards the caller's mother's actions: "Wow. She's not only reckless, I mean, she's like a criminal." (Dave Ramsey, 01:15). He empathizes with the caller's struggle, highlighting the difficulty of dealing with toxic family members who refuse to change.

Dr. John Delony’s Insights
Dr. Delony delves deeper into the systemic issues at play, questioning the custody arrangements: "How does somebody with a criminal record get custody over 27 year olds?" (Dr. John Delony, 02:32). He prompts the caller to consider what actions are within her control, emphasizing the limitations of influencing her parents' long-standing behaviors.

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Advice and Recommendations

Setting Boundaries and Seeking Alternatives
Dr. Delony advises the caller to evaluate what she can control, suggesting possibilities like suing for custody of her nieces or delivering a heartfelt letter to her father: "Maybe make that offer and say, we would love to let them grow up around their cousins and take that burden from you guys." (Dr. John Delony, 06:44).

Encouraging Realistic Acceptance
Recognizing the futility of trying to change her parents, both Ramsey and Delony encourage the caller to accept the reality of the situation:

• Ramsey notes, "You just got to lay it out there," emphasizing the importance of clearly communicating her willingness to help (Dave Ramsey, 07:43).
• Delony adds, "It's heartbreaking. Heartbreaking. We don't do grief well in this culture." (Dr. John Delony, 08:02), acknowledging the emotional toll of the situation.

Practical Steps Forward
The experts suggest practical steps for the caller:

1. Writing a Letter: As Dr. Delony recommends, writing a sincere letter to her father outlining her feelings and offering support could be a meaningful gesture (Dr. John Delony, 06:32).
2. Offering Support: Ramsey emphasizes the caller’s readiness to provide a stable environment for her nieces: "Would you take them if they would let you? 100%." (Dave Ramsey, 07:36).
3. Prayer and External Support: Ramsey mentions the potential positive impact of external influences, such as family members or pastors, in encouraging her parents to seek help: "Maybe they have a foothold, maybe they have a toehold of credibility." (Dave Ramsey, 05:29).

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with a somber reflection on the complexities of family dynamics and the emotional challenges of dealing with toxic parental figures. Dave Ramsey underscores the importance of accepting that some individuals may not change, despite the caller’s best efforts: "Other adults are allowed to misbehave. And you can't make them, not if they call here." (Dave Ramsey, 05:14).

Dr. Delony and Ramsey collectively provide a blend of empathy, practical advice, and realistic expectations, empowering the caller to take proactive steps while managing her emotional well-being. The discussion highlights the significance of setting boundaries, seeking support, and finding peace amidst familial turmoil.

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Notable Quotes:

• Caller: "She's a toxic human being." (Caller's emotional admission, 01:19)
• Dr. John Delony: "Behavior is a language." (Understanding the implications of her father’s passivity, 03:57)
• Dave Ramsey: "I know that the power of God in their life, for instance, could intersect either your mom, dad, or both." (On potential avenues for change, 05:00)

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This episode offers a candid exploration of financial and emotional abuse within a family, providing listeners with both empathy and actionable strategies to cope with similar challenges. Through the combined expertise of Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delony, the caller—and by extension, the audience—gains valuable insights into managing toxic relationships and fostering healthier family environments.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

Today, I was calling for some advice on how to handle a very financially abusive relationship regarding my mother and father.

[Dr. John Delony]

Talk me through it.

[Caller]

Okay. The basics are my parents are still together and I'm. I'm in my 30s. It wouldn't be a big deal for me if it was just my mom and dad, but the problem lies with my parents raising the next generation. They actually raised my sister's twin daughters who are now 10. And I am terrified that it's going to ruin their upbringing like it kind of did mine.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's going on? What are they doing?

[Caller]

My mother is financially reckless. I mean, for years, I mean, she did prison time for stealing from her employer when I was 16. Once she got out, she took out false loans in my name, my father's name, false grants through the state, and she's just been financially reckless on credit cards in her name and my dad's name, and it's just left him in financial ruin.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow. She's not only reckless, I mean, she's like a criminal.

[Caller]

She's a toxic human being. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow.

[Dr. John Delony]

So what is your dad and the problem?

[Caller]

Well, once he finds out about certain things, he does have a verbal confrontation with her, but he rolls over and pees on himself, basically. And he won't stand up to her. And I think his spirit is just so beat that he won't stand up for himself at all. And I'm just left here as the auntie who's trying to make sure that her nieces don't go through the same situation that I went through as a child.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you, you experienced all of these things as a child while. Because she was doing the exact same behavior and he was doing the same behavior. You talked about that twice. How do you think it affected you? Because you sound pretty adjusted to me. I'm not saying it didn't hurt. I'm not saying it wasn't a problem.

[Dr. John Delony]

But lots of therapy there. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

You know, was it lots of therapy? Is that what did it?

[Caller]

Therapy helped a lot, removing myself from the toxic situation. My mom kicked me out when I was 17. Ah, right after she got out of prison because there was a fight between us on, you know, the vehicle situation after she got out. So I, you know, I had to grow up real fast. I raised my younger sister for the last four years of her life.

[Dr. John Delony]

How does somebody with a criminal record get custody over 27 year olds?

[Caller]

Because it was over 10 years after the fact. So after 10 years, their felony Is erased or expunged from their record after seven, I believe.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay.

[Caller]

So. And they were in the system. So they. They went through the process to do parenting classes and become foster parents, and they got custody of the younger two.

[Dr. John Delony]

So whenever I hear a conversation like this, I always want to ask the. What feels like an obvious question, but it's only obvious when you're looking from the outside. It's really hard to see on the inside. What of this can you do anything about. And the way you've outlined it, you can't do anything about your mom's behavior. She's been who she's been forever. You can't do anything about your dad's behavior. He's been who he is forever.

[Dave Ramsey]

And the state has awarded these children.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. So what can you actually control here? I guess you could sue for custody if you want to take the two girls. Or you can have this big, like, this big. I call it like a William Wallace type speech to your dad. And maybe you'll get through to him, which I can tell you right now, you won't like. And so I'm wondering.

[Caller]

No, I've already done that.

[Dr. John Delony]

There he goes. Right. So what are you looking for? Like, what are you hoping happens?

[Caller]

Maybe some advice on how to proceed, Because I know my mom's a lost cause for me. Given our history, we're not on speaking terms.

[Dr. John Delony]

Your dad is, too.

[Caller]

He's made it. That's, I guess, the tough pill.

[Dr. John Delony]

It is. Behavior is a language. And he's told you for the last 20 years he's not interested in your advice or wisdom. And that's really hard to hear. I know, and I'm saying it kind of callously and direct, but he doesn't care what you have to say.

[Caller]

No, he doesn't. It never affects his actions. And I convinced him two or three times to leave her, and he's always on board. And he, you know, I have a big house with a basement that him and the girls can move in with me because I have a 10 year old, too. I mean, I have. I have four kids, and we have plenty of space for them. And I'm like, dad, just get away. Just get away. Every time you do this, this just damages you. It damages your soul. It damages your spirit. It's affecting those girls, and you're teaching them and conditioning them that this is okay behavior and it's not. And it took me years to figure that out myself.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller]

So I don't know if I should just wash my dad off and be like, Daddy, I love you. You're my favorite person in the whole world, but I cannot.

[Dr. John Delony]

I don't know that you wash him. I don't know that you wash him. I don't know you wash your hands of him. He's still your dad.

[Caller]

But he is my favorite human being.

[Dave Ramsey]

He might quit trying to fix him. Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

You live in reality.

[Caller]

Yeah. So I guess that's what I was asking for, is just maybe a secondary opinion on. I'm looking at this from the outside and telling me I'm doing everything I can the right way, and there's no fixing them because they don't want to be fixed.

[Dave Ramsey]

Exactly.

[Dr. John Delony]

There you go.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that's really one of the hardest things in adulthood, is that other adults are allowed to misbehave. And you can't make them, not if they call here. I can hang up on them and move on to the next one, but I can't make them. I can't make them go on and do it. Right.

[Caller]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Ramsey]

I wish they would, because I know what would happen if they did change. And I know that this can be fixed. I know that the power of God in their life, for instance, could intersect either your mom, dad, or both. And in a matter of months, I've seen people change their whole households and then they seek out the therapy to finish the work and they do all the stuff they need to do. But my grandmother used to say those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. And so that. That you're just, you know, you're just barking at a brick wall is what you're telling us. I mean, so I think you pray for them. And I think if you ever think of someone that might speak into their life that they might listen to, because it's not you that you send that person over there, if there's an uncle or a cousin or someone that they admire or a pastor that they say, they, like, have them speak into it because maybe they have a foothold, maybe they have a toehold of credibility. But.

[Dr. John Delony]

And you might write, you might write your father a letter and just call it my last. My last, my last letter. Right. And I'm still gonna love you. I just need you to see in writing. You always have an open door at my house.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And maybe when you start talking and start lecturing him, he shuts you off like he shuts off his wife. That's just his default setting. But maybe around the glow of, you know, the refrigerator at 11 o' clock at night when all the other lights are off, in the house. He reads that letter and he exhales and says, I'm gonna go.

[Caller]

I. I wish that would happen.

[Dr. John Delony]

I know, I know. And have you. Have you. Are you married?

[Caller]

Reach out to. I am married. I'm happily married.

[Dr. John Delony]

So. So have you and your husband talked about taking in the two girls? Is that a possibility?

[Caller]

You know, I was married before when they were born to my ex husband and having a new baby ourselves. He refused to let me take the twins in because they were drug addicted. They were in the nicu, and he refused to let me take them in. But what I did is I raised them in the form of daycare until they went to kindergarten.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay, but what about right. What about right now?

[Caller]

Right now? No, they're in school.

[Dave Ramsey]

No. Would you. Would you take them if they would let you?

[Caller]

100%.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, make that. Make that offer in the letter, then.

[Dr. John Delony]

There you go. Yeah, maybe make that offer and say, we would love to let them grow up around their cousins and take that burden from you guys.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you guys deserve to be free in your retirement years.

[Dr. John Delony]

There you go.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you know, we. We. Now that'd be an interesting thing to see happen. But yeah, I. I think you're right. You just got to lay it out there.

[Dr. John Delony]

It's heartbreaking, man. It's heartbreaking. Heartbreaking. We don't do grief well in this culture.

[Dave Ramsey]

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