The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Mom Is Using My 529 For An Exchange Student's Tuition Instead Of Me
Date: September 26, 2025
Host: Dave Ramsey
Co-host: John (Financial Expert)
Caller: Medical Student

Episode Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights centers on a caller, a medical student, who is distressed after learning that her mother intends to use her 529 college savings plan not for her medical school, but for the family's exchange student's tuition. The discussion delves into family dynamics, financial planning, boundaries, and the consequences of parental decisions on a child's future. Dave Ramsey and co-host John break down the legal, personal, and emotional aspects, exposing deeper family tensions and delivering tough love financial truths.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The 529 Account & Caller’s Situation

• The caller is an undergraduate senior, receiving VA benefits, and plans to attend medical school.
• Her mother controls a 529 account (potentially over $400,000), but is unwilling to use it for the caller’s medical education.
• Instead, the mother wishes to use the funds for the family’s exchange student, who has lived with them for four years.

Dave Ramsey [01:46]: “You don't own the account, Abby. She does. She can do with it what she wants to do with it.”

2. Legal & Practical Limits on 529 Plans

• Dave admits recent learning on 529 plans: the account owner (typically a parent) has full authority.
• Dave questions if it's even permissible to use the 529 for a non-family member (the exchange student), acknowledging uncertainty about penalties or eligibility.

Dave Ramsey [04:06]: “I'm not even sure she can do that, by the way, without getting penalized... I've never read that you can give it to an exchange student. Only siblings and people in the family... But it doesn’t matter... She’s not gonna give it to you anyway.”

3. Underlying Family Conflict

• The co-hosts point out that the real issue isn't the exchange student, but unresolved tension between the caller and her mother.

John [05:22]: “There’s something deeper here... What’s the tension with you and your mom?”

Dave Ramsey [05:35]: “The exchange student is a symptom. They're not the problem. The problem is your mother and you.”

• The mother’s rationale seems rooted in her belief the caller should take out loans just as she did.
• The caller says she’s self-sufficient, paying for applications, flights, rent, and other expenses on her own.

Caller [05:01]: “I have paid for all of my medical school applications. I’m paying for all my flights... I pay for my rent... I have a job.”

4. Tough Love and Advice on Medical School Debt

• Dave and John warn against taking on medical school debt, especially in the current climate.

Dave Ramsey [06:09]: “Take the exchange student out of the conversation completely... If I were in your shoes... I simply wouldn’t go to med school. I don’t think you can afford to go. She’s not willing to help you. I’m not going to tell you to go $250,000 in debt... That’s financial suicide.”

5. Questions of Parental Responsibility and Generational Patterns

• John questions the logic of repeating hardship just because the parent experienced it, emphasizing that parents have the chance to break cycles.

John [04:41]: “It sounds like an old, like, frat bro. Like, I got hazed, so you get hazed. She should be the one saying how ruthless it was trying to pay back student loans and be a new mom... so I’m gonna take care of you.”

• They speculate about possible deeper issues, including dynamics after a parental divorce, and encourage the caller to confront her mother for clarity.

Dave Ramsey [07:15]: "Did you go at her after the divorce with your dad and she never got over the fact that you took his side…? What happened?”

6. Choosing a Rational Path Forward

• Dave and John suggest that, barring help from the 529, the caller should pursue only what she can afford for medical school, or consider walking away for now.

John [07:33]: “I would opt out of the game. Yeah, that’s exactly right.”

Dave Ramsey [07:47]: “Choose a school you can afford. If you’ve got $250,000…choose a school that’s $250,000 or don’t go…you can find it in med school and get through for that.”

• They underline that prestige of the medical school is less important in medicine: "No one asks the doctor where they went to school ever." [Dave Ramsey, 07:59].

7. The Morality of Parental Toughness

• The hosts draw a distinction between teaching resilience and unnecessarily harming opportunities for one’s child.

Dave Ramsey [08:43]: “There’s a thing where you teach your kids to do hard things, and then there’s a thing where you’re just being a jerk.”

John [08:52]: “What you end up doing is beating your kid down so much before they even get into the world… congratulations on being right and altering everything here.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Dave Ramsey [01:46]: “You don't own the account, Abby. She does. She can do with it what she wants to do with it.”
• John [04:41]: “It sounds like an old, like, frat bro. Like, I got hazed, so you get hazed.”
• Dave Ramsey [06:09]: “Take the exchange student out of the conversation completely... If I were in your shoes... I simply wouldn’t go to med school.”
• Dave Ramsey [08:43]: “There’s a thing where you teach your kids to do hard things, and then there’s a thing where you’re just being a jerk.”
• John [08:52]: “Congratulations on being right and altering everything here… robbing a generation of potentially a great young doctor because you want to be right. So congratulations on being right and altering everything here.”
• Dave Ramsey [07:59]: “No one asks the doctor where they went to school ever.”

Important Timestamps

• 00:06 – 01:23: Caller explains her family and 529 situation
• 01:46 – 02:21: Dave clarifies 529 ownership and authority
• 03:09 – 04:38: Hosts analyze family conflict, legality of using 529 for exchange student
• 05:22 – 06:09: Discussion deepens on emotional issues and parental motives
• 06:09 – 07:58: Dave and John advise against medical school debt, recommend confronting reality and potential family confrontation
• 08:34 – 09:45: Final reflections on parenting philosophies, generational impact, and the real cost of “toughness”

Tone and Style

The conversation is frank, at times blunt, but compassionate toward the caller’s dilemma. Dave Ramsey employs his signature tough love, balanced by John’s empathetic probing of deeper family wounds. Both speak from experience—financial and personal—unafraid to critique the parent's decisions while staying practical and realistic about solutions.

Summary Takeaway

The episode uses a complex family scenario to highlight core Ramsey principles: financial responsibility, the dangers of student loan debt, and the importance of honest, sometimes uncomfortable, family conversations. The call is less about the mechanics of 529 plans and more an exploration of how money, values, and family rifts intersect—and the real-life consequences when these are left unresolved.