My Mom Was a Victim Of A Romance Scam

Summary

Summary of "My Mom Was a Victim Of A Romance Scam" - The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: March 12, 2025

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, host Dave Ramsey addresses a distressing call from Alison, who seeks guidance on how to help her 71-year-old mother recover from a devastating romance scam. The episode delves into the complexities of financial deception, the emotional toll on families, and the challenges of assisting elderly loved ones in recovering from fraudulent activities.

Alison’s Heartbreaking Situation

Alison begins by sharing the harrowing experience her mother has endured:

"She recently found out that there's about $1.2 million missing from hers and my grandmother's estate, and it's gone." [00:06]

Her mother, who may never have met the scammer in person, transferred significant sums of money, with the largest single transaction being $300,000. Alison reveals that multiple smaller transactions have compounded the loss, potentially exceeding $1.2 million.

"I don't even think she met him in person." [00:45]

Alison explains that her mother holds the power of attorney for her grandmother, who is currently in hospice care. Despite the financial turmoil, the family is ensuring that her grandmother receives the necessary care in the nursing home.

Emotional and Mental Impact

Dave Ramsey expresses both anger and sadness over the situation, emphasizing the severity of the scam:

"What a horrible thing. I'm so sorry. Simultaneously makes me angry and sad." [01:13]

The discussion shifts to the possible reasons behind Alison’s mother falling prey to the scam. Dave probes whether loneliness or mental decline may have made her susceptible:

"Is your mom just lonely or is she diminished mentally?" [01:33]

Alison believes loneliness is a significant factor, although some family members speculate it might be due to mental decline.

Challenges in Recovery

Alison has attempted to support her mother by sending budgets and resources from The Ramsey Network’s website. However, Dave highlights the limitations when dealing with an adult who may not recognize the severity of their actions:

"Unless she is mentally diminished, you can't make her do anything." [03:18]

He advises that Alison focus on managing the situation by providing emotional support and ensuring her mother’s basic needs are met, rather than trying to impose resources that her mother might not be ready to accept.

Advice for Coping and Moving Forward

Dave encourages Alison to help her mother deal with the guilt of the scam and suggests seeking professional help:

"You can help her manage the resources she gets her hands on and manage those. And if you give her some food money instead, just give her some food." [03:32]

He emphasizes the importance of emotional support over financial management in this context.

Expert Insights and Realities of Romance Scams

An unidentified expert joins the conversation to provide a realistic perspective on romance scams, emphasizing their complexity and the difficulty in recovering lost funds:

"These people. This may not even be a real dude. This could be a woman in some foreign country. They are very creative and they cover their tracks." [05:27]

The expert underscores that law enforcement often struggles to tackle such scams effectively due to their international and sophisticated nature.

Dave concurs, highlighting the grim reality of online scams originating from distant locations:

"It's on the computer and the other end of something in Russia or where." [06:20]

Concluding Thoughts

Dave wraps up the discussion by reiterating the importance of emotional support and vigilance:

"We're not ever going to put her in charge in the near future of any kind of assets because she's not responsible or capable or competent or whatever." [06:25]

He acknowledges the frustration and sadness that families experience when dealing with such scams, especially when they involve elderly members who are vulnerable to loneliness and deception.

Key Takeaways

• Financial Vigilance: Elderly individuals are prime targets for sophisticated romance scams. Families should be vigilant in monitoring financial activities and maintaining open lines of communication.

• Emotional Support: Beyond financial recovery, providing emotional support to scam victims is crucial in helping them overcome the trauma and guilt associated with such deceit.

• Professional Assistance: Engaging financial advisors and legal professionals may offer avenues for partial recovery and better management of the victim’s financial affairs post-scam.

• Awareness and Education: Educating elderly family members about the dangers of online scams can serve as a preventative measure against future incidents.

Notable Quotes

• "Unless she is mentally diminished, you can't make her do anything." – Dave Ramsey [03:18]

• "These people. This may not even be a real dude. This could be a woman in some foreign country. They are very creative and they cover their tracks." – Expert [05:27]

• "It's on the computer and the other end of something in Russia or where." – Dave Ramsey [06:20]

Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights sheds light on the devastating impact of romance scams on elderly individuals and their families. Through Alison’s story, Dave Ramsey and the expert guests illustrate the multifaceted challenges in recovering from such fraud, emphasizing the need for emotional support, financial oversight, and increased awareness to protect vulnerable loved ones from falling victim to similar scams.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Alison]

My question today is about how to help my mother recover from a romance scam. She recently found out that there's about $1.2 million missing from hers and my grandmother's estate, and it's gone. And I know I'm not responsible for my mother's spending, but there's just very few resources out there to help someone as they recover from this kind of scam.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow. So he has disappeared.

[Alison]

Mm. Yeah. I don't even think she met him in person. So this. This got flagged from her bank after she transferred 300,000 dol and they flagged that, but that was only the biggest transfer. There were a lot of other smaller transactions totaling that I'm aware of, about 1.2 million, but it might be more.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old is your mom?

[Alison]

She is 71.

[Dave Ramsey]

What a horrible thing. I'm so sorry. Simultaneously makes me angry and sad. Wow. Okay, so I guess there's a couple of areas. Is your mom just lonely or is she diminished mentally?

[Alison]

That's a great question. Definitely the first one. We thought that she might be diminishing mentally. I still hold that opinion. There are other family members that think she's just the way she's always been.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is there anything left?

[Alison]

She told me there's about $5,000 of my grandmother's money left. My grandmother does have income, and that's going to cover her nursing home expenses. She's actually in hospice now, and I do feel like my grandmother is going to be okay. We've been working with the nursing home to make sure that they're going to continue her care. And, you know, it's not going to be too much longer.

[Dave Ramsey]

Who's in hospice, Your grandmother or your mother?

[Alison]

My grandmother. My grandmother. Because my. My. My mother is a power of attorney for my grandmother, which is how this came out, because I. I'm, like, the second in line for power of attorney. I forget that term right now.

[Dave Ramsey]

So how is your mom successor? How is your mom reacting to all of this? Is she prideful towards you all, I can do what I want to do, or is she scared and humble? Take over this. I'm not capable.

[George]

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[Alison]

She's really in denial at the moment. I've tried to send her budgets. I've tried, you know, stuff from. From Yalls website.

[Dave Ramsey]

And unless she. Unless she is mentally diminished, you can't make her do anything.

[Alison]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

So all you can do is help her with her guilt once she discovers she's been scammed and that she's probably going to sit down and see a good therapist, a good counselor.

[Alison]

It's almost like an addict behavior. Like I'm kind of waiting for her to hit bottom, and then I'm going to try to scoot her some resources, which is.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, I'm not scooting her any resources. She's not responsible enough to handle them. You've got to decide how she can manage. You can help her manage the resources she gets her hands on and manage those. And if you give her some food money instead, just give her some food because we got to get a long way away from this competency issue. I can't tell why she's incompetent, whether it's just sheer loneliness and she's not a very smart person or whether she's mentally diminished. I can't tell. And you can't either is what it amounts to. So, you know, you've just got to treat her like that and go, oh, man, so sad. Such evil people out there.

[Alison]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And have you turned this over to the FBI yet? Well, you can't if she's in denial because she's got a. She's got a violet.

[Alison]

Right. I think they're aware because of the conversation. I understand. With the bank. I do think she's on. I've researched all this. I think she's on the. There's like a list. So I think it has been reported to the FBI.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. All right. And if there's anything you can do to try. Sometimes once in a blue moon, they actually recoup some of this stuff. But. Wow, I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing. So, yeah, you're there for her. Emotionally as she deals with the guilt of this level of screw up. And you're there for her basic necessities. But we're not scooting her resources. She doesn't need any scooting. She needs, you know, she needs care. You're gonna treat her like she does not have competency because she obviously doesn't.

[Unknown]

Yeah. The thing that I would add, Alison, is, is you mentioned you're gonna have to let her hit rock bottom. And unfortunately you're gonna have to do this. And this is where role re you become the parent, she's the child. And it's very, very difficult. But short of Dave, the children being able to pay for a private investigator, the only way. I hate to be so negative, but I've read into some of these things because we've taken this call several times over the last six months, as I recall, and I did some research, very, very hard to recover this. These people. This may not even be a real dude. This could be a woman in some foreign country. They are very creative and they cover their tracks. And you almost have to have a private investigator who's got this stuff, number one, and who you can afford, number two, who can hopefully entrap them and catch them. That's the only way. Many times the law enforcement, Dave, just doesn't step up here because there's so many of these cases. So I hate to be so well.

[Dave Ramsey]

And negative, but that's the reality. It's on the computer and the other end of something in Russia or where.

[Unknown]

You don't know where it's going.

[Dave Ramsey]

There's no. No telling the. It's really tough, man. Yeah. We've taken this call a bunch over the last 30 years for sure, in different forms. The Internet has made it more. Yes, prevalent, I guess, but it's not that unusual. But. But so I guess, yeah, be there for her emotionally. Be there for her necessities. We're not ever going to put her in charge in the near future of any kind of assets because she's not responsible or capable or competent or whatever. The phrases we want to use. That's not. Those aren't insulting words. They're just observations of where she is, obviously. But yeah, you don't. Wow. So it. And there's a part if I'm Alison and I think it's normal for the family members, there's part of them that are aggravated with mom. Oh sure. For. For not having her crap together any better than this, you know. But so those of you out there, this happens almost exclusively to elderly that are by and let me back it off. Okay. Not even elderly. 50 years old and beyond, if you want to call that elderly. If you're 20, that's ancient. Okay. But if you're 60, it's not ancient. Okay. So but anyway, 50 years old and beyond lonely and disconnected and not involved where like if Allison is the successor trustee in this situation, then you know, she leans in and is very involved in mom to where she knows this is happening.

[Unknown]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

We're, you know, if they're disconnected even the least amount from the rest of the family and from friends where somewhat no one is raising a flag going you're doing what you know. But you got to have a conversation. You got to be in a conversation to be able to say that. And that's not on Allison. It's not her fault. But this is who it happens to the lonely. So it happens to. Wow. How sad. Create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life.