My Mother-In-Law Is Harassing Us About Money

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Mother-In-Law Is Harassing Us About Money"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Ramsey Network (featuring Rachel Cruze & Ken Coleman)
Date: September 23, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a newlywed couple grappling with financial instability and difficult family dynamics. The focus is on the husband's mother-in-law, who initially helped them with rent but started harassing her daughter once stipulations were added. The hosts provide blunt, practical advice on setting boundaries, financial planning, and increasing household income, urging the couple to take control of their money and future.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Help and the Consequences of Conditional Support

• The caller explains he and his wife accepted rent assistance from his mother-in-law, which became problematic after they married.
• The mother-in-law began to "harass" her daughter via texts and attached controlling conditions to her financial help.
• The couple decided to protect themselves by declining further assistance and blocking the mother-in-law’s communications.

Notable Quote:

“She out of nowhere started harassing her own daughter. This woman's cray cray.”
— Host, [01:23]

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2. Financial Reality Check

a. Assessing the Situation

• The couple had been paying bills on time with help, but had no savings and felt unprepared once the support ended.
• They're currently consistently behind on rent and struggling to catch up.

Notable Quote:

“You've said twice now that you guys were great at paying everything while she was giving you money, which means you were never great because you didn't have enough money to pay your…”
— Host, [02:26]

b. Income and Career Evaluation

• Combined annual income is around $50,000.
• Husband works in aerospace manufacturing ("deburring," training for CNC) at $21/hr; wife is a hotel barista.
• Hosts challenge the idea that their careers are “taking off,” urging more ambition and clarity about income.

Notable Quote:

“You don't even know what you make. So it's really hard for Rachel to coach you up…You're just giving us…a fifty thousand dollar figure.”
— Host, [04:09]

• Hosts stress urgency due to the couple’s age (both 39) and lack of upward mobility.

Notable Quote:

“You're not taking off. You're on the doorstep of 40 and you've got to get serious…I’m not beating up on you. I'm just going, dude, like you've got to have a plan that moves you forward.”
— Host, [06:17]

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3. Practical Next Steps

a. Setting a Budget & Emergency Fund

• Rachel Cruze emphasizes total clarity and detail with a budget, going so far as to suggest “OCD” level tracking of their money.

Notable Quote:

“You're going to know to the cent because you are going to be so detailed, so intense, so OCD about your money.”
— Rachel Cruze, [04:35]

b. Need for More Income

• Both hosts advise the couple to double their household income by seeking better jobs or taking on second jobs immediately.
• Wife is encouraged to look for office jobs or assistant roles; both should apply for second jobs as soon as possible.

c. Debt Breakdown & Eliminating Temptation

• Current debts: $1,500 car loan (hers), $8,000 credit card (maxed out).
• Advice: Cut up credit cards, make getting current on rent and establishing a $1,000 emergency fund the immediate goals, then start attacking debt.

Notable Quote:

“When you get off this call…You both need to apply for second jobs. Your goal is to get a thousand dollar emergency fund…in the next 30, 40 days, and catching up on rent. Those are your two goals.”
— Rachel Cruze, [08:10]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On family dynamics:

  “Don't ever, ever, ever fight your instinct on relationship stuff with family…if crazy is in the family, there’s more crazy going to show up.”
  — Host, [01:36]

• On the need for change:

  “Everything you’ve known and thought and done with money, we’re going to do the complete opposite.”
  — Rachel Cruze, [04:28]

• On urgency:

  “Time is moving, bro. We don’t have time at 39 to wait a year to make a two to three dollar bump.”
  — Host, [06:37]

• Empathy & encouragement:

  “You can do this. Leo, stay on the line. Kelly’s going to pick up. We’ll give you some stuff.”
  — Rachel Cruze, [08:43]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:19] — Caller explains the financial support from his mother-in-law and the subsequent problems.
• [01:23] — Hosts label the mother-in-law’s behavior as “crazy” and recommend boundaries.
• [02:26] — Hosts analyze the couple’s misconception about their financial health.
• [03:04] — Discussion of the couple’s combined income and job details.
• [04:28] — Rachel Cruze’s foundational money advice: complete overhaul of habits.
• [06:10] — Hosts challenge the couple’s passive career outlook and stress urgency.
• [07:40] — Debt breakdown and practical advice for next steps.
• [08:10] — Step-by-step action plan (second jobs, emergency fund, catching up on rent).

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Conclusion

This episode illustrates common growing pains for new couples navigating money, boundaries, and family influence. The Ramsey team delivers tough love: draw firm boundaries with toxic relatives, get brutally honest about your finances, adopt a rigorous budget, and aggressively pursue higher income. Their mixture of candor and encouragement is designed to empower listeners facing similarly overwhelming scenarios.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by why refi refinance your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey so me and my wife were newlyweds. Been married. We got married February 14th.

[B]

Congrats.

[C]

Oh, a little Valentine's Day wedding.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it was. Was good. We've been together a total about three and a half years. We've been. We got our own apartment about a little about two years ago. And our mother in law, well, she wasn't my mother in law at first, but she decided, she offered to help us with rent. So we took her up on the offer and everything was going good until we got married. A couple of months after we got married, she started harassing my wife like through text message. Like just all kinds of. Just mean and dirty, just vile things. Just like just meet things and then that's fun. So she, we basically decided to just, you know, kind of just decline her help because she was kind of putting stipulations on it. Like one, she called and said, if you want our rent, if you want my half of the rent this month. You had to prove to me xyz. Which was no problem because we proved it to her. But it would, that, you know, it was just like out of nowhere, you know.

[B]

Well, she out of nowhere started harassing her own daughter. This woman's cray cray.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Did you know she was crazy before you married?

[A]

Yes. Well, what are you.

[B]

Okay, quick life lesson.

[A]

I tried.

[B]

Don't ever, ever, ever fight your instinct on relationship stuff with family members. Cuz if crazy is in the family, there's more crazy is going to show up. So let's, let's move forward on this and put up a boundary.

[C]

Put up a boundary. She can't. Yeah.

[A]

Yes. We. Our boundary was blocking her. So that was. That's that. But ever since, ever since before, before we decided to stop taking her help, we were doing great with staying up on, staying. Our bills were paid on time. Everything was good. But we didn't save. We didn't save anything. My wife was saying, hey, we need to save. But me being bad with money. We made. I made very bad decisions and we ended up in a situation where we didn't have any. We weren't ready for this situation that we were in.

[B]

You weren't ready for it, period. Because I just want to rewind real quick. You got. You've said twice now that you guys were great at paying everything while she was giving you money, which means you were never great because you didn't have enough money to Pay your.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

All right, so where do we stand today? Her money's gone. Thank goodness. How short are you?

[A]

Okay, so we are paying the rent, but we are late every month. So every check we're, we're coming up with like we're catching up. So this next month, first of the month, we're going to be short. We'll catch up.

[C]

Okay. How much, how much do you guys make per month? What do you both bring in?

[A]

We between us, we bring probably, oh, I don't know the month between us. I just did the yearly. The yearly between both ofus is 50k.

[C]

Between the both of you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What do you guys do for a living?

[A]

I do aerospace manufacturing and she's a barista in a hotel.

[B]

Okay, I love that you said you do aerospace manufacturing, but let's get real. What is your job? You're only making $25,000 a year average. Between the two of you, what are you doing?

[A]

I do, I do deburring, which is like the lowest. I am currently in training. Like I do have CNC experience. I'm in training. Like within the next year, I do plan on moving up. I'm in the process of moving up to a 2 CNC position.

[B]

How much would you make?

[A]

Come with a raise? Probably about two or three dollars more. Probably about 25 at. 28 at the max. I'm guessing that's after, you know, I get some schooling and more.

[C]

How old are you guys?

[A]

I am 39. We're both 39.

[C]

Okay, 39.

[B]

And you guys, you don't even know what you make. So it's really hard for Rachel to coach you up on. You don't even know how much you make. You're just giving us. We got a fifty thousand dollar figure. So what debt?

[C]

Here's what, here's what's got to happen. Leo, I'm gonn honest with you, okay? If Ken and I were out to drinks with you and your. And your newlywed wife, well, this is what we would. This is, this is what I would say to you.

[B]

Cocktail wisdom.

[A]

Here comes.

[C]

I would say everything you've known and thought and done with money. We're going to do the complete opposite.

[B]

Good decision.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Meaning you don't really know where your money's going. You don't really know how much you make or bring in a month. That's going to change. You're going to know to the scent because you are going to be so detailed, so intense, so ocd about your money and where every dollar is going that you're going to be able to rattle off what you guys spend at the grocery store every week. Okay. Because you guys are going to have a very, very detailed budget. And we're going to give you some stuff, Leo, to help you help this happen. Okay, but that's the thing.

[A]

We've been trying to.

[C]

But, and, and I'm gonna be honest too, Leo. You guys, you know, your jobs, what you're making, you guys need to be making double. So she's working as a barista. If I were her, I would be applying to be a receptionist somewhere. Right. Go be an assistant to someone. Like, go. You have to be in this position because you're both adults now. And, and if you want to have a family and you guys want to, you know, extend your lives, these incomes have to go up, which means probably a change of career, probably more for her. Yours sounds like it's hopefully has some.

[A]

Well, taking off. It's taking off.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She has kids, so we already have kids in the. Like they're her kids. They're my step kids.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So we, their kids are definitely in there. They're not full time with us. It's a. Yeah, hold on.

[B]

We have limited. No, no, you're great. Trying to help you. How much do you make per hour?

[A]

Okay. Do you know that I make $21 an hour?

[B]

Okay, so a year from now, you think or believe you're going to get a two to three dollar an hour raise?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's not, that's not a career. Yeah, but that's not a career. That's taken off.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're not taking off. You're on the doorstep of 40 and you've got to get serious. I'm not beating up on you. I'm just going, dude, like you've got to have a plan that moves you forward not a year from now to a two to three dollar raise. Okay? Yes, same thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So we need to collectively get together and say, what do we want for our lives? What's a target? Exactly what must be true for us to make a hundred thousand dollars combined. You guys, listen, time is moving, bro.

[A]

Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[B]

We don't have time at 39 to wait a year to make a two to three dollar bump.

[C]

And Leo, what do you guys owe on your cars? What do y' all own your cars?

[A]

So, okay, so I own my vehicle that I just purchased under a year ago, but it's given me issues. So getting a second job has been. It's a Possibility. But just having.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. See, that's the problem.

[C]

What is. What, what is she. What does she own? Hers?

[A]

Her. She owes 1500 on her car.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay. What. What other debt do you guys have? Credit card.

[A]

We have.

[C]

She owes. That's what's left on her loan for her car.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Great. Yes, great, great.

[A]

Our debt and credit is all. We only have our credit card debt, which is $8,000.

[C]

Okay. Okay. Okay. So tonight.

[A]

And that's all our debt.

[C]

All your. That's great. That's awesome. Okay, so I would cut up the credit cards. Don't even make it a temptation. Your goal for next month. That's great. Well, cut them up anyways. I don't. Well, you have a balance. You got $8,000.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, we don't have anything available to spend on it, so you're right.

[C]

Like. Oh, it's maxed out. Okay, perfect.

[B]

You say that like that's a good thing. Can I just say you don't.

[A]

I'm embarrassed about it.

[C]

No, Leo. Okay, so no, you're doing. This is great. Okay, so here's what I want you to do when you get off this call, okay? You both need to apply for second jobs. Your goal is to get a thousand dollar emergency funds. Okay. In the next second. 60 days, 30 days, 40 days, and catching up on rent. Those are your two goals. Emergency fund and catching up on rent. With the second job should. Should help free up some of that cash. And then once that happens, you guys start paying off this debt. Smallest to largest, the car and then the credit cards. You can do this. Leo, stay on the line. Kelly's going to pick up. We'll give you some stuff.

[A]

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