My Mother-In-Law Stole $13,000 From Us

Summary

Summary of "My Mother-In-Law Stole $13,000 From Us"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Episode: My Mother-In-Law Stole $13,000 From Us
• Release Date: March 12, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Situation

In this episode, Lily reaches out to seek advice regarding a distressing financial predicament involving her mother-in-law. Lily and her husband discovered that their mother-in-law had stolen money from them on two separate occasions, leading to significant financial strain and emotional turmoil.

2. Details of the Financial Theft

Lily explains that over the past year, her husband’s debit card details were compromised repeatedly despite changing the numbers six times. This unauthorized access allowed the mother-in-law to pay various bills, resulting in unauthorized withdrawals totaling $13,000.

Lily [00:06]: “We just realized that my mother in law had stolen from my husband and me for the second time... She used it to pay bills.”

Initially, the couple tracked approximately $1,000 in unauthorized transactions before ceasing further unauthorized use. However, the issue persisted undetected for about four months until Lily noticed irregularities in their utility bills.

3. Confrontation with the Mother-in-Law

Upon discovering the theft, Lily and her husband confronted the mother-in-law. The confrontation did not go smoothly, primarily due to her ongoing struggle with alcoholism. Their attempts to support her financially were met with resistance, exacerbating the family tensions.

Lily [01:41]: “He confronted her, not well. She unfortunately is an alcoholic...”

Approximately a month prior to the incident, Lily and her husband were prepared to bail her out of her sixth OWI (Operating While Intoxicated) to prevent their 17-year-old son from entering foster care. However, after discovering her deception, they decided to sever financial ties to avoid further complicity.

4. Issues with the UTMA Account

The crux of the financial dispute revolves around the UTMA (Uniform Transfers to Minors Act) account established for Lily's husband following a severe car accident during his youth. This account was intended to benefit him as a minor, but the mother-in-law accessed and withdrew a total of $13,186.43 without authorization.

Lily [03:18]: “She did that. And then in 2008, she took out a little over six grand. And then in 2015, she took out another little over six grand of a total withdrawals of $13,186.43.”

Financial advisors and tax experts informed Lily and her husband that withdrawals from a UTMA account are strictly regulated and should only benefit the minor. This revelation indicated that the mother-in-law had violated these terms, prompting Lily to seek legal recourse.

5. Ramsey Team’s Advice

Ken and Jade, members of the Ramsey Network, respond to Lily's predicament by assessing the feasibility of legal action. They conclude that pursuing the $13,000 may not be worthwhile due to the complexity of proving unauthorized withdrawals and the likelihood that the mother-in-law lacks the funds to repay.

Ken [05:16]: “This is not worth it, Lily. She doesn't have any money.”

Jade concurs, suggesting that legal action might not yield significant results and could drain their resources further.

Jade [05:12]: “It's probably not going to be worth it.”

Instead, the advice pivots towards preventing future financial exploitation:

• Secure Financial Accounts: Ensure that her husband’s banking details are secure and inaccessible to the mother-in-law.

• Establish Clear Boundaries: Completely sever financial interactions with the mother-in-law to prevent any future unauthorized access.

• Seek Professional Help: Engage in therapy to address the emotional impact of the situation and to build resilience against future stressors.

6. Emotional and Mental Health Considerations

Recognizing the emotional toll of the experience, Jade emphasizes the importance of therapy for both Lily and her husband. The betrayal by a close family member can lead to lasting psychological effects, and professional guidance can aid in healing.

Jade [07:05]: “I would suggest you and your husband go talk to someone... get some clarity and get some mental healing over this.”

7. Final Recommendations

To fortify their financial situation and prevent future incidents, the Ramsey team recommends:

• Implement Strong Budgeting Practices: Utilize tools like the EveryDollar app to maintain strict oversight over all financial transactions.

  Ken [07:35]: “Let's get control of our budget so that nothing like this ever happens again.”

• Maintain Boundaries: Ensure that all financial matters are managed independently, without involving the mother-in-law.

• Focus on Personal Well-being: Prioritize mental health and relationship stability to navigate the challenges posed by the fraudulent actions.

Conclusion

Lily’s case underscores the complexities of familial financial exploitation and the importance of stringent financial oversight, especially when dealing with problematic relationships. The Ramsey Network provides actionable advice aimed at safeguarding financial assets, establishing boundaries, and fostering emotional healing to help individuals navigate such challenging circumstances effectively.

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Notable Quotes:

• Lily [00:06]: “We just realized that my mother in law had stolen from my husband and me for the second time...”

• Lily [03:18]: “She did that. And then in 2008, she took out a little over six grand...”

• Ken [05:16]: “This is not worth it, Lily. She doesn't have any money.”

• Jade [07:05]: “I would suggest you and your husband go talk to someone...”

• Ken [07:35]: “Let's get control of our budget so that nothing like this ever happens again.”

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Lily]

So I need advice on what to do. So this. We just realized that my mother in law had stolen from my husband and I for the second time. The first time was last. Yep. The first time was last year that we discovered it. My husband's debit card numbers kept getting stolen even after he changed it six times. Come to find out it was my mother in law. She stole every time he was home. She somehow went to his wallet, grabbed his debit card, wrote down the numbers. She used it to pay bills. I mean it was. She also used it for. We tracked $1,000 and then we stopped.

[Jade]

Tracking it because you didn't want to keep. You didn't want to keep getting mad.

[Ken]

How long did this go on before the second time that it's happened, how long did it go on for before you figured it out?

[Lily]

I, I would say four months before we realized it. I actually realized it when I was looking over my husband. Well then we were just dating or engaged, I can't remember. And he was just showing it to me and I was just like, let me read it. How did you look at it? And I said, wait, babe, these are all utility bills. So someone's paying utilities and he's like, oh, okay. So we looked and my husband like a couple days later found a utility bill that was paid with the last four digit of his car in his mom's name.

[Jade]

The bull.

[Lily]

So we confronted her.

[Ken]

Well, how'd that go?

[Lily]

He confronted her.

[Ken]

How'd that go?

[Lily]

Not well. Not well. She unfortunately is an alcoholic and so it's rough, especially because just under a little over a month ago, we were ready with $5,000 cash to bail her out of her sixth OWI because otherwise her son was going to be her. My brother in law, who's now 17, was going to be put in foster care and we were going to be his foster parents up until he turned 18.

[Jade]

Oh, wow.

[Lily]

And so we didn't. We were going to like, okay, we're going to bail you out. We. And we even told her, like, this is a gift. We don't want you to return it. Like, this is just rough. So she was ordered to, not we even were driving a total of six hours a day. When I say we, I mean me because my husband was working and I would drive an hour to pick her up, an hour to drop her off from her home to then work and then an hour back and then I would go back and I would go get her and we finally stopped after we found out she was driving when she wasn't supposed to. And so we said, we're not going to be complicit in this. We're not going to turn you in, but we're not going to be a part. Part of our bargain to not asking for any money back was that you didn't break the law again.

[Ken]

So this is a giant mess. We could talk about this for. Okay, and what's your question for us today?

[Lily]

We need help with the current situation of her stealing $13,000 from his Atma account.

[Ken]

His.

[Jade]

Okay. Her stealing $13,000 from his Utma, is it. Whose name is on it? Did she set up a long time ago for him?

[Lily]

Yes, she set it up for him. He was in a really bad car accident. So because he was a minor, the money was then dispersed to her. And then at the same time, they were hurt. His parents were going through a divorce. So part of the custody agreement was instead of just giving the money and letting it sit in a bank account, put it in an utma, like trust. So she did that. And then in 2008, she took out a little over six grand. And then in 2015, she took out another little over six grand of a total withdrawals of $13,186.43.

[Ken]

No, we get it. She's got access to this, though.

[Lily]

She did. Yet. So now my husband's 22 and has. Right. And so when we talked with our accountant and we talked to the investor, she's not. According to, like, utma, IRS stuff or whatever that we are being told is that she can't pull out any money unless it's to benefit the minor.

[Ken]

She just did.

[Jade]

So you could sue her. I mean, you could. You could.

[Ken]

I got a question. How, if that's true, then how is it that she just recently was able to get into the account and get 13,000 more dollars?

[Lily]

No, no, no, no, no. That was the total amount. It wasn't recently that she did it. She did it in. In 2008 once. And then 2015. We only found out now.

[Ken]

Okay. All right. So, Lily. Okay.

[Lily]

Now being mailed to my husband.

[Ken]

Okay. So there's a lot coming at us. So you've done. So she. No, it's okay. But to try to help you, she. What you just told us seems like the solution. What you just told us. She can't get access to this now. Correct. Because of his age.

[Lily]

Right.

[Ken]

All right, then. So you don't have anything to worry about.

[Jade]

Unless. Like I said, unless you were trying to get the 13,000 back. If that's the case, you'd have to take legal action to prove that she took it, that she didn't spend it on him. Right.

[Lily]

I just don't even know how to prove that. Like, my point.

[Jade]

My point in saying. My point in saying that is it's probably not going to be worth it.

[Ken]

No, this is not worth it, Lily. She doesn't have any money. Yeah, and the last thing you guys need to do is spend your money on a wild goose chase, because that's what this is. This is already awful enough. So if that's your question for us, Jade and I are saying if we.

[Jade]

Were in your shoes, you can't sue her for anything.

[Ken]

We'd let it go, but I would make sure that. That your husband is on the phone with this account.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Ken]

And we're absolutely for certain that she cannot access the funds. The second thing is I got to go back to the initial. He doesn't go anywhere near her with his car, with his debit card anymore.

[Jade]

Right. How did this happen to how he's.

[Ken]

Laying his wallet around and she's just walking into this?

[Lily]

So, no, what had happened was he. It was while he was still living there. So we didn't move in together until after we were married, and he lived with his mom. When we found out about it, he did end up getting an apartment for six months, and then we moved in together.

[Ken]

Lily, this just needs to be a clear boundary here. This needs to be a clear boundary. We don't do anything with her anymore involving money, period. Done. She needs to get healthy, and she may have to hit rock bottom. It doesn't sound like she's there yet.

[Jade]

Yeah. Has she ever gone through any treatment for her alcoholism?

[Lily]

She was court ordered, too, with the other five OWIs, but it never ended up helping or doing anything. Unfortunately, she did the program enough to get the boys out of foster care when they were removed from her care. And then as soon as she got them back and the court order was finished, she went back to drinking.

[Ken]

Where's little brother now?

[Lily]

He is still living with mom.

[Ken]

Okay. All right, well, this is. This is tough.

[Lily]

We.

[Ken]

We feel really bad for you. I'm glad you have figured it out. I don't think there's any recourse. I think you guys need a clear boundary here.

[Jade]

And I think. You know what? I love therapy. So I would suggest you and your husband go talk to someone, because when people do you wrong like that, and your husband's probably bringing in his own baggage from that living situation. Like, you guys, get some clarity and get some mental healing over this because clearly what she's her actions have impacted you guys, and it's made you feel some type of way, like, understandably so. But make sure you're working through that, too, so that when the time comes that she does become sober, which I pray it does, you can receive her with open arms.

[Ken]

Also, Lily, best we can do is give you a present. Hang on the line. We're going to give you every dollar because this happened because you guys largely didn't have any idea what was coming and going in your bank account. I'm not trying to pour insult, you know, on the injury here, but let's get control of our budget so that nothing like this ever happens again.

[Dave Ramsey]

Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.