My Multi-Millionaire In-Laws Refuse To Talk About Their Will

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Multi-Millionaire In-Laws Refuse To Talk About Their Will"

Release Date: February 21, 2025
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Duration: Under 10 minutes

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, a listener reaches out for guidance on navigating a sensitive family matter involving estate planning with multi-millionaire in-laws who are reluctant to discuss their wills. The hosts provide actionable advice, addressing both financial and relational aspects of the issue.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Estate Planning with Reluctant In-Laws

Timestamp [00:10]

The episode begins with Caller B seeking advice:

B [00:10]: "Advice on bringing up estate planning with my multimillionaire in-laws who are unwilling to have a conversation with my husband and I, but state that he and his brother will both be taken care of when they pass. How do we inquire so we know where the assets are in the event of long term care or their passing?"

Caller B is concerned about understanding the distribution of assets, including multiple properties and a family business, to ensure preparedness for long-term care or unforeseen events.

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Understanding the Challenge

Timestamp [00:29] – [02:14]

Host A expresses empathy:

A [00:29]: "Wow, man."

Host C acknowledges the difficulty:

C [00:30]: "Sounds like you've tried and they're not interested. So I'm not sure that there's some unique strategy we're sitting on top of because it sounds like they're like, look, you're fine. We'll let you know when we're gone."

Caller B elaborates on the in-laws' reassurances:

B [00:43]: "Sounds like to me, essentially, Yeah. I said 50. 50. You know, it's just my husband and his brother and he said, you know, you're taken care of."

The hosts probe deeper to uncover Caller B’s specific needs:

C [01:00]: "Let me ask you this. What is it that you all want to know? Let's just assume that they were like, sure. What is it that you're looking to discover?"

Caller B details the complexity of the assets:

B [01:00]: "Well, mostly there are multiple properties involved as well as a business that my father in law owns. And we have no idea, because we're not in that specific field what we would need to do in the event of, you know, potentially selling that or his passing. So, yeah, that's our major concern."

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Strategizing the Approach

Timestamp [02:19] – [04:06]

Host C encourages Caller B to perform a scenario analysis:

C [02:20]: "So to the best of your ability, you guys need to just run a scenario. Feels like to me where you go, all right, let's say they give us this property and that property. What would we need to know to be able to be prepared to make the most of that?"

They break down the assets:

B [02:45]: "3 properties. 2 are rentals, 1 is a, you know, a main home in which they live in. And the total is about 2.5 million."

Host C advises:

C [02:54]: "Go do your homework on those three properties. What is it that you feel like you would need to know if you were to come into ownership today? Whatever you told us your concerns were, go ahead and figure that out."

Host A emphasizes focusing on controllable factors:

A [03:02]: "You can only control what you can control. They're not going to give it. So, yeah, like Ken said earlier in the call, we don't have some secret, like, line to give you that suddenly they decide to tell you everything. So what I would do is control what I can."

Advice is given to strengthen familial relationships to prevent future conflicts:

A [03:02]: "I would just make sure that that relationship is in a healthy place. ... So if you can shore up that relationship, that's what you can do."

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Navigating Relationship Boundaries

Timestamp [04:06] – [07:01]

Host C addresses the emotional aspect, aligning with Caller B’s feelings:

C [04:06]: "I'm on your team, okay? They've made it clear for some reason, ... you need to respect the boundary because it's only going to create ... some tension. So you need to go, you know what? A, they're not my parents. B, they've made it clear to my hubs that they don't want me involved. So you know what? I'm not involved."

Host A comments on the complexity of in-law relationships:

A [05:12]: "Family money dynamic, you wanna wait and carefully ... I'm very aware I'm not their kid."

Discussion shifts to the state of the relationship:

C [06:19]: "That it's obviously not a great relationship."

A [06:21]: "Probably not going well I don't think."

Host A suggests generational differences in privacy:

A [06:34]: "The parents generation too is a more private generation ... in her defense they could just be very private people."

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Key Takeaways and Conclusions

1. Open Communication is Challenging: When in-laws are unwilling to discuss estate planning, it creates uncertainty and stress for the family involved.

2. Focus on Controllables: Instead of waiting for the in-laws to share their plans, Caller B and her husband should evaluate the known assets and prepare accordingly. This includes understanding the value and management of properties and the business.

3. Strengthen Relationships: Maintaining a healthy relationship with the in-laws and the husband’s brother is crucial to prevent potential conflicts over estate matters in the future.

4. Respect Boundaries: Acknowledging and respecting the in-laws' boundaries can reduce familial tension, even if it means accepting the current lack of information.

5. Prepare for Different Scenarios: By running through possible scenarios of asset distribution, Caller B can better prepare for various outcomes, ensuring financial stability for her family.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Caller B [00:10]: "Advice on bringing up estate planning with my multimillionaire in-laws who are unwilling to have a conversation with my husband and I..."

• Host C [02:20]: "Run a scenario. Feel like ... let's say they give us this property and that property. What would we need to know to be able to be prepared..."

• Host A [03:02]: "You can only control what you can control. ... we don't have some secret, like, line to give you that suddenly they decide to tell you everything."

• Host C [04:06]: "I'm on your team, okay? ... you need to respect the boundary because it's only going to create ... some tension."

• Host A [06:34]: "The parents generation too is a more private generation ... they could just be very private people."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights delves into the intricacies of handling estate planning discussions with uncooperative in-laws. The hosts emphasize the importance of proactive preparation, relationship maintenance, and respecting family boundaries to navigate such sensitive financial matters effectively. Through empathetic dialogue and practical advice, listeners gain valuable insights into managing similar family dynamics.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Advice on bringing up estate planning with my multimillionaire in laws who are unwilling to have a conversation with my husband and I, but state that he and his brother will both be taken care of when they pass. How do we inquire so we know where the assets are in the event of long term care or their passing?

[A]

Wow, man.

[C]

Sounds like you've tried and they're not interested. So I'm not sure that there's some unique strategy we're sitting on top of because it sounds like they're like, look, you're fine. We'll let you know when we're gone.

[B]

Sounds like to me, essentially, Yeah. I said 50. 50. You know, it's just my husband and his brother and he said, you know, you're taken care of.

[C]

Let me ask you this. What is it that you all want to know? Let's just assume that they were like, sure. What is it that you're looking to discover?

[B]

Well, mostly there are multiple properties involved as well as a business that my father in law owns. And we have no idea, because we're not in that specific field what we would need to do in the event of, you know, potentially selling that or his passing. So, yeah, that's our major concern.

[C]

All right, so that reveals the answer to my next question. Rachel is going to be why? Like, why do you want to know what it is that you want to know? And it seems like you guys are trying to be thoughtful, strategic.

[A]

Yeah. And how have the conversations gone so far? Because you obviously know that they're not interested in talking about it. So who has brought them, who has brought up the idea of having these conversations to them?

[B]

So my husband has brought them up. He is the oldest and we have a young family, so he's kind of more thinking about the future for those reasons. And they've also made it very clear that they do not want me involved in the conversations.

[A]

Why?

[B]

So that throws another added bonus. Well, I'm not sure.

[A]

Do you have a good relationship with them now?

[B]

Barely. I mean, we're not best friends, but it's not, you know, adversarial.

[A]

And what about his brother? Is he married?

[B]

He is not.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I think you got to take a sign here. And I want to go back to my line of questioning.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So to the best of your ability, you guys need to just run a scenario. Feels like to me where you go, all right, let's say they give us this property and that property. What would we need to know to be able to be prepared to make the most of that? Go ahead and run that exercise out. You don't need to know which ones. If you know the whole portfolio and you know, that you could get. And I'm. I mean, let me, Let me just walk you through this. How many properties are we talking about total?

[B]

3 properties. 2 are rentals, 1 is a, you know, a main home in which they live in. And the total is about 2.5 million.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

And they are owned assets.

[C]

Go do your homework on those three properties. What is it that you feel like you would need to know if you were to come into ownership today? Whatever you told us your concerns were, go ahead and figure that out.

[A]

Yeah, and I think, too, Meghan, you know, you can only control what you can control. They're not there. I mean, you guys have kind of asked them and they're not going to give it. So, yeah, like Ken said earlier in the call, we don't have some secret, like, line to give you that suddenly they decide to tell you everything. So what I would do what I can control. If I was in your scenario and this was my parents is my sibling, because that's where they can. That's where the, the butting heads could start to happen. The fractured relationships. It's not the parents, because if they're gone, they're. Who's left is him and his brother. So if I were him, I mean, I would get in a room with his brother and be like, hey, let's just play. Like, to your point, let's play out some scenarios just so we're. We can. So we can plan out as much as we can with the information we have. And then. And then that's all we can do. I mean, so I would just make sure that that relationship is. Is in a healthy place. Because the calls that we do get a lot on here are when a family member dies and it's handed off to siblings and their adult siblings with other kids, it starts to get messy and all this. So if you can shore up that relationship, that's. That's what you can do. But, yeah, you. I mean, we can't. You can't force them to tell you guys.

[C]

And. And we're on Team Megan. Okay, Megan, So take this the right way. I'm on your team, okay? They've made it clear for some reason, and I'm not a therapist and nor am I a mind reader, but it's Pretty clear to me that they've made it clear that they don't want you involved. So they're feeling something whether you did something or not. That's not the point. The point is they've laid out a boundary, I feel like. And it doesn't matter why, we don't know. And you may not know, but you need to respect the boundary because it's only going to create what Rachel is saying, some tension. So you need to go, you know what? A, they're not my parents. B, they've made it clear to my hubs that they don't want me involved. So you know what? I'm not involved. That would be my advice from a relationship standpoint. Let this go. Because I can tell you that we can feel it on you right now. There's some angst that you have. You can hear it on you, because this is irritating to you, and that's okay. But you got to deal with that because you don't have any control. Rachel nailed that. So sorry we can't give you a hack. I mean, other than, you know, hiring some former CIA operative.

[A]

And I think, you know the family money dynamic, you wanna, you wanna wait in carefully, especially as an in law. And like, my in laws are so wonderful. They. They are very open with us. And every other year we get together as a family. And his dad has even said to the in laws, like, I want your thoughts and opinions. I mean, he's. I mean, they're. They're very kind in that way, but I still am very aware I'm not their kid. Like, like, like there's. You know what I mean? Like there's still a. And even, like, I think even within the Ramses, like, they know everything. And, and again, mom and dad would love and appreciate and respect the opinions of the in laws for sure, but there's still just that small level of just social awareness of like, okay, these are not my parents or, you know, I'm the in law. That I think is appropriate too. I don't know, maybe people disagree with that, but I think there's a level of, like when you are their kid in blood, there's. There's a, A level of holding that they have that an in law never will.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, did. What. What went off in your head when you heard her say, they've made it clear that they don't want me involved. I'm just curious. Your female intuition and also your professional intuition, what did you think?

[A]

That it's obviously not a great relationship.

[C]

That's what I thought she because then you asked her and she said fairly it's okay when someone asked me if you asked me do you have a good relationship with somebody and if I drop fairly on you you know it's.

[A]

Probably not going well I don't think.

[C]

It'S great it's certainly not great and.

[A]

I think there's some problems though too fairly I will say too it depends on the day the that generation the parents generation too is a more private generation right you think about late boomers even into the generation you know before them like so so so in her defense they could just be very private people agree that don't feel comfortable regardless of whether they have a relationship or not and her reasons were to say.

[C]

But I think I think they can get their the reasons why I think they can plan for it either way.

[A]

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