"My Parents Are Financially Abusing Me"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "My Parents Are Financially Abusing Me"

Introduction

In the episode titled "My Parents Are Financially Abusing Me," released on May 30, 2025, The Ramsey Show Highlights delves into the complex dynamics of financial independence and parental expectations. Hosted by the Ramsey Network, this episode features a heartfelt call from Tyler, a 22-year-old student navigating the challenges of managing personal finances while dealing with parental pressure. Expert insights from Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman provide listeners with valuable advice on handling financial conflicts within the family.

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Tyler’s Financial Struggles and Concerns

The episode begins with Tyler sharing his predicament:

Tyler [00:11]: "I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are kind of financially abusing me."

Tyler details his efforts to improve his financial situation by adhering to Dave Ramsey’s baby steps and reading The Total Money Makeover. In May, he received a $4,000 tax refund, which he responsibly allocated towards paying off his existing debts, including clearing his car loan and making credit card payments:

Tyler [00:17]: "I used that money to pay off my clearing of debt, my car payment, and as well, a little bit of my credit card payment."

However, this decision did not sit well with his parents, who felt that Tyler was overstepping by managing the family money without their consent. Tyler expresses his confusion and distress over their reaction:

Tyler [00:27]: "And my head's just spinning about it."

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Discussion on Student Loans and Financial Independence

Dave Ramsey probes deeper into the nature of Tyler's refund and its implications:

Dave Ramsey [01:01]: "School refund, correct?"

Tyler clarifies that the refund was a combination of work-study earnings and loaned money:

Tyler [01:47]: "I believe it was a little both from the work study and from the loan."

The conversation shifts to the critical issue of student loans. Tyler reveals his current debt stands at approximately $40,000, with expectations to rise to $80,000 by next year due to transferring to The University of Tennessee for a Sports Management degree:

Tyler [06:33]: "As of this moment, I checked last night it was roughly about 40,000. But going into next year, I will be a junior, so it's going to be tacked on roughly maybe about 80,000."

Dave Ramsey emphasizes the gravity of accumulating such a substantial debt, especially when it involves parental co-signers:

Dave Ramsey [07:05]: "If I were in your shoes, I would be thinking long and hard about, can I do I need this degree? Do I need to be out of state for this degree?"

Ken Coleman echoes this sentiment, highlighting the potential long-term financial strain:

Ken Coleman [07:47]: "So tied to that, it's going to make your life miserable... Do it without mom and dad."

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Parent-Child Financial Dynamics

Tyler elaborates on the strained relationship with his parents, attributing financial disagreements to their spending habits:

Tyler [03:27]: "My mom just bought a brand new Mercedes. My dad spends money constantly on his new truck."

He feels that while his parents prioritize their expenditures, they are reluctant to provide financial support when Tyler needs it:

Tyler [03:37]: "When I ask for money if I need it, they just never give it to me. Or they're 50, 50 on it."

Dave Ramsey challenges Tyler’s characterization of his parents’ behavior as financial abuse:

Dave Ramsey [04:40]: "I don't think it's abuse... It’s just disrespect."

Ken Coleman reinforces this perspective, urging Tyler to reconsider his terminology and approach:

Ken Coleman [05:25]: "Stop with this nonsense. Stop thinking it, stop saying it. Stop feeling as though your parents are abusing you. They're not."

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Advice from Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman

The experts provide Tyler with actionable advice to navigate his financial and familial challenges:

1. Effective Communication and Boundary Setting:

   • Ken Coleman [04:38]: "You should have communicated with the parents because they're involved in this financially."

2. Reevaluating Educational Choices to Minimize Debt:

   • Dave Ramsey [07:05]: "Can I do I need this degree? Do I need to be out of state for this degree?"
   • Ken Coleman [08:33]: "It's possible to get into sports management without a degree... Nobody cares where you get your degree from."

3. Maintaining Financial Independence:

   • Dave Ramsey [07:47]: "Listen, don’t hear say get student loans, but do you see what I'm saying?"
   • Ken Coleman [07:47]: "Do it without mom and dad."

4. Choosing Cost-Effective Educational Institutions:

   • Emphasizing the importance of in-state tuition and cost-effective schooling to reduce financial burden.

5. Focusing on Career Over Degrees:

   • Dave Ramsey [09:24]: "No one has ever asked me what I got my degree in."
   • Ken Coleman [09:33]: "And now you're best selling authority. What a waste of time and money."

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Conclusion and Insights

The episode concludes with Tyler acknowledging the advice and recognizing the need to reassess his financial and educational strategies:

Tyler [08:12]: "Yes, I understand what both y' all saying, and I've done the math as well."

Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman reinforce the importance of personal financial responsibility and strategic decision-making to prevent long-term debt and strained family relationships. The key takeaway emphasizes the necessity for young adults to establish financial independence, maintain clear communication with their parents, and make informed decisions about education and debt management.

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Notable Quotes

• Tyler [00:11]: "I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are kind of financially abusing me."
• Dave Ramsey [04:40]: "I don't think it's abuse... It’s just disrespect."
• Ken Coleman [05:25]: "Stop with this nonsense. Stop thinking it, stop saying it. Stop feeling as though your parents are abusing you. They're not."
• Ken Coleman [07:47]: "Do it without mom and dad."
• Dave Ramsey [07:05]: "Can I do I need this degree? Do I need to be out of state for this degree?"

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights serves as a poignant exploration of the financial tensions that can arise between young adults and their parents. By addressing issues such as student debt, financial independence, and effective communication, Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman provide listeners with practical strategies to navigate similar challenges. Tyler’s story underscores the importance of making informed financial decisions and setting boundaries to foster both personal growth and harmonious family relationships.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget so I'm currently 22.

[Tyler]

Years old, and I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are kind of financially abusing me. I've been following the Ramsey baby steps. I'm currently reading the Total Money Makeover book. And I got my refund from school about in May, and it was close to about $4,000, exactly $3,999. And I used that money to pay off my clearing of debt, my car payment, and as well, a little bit of my credit card payment. And they weren't really happy about that. They were just absolutely furious about me saying that that was their money and about how the hard work they did to put me out here and everything like that. And my head's just spinning about it.

[Ken Coleman]

And I'm not sure what to do. Hold on, hold on. The money was from. Was a tax refund for money that you did money?

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it was refund.

[Tyler]

School refund, correct?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, but they paid. Did they pay for the school. School refund or did you pay for it?

[Tyler]

So they were helping me through financial aid. We took out a loan and as well, just through whatever else, federal work study as well.

[Dave Ramsey]

So was this. Let me, let me clarify because the key word in student loans is refund, and refund sometimes means you took out a loan and the loan was too much for what school actually costs, and so they gave you the money back in cash, but it is still loaned money. Does that make sense? So was this money that was still loaned money or was this actual cash that you had from doing work study and you were given that as payment? Clarify that for me.

[Tyler]

I believe it was a little both from the work study and from the loan.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. And whose name is on the loan? Moms and dads or yours? Who's the, who's the signer on the loan?

[Tyler]

It's mom and then me. I believe I'm the co signer on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so what. Where I'm seeing here is there's a lack of clarity on what's going on. So we do need to have that because you need to know if you receive $4,000, if it's student loan money, you should know that because you have the right to be like, oh, my gosh, I don't want to be on the hook for that. I'm not going to use debt to pay off debt. Right. So understanding that's important, but it's spilled milk at this Point, I can understand if it was loan money, if your mom was like, wait a minute, you took this loan money that we're both on the hook for to do this thing without consulting both of us because we're both on this loan. So I can see that. So I want to put that out there. But you used a really big word earlier when you said, mom and dad are abusing me with the money.

[Ken Coleman]

So I see no evidence of that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Show us that. Let us hear about that.

[Tyler]

So the reason why I say that is because one, when I got that money, my first instinct was obviously to put it towards my dad and my.

[Dave Ramsey]

Both.

[Tyler]

My parents are both spenders. My dad works in the oil field. My mom doesn't work anymore. So I'm currently in. I'm in another state from tech. I'm from Texas originally. I'm in another state working as well as in school, trying to pay all this stuff and all the things I can do, and they're helping me financially. But it's always about money, money, money. My mom just bought a brand new Mercedes. My dad spends money constantly on his new truck.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, what's that got to do with you? But what's that got to do with you?

[Tyler]

It's just a money struggle. They've always been haggling me for money as well as asking. When I ask for money if I need it, they just never give it to me. Or they're 50, 50 on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so.

[Ken Coleman]

But that's not abuse.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's not. I don't think it's abuse. Like, what I'm hearing, Ken, is. And correct me if I'm wrong, Tyler, what I'm hearing is your parents are spenders. It seems like they always have the money when it's time for something for them, but when it's something for you, it's a big deal. And it also sounds like they've hit you up for money. Maybe you had your job in high school. And they're like, hey, let me. Can you spot me a 20? That kind of thing. And they never paid you back? Is that the type of thing.

[Tyler]

Like, recently they've been wanting me to get a truck, and they want me to help pay a down payment. And I've been telling them that I don't want to do that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, then you don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Your parents, you're 22 now. Your parents can make suggestions. They can even try to, like, strong arm you to do things their way. But you don't have to. My guy, like, you can say, I'm just not gonna do that. And that might be them being. Pushing some boundaries, kind of being, you know, a little disrespectful. But I wouldn't go the line of. Of abuse. Would you, Ken? I. I don't know that I would go to that line.

[Tyler]

I would just.

[Ken Coleman]

You're being very nice. I've heard enough. Listen, Tyler, there's two things, okay? Number one, I actually get your instinct and your instinct to take that money and put it on debt. Great instinct.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's a good instinct. Wrong move, like, right idea wrong.

[Ken Coleman]

I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm saying it was the right instinct, but you should have communicated with the parents because they're involved in this financially. You can do both and also be frustrated with them for all the stuff you're frustrated with them about and how they handle money. I see all of this together, but the reality is that you and Jade's right. You're 22 now. So now we begin the separation, and now we create a little bit better boundaries.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Ken Coleman]

And she's right. You should have communicated much better on this deal. What's done is done. But let me be very clear. You need to stop saying they're financially abusing you, because this is not anywhere close to it. I'm not.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's just disrespect.

[Ken Coleman]

It's dramatic. And by the way, words matter. So when we think that our mom and dad are abusing us, and then we tell somebody and we tell two hosts on a radio, big giant show, then we've now become. We've come to believe something that's just simply not true, and then that colors how you handle things. They already handle money in a way that will continue to create tension for you going forward. That's clear. And by the way, good on you, young man, to go. I don't want to live that way.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yes.

[Ken Coleman]

So I like the direction you're headed. All that to say. Stop with this nonsense. Stop thinking it, stop saying it. Stop feeling as though your parents are abusing you. They're not. And you just need to start to do things differently.

[Dave Ramsey]

You do. And honestly, how much are the student loans?

[Tyler]

So as of this moment, I checked last night it was roughly about 40,000. But going into next year, I will be a junior, so it's going to be tacked on roughly maybe about 80,000. I transferred to The University of Tennessee.

[Dave Ramsey]

Here. Here's what I need for you. Here's what. Here's my. We took some time talking about mom and Dad. I want to talk about Tyler for a minute because you were talking about mom and dad's bad money decisions, bad money habits. Tyler, you are following in those footsteps right now because you are taking on debt and you're going to an out of state school and you're doing all this thing just racking up money. And I know that you're young, but you got to stop doing that because you're going to come out of this thing with $80,000 of debt. And what's going to make it even more of a headache is you're going to be tied to mama and so mom is going to be breathing down your neck every month talking about, where's the payment? You're messing up my credit. Da da da, da, da. And that is going to jack you and her. That's great. If I were in your shoes, I would be thinking long and hard about, can I do I need this degree? Do I need to be out of state for this degree? Can I do it in my home state where I have in state tuition? And can I do it someplace where I'm paying, going at the speed of cash? I'm getting a job. I'm doing work study. Because $80,000 is a lot of money, especially when it's tied up with mom and dad.

[Ken Coleman]

This is a great point because they overextend themselves all the time. And that's why that tension around money's always there. They have a scarcity mindset. That's what you described and so tied to that, it's going to make your life miserable. So we prefer you not to have any more student loans. But if you're going to do student loans, do it without mom and dad.

[Dave Ramsey]

Attached at the very least and do it in states so that it at the very least. Listen, don't hear say get student loans, but do you see what I'm saying?

[Ken Coleman]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yes, I understand what both y' all saying, and I've done the math as well. Even when I originally did transfer, if I was looking back at other schools and some schools were the exact same price of the same major that I wanted compared to here and what's the major? It came to that Sports management. So.

[Ken Coleman]

Well, there's two ways to skin this one. You know, there are a lot of people that would argue with me and debate me on, you need a degree in sports management. And that's probably statistically true, not knowing that major super well. However, I know it's possible to get any of those jobs without a degree because I can point to example after example. You got to get in. You got to get in. You got to. You got to sweep floors, you got to be a janitor. And then you work your way up to doing some type of analyst work. So it's possible to get into sports management without a degree. But I can tell you that my partner's right. Today nobody cares where you get your degree from. They sure don't. So I listen, I know you what UT costs for in state students. I can't imagine what it costs for out of state students. There's a better way, Tyler.

[Dave Ramsey]

No one has ever asked me where I went to school.

[Ken Coleman]

I'm not even allowed to tell anybody anymore. She made me stop talking about.

[Dave Ramsey]

No one's ever even asked me what I got my degree in. Ever.

[Ken Coleman]

What'd you get your degree in?

[Dave Ramsey]

Music. Commercial music.

[Ken Coleman]

Well, that makes sense.

[Dave Ramsey]

Concentration on vocal performance.

[Ken Coleman]

And now you're best selling authority. What a waste. What a waste of time and money.

[Dave Ramsey]

CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for [e-mail] budget.