My Wife Is Spending Too Much And Won't Pay Off Debt

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Wife Is Spending Too Much And Won't Pay Off Debt
Date: December 14, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network (Featuring Rachel Cruze and co-host)
Caller: Cody

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Cody, a husband and father overwhelmed by medical debt, credit card debt, and a growing disconnect with his wife's spending habits. The hosts walk Cody through both the financial and relational aspects of their situation, urging healthy communication and collaborative financial planning.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Cody’s Situation: Mounting Debt and Marital Strain

• Newly Married Couple: Five years together and three children born within that time frame.
• Medical Crisis & Debt: Their youngest child was hospitalized in the ICU, leading to $35,000 in medical debt.
• Credits and Spending: As Cody’s income increased, so did his wife’s spending.
  • Used credit cards to pay some medical bills (“I figured out was a no, no.” – Cody, 01:24).
  • $7,000 in credit card debt remains, in addition to ongoing medical debt.
• Big Vehicle Purchase: Purchased a $50,000 vehicle a year ago under pressure from his wife.
  • “We messed up when we bought the car and now it’s kind of a paycheck to paycheck… thing.” (02:01)
• Savings Drain:
  • After selling a house, they had $20,000 in savings; now it's down to about $5,000.
  • Most expenditures were everyday costs—clothes for the kids, groceries, household needs.

Marriage Dynamics and Communication Challenges

• Cody as Sole Budgeter: Cody manages all finances since his wife is a stay-at-home mom caring for their children.
• Attempts to Rein In Spending: Feeds money to his wife through their joint account, setting limits she regularly exceeds (e.g., $100 turns into $150).
• Tension Over Control: “Cody, you’re not her dad.” (Host Rachel Cruze, 05:45)

The Hosts’ Advice: Budgeting as a Team

• Separate vs. United:
  • Rachel points out their budgeting is technical but not emotional or collaborative.
  • Red flag: He sets spending limits rather than creating plans together.
  • “You need to come to her and say you have... You don’t need to say, ‘Well, you’re spending too much...’” (07:29)
• Empathy and Understanding Reality:
  • “She is seeing expenses every day and knowing the reality... you may learn something in sitting down with her.” (06:50)
  • Recognizing expenses for kids (e.g., uniforms, groceries) might be higher than Cody realizes.
• Communication Reset:
  • Advice to Cody: Express feelings (“I’m freaking out over here... I feel so disconnected…”) to foster empathy and collaborative problem-solving.
  • Encourage regular budget meetings as equal partners, not one-off lectures.
  • Memorable quote: “I would beg you to say that’s one of the best things you can do because out of that budget meeting... you’ll be able to actually discuss it together, not these one-off conversations.” (07:54)
• Uncovering Deeper Issues:
  • Host: “There’s a reason that this is off putting for her and you’ve got to get to the bottom of what that is.” (08:39)
  • Suggests that the spending may stem from deeper emotional or contextual issues (her upbringing, loss of financial autonomy, etc.).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rachel Cruze on budgeting as a couple:

  “You need to come to her and say you have... You don’t need to say, ‘Well, you’re spending too much.’ Cody, you need to tell her ‘I’m freaking out over here... I feel so disconnected. I feel so fearful... I feel like we are not on the same page.’”
  (07:29)

• Highlighting their disconnect:

  “You’re not her dad. Even though maybe technically it’s together, emotionally and plan wise, you guys are on two different tracks.”
  (05:45)

• On understanding real-life expenses:

  “She is seeing expenses every single day and knowing the reality of what things cost... you may learn something in sitting down with her...”
  (06:50)

• The importance of collaborative budgeting:

  “That’s one of the best things you can do because out of that budget meeting... you’ll be able to actually discuss it together, not these one-off conversations.”
  (07:54)

• On underlying issues:

  “It’s never just, ‘Well, she won’t stick to the budget.’ There’s always something beneath. And you’ve got to be a professional detective to figure out what that is instead of just saying, ‘Well, she won’t do it and I’ve got to make her do it.’”
  (08:47)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:11-01:40 - Cody outlines his family, medical emergency, and accumulating debt.
• 01:53-02:01 - The story behind the $50,000 vehicle purchase.
• 02:58-03:27 - The rapid depletion of their savings account.
• 04:19-04:47 - Cody’s household income breakdown.
• 05:32-05:45 - Hosts challenge Cody’s method of handling joint finances.
• 06:50-07:54 - Rachel Cruze’s comprehensive advice on healthy budgeting conversations.
• 08:39-09:17 - Discussion about underlying emotional or psychological issues influencing money habits.

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Conclusion

The episode delivers a case study in the intersection of financial pressures and marital tension. The hosts encourage Cody—and listeners in similar situations—to restructure their approach to budgeting as a cooperative team effort, emphasizing open communication, mutual understanding, and empathy. Rather than viewing financial management as a solo or paternalistic task, the advice pushes for honest dialogue and shared ownership of the family’s financial future.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by CHM, a budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget so I got a little.

[B]

Bit of financial problem as well as marriage problem. And it's becoming a strain more so, you know, with the marriage because of the financial problem I have. We recently had gotten married about five years ago. My wife and I have had three kids in the last five years and my youngest kid, he was put in the icu. And long story short, we have a bunch of medical debt. It's about $35,000 worth and I just can't keep up. I just recently, in the last couple years we've been on Medicaid, but I just recently got a raise working, which is good, but it's like the more income I come in, the more my wife likes to spend. I'm the saver. I like to say no and, you know, get bills paid. We currently have been taking care of some of the medical bills by credit card, which recently I figured out was a no, no.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I have a seven grand left in medical debt. We have.

[C]

Oh, that's it. Of the 35, you only have seven left?

[B]

No, no, no, sorry. I have $7,000 of credit card debt.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

And I still have the medical debt.

[C]

Got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because we have the three kids we had to purchase. Well, we didn't have to. I guess we could have just kept going, but my wife wanted to purchase a bigger vehicle for traveling and stuff.

[C]

What'd you spend on that?

[B]

That was about $50,000. Oh, yeah, you're right.

[C]

You didn't have to spend that. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Long story short is that we messed up when we bought the car and now it's kind of a paycheck to paycheck. Repetitive thing.

[C]

When did you get the fifty thousand dollar vehicle? How long have you had it?

[B]

It's been about a year.

[C]

Okay, shoot.

[A]

Okay, so when you talk to her, Cody, about this, how do those conversations go? Are you showing her numbers? Are you telling her that she's spending too much? Yeah, what's the.

[B]

It originally came up because I noticed that our savings account was going backwards. And instead of paying month to month, I mean I do circling in there. Can you do that? Going down the road?

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Cody.

[B]

Sorry, sorry. Can you hear me?

[A]

Yeah, I can hear you.

[C]

How much was in the savings account to start and how much has it dwindled down to?

[B]

So originally we had about 20 grand in savings. When we switched to because we had sold a house and we had a bunch of money invested into the House and we got a bunch of money back to pay off some debt. Well, we went into the house and had money left over. We had 20 grand in savings.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

I was having to. I've got it down to like 5,000 now.

[C]

Five. Okay.

[A]

And was she using any of this, Cody, for everyday expenses? Like, like the grocery store? Like, where is she spending it?

[B]

So most of it has been when I get a budget, because I do all the money because she stays at home and takes care of the kids. Because if we tried to put four kids through daycare, then it would just take an entire paycheck or two almost. So the biggest thing is how do it's going through. Like she's buying clothes for the girls or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I can't get her to stop.

[C]

Well, let's, let's, let's. I feel like you're. I feel like you're laying out the problem. I want to get into some real numbers so we can see exactly what. What you're describing looks like. How much money are you bringing home every month?

[B]

I'm bringing home from. So I got two jobs. I just started a. Recently a landscaping business, which my main job, I'm bringing in about $5,000 a month plus. And that's, you know, what I'm actually bringing home. Not after taxes and then plus my side business. If I get a job or two and only have time to do that on the weekend, how much? Roughly two grand at most.

[C]

Okay, and give me an idea because you said you're a numbers guy. What are you. For your. Because I thought you said three kids, but then you said four. Is it four kids?

[B]

So my old. Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

My oldest, I have four kids. I have three with my wife currently.

[C]

Understood. So for. Give me an idea of what you have on the budget to spend on.

[B]

Groceries for your budget right now is roughly about twelve hundred dollars a month on groceries. I can't, I can't. I've tried to limit it and it just seems like every time I try to limit it.

[C]

Well, that feels right. That feels right. Give me an example of a budget item that she's gone kind of ballistic on. So we can get an idea. Is this $50? Is this $500?

[B]

No. So right now we have our joint checking, which is what I, you know, feed the money to her through is like if I tell her a hundred dollars, it ends up being 150.

[A]

Okay. Cody, you're not her dad. Okay, so everything that you're saying in this call so far, not saying that she's out of bounds. She could be out of bounds. Cause she spends more than what y' all are making. You can't do that mathematically and be a grownup, right? That's how you live life in debt. And we, we don't want that. But I mean, you just said like, well, she stays home with the kids and I do the money. I put the money in the account that feeds her that. I mean, it's a very separate. Even though maybe technically it's together emotionally and plan wise, you guys are on two different tracks. And when you tell her this is, this is how much you have to spend on growing groceries, to me, that's a red flag in your, your marriage and communication. And so you, you, you need. I wish you had said. Or the, the goal, I should say this, the goal is for you to say, we planned on spending 1200amonth and that was our plan. And so what I think the first step you, you have to do is to get her to sit down at the table with you and you guys look at numbers and together you guys create a budget. Cody. Because I'll be honest too. You know, I'm sure there's some wrong in there that she has. But also, she is seeing expenses every single day and knowing the reality of what things cost because she's the one buying them. And you don't.

[C]

I get.

[A]

I'm not saying that she's justified in it, but you actually may learn something in sitting down with her and hearing what she has to say. To say, oh, wow, I didn't realize that sports uniforms cost, you know, 30 bucks a kid. And so now we're spending 100 bucks, you know, in one swipe, because we needed uniforms. And that pisses me off because how do we spend them hundred? You know, you make actually see some reality as well. But she also, if, if there's any entitlement in her end or any like, oh, well, I don't know, I just, I just have to buy the girls. If it's that attitude, either she has to grow up and mature. So you both need to sit down and you need to come to her and say you have.

[C]

You.

[A]

You don't need to say, well, you're spending too much. You, you, you, you. Cody, you need to tell her I'm freaking out over here like I am to this point where I feel so disconnected. I feel so fearful. I feel so protective of the money because I feel like we are not on the same page. So will you please sit down for me? Right. Like, you make it really about you and what you want for the outcome to be, which is you guys be on the same page and for this not to take your marriage because it does. Cody, you're exactly right. Because I do think people cannot get on the same page. And so I would beg you to say that that's one of the best things that you can do because out of that budget meeting, I think she's gonna have a lot to say. I think you're gonna have a lot to say and to be able to actually discuss it together, not these one off conversations. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah. So we actually recently I've been. Well, I almost make her. I mean it's, it's kind of like feels forceful sometimes because I'll sit down after the kids go to sleep and we'll sit and then I'll go over the budget numbers and stuff with her and. But like here recently I've done it more so to where she's aware of, you know.

[C]

But there's a reason, there's a bunch of there, there's a reason that this is off putting for her and you've got to get to the bottom of what that is. There, there's something there. Whether it's something that has nothing to do with you possibly. How did she grow up? What were the relationships she was in before? Maybe, I don't know, we didn't get to talk about it. But did she have a career before? And she's used to kind of contributing in that way and now she's not. There's something behind this. It's not just, well, she won't stick to the budget. It's never that. There's always something beneath. And you've got to be a professional detective to figure out what that is instead of just saying, well, she won't do it and I've got to make her do it.

[A]

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