My Wife Left Me and Drained My Life Savings

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights - "My Wife Left Me and Drained My Life Savings"

Introduction

In the February 10, 2025 episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, listeners are presented with a poignant and deeply personal story from a caller facing immense financial and emotional turmoil. Titled "My Wife Left Me and Drained My Life Savings," this episode delves into the intersecting challenges of business downturns, marital strife, and overwhelming debt. Experts Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw provide compassionate guidance aimed at helping the caller reclaim his financial stability and emotional well-being.

Caller Background and Initial Struggles

The episode opens with a heartfelt call from a small business owner who runs a fence installation company. Reflecting on his experience, the caller shares:

Caller [00:10]: "In 2020, we had a great year. We were doing really, really great around the time 2020 into 2021."

However, this period of success was abruptly disrupted by personal turmoil. His wife had an affair, leading to a prolonged divorce process that severely impacted both his mental health and financial standing.

Caller [00:30]: "At that time, my wife had an affair. I was putting in 50 to 60 hours a week just because I had to keep up with the demand for the business at the time. After that, going into a divorce process, it killed me financially, and I've just not been able to recover."

Financial Decline Post-Divorce

Post-divorce, the caller’s business experienced a significant downturn. He attributes this decline to a combination of economic factors and his weakened state of mind. The financial strain was exacerbated by the draining of his life savings and mounting tax liabilities.

Caller [01:20]: "She spent $72,000 in 2020, the year of the divorce. She just kind of drained the accounts and left me with that. And then the tax liability I got into, I'm in huge tax troubles. I owe six figures to the government and then 30,000 to the state."

Expert Advice: Moving Forward

Dave Ramsey responds empathetically, acknowledging the caller’s plight and emphasizing the importance of focusing on the present rather than dwelling on past hardships.

Dave Ramsey [02:09]: "But in the first two minutes we've talked, you've mentioned 2020. I've lost count... And what that tells me is you're living in the past."

He encourages the caller to take ownership of his current situation, cease blaming his ex-wife for his financial woes, and commit to healing and rebuilding his financial life.

Dave Ramsey [03:02]: "Is 2025 going to be the year that you say, enough, I'm going to look in the mirror and I'm going to take ownership of this stuff and get it knocked out."

Jade Warshaw joins the conversation, probing deeper into the caller’s financial details to offer concrete advice.

Jade Warshaw [05:39]: "Tell me now what you're earning and is it from your business or did you get a new job?"

Detailed Financial Assessment

The caller provides a breakdown of his financial situation:

• Income: Approximately $12,000 weekly from his business.
• Debts:
  • Personal Credit Card Debt: $8,000
  • Car Loan: $20,000 (car worth $14,000)
  • Mortgage: $200,000 with monthly payments around $1,400
• Business Investment: Spent $14,000 on marketing in a slow year without substantial returns.

Jade Warshaw [07:32]: "The way that you get out of debt quickly is, increase your income and decrease your expenses."

Strategies for Financial Recovery

Jade emphasizes the importance of managing debt through the debt snowball method, starting with personal debt before addressing business liabilities. She outlines a clear path:

1. Increase Income: Explore avenues to boost business revenue, leveraging past success and adjusting strategies to current market conditions.
2. Decrease Expenses: Rigorously cut unnecessary costs to free up funds for debt repayment.
3. Debt Snowball Method: Start by paying off the smallest debts first to build momentum and motivation.

Jade Warshaw [07:32]: "Listen, you've got two debts. I know that you lost a lot of money in this process, but the truth is, right now your debt isn't all that scary."

She also suggests evaluating the viability of the business post-recovery, ensuring it’s sustainable in the long term.

Emotional and Relational Healing

Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw both touch upon the emotional aspects of financial distress. Dave encourages the caller to shift his focus from past grievances to proactive solutions, reinforcing the idea that emotional healing is intertwined with financial recovery.

Dave Ramsey [04:00]: "You're trying to give them everything so that you don't feel so bad... don't blame them for your debt problems."

Jade adds that the caller's emotional state is a significant barrier to his financial progress, urging him to regain control over his emotions to effectively manage his finances.

Jade Warshaw [05:12]: "I think this call is more about what's happening inside of you than what's happening with your money."

Key Takeaways

1. Focus on the Present: Dwelling on past events hinders progress. It's crucial to accept the current reality and take actionable steps forward.
2. Take Ownership: Blaming external factors, such as an ex-spouse, can prevent effective problem-solving.
3. Increase Income and Decrease Expenses: Simple yet effective strategies for debt reduction.
4. Debt Snowball Method: Prioritize paying off smaller debts first to build financial momentum.
5. Emotional Well-being: Addressing emotional distress is vital for overall financial health and decision-making.

Notable Quotes

• Caller [00:10]: "In 2020, we had a great year. We were doing really, really great around the time 2020 into 2021."
• Dave Ramsey [02:09]: "You're living in the past."
• Dave Ramsey [03:02]: "Is 2025 going to be the year that you say, enough, I'm going to look in the mirror and I'm going to take ownership of this stuff and get it knocked out."
• Jade Warshaw [07:32]: "The way that you get out of debt quickly is, increase your income and decrease your expenses."

Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights offers a compelling narrative of personal and financial struggle intertwined with expert advice aimed at fostering resilience and recovery. The caller’s story serves as a testament to the profound impact of personal crises on financial stability, while Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw provide a roadmap for reclaiming control. By emphasizing the importance of present-focused action, debt management strategies, and emotional healing, the episode delivers valuable insights for anyone navigating similar challenges. Listeners are reminded that, regardless of past setbacks, taking proactive steps can pave the way toward financial and personal restoration.

Final Thoughts

In navigating life's unpredictable challenges, seeking guidance and implementing structured financial strategies can make a significant difference. The Ramsey Show Highlights continues to be a beacon of practical advice and compassionate support for those striving to overcome adversity and achieve lasting financial well-being.

Transcript

[Caller]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. First, I appreciate you guys, you know, putting me on, but I wanted to just kind of, you know, put my situation out there in 2020. I'm a small business owner in 2020. We had a great year. We're a fence installation company. We were doing really, really great around the time 2020 into 2021. At that time, my wife had an affair. I. 50 to 60 hours a week, just because I had to keep up with the demand for the business at the time. After that, you know, that hit me mentally. And going into a divorce process, it killed me financially, and I've just not been able to recover. It's just been a tough few years. The business since that, it was kind of like almost like a peak in 2020 into 2021 with the work. The business slowed down after. I don't know if it's partially due to the economy or just my state in general of, you know, pushing forward, lack of funds for the business and so on, but just been a struggle since. Since that time, so.

[Dave Ramsey]

Man. Sorry, brother.

[Caller]

No, it's all right. And, you know, with, you know, Pre divorce, around 2020, I had six figures in the bank. I only had my mortgage, which is 1400, which in Massachusetts is. You can't even rent for 1400 is just nothing. For the more the mortgage is nothing. At the time it was 1250. But during the divorce, I had a refina, so it went up to almost 1500. But I mean, I just. All my money got drained. She spent $72,000 in 2020, the year of the divorce. She just kind of drained the accounts and left me with that. And then the tax liability I got into, I'm in huge tax Troubles. I owe six figures to the. To the government and then 30, you know, 30,000 to the state. And I'm just kind of. I'm just kind of lost.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let me. You and me and Jade could talk for a long, long time. And Jade's can walk you through the numbers part because there's a. There's a mathematical path out of this.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

But in the. In the first two minutes we've talked, you've mentioned 2020. I've lost count.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And what that tells me is you're living in the past.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you've got one, if not both feet still in 2020, 2021, even 2022. And some of that's hurt. Some of that is you probably got a lot of esteem.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Out of making that kind of money and having that kind of false security in a bank account that you, you somehow that, that translated into what you were worth.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not just financially, but, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And it's 2025.

[Caller]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so you won't get one step of healing, moving forward until you decide to not mention your ex wife again. She's gone, man.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Until you stop blaming her for your current tax liabilities. Until you say, okay, here's. I'm gonna stand up in 2025. I'm clearly good at what I do. I've been successful in the past, I will be successful again in the future, and I've got a mess I gotta clean up.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

You get what I'm saying?

[Caller]

No, definitely, definitely. And, and there's a whole nother part of this which is like I'm trying to push through. I got two young children, you know, five and six years old, and I'm with them 60% of time paying, you know, paying the, you know, 400 a week in support is. It's just kind of. It is what it is. I don't have an issue with the support or nothing like that. It's just I'm, you know, I feel like I'm pushing myself further into debt because I'm trying to give them everything they need. So my credit, my personal credit cards, along with the business, I mean, everything's just, you know.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hold on. You're not trying to give them everything they need, you're trying to give them everything so that you don't feel so bad.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Because what they really want is their old man.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And going out this weekend in Boston and throwing snow at each other and digging a hole and playing in the mud cost $0. And they'll tell that story at your funeral.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So again, don't blame them for your debt problems.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It sucks. It is what it is. You got taken to the cleaners in court. He did. And now it's 2025.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So my question to you is, like, direct, and this is just me just talking to a man that I love. Okay. Is 2025 going to be the year that you say, enough, I'm going to look in the mirror and I'm going to take ownership of this stuff and get it knocked out.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is it, Is this the year? Because if not, then we can take another call.

[Jade]

Yeah. Cuz, can I ask a, a fair question? I think is fair. Did you get taken to the cleaners or was it just divided 50 50. And he just got.

[Caller]

No, no, no. I got destroyed.

[Jade]

How? Why?

[Caller]

Yeah, how? And why? Just my. My lawyer, the representation. During. During it, there was just a lot of things that just did not go my way, and I was in a. Not in a mental state. So at some point after them just coming at me and coming at me with demands and demands, I just wanted it done with. So I said, all right, that's it. You know, I agree on this and let's move forward.

[Jade]

So tell me, tell me. I'm going to be honest with you, flat out. I think this is. This call is more about what's happening inside of you than what's happening with your money. Just from the way you sound. You sound like you are just a chicken with its head cut off. And like John said, we can talk for a long time if you want to give me some real numbers and. And we can walk through this financially. Tell me now. Tell me now what you're earning and is it from your business or did you get a new job?

[Caller]

No, I still. I'm still running. Still running the business.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Caller]

Do you want to hear my personals or do you want to.

[Jade]

I just want to know your. I just want to know your payment. Like, what do you pay yourself every month? What do you bring home? Every month?

[Caller]

Yeah. So, I mean. I mean, weekly. My. My weekly check is like 12, 1200 a week, so.

[Jade]

And that's like clockwork.

[Caller]

Yep, yep. But. But then you gotta. You know, right now is our slow season, so there's gonna be a couple weeks where I'm not paid, taking a check, and then you have a subtracting, you know, 387 and support.

[Jade]

No, I just want money. If you. I want to know what does Nick bring home? Does he bring home 4, 800amonth? Is that right?

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah. 11.98 a week. Yep.

[Jade]

Okay, and then tell me your total debt.

[Caller]

Personal or with the business included?

[Jade]

It's all the same, but tell me personal first, just for the purposes of this call.

[Caller]

Yep. So I got the. I got the vehicle. The vehicle, the home, and, you know, about 8,000 in credit card debt, so.

[Jade]

Okay, so credit cards are 8,000. How much on the car?

[Caller]

20,000 owed.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Caller]

In the house, 200. 200,000.

[Jade]

And you said, you told me you're paying $1,500 a month now. Is that right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Annually.

[Caller]

It's a little. It's a little under that. It's like 1400 and change.

[Jade]

Okay, fine. So the car. What's the car worth? It's 20,000 is. What's it worth?

[Caller]

It's worth. Yeah. Last time I checked, it was worth 14.

[Jade]

Okay. Now, with your line of work, is it I do more. I can do more work and make more money? Is it just as simple as that? What's stopping you from doing more?

[Caller]

Yeah, so. Well, this. We. The work's always been there. I never paid for advertising with the work. We've always been very busy. Last year was very slow. I put 14,000 over the year into a marketing agency and just. It was a.

[Jade]

Well, here's the thing. Let me. Let me give you the quick equation. The way that you get out of debt quickly is, is you increase your income and decrease your expenses. That is the simple solution to getting more money to throw it at your debt. And that's all it is. Listen, you've got two debts. You owe 28,000. I know that you lost a lot of money in this process, but the truth is, right now your debt isn't all that scary. If you called in here telling me you had 500,000 and maybe with the business, is it. It is that much. But let's focus on that quote, personal debt first. Use the debt snowball and pay it off. And then you can call in again and let's talk about this business and if it's worth keeping. This is the Ramsey Show.

[Caller]

Create your free every dollar, bud. The simplest way to budget for your life.