My Wife's Holiday Spending Is Costing Us A Fortune

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Wife's Holiday Spending Is Costing Us A Fortune
Date: October 29, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network featuring Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze

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Episode Overview

In this episode, a caller seeks advice on managing his wife’s family holiday spending traditions, which have become costly and, for him, increasingly unnecessary. The hosts break down the emotional and financial aspects of holiday traditions, address the lack of budgeting, and offer practical tips for regaining financial control—without undermining cherished family rituals.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Holiday Spending Dilemma

• Traditions Explained:

  • Caller describes elaborate Christmas traditions involving buying “children’s books” for each family member—adults included—and expensive stockings.
  • Annual spending is $3,000+ on stockings and books, with gifts pushing the total closer to $6,000 (“about three or four thousand” just for gifts — 04:27).

• Emotional Significance:

  • The caller’s wife is motivated by fond memories of her grandparents’ Christmas celebrations and wants to keep those traditions alive.
  • “She just wants to continue those traditions.” (01:16, B)

2. Breaking Down The Numbers

• Cost Justification:
  • Routine spending: $360 on books (“It’s $360, but the books are not a very big tradition...they’re kind of a waste...” 02:05, B)
  • $1,000–$1,200 on stockings, plus $3,000–$4,000 on gifts.
• Financial Snapshot:
  • Household income: $210,000/year.
  • Net worth: About $200,000 house value (with $100,000 left on the mortgage), $100,000 in retirement savings (pension plan, 04:12-04:08).

3. Hosts’ Reactions and Analysis

• Perceived Excess and Confusion:
  • Dave Ramsey challenges the point of buying children’s books for adults.
    • “When they were children, maybe, but I don’t know, once you’re 40, you don’t really need a children’s book.” (02:44, A)
• Budget Perspective:
  • Dave notes that the spending is only about 1.5% of the household income but acknowledges it’s causing stress because there’s no clear plan.
    • “You make $200,000. It’s $3,000. It’s one and a half percent of your income.” (04:49, A)
  • Rachel Cruze pinpoints lack of budgeting as the root cause:
    • “You have no planning with your income...if you both lived on a budget and knew exactly where your income was going...then it would not feel as out of control.” (06:02–06:28, C)

4. Marriage & Family Communication

• Emphasis on Dialogue:
  • Dave encourages the caller to discuss the traditions with his wife, stressing that both partners need to understand what’s truly important.
    • “At least you need to understand from her why this is $3,000 worth of important, because it’s no longer $3,000 worth of important to you...you’ve just been going along.” (05:09, A)
• Adjusting Traditions:
  • The hosts share their own experience with simplifying gift-giving and managing expectations in adult families.
    • “Every adult buying every adult something got out of hand, and it just was dumb...So we just dumbed it way down and we’re going to concentrate on the kiddos.” (07:13–07:32, A/C)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Traditions Becoming Absurd:

  • “He’s done with children’s books for adults.” (08:02, A)

• On Budgeting Wisdom:

  • “Make a list and check it twice. You need a Christmas budget...put a dollar amount beside each name...when that cash runs out, Christmas be over, baby. That’s it. Ding, ding. We’re done.” (08:49–09:18, A)

• On Emotional Understanding:

  • “I’m willing to do it simply because it’s important to you, but you also need to hear it’s important to me that we use a little touch of common sense on this.” (05:50–06:02, A)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Traditions and Their Costs Detailed – 00:07–02:44
• Caller’s Financial Situation – 03:33–04:15
• Budgeting is the Core Issue – 05:09–06:28
• Hosts’ Family Solutions & Suggestion to Draw Names – 07:13–07:44
• Reinforcing Importance of Budgeting for Holidays – 08:49–09:18

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Practical Advice from the Hosts

• Prioritize Communication and Compromise: Open a conversation about what matters most to each spouse.
• Adopt Budgeting Tools: Use a dedicated app like EveryDollar or the envelope system to plan for seasonal expenses and avoid financial surprises.
• Simplify and Modify Traditions: Consider drawing names among adults or otherwise reining in costs while keeping the spirit of family traditions alive.

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Overall Tone:
The discussion remains light, humorous, and relatable, with both empathy and practical advice. Dave and Rachel acknowledge the importance of family rituals but underscore that thoughtful communication and simple budgeting can allow families to preserve what matters—without the financial hangover.

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For Listeners:
This episode is a candid, constructive guide for anyone facing tension around costly family rituals. It offers practical steps for reclaiming control, opening dialogue, and reimagining traditions—just in time for the holidays.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[B]

So, you know, the holidays are right around the corner and my wife and her family have quite a few traditions for Christmas time. And they are starting to get rather expensive. For example, we each get a book from Santa, like a children's Christmas book from Santa. And there's about 12 of us, and we have stockings, which averages about 1,000 to $1,200 total. And then we have gifts for everyone. There's about again, 12 of us for that. So my question is, I'm sorry, 12.

[A]

Children'S books for 12 adults.

[B]

Adults, yes.

[A]

And her family is this her brothers and sisters?

[B]

So it's her sister, her father and her sister's children. And now one of her children, her sister's children has their own child. So now there's a baby.

[A]

Okay, so this isn't your all children or your grandchildren? No.

[B]

Okay, this is. And so my, my wife was really big on her grandparents. She has fond memories of Christmas at her grandparents house. They did the same traditions. She just wants to continue those traditions.

[A]

How long have y' all been married?

[B]

It'll be 15 years.

[A]

So you've done this for 15 years?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. And are you buying books? Is everyone buying 12 books or is it one book per person?

[B]

So it's one book per person, but it's usually my wife and I and her sister that are kind of responsible for all the books.

[A]

What, I mean, it's 12 children's books. It's not a lot of money. I don't. What's a big deal?

[B]

Well, there's about $30 a piece. I mean, yes, it's not a lot. Like it's $360, but the books are not a very big traditional. So they're kind of, I don't want to say a waste, but I am. They're kind of a waste because we just, we look at them for like 20 seconds and then they just go away. And, and then we, we, we go on to the next thing.

[A]

Okay, so the purpose of the books. I'm just curious because I don't understand while these adults are getting children's books for 20 seconds. What, what is the purpose of the book?

[B]

It's just the tradition they've had.

[A]

I know, but I mean, when they were children, maybe, but I don't know, once you're 40, you don't really need a children's book. What's the right.

[B]

That's my question is.

[A]

Well, I want to. If she was on the phone, why would she tell me that they're still.

[C]

Doing this because it's just what they've always done.

[A]

I know, but I mean.

[C]

I know, but it's just. That's the tradition, is everyone gets a new book for Christmas. It's a Christmas book tradition. Okay. All right.

[B]

And it has, like, a little note from Santa in it.

[A]

Well, those are hard to get, but okay.

[B]

And so that's one thing. And then we have stockings where people can spend two to $300. And it's most, again, my wife and I and sister for all the stockings. So they put like two or $300 in each.

[A]

So what is your all's net worth?

[B]

Not enough for 200.

[A]

No. What's your net worth? Not really. What's your net worth?

[B]

You mean like total?

[A]

Yeah. Like, how much do you have in your retirement account? Is your house paid for, all that kind of stuff?

[B]

So the house is not paid for. Has got about 100,000 left.

[A]

And what's it worth?

[B]

It's worth 200.

[A]

Okay. And what's in your retirement accounts?

[B]

So retirement, we work with a pension, so.

[A]

So you don't have any retirement savings?

[B]

Well, I do. I have 100,000 saved up.

[A]

And what's your household income?

[B]

Roughly about 210,000 a year.

[A]

Okay. And this whole thing is like three grand we're talking about, right?

[B]

Well, yeah, well, three grand for, like, the stockings.

[A]

Well, the books are 300, so I mean, select three grand for the whole thing, give or take.

[B]

Yeah. And then there's gifts also that we also do, which could also be another three or four thousand.

[A]

Y' all have children?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, so this is the whole Christmas thing.

[B]

Right. The problem is that we don't really put aside for this, even though we know it's coming.

[A]

Make 200,000. It's three grand. It's one and a half percent of your. Of your income.

[B]

I. Yes, I know that, but my wife. And I'm not going to throw it all on her. My wife and I like to. To. We're not good budgeters, I would say. And so my. My question.

[A]

I guess the thing is this. I do think just from a marriage communication standpoint that, you know, this thing has continued to go on, and some of it's frankly, doesn't even make sense. But at least you need to understand from her why this is $3,000 worth of important, because it's no longer $3,000 worth of important to you. Probably never has been, actually, in the whole 15 years. And now you've just been going along with it.

[C]

That is crazy, though. The amount of money you are spending on stockings. Like, you can get some great stocking stuffers and some reasonable small things, and it doesn't have to add up to $1,000.

[A]

Honey, you know, I understand this is. And I'm willing to do it simply because it's important to you, but you also need to hear. It's important to me that we use a little touch of common sense on this.

[C]

Well, and I think the biggest problem, Dale, is you guys aren't. You have no planning with your income. You guys aren't good budgeters. You already said so. It feels like you're flapping in the wind, and it's like this here, and it's kind of freaking you out because y' all don't have control in general. And I really think if you guys lived on a written plan, if you guys. We'll get you the Every Dollar app. But you both. If you both lived on a budget and you knew exactly where your income was going and you both stuck to.

[A]

It, it's not that big a deal.

[C]

Then it would. I don't think it would feel as out of control. I think it feels out of control as a picture of your entire financial picture. So genuinely, I would.

[A]

You're choosing to pick on the one thing that you can pick on while the whole thing's out of control. Rachel's right. So let's get the whole thing in control and then make some money. We can use this as a jumping off point for the discussion for that. But I think it's also individually on the budget. It's okay to talk it through. I mean, we've done that inside of our family and even with our extended family, because I have three kids who are married and have eight grandkids. And so there's 16 of us and eight adults, and every adult buying every adult. Something got out of hand, and it just was dumb. We all have the money.

[C]

Just draw names.

[A]

But everybody, we just said we're gonna draw money. It's just more fun for us to not have to go through all that and less, you know, less trying to figure out what Bill wants, you know, or what Winston wants. It's just a lot. And how do you buy. How do you buy something for me? Because anything I want, I just go get it. So how do you buy something for me now?

[C]

It's always hard. So hard.

[A]

It's impossible. So, you know, it's just. You know, that whole thing is just. We need to just. So we just dumbed it way down and we're going to concentrate on the kiddos and the adults.

[C]

We draw names as adults.

[A]

But it's one thing. I mean, it's not eight things. Right? So that's okay. And just calm the thing down.

[C]

No. And I. And I'll throw this out there. Dale, like, they don't have kids. So this is their family. It is her family Christmas and it's her family Christmas. So there is a level of he's over it.

[A]

It's her family Christmas. It's. He's. He's done with. He's done with children's books for adults.

[C]

That's my question is how you get. No, how you don't run out of books. I guess. They don't have to be Christmas themed.

[A]

Rachel. We could help them.

[C]

There can't be.

[A]

Like, we could probably make them a discount if they want to buy a batch of Rachel Cruz children's books.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't. I don't know if they're Christmas themed children's books. I'm saying I'm just curious how they get so many.

[A]

I can probably add a note from Santa to it. I don't know. I know Santa. Probably get him if they bought a whole box, a whole case of your books.

[C]

Pull some strings.

[A]

Probably do that. I bet we could get the old guy to help us out.

[C]

Maybe we'll save Dale's Christmas this year with that. Oh, man, that. That is hard though.

[A]

Hey, it's the holidays. It's a good time to talk about it. Now's the time to talk about it. Not December 2nd.

[C]

Yeah, we're in October. It's great.

[A]

This is the time. By the way. All of you need to. Speaking of Santa, he says to make a list and check it twice. So you need a Christmas budget. You need to make a list of who you're going to buy for and put a dollar amount beside each name and total that number and set that dollar amount aside. We used to do that in cash in an envelope. And on the outside of the envelope was the list of people and what we were going to spend on each person. And then that cash runs out of that envelope. Christmas be over, baby. That's it. This is what we're spending on Christmas. That's it. Ding, ding. We're done. Because it's a never ending merry go round otherwise. And you just keep hitting the submit button on your cart. Have to stop that. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.