The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Title: Our Son Is Studying Abroad But We Don't Really Know What He's Doing
Date: October 3, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Featured Experts: Dr. John Delony ("C"), Jade Warshaw ("D")
Caller: Jay ("B")

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a parent's concern about supporting their adult son, who is currently studying abroad. The caller and his wife have financially assisted their son in attending a foreign university, but lack clarity about what he's actually doing or studying. The discussion explores boundaries in providing financial support, the crucial importance of clear communication between parents and children around educational funding, and how to handle uncertainty and expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lack of Transparency About the Son’s Activities

• Caller Jay reveals uncertainty about what his son is studying overseas (00:51).
  • Jay: "We're not really sure [what he's studying]." (00:55)
• John Delony immediately responds with caution, advising against further support without details:
  • John Delony: "I would not put another penny in this." (00:57)
• The experts emphasize the necessity of understanding what the student is doing, what the expected outcomes are, and what the money is actually covering.
  • John Delony: "I would not fund my kid to leave the country to go do a thing that I don't know what's going on or what they're doing, what they're studying and what... they are expecting to gain." (01:03)

2. Amount Spent and Unclear Communication

• Jay estimates they've contributed around $10,000 so far. (01:36)
• Jay admits his son is ambiguous about his plans, confirming the lack of clear communication originates with the son:
  • Jade Warshaw: "Is the uncertainty on your part or... is it on his part?" (01:55)
  • Jay: "The latter." (02:11)

3. Academic Progress and Accountability

• The experts probe whether Jay has seen proof of academic progress, like grades or a portfolio if it's a visual arts program (02:14–02:41). Jay’s responses reveal minimal engagement with his son's academic milestones.
• Jade Warshaw bluntly asks if Jay believes his son is still enrolled (02:42).
  • Jay: "I do think he's in a situation where he is kind of up against the wall. He told us he got sick during the first semester... and got behind on some of his classes. And I believe that he did get a job... but it's not enough [income]." (02:50)

4. Financial Aid and Alternatives

• Jay explains they've recommended other options, including a small student loan, but his son lacks sufficient income to qualify.
• John Delony voices skepticism about the whole situation:
  • John Delony: "This is not passing my smell test." (03:38)

5. Foundational Mistake: Lack of Upfront Communication

• Both experts agree: the core issue is not just money, but the absence of explicit expectations and ongoing conversations about education, responsibilities, and funding.
  • Jade Warshaw: "There was a lack of expectation and lack of clear conversation on, you know, how we're going to school, who's paying for it, what's on the table, what's not on the table, what my responsibility is, what your responsibility is." (03:47)
• They suggest this conversation should have happened before any money changed hands, and should happen more than once.
  • Jade Warshaw: "...when you do come to your son and say, hey, son, I can't give you any more money for this. Here's why. But I also want to go back and say, here's what I should have done." (04:15)

6. Importance of Clarity and Specificity

• John Delony: Even if a student funds most of their own education—a major accomplishment—parents should still require clarity before contributing their own money. (05:04)
  • John Delony: "I'd still sit down and say, what are you studying? What's your plan with this? What is your day to day going to look like? How can I love you here?" (05:07)
• He underlines the importance of understanding life plans, visa implications, job prospects, and post-graduation intentions—especially for studies abroad. (05:50)

7. Practical Guidance for Parents

• Jade Warshaw: Paying for college is a privilege, not an obligation. The most important thing—money aside—is to have explicit conversations about expectations regarding education, finances, and responsibilities. (06:41–07:26)
  • Jade Warshaw: "The one thing you must do that is so, so important: you've got to have these conversations before the fact." (07:22)
• John Delony: Start discussing these issues as early as freshman year of high school.
  • John Delony: "It doesn't sneak up on you... it's a simple, reverse-engineering math problem. Say we're going to have this many dollars in an account to help you." (08:11)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John Delony: "I am as pro higher education as anybody... But you don't even know what you're putting money into, so I would not. One more penny." (01:01)
• Jade Warshaw: "I would not keep shelling out money for purposes that you don't know of or what it's being used for." (03:47)
• John Delony: "Something's not adding. Something's not right." (05:46)
• Jade Warshaw: "It doesn't make you a good parent or a bad parent if you can't afford to pay [for college]." (06:56)
• John Delony: "Start talking about it your freshman year of high school. It doesn't sneak up on you. It's like Christmas. It will be there in four years." (08:10)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:51 — Caller describes the situation: son studying abroad, seeking more money.
• 01:03 — Experts question supporting education without transparency.
• 01:36 — Total support so far: ~$10,000.
• 02:14 — Questions about grades, portfolio, and academic progress.
• 02:50 — Son's claims: illness, falling behind, new job.
• 03:38 — Skepticism about the son's situation.
• 03:47 — Importance of upfront expectations and communication.
• 05:04 — Even significant contributions from students merit investigation.
• 06:41 — Paying for college: privilege, not requirement.
• 07:26–08:11 — Explicit conversations, early planning, and expectation-setting.

Takeaways for Listeners

• Never provide financial support for educational purposes without clarity on what’s being studied and what the expected return is.
• Initiate ongoing, explicit conversations with children—ideally beginning well before college—about responsibilities, costs, and contributions.
• Paying for a child’s education is not required to be a good parent; setting and communicating clear expectations is far more vital.
• When in doubt, withhold financial support until there’s full transparency and joint agreement on plans.