"Please Don't Do This"

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Please Don't Do This"
The Ramsey Show Highlights
Release Date: March 20, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Please Don't Do This," The Ramsey Show Highlights features a heartfelt discussion between host Dave Ramsey, financial advisor John Delony, and a caller named Emily. Emily reaches out seeking guidance amidst a complex financial and familial situation involving her father’s alcoholism, her boyfriend's financial shortcomings, and the desire to purchase her late grandmother’s house. The episode delves deep into the intertwining of personal relationships and financial decisions, offering listeners valuable insights into navigating similar challenges.

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Caller’s Situation

Emily's Background and Dilemma

Emily, a 24-year-old, shares her current predicament: living with her father and recently losing her grandmother. They were contemplating buying her grandmother's house, but several obstacles have arisen.

• Family Dynamics and Financial Strain:
  Emily explains, “My dad has always been supported by her and he, since she's passed, is still not really going to work... he’s an alcoholic” (01:06).

• Joint Mortgage Concerns:
  Initially, Emily and her boyfriend intended to secure a mortgage together to buy the house. However, complications arose as her boyfriend's income was insufficient, and her father’s poor credit further jeopardized the mortgage approval.

• Debt Issues:
  Both Emily and her boyfriend are grappling with existing debts, adding another layer of complexity to their financial planning (01:21).

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Financial Risks Highlighted

John Delony’s Urgent Advice

John Delony emphatically advises Emily against proceeding with the joint mortgage arrangement:

• Strong Warning:
  “Please, please, please, please don't do what you're about to do... Please don't do this” (01:06).

• Banking Challenges:
  He highlights the bank’s perspective, stating, “The bank's job is to lend money... your situation is so uncertain and unsafe” (01:26).

• Potential Fallout:
  Delony warns of the financial and relational turmoil that could ensue, including legal complications of jointly owning property with a boyfriend and the strain on Emily’s romantic relationship and familial bonds (01:26; 02:26).

Dave Ramsey’s Reinforcement

Dave Ramsey echoes John’s sentiments, emphasizing the multitude of obstacles in Emily’s plan:

• Emotional and Practical Barriers:
  “There are so many, so many things in this... closed doors continuing to happen” (02:30).

• Questioning Motivations:
  Ramsey challenges Emily to introspect whether her desire to buy the house stems from sentimental attachment or a genuine need for homeownership (02:30).

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Emotional and Relational Considerations

Impact on Relationships

The discussion delves into the emotional toll of Emily’s situation:

• Guilt and Responsibility:
  Emily expresses feeling obligated to her father, especially concerning the potential inheritance and his inability to manage finances responsibly (03:13).

• Parental Influence:
  Delony touches on the long-term emotional strain, suggesting that Emily’s father’s alcoholism is a personal issue that Emily cannot fix (04:06).

• Future Relationship Strains:
  There’s concern that entangling business with love could lead to the deterioration of Emily’s romantic relationship should financial issues arise (02:26).

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Advice Provided

Strategic Financial Steps

Both Ramsey and Delony offer actionable advice to Emily:

• Debt Management:
  Ramsey advises, “Keep everything separate. And if you're working to pay off debt, that's incredible. But be paying off your debts” (05:01).

• Asset Liquidation:
  Delony recommends selling the auto loan-backed truck to alleviate financial burdens:
  “I would sell it next weekend. Have you looked into if you... do a private sale” (06:37; 06:48).

• Affordable Alternatives:
  After selling the truck, Delony suggests purchasing a reliable, low-cost vehicle to regain financial stability:
  “Then go buy a $5,000 Camry that will run forever” (07:09).

• Budgeting and Financial Education:
  Ramsey encourages Emily to utilize the EveryDollar app for budgeting and enroll in Financial Peace University with her boyfriend to build a solid financial foundation:
  “Make boyfriend watch it... sit down together and watch it” (07:57; 08:10).

Relational Guidance

Delony addresses the emotional challenges Emily will face:

• Anticipating Guilt from Father:
  “Your dad's gonna make you feel so guilty and he's gonna blame you” (08:41).

• Emphasizing Peace Over Financial Strain:
  The advisors collectively stress the importance of achieving financial peace over maintaining unsustainable financial arrangements (07:51; 07:56).

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Conclusions and Recommendations

Path Forward for Emily

The episode concludes with a clear, supportive roadmap for Emily:

1. Avoid Joint Financial Ventures:
   Heed the strong advice against proceeding with the mortgage under the current circumstances to prevent financial and relational fallout.

2. Eliminate Unnecessary Debt and Assets:
   Sell the truck to eliminate debt and invest in a more affordable vehicle, thereby freeing herself from financial strain.

3. Engage in Financial Education:
   Participate in Financial Peace University to gain comprehensive knowledge and strategies for long-term financial stability.

4. Prioritize Personal Financial Health:
   Focus on becoming debt-free, building an emergency fund, and saving for a future down payment independently of familial pressures.

5. Navigate Emotional Challenges:
   Prepare for the emotional difficulty of asserting financial independence from her father, recognizing that it is a necessary step towards personal peace and financial security.

Final Encouragement

Dave Ramsey and John Delony offer unwavering support, encouraging Emily to prioritize her financial well-being and emotional health:
“Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.” (07:56).

They commend her for seeking advice and reassure her of the positive changes that lie ahead with disciplined financial planning.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• John Delony:
  “Please, please, please, please don't do what you're about to do... Please don't do this.” (01:06)

• Dave Ramsey:
  “There are so many, so many things in this... closed doors continuing to happen.” (02:30)

• John Delony:
  “Then go buy a $5,000 Camry that will run forever.” (07:09)

• Dave Ramsey:
  “Make boyfriend watch it... sit down together and watch it.” (07:57)

• John Delony:
  “Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.” (07:56)

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Conclusion

In "Please Don't Do This," The Ramsey Show Highlights provides a comprehensive exploration of the intersection between personal relationships and financial decision-making. Emily's story serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities that arise when familial obligations and romantic relationships intertwine with financial responsibilities. Through empathetic dialogue and practical advice, Dave Ramsey and John Delony guide listeners toward prioritizing financial independence and emotional well-being, offering valuable lessons applicable to a wide audience facing similar challenges.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Emily]

Me and my dad were living with my grandmother and she recently passed away. I'm sorry and thank you. The situation, I guess we were looking to buy the house and I didn't really want to buy it unless it was given to me. And that was in conversation, but we didn't quite get to it. And my dad has always been supported by her and he, since she's passed, is still not really going to work. The reasons why he never really went is because he's an alcoholic. My boyfriend, he wanted to buy the house and I'm a big fan. I know you're not supposed to do that. So we did start the process of the mortgage lending and now my boyfriend doesn't make enough and then my dad's credit is too bad. So it really would only work if all three of us were in on it. But now that my dad still isn't proving to me that he can go to work, I guess I'm just looking for financial advice. What to do here.

[John Delony]

Please, please, please, please don't do what you're about to do. Yeah, please don't do that. You know in your guts that this is not a good idea. Please don't. And I know it will be hard, it'll be uncomfortable and your dad will get mad and you're going to feel guilty. All those things. Please don't do this.

[Emily]

Yep. Because I'm still in debt. My boyfriend is still in debt.

[John Delony]

Think of it this way. Think of it this way. The bank's job is to lend money. And they looked at your boyfriend and looked at your dad and they said y'all situation is so uncertain and unsafe that we can't, we will not do business with you. Please don't like. Not to mention Nick. You get the, you know, the mess and the legal mess of buying a house with a boyfriend and how to untangle all that mess. And I know you're going to be for together forever because we're in love. I know, but we wouldn't have a show if that it didn't work out all the time. And then you throw a dad with some significant challenges, man, it is just a recipe for you being just destroyed financially. Your romantic relationship ending up in ash. And then you and your father having. No, I mean you. You've tangled business with substance abuse with lifetime of y'all. You two having challenges with grief. I mean, it's just such a wreck. Walk away. Go get an apartment. Please, please, please.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old Are you?

[Emily]

Emily, I'm 24. Okay.

[John Delony]

No, please don't.

[Dave Ramsey]

Please don't. Yeah. There. There are so many, so many things in this. And in a weird way too, Emily, I feel like sometimes you can call it God, you can call it life, whatever you want. There's just closed doors that happen and it's like they're keep there. There's closed doors continuing to happen. You didn't have the conversation with your grandma. The bank isn't allowing, you know, your dad to fully have it. And then also then the boyfriend. And then you're going to have to come into play. I mean, like, do you do all of these things that are stopping you and, and I think, is it, is it your sentimental, you know, the sentimental idea of owning this house from your grandmother, or is it just, I want to own a house? Like, what? Give me some of the thought behind it for you.

[Emily]

Right. So this year was, we just got on the, you know, my boyfriend and I were like, hey, we're going to pay off our debt. We were going to, you know, get engaged and buy a house this year. But then when this happened, I guess now it just kind of feels like, you know, I know my dad has bad credit and when he gets this money from. Once the house is sold, there's three other brothers. So he'll probably get like $50,000. I know if he gets that, he's just gonna drain it. He can't go buy a house. So I guess part of it kind of felt like an obligation to what's going to happen to him. I know that's not my responsibility and I thought it would be easier to move on until it really came to, like, I don't know what he is going to do.

[John Delony]

You know, this is a really, really hard thing for me to say. Yeah, but you can't save your dad in the situation.

[Emily]

Yep. It's not my responsibility. I understand.

[John Delony]

Well, and I'm glad that. I mean, I know the cool thing these days is just to write off your parents. I, I don't believe in that. And I believe hanging in there as long as you can outside of like really abusive situations. And the thought of taking care of my parents like that, that consumes a lot of my thinking. So I, that's. That's not a bad thing. This isn't you helping him with bad financial decisions. And this isn't you helping an elderly parent. This is you thinking that maybe now he's going to look at you and say, I'm proud of you. Not. He's not going to.

[Emily]

Yeah, no, you're right.

[John Delony]

And you've been looking for that since you were a little bitty girl, wondering, why is he picking the bottle over me? And has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that he's got demons, man, and alcohol for him works right now, and he's gonna have to walk through that.

[Emily]

Yeah, I understand.

[John Delony]

And I hate that for you. I hate it for you. I do. I really do, man.

[Dave Ramsey]

And Emily, too. I would give you a little bit of word of caution with your boyfriend and even just the mixes of finances, because as you were saying, we were trying to pay off our debt and all this, keep everything separate. And if you're working to pay off debt, that's incredible. But be paying off your debts. How much debt do you have?

[Emily]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Me doing mine, him doing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, good, good, good, good, good. Yes.

[John Delony]

The number of people who call the show. And one, she's paid off all his debt, and then he finds some new hot young thing at the water park or whatever. Weird. Like. Like, you know what I mean? So, yeah, you pay off yours. Y'all can be each other's cheerleaders. Y'all can high five each other. But yeah, I don't pay off his debt yet.

[Emily]

Okay. And so you guys recommend apartments, save to buy the house, then get engaged.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, no, get engaged whenever.

[John Delony]

Yeah, get engaged today.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. I mean, if you guys are doing it, just do it now. Get engaged, get married. Yeah. I would be completely debt free and have a fully funded emergency fund of three to six months of expenses and then save at least a 5% for a down payment.

[Emily]

Okay, 5% for a down payment. Okay.

[John Delony]

And so that's probably going to be. What do you make?

[Emily]

What was that?

[John Delony]

How much money do you make?

[Emily]

I make. I think it's like 35 after taxes.

[John Delony]

How much do you owe in debt?

[Emily]

I have one auto loan and it was for my grandma actually, to get her boat around. She bought a boat for last summer because she said life is too short and she spent her funeral money. So. It's a truck. It's a $14,000 truck.

[John Delony]

Can you sell it?

[Emily]

I'm thinking about it. Yeah.

[John Delony]

I would sell it next weekend.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Have you looked into if you. If you sold a private seller, what, what, what it would come to?

[Emily]

I haven't yet. I think this all kind of just hit me today of like, okay, well, I'm not going to be able to do this.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, for sure. Emily. No, and I'm so glad you called. So I Would just go on Kelly blue book, type in the information. You know, it'll ask you some questions and just get. Don't do. Don't do a. A dealer. You know, do a private sale. You'll get more that way. And. Yeah. And. And that would be huge.

[John Delony]

You're free. Then go buy a $5,000 Camry that will run forever.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yes.

[John Delony]

And then you're. You're off to the races and. Can we.

[Emily]

Okay.

[John Delony]

Can we. I want you to see this. You have a real life picture. Most don't have this. You have a real life picture of what it looks like to not take care of your finances. To burn yourself to the ground trying to prop somebody else up who's not interested in your help. And then asking your granddaughter to buy a car so that you, in your last few months and years can yolo. You have a picture of that. I want you to try to consider what it would feel like to not owe anybody any money. To have your own house, to have a job where you're making more than 35,000 bucks.

[Dave Ramsey]

Savings in the bank.

[John Delony]

You got savings in the bank. You get what I'm saying? Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.

[Emily]

Peace.

[John Delony]

Let's solve for peace.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Emily, stay on the line. Christian's gonna pick up and we're gonna give you financial peace University. This is our nine lesson course. And just binge those videos just to kind of get.

[John Delony]

Make boyfriend watch it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah. You guys sit down together and watch it. Seriously.

[Emily]

This way.

[Dave Ramsey]

Good. Good. And we'll give you every dollar premium so that you can start really working this feeling of what John's saying, kind of painting this picture of. Yeah. What does this look like? To actually have a plan for my money, not only month to month, but in the next three, four, five, six years. And it's an amazing thing. I mean, it is so possible. And you're 24 years old and you are going to be able to make so many changes. So many changes in this. But there's some. But there's some.

[Emily]

I'm a huge fan.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. No, we're so excited for you. And there's some relational hurdles there too, in your life.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Delony]

Hey, can we make no mistake? It's going to. This is going to be awful.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Delony]

Your dad's gonna. Your dad is gonna make you feel so guilty and he's gonna blame you, and you can block him and you cannot respond. But it's gonna be hard. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not the next right thing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Emily, thanks. For the call. Stay away from water parks, right?

[John Delony]

I'm telling you, those boys go to water parks and they find new. Oh, my gosh.

[Dave Ramsey]

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.