Separate Our Finances To Stop The Money Fights?

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: Separate Our Finances To Stop The Money Fights?
Date: March 26, 2026
Host & Contributors: Rachel Cruze, Chris Hogan, Dave Ramsey
Main Theme: Should married couples separate finances to avoid money fights?

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener, Melissa, considering separating her finances from her husband after 13 years of marriage due to ongoing money disagreements. Rachel Cruze and Chris Hogan guide Melissa and listeners through the deeper issues at play, explaining why separating finances is not a cure for money fights and arguing that the underlying problem is marital, not financial. The discussion highlights the importance of unity, communication, and seeking professional help for marital discord involving money.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Melissa’s Situation & Motivation for Separating Finances

• Background: Melissa, married 13 years, managed finances as a stay-at-home mom but now works as a teacher. Handling finances, home, kids, and work has become difficult, especially due to constant disagreements with her husband about money management.
• Her Reasoning: She considers separating finances to "eliminate fighting" (01:59) since her husband disagrees on saving and getting out of debt.
  • Quote (Melissa, 01:59): “I feel like it would eliminate us fighting if he just spent his money and I did not know.”

2. Hosts’ Pushback: Separating Finances Solves Nothing

• Rachel & Chris’s Response: They assert this will worsen their marriage and financial situation, emphasizing that it's not a money problem, but a marriage problem.
  • Quote (Chris Hogan, 02:08): "He'll drag you down with him."
  • Quote (Rachel Cruze, 02:13): “Right now you’re the only thing holding this together.”
• Rachel (02:16):
  • “No, the money isn’t hard on the marriage. The selfishness is hard on the marriage.”
• Rachel (02:25): Sarcastically calls out the “he worked really hard” justification, stating, “So that gives him permission to constantly be at odds with his wife instead of coming into agreement… That’s selfishness.”
• Chris Hogan (04:45): "You don’t agree to stupidity. And so separating the finances is not going to give you a better marriage. It'll just brush the problem under the rug, makes it worse."

3. The Real Problem: Marriage, Not Money

• Rachel Cruze (03:51):
  • “You do not have a money problem. You have a marriage problem. So let’s not fix a marriage problem with a money solution. Let’s fix a marriage problem with a marriage solution.”
• Counseling Advocated:
  • They encourage Melissa to seek marriage counseling, suggesting that uncompromising financial disagreements are symptomatic of a deeper relationship rift.
  • Rachel’s Personal Example (04:36):
    • She shares that she and her husband went to counseling after ten years of marriage, likening it to hiring a tutor or trainer for skills they never learned.
    • “I hired a tutor… to give me skills and knowledge about marriage that I didn’t have from the home I grew up in… I didn’t know how to fix it by myself.”

4. Why Separating Finances is Counterproductive

• Implication of Acting Like Roommates:
  • Splitting up money can foster more division—“Are you going to split expenses and split the mortgage and split the utilities like roommates?” (Chris Hogan, 03:39)
• Long-Term Impact:
  • Rachel warns: “That’s gonna make it worse… you go off to your corner, he goes off to his corner…”
  • They say it creates further separation, rather than unity.

5. Broader Data: Unified Couples Build Wealth

• Rachel Cruze (07:01):
  • Cites a study of millionaires: “Very few, if almost none of the married couples that build wealth do it separately… 83% said, we work together.”
  • Adds: “The general public’s normal. And normal sucks. It’s broke. You don’t want to be normal.”
• Financial Unity as a “Wealth Multiplier”
  • Chris Hogan (08:21): “It’s a wealth multiplier to be on the same page financially, sharing the account. That’s just the facts of it, Melissa.”
• Most Common Caller Issue
  • Rachel Cruze (08:27): “All the years of doing this show, your call is the number one call we get. How do I get my reluctant spouse on board with your Ramsey stuff?”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Rachel Cruze (02:16):
  “No, the money isn’t hard on the marriage. The selfishness is hard on the marriage.”
• Chris Hogan (02:53):
  “It’ll separate you guys further.”
• Rachel Cruze (03:51):
  “You do not have a money problem. You have a marriage problem. So let’s not fix a marriage problem with a money solution.”
• Dave Ramsey (04:36):
  “I hired a personal trainer…to give me skills and knowledge about marriage that I didn’t have… So I need you to teach me something to be married as a better husband.”
• Chris Hogan (08:21):
  “It’s a wealth multiplier to be on the same page financially sharing the account. That’s just the facts of it, Melissa.”

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:07-01:49: Melissa explains her situation and reasons for wanting to separate finances.
• 01:49-02:55: Rachel and Chris challenge Melissa’s reasoning, steer focus toward underlying issues.
• 03:39-04:45: Discussion about the impracticality of splitting everything like roommates; advice to seek counseling.
• 04:36-06:36: Rachel shares her counseling experience; stresses couples need skills and tools to overcome disagreement.
• 06:36-08:27: Broader data on couples and wealth; reiterates the importance of unity in marriage and money.
• 08:27-08:40: Rachel highlights the frequency of this concern among callers.

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Summary Takeaway

The episode firmly reinforces the Ramsey principle that separating finances is not a solution to marital money issues—instead, unity, honest communication, and possibly marriage counseling are. Money fights stem from deeper relationship problems, not from the structure of bank accounts. Couples who build wealth and strength in their marriage do so together, not apart.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Melissa]

Chministries.org budget I'm considering separating my income from my husband. We've been married for 13 over 13 years.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why?

[Melissa]

Well, okay, for the most of our marriage I've been. I started off mostly at home and he went to work, we had babies and I would like, you know, manage the household, manage the finances. He knew he wasn't very good with money and he let me do it. My dad taught me a little bit and my dad even gave me like the, the baby steps book in like our first year of marriage.

[Rachel Cruze]

So now managed it all. So now you want to separate your money. Why?

[Melissa]

Well, when I went back to work full time, I'm a school teacher and about five years ago, once our youngest got into kindergarten, well, it was actually first grade. But it just got too hard for me to manage, you know, the finances, the household, the children, full time work, especially teaching. And I started asking him like, hey, I need help. And I felt like the biggest stress was always managing the money. And that was because we didn't agree on that area. Like I'm always trying to save and I was always trying to, trying to get us out of debt and everything. And he, he really didn't agree with the behavior methods.

[Chris Hogan]

So Melissa, is he misbehaving with money? You haven't answered the question. Oh, what problem does it solve for you to separate your money?

[Melissa]

Well, I feel like it would eliminate us fighting if he just spent his money and I did not know it'll

[Rachel Cruze]

cause him to be broke and you to be broke too.

[Chris Hogan]

He'll drag you down with him.

[Rachel Cruze]

Right now you're the only thing holding this together.

[Melissa]

But it's just really hard on the marriage. Like if that's like our.

[Rachel Cruze]

No, the money isn't hard on the marriage. The selfishness is hard on the marriage.

[Melissa]

But he's, you know, he's worked really hard.

[Rachel Cruze]

Call bull. We all work hard. Call the wambulance. Wah. He worked really hard. So that gives him permission to constantly be at odds with his wife instead of coming into agreement and deciding on what our future goals are together. Bull crap. That's selfishness.

[Melissa]

Agree with him.

[Rachel Cruze]

And I just, I know that's selfishness.

[Chris Hogan]

You don't agree to stupidity. And so separating the finances is not going to give you a better marriage. It'll just brush the problem under the

[Rachel Cruze]

rug, makes it worse.

[Chris Hogan]

It'll separate you guys further.

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Melissa]

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[Dave Ramsey]

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[Chris Hogan]

Makes it worse, it'll separate you guys further.

[Melissa]

Okay. Yes, sir.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, because he's going to burn all of his in the corner, and then you're going to be trying to run the whole family on yours.

[Chris Hogan]

And then are you going to split expenses and split the mortgage and split the utilities like roommates?

[Melissa]

I considered like, doing like, you know, I make significantly less than him.

[Rachel Cruze]

Like, okay, let's try. Let's try this. You do not have a money problem. You have a marriage problem. So let's not fix a marriage problem with a money solution. Let's fix a marriage problem with a marriage solution. You guys need to go see a marriage counselor. You need to sit down with your pastor, and it's time for you all to put this marriage together the first time completely that you ever have. Before, you were the mommy taking care of the little boy. Now the little boy's rising up and saying, I want to vote and I don't agree with everything you're doing. And the two of you can't find a language to reconcile in your relationship on your disagreements. That's not a money problem. That's a marriage problem.

[Melissa]

Yes, sir.

[Rachel Cruze]

So you guys get on the phone and get your marriage counselor booked. And it's not Sharon. I went to marriage counseling, Melissa. When we were been married 10 years, we were married 43. Now we went. We went broke when we were seven. At seven years. And so three years later, all the pissed off came to the surface from going broke because we about killed each other. But what we got at marriage counseling was not like, we're broke and you need to fix us. I looked at it as like, I hired a tutor, I hired a personal trainer to give me skills and knowledge about marriage that I didn't have from the home I grew up in. So I need you to teach me something to be married as a better husband. I need you to teach her something to be married as. As a better wife and teach us language and processes to get through arguments like this and come to a conclusion. And so I just looked at it as I hired a personal trainer. I hired a. Hired a tutor. You know, and I'm trying to get knowledge tools in my belt because I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to fix it by myself. And y' all don't know how to fix it by yourself, but it's not separating the money. And you go off to your corner, and he goes off to his corner. That's gonna make it worse. So I would say the two of you, not because you're broken, not because you're all screwed up, but you have some things you need to learn that you've never learned in 13 years about how to talk to each other, how to Bible says, submit yourselves one to another, how to put the other person first. That's what I was talking about, selfishness. And I've been doing this 43 years, and it's still hard because I'm still right and she's still wrong. But I told her, if she leaves, I'm going with her. So there you go. But that's it. I mean, you know, it's hard, you know, and to navigate through this, you guys, you and Whitney had a bit of an advantage in that you started out as financial peace test tube babies here.

[Chris Hogan]

That's right. She worked here at Ramsey. And I thought, if she's good enough to work for Dave Ramsey, she's good enough for me, probably too good for me. And I was right.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's true. But, yeah, it was easy.

[Chris Hogan]

But I have found Dave. People that get married, they're not unified on money, but they go, well, he's just bad with money. Just a personality trait.

[Rachel Cruze]

And then when I start picking on him, she says, oh, he works hard. Oh, give me a. I think he

[Chris Hogan]

works too hard to be this broken, selfish, and childish.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, there we go.

[Chris Hogan]

So there's one.

[Rachel Cruze]

Boom. Drop that mic on it. Yeah. So, folks, here's the thing. What we found in 35, almost 40 years of helping people build wealth, get out of debt so that they can build wealth. Build wealth so that they can change their family tree and be outrageously generous. You know, there's a couple things we're sure of. Very few, if almost none of the married couples that build wealth do it separately. When we did the largest study of millionaires, we said, how many of you work together with your spouse, and how many of you work separate? 83% said, we work together. The general public says, less than 50% says, we'll work together. But the general public's normal. And normal sucks. It's broke. You don't want to be normal. And so if you want an advantage to building wealth, it's learn to work together with your spouse, be unified in a desired future, as our friend Henry Cloud says. And then you say, okay, how does this discussion we're having affect that future? You're wanting to buy something we can't afford. It affects that future. You want to be irresponsible with money? It affects that future. We've agreed that this is the future we want. We've got an agreed upon desired future. And anything that affects that negatively, hey, we need to look at it.

[Chris Hogan]

It's a wealth multiplier to be on the same page financially sharing the account. That's just the facts of it, Melissa.

[Rachel Cruze]

All the years of doing this show, your call is the number one call we get. How do I get my reluctant spouse on board with your Ramsey stuff? How do we get agreement in our house? It's the number one call we get.

[Dave Ramsey]

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