Should I Get My Ex’s Wages Garnished?

Summary

Episode Summary: Should I Get My Ex’s Wages Garnished?

Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network delves into a complex financial and familial dilemma presented by Kayla, a 28-year-old mother navigating the aftermath of her divorce. The discussion focuses on the challenges of enforcing child support payments and managing joint debt, particularly in the context of an ex-partner struggling with alcoholism. Host Dave Ramsey, alongside co-host George, provides insights and actionable advice to help Kayla—and listeners in similar situations—navigate these turbulent waters.

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1. Kayla’s Personal and Financial Situation

Kayla’s Background

Kayla begins by sharing her personal story, detailing her marriage at 24, the purchase of a home, and the birth of her daughter. However, her ex-husband's battle with alcoholism led her to make the difficult decision to leave the marriage, primarily for the safety of their child.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (00:13): "My ex and I. I'm 28. We got married when I was 24. You know, we did all the right things."

Financial Challenges Post-Divorce

Post-divorce, Kayla faces significant financial hurdles. Despite agreeing to a modest child support payment of $200 a month, her ex-husband has largely failed to comply, contributing sporadically and inconsistently.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (01:43): "He makes a big payment, you know, to give him off his back."

Additionally, Kayla shares concerns about a joint truck loan amounting to $30,000, where her ex still holds responsibility, causing ongoing financial strain.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (00:16): "Because of her safety, I ultimately decided to leave."

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2. Issues with Child Support Enforcement

Lack of Enforcement Mechanisms

Kayla explains that the child support agreement was informal, lacking official enforcement, which has allowed her ex-husband to neglect his financial obligations without repercussions.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (01:46): "We don't have it enforced. I haven't, like, gone through the child support division."

Discrepancy Between Agreed and Court-Determined Support

While Kayla agreed to $200 a month, the court initially suggested a more substantial amount of $800. The discrepancy arises from the informal arrangement lacking legal enforcement.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (01:49): "The courts actually said his child support would be about 800, but again, yeah."

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3. Managing Joint Debt: The Truck Loan

Joint Responsibility and Lender’s Stance

The truck loan remains a significant financial burden. Despite the divorce agreement, the lender insists that Kayla remains responsible for the debt unless her ex refinances, which he shows no interest in doing.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (02:03): "On paper, it does say that he is responsible for that."

Impact on Kayla’s Finances

This unresolved debt affects Kayla’s financial stability, as missed payments threaten her credit and financial plans. She seeks advice on whether to pursue legal action to remove her name from the loan.

• Quote:
  • Kayla (02:14): "I'm just kind of wondering, like, if there's anything I can do to kind of get off that."

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4. Dave Ramsey’s Guidance: Prioritizing Well-being and Setting Boundaries

Focus on Child’s Stability Over Minor Finances

Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the child’s safety and well-being over the $200 monthly support payment. He suggests that the primary concern should be addressing the ex’s alcoholism and ensuring a stable environment for their daughter.

• Quote:
  • Dave (04:48): "My number one concern, if you were my sister, would be ... there's a boundary there."

Encouraging Strong Boundaries

Ramsey advises Kayla to set firm boundaries, highlighting that leniency has allowed her ex to continue neglecting his responsibilities.

• Quote:
  • Dave (05:34): "There's no matter how nice and sweet he is... there needs to be a boundary there."

Focusing on Financial Stability

While understanding Kayla's reluctance to push for the $200 payment, Ramsey underscores the importance of seeking legal assistance to enforce child support, balancing emotional and financial well-being.

• Quote:
  • Dave (06:10): "I might go to the court and go, I need some help with this. And you let him know."

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5. George’s Input: Legal Enforcement and Financial Future

Pushing for Legal Action

Co-host George supports Ramsey’s advice, urging Kayla to return to court to enforce the child support decree and address the truck loan. He highlights the necessity of legal backing to compel her ex to meet his obligations.

• Quote:
  • George (07:07): "He's responsible for what?"

Emphasizing Financial Independence

George underscores the importance of not allowing the ex to continue benefiting from their shared debts and stresses the need to protect Kayla’s financial future by taking decisive legal steps.

• Quote:
  • George (07:21): "You need to go back to the courts and say, here's everything on paper."

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6. Conclusion: Taking Control of Finances and Family Stability

Holistic Approach to Resolution

The hosts collectively advise Kayla to adopt a holistic approach, addressing both financial obligations and the emotional well-being of her child. They encourage her to seek legal enforcement of child support and resolve joint debts to secure a stable future.

• Final Advice:
  • Focus on legal avenues to enforce child support and remove her name from joint debts.
  • Prioritize the child’s safety and stability over minor financial gains.
  • Establish strong boundaries to prevent further neglect of responsibilities by the ex.

Inspirational Closing

Dave Ramsey concludes with a motivating note, stressing the importance of proactive budgeting and financial planning to regain control over her financial situation.

• Quote:
  • Dave (07:34): "Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life."

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Key Takeaways

• Enforce Legal Agreements: Informal agreements lack enforcement, making it crucial to seek legal avenues to ensure compliance with child support and debt obligations.

• Prioritize Child’s Well-being: The safety and stability of the child should take precedence over minor financial discrepancies.

• Set Strong Boundaries: Allowing neglect of responsibilities can lead to prolonged financial and emotional strain. Firm boundaries are essential.

• Seek Financial Independence: Resolving joint debts and establishing individual financial stability is vital for long-term well-being.

• Utilize Expert Advice: Leveraging the expertise of financial advisors and legal professionals can provide the necessary support to navigate complex financial and familial situations.

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Notable Quotes for Reflection

• Kayla (03:17): "I have a daughter... she's two."
• Dave (05:21): "He needs to hit rock bottom."
• George (07:07): "You need to go back to the courts and say, here's everything on paper."
• Dave (07:34): "Create your free every dollar budget today."

This episode underscores the intricate balance between financial responsibilities and personal well-being, offering valuable insights for individuals facing similar challenges in their personal lives.

Transcript

[Dave]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Kayla]

Hi. I. It seems kind of silly, and I'll try to keep this short, but I'm a pretty long winded talker.

[Dave]

I know that I am, too.

[Kayla]

My ex and I. I'm 28. We got married when I was 24. You know, we did all the right things. We got married, we bought a house, we got the toys to go along with it. Um, we had a daughter, and he's really struggled with alcoholism. And because of her safety, I ultimately decided to leave. Um, he does not pay child support. In our divorce, I said, you know, 200 bucks a month, I'll take care of it. You know, at that point, I had been doing it by myself for so long that I was like, you know, it really doesn't matter. My main thought at that time was, I try to give him, I think, more grace than he probably should. I wanted him to be able to get back on his feet. He was living with his mom, and, you know, the trucks that we had bought was $30,000. We got a loan, put five down. He owed 25 or we owned 20 or owed 25. And I just got a statement from them, and this has been a couple years now that there is still $25,000 left. And so what happens is he doesn't make any payments. They threaten to take it. He makes a big payment, you know, to give him off his back. And I've talked to the lender and said, you know, what can I do? And they're basically saying nothing unless he refinances, which he has no interest in doing. So between the truck getting behind and then, like, he doesn't pay child support. I think he's paid it once. Last December. He paid me the $200.

[George]

Who told him it was optional.

[Kayla]

Well, so our. We don't have it enforced. I haven't, like, gone through the child support division. We just put it on paper in our divorce. I can make the call today to do it. The courts actually said his child support would be about 800, but again, yeah.

[George]

I was gonna say it sounds low.

[Kayla]

Like, keep the truck payment current and, you know, we'll kind of go from there.

[Dave]

Because the truck is in your name as well.

[Kayla]

Yeah. And so I'm just kind of wondering, like, if there's anything I can do to kind of get off that and if I should call and get the child support just taken out. My fear is whenever I've got this up to him, he kind of withdraws and stops Taking our daugh. And I just. I know it's not my responsibility to keep their relationship good, but I do feel, you know, an obligation because she's so young to at least buy some time for her to make the choice on how they're progressive. She's two.

[Dave]

Yeah. Is he stable? Is he stable now at least and from an employment and living on his own, or is he still with Mama?

[Kayla]

Not. He's still with Mom. And he's actually never taken me off of the joint account we had, so I don't use it, but I can see it. I imagine there's some cash coming through that I don't see because I've never seen a payment to his mom. I've never seen any sort of large withdrawal from the account. I mean, it's literally all. I'm sorry, it's alcohol. It's $30 at gas stations here and there, the occasional gas stop.

[Dave]

Does he have a job?

[Kayla]

$100 at Walmart, you know. Yeah. Yeah, he has a job. And from what I can say, he gets about $800 a week through that job.

[Dave]

What is his job?

[Kayla]

He doesn't help. I'm. I think he's working construction now, doing concrete. And he just. I mean, he doesn't. He doesn't do daycare. He doesn't. He sees her on Monday and Wednesdays for a couple hours, and then he sees her. He gets her for an overnight on Friday.

[Dave]

And if he were to be paying you, if he were being. Sorry to interrupt, but if he were to pay you $200 a month, would it make that much difference to you?

[Kayla]

Well, that's why I'm kind of, like, torn, because I'm working through the baby steps on my own to just try to get ahead. I've got two credit cards that. I mean, my debt's less than 5,000. My car, I paid off when we sold our house. Like, I'm doing okay unless I'm kind of like, is it even worth ruffling the feathers? But at the same time, I'm like, it's been, you know, a year and a half, and you haven't done anything, and you're flaking on taking her all the time. So if you're not going to at least see.

[George]

Kayla, you're the sweetest person I've ever talked to. You have spent your whole life trying to avoid. Feathers is getting ruffled.

[Dave]

You're very kind.

[George]

At some point, you can't let people walk all over you like this.

[Dave]

What's that? Say that part again.

[Kayla]

He's a good. He's a good friend to his friends. He's a good. You know, but he's just not a good partner, and he's not been a great dad up until.

[George]

You can be a great drinking buddy and be a terrible husband.

[Kayla]

Yes.

[Dave]

Well, I would say this. Yeah.

[Kayla]

And that's kind of.

[Dave]

If I were. If you were my sister, that's how I'm going to react to this. If you were my sister, I would be saying, I would be putting up strong boundary because my concern is the alcoholism and the time. Like, my number one concern is not the $200. I'll get to that in a second. My number one concern, if you were my sister, would be, that's my niece. That's your daughter. And. And I don't like her with an alcoholic father. I don't care how nice and sweet he is and how many stuffed animals he buys. There needs to be a boundary there. And he.

[Kayla]

He needs.

[Dave]

He needs to hit rock bottom. And as long as he's staying with mom and he gets to see your daughter, he's not hitting rock bottom. So I would be dealing with that. If it were just the $200, I would say forget it, because it's not worth the fight, and I'm not sure it is. And I'm still on that Note of. It's $2,400 a year. Sure, it'd be great for you to get it to George's point. He owes it, but George, I'm more concerned about the. The alcoholism, the custody, and I might use the $200. I might go to the court and go, I need some help with this. And you let him know. Give him some fair warning.

[Kayla]

Hey, listen, I'm very transparent with him. I sent him a long message last week. I said, here's kind of where I'm at. Like, I need you to think about this because we can't continue what we're doing.

[Dave]

Did he respond?

[Kayla]

I do have solace. Yeah. He just. He just kind of says, okay, you know, I'll see what I can do. But I know nothing will come. I have comfor when he. Because he's living with his mom, and I know her mom, and we have an okay relationship. That my daughter's at least safe while she's there, because.

[Dave]

Right.

[Kayla]

They're there, you know, so I'm like. I have. Part of me is like, don't move out of your home.

[Dave]

Well, then I wouldn't mess around. I mean, George, what do you think?

[George]

I. I just feel like. Did you go through the courts for this. Was there a decree?

[Kayla]

Yes. So everything was actually finalized this month on the 18th.

[George]

So why did the judge not finalize and say, hey, he's got to refinance, sell or pay this car off, enforce it as part of the deal?

[Kayla]

So they did. So on paper, it does say that he is responsible for that because, I mean, I gave him. Literally, I gave him.

[George]

He's responsible for what?

[Kayla]

For the truck loan. But the lender is saying, well, you signed the loan, so you're not off the hook.

[George]

Well, they need to force the decree would then force a refinance in order to get your name off of it. And so you need to go. It's not going to be fun. You got to go back to the courts and say, here's everything on paper. Which, by the way, is now the law of what he has to do.

[Dave]

And he's not doing it.

[George]

And as long as you keep letting him not do it, he's gonna keep not doing it. And so I'm. I would not have as much grace as you. I'm gonna fight this on behalf of my own family and my own financial future.

[Dave]

If I were ever governor of a state, one of the first things I'd do is a deadbeat dad policy, and I'd put them to hard work, hard labor, until they shaped up. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.