Should I Go Though With An Arranged Marriage?

Summary

Summary of "Should I Go Through With An Arranged Marriage?" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: February 17, 2025

In this compelling episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, host Dave Ramsey, along with co-host John, delves into a sensitive and culturally nuanced topic: arranged marriages. The episode centers around a heartfelt call from Adam, a 19-year-old American-born Muslim facing pressure from his family to enter an arranged marriage with a wealthy Moroccan woman. This detailed summary captures the key discussions, insights, and conclusions drawn during the conversation.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Navigating Family Expectations and Personal Insecurities

The episode opens with Adam reaching out to seek advice about an impending arranged marriage. At 00:10, Adam shares his anxiety:

Adam [00:10]: "I'm expecting to get married in the next year and a half. And the person I'm expecting to get married to comes from a lot of money."

Adam expresses concern over his ability to match the affluent lifestyle of his potential bride, feeling inadequate due to his current status as a student with an unstable career path.

Adam [00:30]: "He makes a lot of money. And I know that that type of wealth that she comes from is only available if you're an entrepreneur or businessman... I'm not too confident that I could match that."

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Initial Responses: Encouragement and Reality Check

Dave Ramsey and John immediately address Adam's fears. Dave succinctly puts it:

Dave Ramsey [00:30]: "You can't."

John reinforces this sentiment, emphasizing that financial disparity shouldn't deter Adam from pursuing the marriage.

John [00:31]: "You can't let it ride, dude."

Dave probes deeper to understand Adam's feelings and whether external pressures are influencing his decision.

Dave Ramsey [01:20]: "Is the issue you... got to get over that, but I understand you feeling that. Or is it her? Is she. Is she putting pressure on you?"

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Exploring the Nature of the Arranged Marriage

Adam clarifies the situation, revealing that this arrangement is heavily orchestrated by his mother, who has successfully arranged marriages for his seven siblings.

Adam [02:23]: "Me and the dad hit it off... And this is actually, we went to the wedding and things of that nature."

Dave questions the depth of Adam's connection with his prospective spouse, highlighting the lack of personal relationship:

Dave Ramsey [03:16]: "Do you want to marry this girl or not?"

Adam admits minimal interaction, which concerns both Ramsey and John.

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Cultural Context and Familial Pressure

The conversation shifts to the cultural and generational aspects influencing Adam's situation. Adam explains his family's background:

Adam [07:14]: "I'm born in America, raised in America. But my father’s from Yemen. Yeah, we're Muslim, they're Moroccan."

Ramsey acknowledges the cultural complexities but differentiates Adam's scenario from traditional arranged marriages, suggesting that familial pressure is the driving force.

Dave Ramsey [07:26]: "This is a generational thing for your parents. This is a very normal thing for them to arrange or insist."

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Advice from Ramsey and John: Encouraging Personal Autonomy

Dave Ramsey and John offer candid advice, urging Adam to prioritize his own desires and the authenticity of his relationship over familial obligations.

John [04:01]: "None of the things you're saying matter because you got in the arranged boat and you took off down, down the river."

Ramsey emphasizes the importance of Adam's personal agency, suggesting that entering the marriage without genuine connection could lead to unhappiness.

Dave Ramsey [05:54]: "I hope you remember my voice multiple times tonight before you go to bed. Please don't do this."

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Concluding Thoughts: Empowering Young Adults to Make Their Own Choices

The episode concludes with Ramsey and John reinforcing the significance of Adam making a personal choice free from undue pressure. They highlight the importance of mutual love and understanding in a marriage, rather than adherence to financial or cultural expectations alone.

John [08:10]: "If this is... your family practice, you're not on board with this woman, they're going to at some point they close the door. And it's just y'all too."

Dave Ramsey [09:04]: "Adam needs to fall in love."

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Key Takeaways

1. Personal Autonomy Over Arranged Expectations: While cultural traditions like arranged marriages hold significance, personal happiness and mutual love should take precedence.

2. Financial Insecurities Are Not a Barrier: Dave Ramsey and John emphasize that financial status should not be the sole determinant in such life-altering decisions.

3. Importance of Genuine Connection: Establishing a real relationship with one's partner is crucial for a successful and fulfilling marriage.

4. Family Pressure vs. Individual Choice: Navigating familial expectations requires courage and self-awareness to balance cultural practices with personal desires.

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This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights offers a thoughtful exploration of the tensions between cultural traditions and individual aspirations, providing listeners with valuable insights on handling complex personal and familial dilemmas.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by Y Refi Refinance your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey.

[Adam]

I'm expecting to get married in the next year and a half. And the person I'm expecting to get married to comes from a lot of money.

[Dave Ramsey]

Uh.

[Adam]

Oh. And yeah. And as someone that's in school and expecting to have a stable career, I'm a little nervous because I don't think I can match that lifestyle that she's been spoken.

[Dave Ramsey]

You can't.

[John]

You can't let it ride, dude.

[Adam]

I mean, her father's an entrepreneur and he makes a lot. He makes a lot of money. And I know that that type of wealth that she comes from is only available if you're an entrepreneur or businessman or have her own thing going on and all. Honesty, I'm not too confident that I could match that.

[Dave Ramsey]

I thought we just covered.

[John]

You can't.

[Dave Ramsey]

And John said, let it go.

[John]

How do you think. How do you think any of the men marrying Dave Ramsey's daughters felt? You don't. And you know what? Both of those men, I know them, they're friends of mine, they're confident, they're smart, and they do good work. But they ever gonna have $750 million.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's right.

[Adam]

And yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is the issue you. Which we would understand that you got to get over that, but I understand you feeling that. Or is it her? Is she. Is she putting pressure on you? I mean, what's. What's the reason for this call? What. What can we help you with?

[Adam]

Well, I don't know her too well is the issue. It's sort of an arranged marriage type of situation.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, hold up. Now we're digging in. Hold on. So are you actually engaged? Because you started off the call saying, I'm going to get married in about a year and a half. Is there a ring?

[Adam]

Well, there's not a ring.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are there animals going back and forth with the arranged marriage, like 150 goats? What are we doing?

[Adam]

Well, she's from Morocco, as you know, Freda mentioned my cousin married her sister actually. And this is. Actually, we went to the wedding and things of that nature. And the way it works is she asked her dad and her dad came to me and her dad said, are you married? And I said, no, I'm not. I'm actually 19 years old. I'm not married. And we kind of hit it off from there.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, who hit it off? You and the dad or you and this girl?

[Adam]

Me and the dad. I really talked. I talked to him that's what I thought.

[Dave Ramsey]

I thought I heard you say me and Pops hit it off, and I think I might marry his daughter.

[John]

I don't know if you know this, but she is a key component of this marriage. Not y'all are setting up.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not really. Not with this deal. Is it really an arranged marriage?

[Adam]

Yes. Yes, sir, not yes. My mom. My mom and dad. Mainly my mom. I actually have seven siblings and my mom trying to get each of us arranged, and I'm the last one. And she always wanted. She's always talked about it, all this. And when she came in contact with her parents, like, done deal. They don't like the word arranged. We use the word insisted. I don't know if that's.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think that's probably the better word. I think that's what it is. I think that's actually the right word. Let me ask you this. Where are you at on this deal? Do you want to do this? I don't care how cool Pops is or not.

[Adam]

Well, I mean, she's pretty. She's really pretty.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, no, bro, you're not answering my question. And I think I know the answer. Do you want to marry this girl or not?

[Adam]

I think. I think I do.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, you don't.

[John]

You don't even know her.

[Dave Ramsey]

You want to please your mom is what you want to do. You want to make your mom happy because she insists that you marry this wealthy Moroccan girl.

[Adam]

Well, for me, honesty. Oh, I. I understand that. I talked to her. I forgot to mention I talked to her here and there. Like, not nothing crazy, nothing like marrying.

[Dave Ramsey]

Somebody that I talk to here and there. That's an acquaintance.

[John]

What are you doing?

[Dave Ramsey]

Why you.

[Adam]

I. And I believe I will marry this girl. In all honesty, I saw set up. Basically set in stone.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. In all honesty, why did you call.

[John]

It matter that you called?

[Dave Ramsey]

John and I want to help you. But we've already told you how we feel.

[Adam]

Yes, sir. So how can we help Mention that. Well, I'm set up for a stable career later on down the road, and I. Again, I don't know how to. I can't match this lifestyle. I really. I don't know her.

[John]

Hold on.

[Dave Ramsey]

Listen, Adam, I feel like we're on a hamster wheel.

[John]

Yeah. None of the things you're saying matter. It doesn't matter that you don't. That you've. Hold on. It doesn't matter that you don't talk to her regularly. It doesn't matter that you haven't been on dates. It doesn't matter that you haven't kissed her yet. It doesn't matter any of that. None of that matters because you said this thing's arranged. So if it's arranged and you as a grown man in the United States of America are going to get in that boat and say, all right, mom, you're going to direct the rest of my life then, bro, it doesn't matter what you make. It doesn't matter any of that stuff because you got in the arranged boat and you took off down, down the river.

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you care?

[John]

Let that be. If you want to be a grown up and decide, I love you, I want to create a life with you, us two, as two individual adults, creating one, not letting my mom and your dad drive our future. If you want to do that, then yes, I get there being feelings like, man, I didn't make as much money as your dad. You're gonna have different lifestyle. We may have Honda lifestyle when you're used to a Alexis lifestyle. That's all well and good, but that's not your situation right now, dude. So just get. If you. If that's what the choice you're making, get in the boat, prop your feet up and put your hands behind your head and then just ride on down down the river, down to the ocean, man.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Yes, sir.

[John]

Does that make sense?

[Adam]

It makes sense. It makes sense.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you called us saying, guys, I don't know what to do. I don't think I can provide for her. Doesn't matter. She chose you. And pops chose you, it sounds like. Or the two of them got together and said, this is my guy and you're just gonna go along with it. So therefore it doesn't matter if she's disappointed. It's got to be the greatest get out of jail husband card of all time. Like.

[John]

And Adam, for what it's worth, absurd. How old are you, man?

[Adam]

19.

[John]

I tell 19 year olds to get off their parents cell phone plan, much less their marriage arrangement plans. So knock your lights up, man. You're an uncharted water for me.

[Dave Ramsey]

So I would tell pops to get you a good job. That's what I would do.

[John]

Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

What are you worried about? Why are we even going to school? I mean, this guy's wealthy and he selected you. The whole thing is foreign to me, Adam. And we're having a little bit of fun with it because quite frankly, it's so absurd I can laugh with it. And what and what is absurd is I'm not insulting other. I probably already have, but we'll get over it. The absurdity is your attitude towards it. I, I, I'm not going to judge another culture and arranged marriages. I don't get it.

[John]

But I'm also feel like a cultural practice. This feels like an overbearing mom.

[Adam]

Yeah, you can say that.

[Dave Ramsey]

What culture, what culture you come from? Are you, are you an American family?

[Adam]

Oh, I was born in, I'm born in America, raised in America. But my, my, my father's from Yemen. Yeah. We're Muslim, they're Moroccan. So there's obviously some differences.

[Dave Ramsey]

This is a generational thing for your parents. This is a very normal thing for them to arrange or insist.

[Adam]

Yeah. My, my parents weren't arranged. My, my dad's parents were arranged and their parents were arranged.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. It's what I'm getting at. So I don't understand it, but I'm not, I'm not knocking the tradition because I don't understand it. And I want to be very clear. Our large audience on that. What I'm saying absurd is your response to this because I feel like you got an option to go Deuces, I'm out. Or I kind of think I'm gonna do it. And yet you called us to go. What do I do? And I just, I'm pleading with you and I mean this. I hope you remember my voice multiple times tonight before you go to bed. Please don't do this. John, Am I right? You can hear it all over him.

[John]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

He feels like he has to do.

[John]

Yeah, that's the thing, Adam. If this is a like the. I've actually looked at the data on the traditional cultural arranged practices. It's remarkable, it's robust. But there's entire family systems around these new married couples and families and all that. So I'm with you, Ken. Not knocking it at all. This doesn't sound like that. It sounds like a mom that wants to make sure her boys marry somebody who's going to have a lot of wealth. Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And good on mom. She, she got you there.

[John]

Well, she got you. Yeah. You though, Adam, aren't in. And if you're not a part in to the cultural practice, if you're not on board with the family practice, you're not on board with this woman that you are going. They're going to at some point they close the door. And it's just y'all too.

[Dave Ramsey]

This is, this is awful. But I'm going to be real okay. If I was in Adam's situation and the father approached me and we're hanging out and we're bros and he goes hey, by the way, my daughter over there, it's my fourth one. Would you like to marry her? She thinks you're cute. I'd go, let's talk terms.

[John]

Yeah, I would be like, can I.

[Dave Ramsey]

Get an offer sheet?

[John]

I need to run to the bathroom real quick. And I would go to Washington, D.C. and I would never be seen again.

[Dave Ramsey]

That true, but I mean, if we're going to do all this, let's go.

[John]

All right.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's the job? Do we got a slush fund? This is wackadoodle. I don't know how else to process that. Oh, Adam, he needs to fall in love.

[John]

Hey, let us know. Send us a wedding invite. Me and Kid May show up.

[Dave Ramsey]

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