Should I Let My Girlfriend Pay Off My Debt?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: Should I Let My Girlfriend Pay Off My Debt?
Date: September 27, 2025
Host: Dave Ramsey with Financial Expert/Co-host
Podcast Network: Ramsey Network

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Overview

This episode centers on a caller grappling with a moral and practical dilemma: Should he allow his girlfriend to pay off his $35,000 debt? The conversation quickly shifts from financial details to deeper principles about relationships, personal responsibility, and the unintended consequences of mixing money and romance before marriage. Dave Ramsey and his co-host offer direct advice, warn against the pitfalls of financial entanglement outside of marriage, and provide memorable real-life examples to drive their advice home.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Should You Let a Girlfriend Pay Off Your Debt?

• Caller’s Situation: The caller is considering accepting his girlfriend’s “extremely generous offer” to pay off his debt, aiming to free up money for frequent visits in their long-distance relationship (Canada & Switzerland).
• Immediate Response:
  • Dave Ramsey [00:26]: "No."
  • Dave emphasizes that paying off a partner’s debt is something reserved for marriage, not dating.

2. Relationship Context Matters

• Both Are Divorced: The caller and his girlfriend have both previously been married.
• Long-Distance Strain: The caller feels that paying off his debt could increase visit frequency, but Ramsey and the co-host challenge that logic.
• Co-host [02:05]: "What she's saying is I'd rather pay $35,000 than $1,600 for to go to Canada. That doesn't make sense mathematically or logically."

3. Personal Responsibility

• Caller’s Plan: He aims to pay off debt by next summer, earning $85,000 gross per year with $35,000 in debt.
• Advice:
  • The co-host suggests honesty with the girlfriend: “I think it’s my responsibility to pay off my debt. We’re not married. I don’t want to put you in that situation…your support for me would be if you could come visit me while I’m busy paying off this debt.” [02:25]
• Ramsey underscores the importance of self-reliance before merging finances in a committed marriage.
  • Dave Ramsey [03:01]: "You’re going to change the tune of the relationship. You're going to change the whole thing if she pays me off your debt."

4. How Money Changes Relationships

• Classic Problems:
  • Financial entanglements often lead to emotional complications and “changed relationships.”
  • Example: Lending money to friends or family can harm relationships.
    • Dave Ramsey [03:01]: “If you loan your brother-in-law $100 and he never speaks to you again, is it worth the money?”
• Distance Plus Debt Equals Danger:
  • Co-host [03:42]: "You already have distance working against you. You definitely don’t need borrowed money working against you."

5. Extreme Cases & Cautionary Tales

• Worst Case Shared by Ramsey [04:15]:
  • A man bought a house with his girlfriend; when he died, she ended up co-owning the house with her deceased partner’s mother.
  • Dave Ramsey [04:51]: "She’s not his heir. They’re not married."
  • Lessons: Do not buy houses or cars or pay debts for someone you’re not married to—“Crap happens and you’re going to get sideways and you have a problem.”
• Car Co-signing Example:
  • Co-host [05:12]: Man co-signs girlfriend’s car loan; after breakup, she stops paying.
  • Dave Ramsey [05:33]: “Then you better add it to your debt, snowball.”

6. Planning for the Unexpected

• Begin with the End in Mind:
  • Referencing Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”
  • Dave Ramsey [05:59]: "Begin with everything possibly falling apart…in mind and you’ll go, ‘Oh, I would never do that.’"
• Experience vs. Optimism:
  • Dave Ramsey [06:13]: “You know there’s only one way it works. And it never works that way. Nothing ever works the way it’s supposed to. Ever.”
• Avoiding “Nightmare” Outcomes:
  • Dave Ramsey [06:33]: “We’re not dream killers, we’re nightmare killers. Because your little dream is going to be a nightmare and we’re going to kill it before we can let it grow. Kill it now. Stomp that thing.”

7. Wisdom for Success

• Learning from Experience:
  • Most success comes from lessons learned, not flawless first attempts.
  • Co-host [07:16]: “Most success is a result of something that was learned, not a bright idea that was executed the right way the first time.”
  • Dave Ramsey [07:25]: “What we think is going to work doesn’t make it through beta…it doesn’t make it through alpha.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey [00:26]: “No.” (To the caller’s question about accepting girlfriend’s offer to pay his debt)
• Co-host [02:05]: “What she’s saying is, ‘I’d rather pay $35,000 than $1,600 to go to Canada.’ That doesn’t make sense mathematically or logically.”
• Dave Ramsey [03:01]: “You’re going to change the tune of the relationship... if she pays me off your debt.”
• Dave Ramsey [03:18]: “What happens when you loan people money is it changes the relationship.”
• Dave Ramsey [04:15]: “Do not pay debts for people you’re not married to. Do not buy houses and cars for or with people you’re not married to. Crap happens and you’re going to get sideways and you have a problem.”
• Co-host [03:42]: “You already have distance working against you. You definitely don’t need borrowed money working against you."
• Dave Ramsey [05:59]: “Begin with everything possibly falling apart…in mind and you’ll go, ‘Oh, I would never do that.’”
• Dave Ramsey [06:33]: “We’re not dream killers, we’re nightmare killers...your little dream is going to be a nightmare and we’re going to kill it before we can let it grow. Kill it now. Stomp that thing.”

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Important Timestamps

• 00:10: Caller introduces his dilemma.
• 00:26: Dave Ramsey gives a swift “No” to the question.
• 01:27: Debt amount revealed ($35,000); breakdown of the caller’s financials.
• 02:05: Logical breakdown of girlfriend’s offer.
• 02:25: Co-host suggests how the caller should address the girlfriend.
• 03:01: Discussion on how money changes relationships.
• 04:15: Ramsey shares an extreme cautionary tale about mixing money and relationships.
• 05:12: Real-life example of co-signing a car loan gone wrong.
• 05:59: Reference to “begin with the end in mind.”
• 06:33: Ramsey’s “nightmare killers” philosophy.

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Tone & Closing

The episode blends blunt advice, humor, and candid warnings. Ramsey’s signature directness and the co-host’s practical empathy make the argument clear: financial entanglements are for marriage, not dating. They encourage listeners to consider long-term consequences, avoid messy financial ties outside marriage, and focus on self-responsibility—“because we love you and want you to prosper.”

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Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

So my, my question is more of a, like a principal's question rather than financial. So I'll give you some context after. But my question is, should I accept my girlfriend's extremely generous offer of paying off our debt for me?

[Dave Ramsey]

No.

[Caller]

Okay. I thought you might say that. I'm very hesitant. She made the offer about a week ago and I've been sitting on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you don't pay off. You don't pay off dating, relationships, debt. You do that when you're, when you're married? When you get married.

[Caller]

Well, that's the thing. So we're both divorced and we. Since the first time, since my divorce, I consider getting married again. I thought I never would get married again. And the thing is, we were in a long distance relationship. I'm in Canada, she's in Switzerland. And part of the reason to pay off the debts and so that I can afford to save up for chips, to see each other back and forth.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Why can't we, why can't you save up? What's your job like?

[Caller]

I'm trying to pay off these debts. Right. But I'm, I'm currently on track to try and clear these before next summer. So. Before the beginning of next summer. That's my goal.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

How much is it?

[Caller]

It's about 35,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you make, sir?

[Caller]

Okay, what do I make? Approximately 85,000 gross.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so what's it take to fly to Switzerland? How much money does it take to buy an airline ticket from where you are to Switzerland?

[Caller]

1600, approximately.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so tell her to buy an airline ticket and come to Canada and visit.

[Caller]

Yeah, she's done that a couple times. Okay, and already.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you want to increase the, you want to increase the frequency of the trips by her paying off your debt? No, thank you.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't match up. What she's saying is I'd rather pay $35,000 than 1600 than 1600 for to go to Canada. That doesn't make sense mathematically or logically.

[Caller]

Fair enough. Okay. I get so, so that I can also go there back and forth and just be a little more fair about it, etc.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Well, you don't really have the money to do that. I think if you set up the conversation and say, okay, we both agree that it's important for this debt to be gone. However, how we do it is where we differ. I think it's my responsibility to pay off my debt. We're not married. I. I don't want to put you in that situation. So what I need from you is to support me in the best way possible, which your support for me would be if you could come visit me while I'm busy paying off this debt and putting my income towards that. That would be the best way to support me during this time.

[Caller]

Yeah, that makes sense. That's kind of. That's what I was originally thinking and I just didn't know if I should.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you're going to change the tune of the relationship. You're going to change the whole thing if she pays me off your debt. Yeah, you know the old joke. You know, you know the old joke. If you loan your brother in law a hundred dollars and he never speaks to you again, is it worth the money?

[Caller]

Right. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Because what happens when you loan people money is it changes the relationship. You know, now she's looking at you is like, and you're going, I feel like I didn't own up. You know, there's all this other stuff. Now enters into the equation, rather than I'm a dude over here doing my thing, girl over there doing her thing, we'd be talking. That's way different than you got into my wallet.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

You already have distance working against you. You definitely don't need borrowed money working against you.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Or just any kind of feigned obligation. I mean, what happens if she pays that off and then this relationship goes sideways? Oh, now what are we going to do? Then she calls us on the air and goes, I was so dumb. I paid off this guy's debt over in Canada. And we're like, yeah, you were. Yeah, that'll be the call right here.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

That is like, I don't, I know that we're talking to Garag, but I'm like, I want to talk to the girlfriend because I need to make her understand this is a bad move to even offer.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. So folks, do not pay debts for people you're not married to. Do not buy houses and cars for or with people you're not married to. Crap happens and you're going to get sideways and you have a problem. The worst one I can ever remember was a guy bought a house with his girlfriend, they're going to shack up and he gets killed in a car wreck. And now she owns the. There's no will. She now owns the house with her future mother in law. She's now a partner.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Oh my God.

[Dave Ramsey]

She's not his heir. They're not Married.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

So the, his half of that house goes to his mother.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Oh my God.

[Dave Ramsey]

Who she didn't like. Of course.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Of course.

[Dave Ramsey]

And now this is great. Now I have a partnership. This is the crap you don't think of when you think, oh, we're just going to play house and really be instead of really being like grown ups and get married. Yeah, yeah. It changes the whole deal, man.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

I remember a guy called in. Yeah. He had a girlfriend, he co signed on the car. 17, 18,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

They broke up and she got the car.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Well, she stopped paying it. And he called in, he said, hey, I've got a mountain of debt. She's not paying the loan. How do I get out of it? I said, is she going to refinance it over and put it in her name? He said, no. I said, well, you better add it to your debt, snowball.

[Dave Ramsey]

Then you better get better get rid of that car.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Oh my gosh. Yeah, she wouldn't sell it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, yeah, that's the problem. So that's the kind of stuff we run into these days and it's the unintended consequences. Not thinking things all the way through. There's an old book out 100 years ago by Dr. Stephen Covey called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And one of the habits is begin with the end in mind.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Smart.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. So begin with everything possibly falling apart. That could fall apart in mind and you'll go, oh, I would never do that.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Well, yeah, that's the opposite of what you want to do because when you're excited about something, you like to visualize all the ways that it works out.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you know there's only one way it works. And if it's all work.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And it never works that way. Nothing ever works the way it's supposed to. Ever. Exactly. The timeline. Something changes and then there you are, right? Caught.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

But that's not being. That's not being a Debbie Downer and it's not being, you know, a pessimistic. That's just being.

[Dave Ramsey]

We're not dream killers, we're nightmare killers. Because your little dream is going to be a nightmare and we're going to kill it before we can let it grow. Kill it now. Stomp that thing. Yeah. Nip it in the bud.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

So I'm happy to kill your nightmare. You just don't see it as a nightmare, you see it as a dream. But I'll help you with that. And so because I. We love you and we want you to win. We want you to prosper. We're thinking about the good version of you ten years from now that has survived all of life's bumps and bruises and prospered anyway. And that's how successful people actually do it. They fail forward.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

They don't make a set of assumptions that things are always going to work out the way they are. So there's about 90 ways this could go wrong and only one way it goes. Right. So we don't do it most.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say most. Success is a result of something that was learned, not a bright idea that was executed the right way the first time.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the number of times we've launched a product at Ramsey that the prototype ever sees the light of day is precisely zero. What we think is going to work doesn't make it through beta.

[Financial Expert/Co-host]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

It doesn't make it through alpha. It doesn't make it through any of those Greek letters. Why? Refi Refinances Delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at yrefy. Com Ramsay.