Podcast Summary: "The Way You've Been Doing This Sucks"

The Ramsey Show Highlights | March 9, 2026
Host: Ramsey Network

Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, the Ramsey team takes a call from Kevin, a husband and father of three who is struggling with overdue mortgage payments, financial infidelity, and a lack of financial unity with his wife. The advisors dig deep into the underlying issues affecting Kevin’s household—primarily his and his wife’s separate financial lives and lack of teamwork—offering direct and practical advice for both immediate crisis management and long-term relationship repair.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Financial Crisis and Household Disunity

• Kevin’s Situation: Four months behind on the mortgage (about $1,700 monthly), currently in loss mitigation, with three kids in the household.
• Income Split: Kevin earns $700-$800/week, his wife approximately $1,400 biweekly; neither can afford the house alone.
• Separate Finances: Kevin admits he and his wife have always kept money separate, leading to poor communication and oversight over spending.
  • Kevin: “Everything has been separate from the very beginning... I do believe all of her money is going towards the kids, but I think it’s a little ridiculous. Like, she uses the affirm website, Buy now, pay later.” (00:47)

2. Consequences of Disjointed Money Management

• Team Mentality Lacking: The advisors quickly note the language and mindset should be shared ("we" not "I").
  • Financial Advisor: “How about we had to pay for it as a household? Right.” (01:41)
• Unchecked Spending Habits: Kevin’s wife is spending via buy-now-pay-later platforms, creating unchecked consumer debt.
• Missed Mortgage Payments: The current approach is failing due to lack of coordination, risking foreclosure.
  • Marriage Counselor: "You venmoing me for the mortgage and then it doesn’t come through and now I can’t pay the mortgage payment. This is not working.” (04:22)

3. Urgency and Immediate Steps

• Sense of Urgency Needed: Advisors stress critical immediate action—to unite for the family’s sake.
  • Marriage Counselor: “I think you need a foreclosure. I need a sense of urgency, or Kevin. I'd talk with her tonight and say this is on fire. We are about to lose the house.” (04:10)
• Transparency: Suggest pulling both credit reports so both parties know all debts.
  • Marriage Counselor: "You guys both pull your credit reports tonight... say, hey, all cards on the table. What are all the debts we have? We got to clean this mess up." (06:12)

4. Long-Term Relationship & Financial Repair

• Unity Over Visibility: Having access to each other’s accounts isn’t enough—it’s about working as a team.
  • Marriage Counselor: "It's less about visibility and it's more about unity." (05:41)
• Setting Common Goals: Advisors recommend envisioning what a unified, peaceful home could be, and working backward to set action steps.
  • Financial Advisor: “You can make choices to change habits, to change the way you’ve been doing marriage and... do the complete opposite. Right. Because right now it’s just chaos and division versus peace and unity.” (07:13)
• Financial Reset: With a combined $6,000/month take-home, the family's income is above average—the problem is lack of shared planning and discipline.
  • Marriage Counselor: "We make too much to feel this broke. And these kids deserve some shelter over their heads. And this is stupid to lose the house over being ununified." (08:24)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The way we’ve been doing this sucks. This is horrible.” – Financial Advisor (04:19)
• "You venmoing me for the mortgage...this is not working." – Marriage Counselor (04:22)
• “It’s less about visibility and it’s more about unity.” – Marriage Counselor (05:41)
• “You can make choices to change habits, to change the way you’ve been doing marriage...do the complete opposite. Right now it’s just chaos and division versus peace and unity.” – Financial Advisor (07:13)
• “We make too much to feel this broke.” – Marriage Counselor (08:24)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:02] Kevin outlines the financial crisis and separation of finances
• [01:41] Advisors challenge “my” language, urge for a team mentality
• [02:28] Exploration of the current household and relationship dynamic
• [04:10] Call for urgent conversation and unified action
• [04:19] “The way we've been doing this sucks” – critical turning point
• [05:11] Attempt at budgeting apps; lack of trust and visibility
• [06:12] Advisors' “homework”: pull credit reports and lay all debts on the table
• [07:13] Envisioning unity and better family outcomes
• [08:24] Income vs. lifestyle disconnect; call for a reset

Final Thoughts

This episode hits hard on the destructive power of disunity and secrecy in household finances—especially in times of crisis. The Ramsey team pulls no punches, providing Kevin (and listeners in similar situations) a roadmap out: immediate transparency, short-term emergency action, and building real unity for a sustainable future. The message is clear: with open communication, urgency, and teamwork, even overwhelming financial chaos can be tackled.

Recommended first action for listeners in similar circumstances:

• Sit down together, pull credit reports, list all debts, and create a unified emergency plan—starting tonight.